Sing for Me, Cry for Me

17. Perfect Songs.


While cradling Harry in his arms Ron wanted nothing less than killing Lucius for hurting his friend so badly. And he wondered why he hadn’t done it the moment he saw him in the bookstore. But than he thought that killing Lucius wasn’t the best idea because it would tear Harry apart and according to Harry Lucius was the only one who could make him happy though miserable and desperate at the same time. So killing Lucius wasn’t an option. The option was to talk some sense into the man. Ron sighed heavily. It was a bad option too. For who would be absurd enough to tell Lucius Malfoy what to do. Who was stupid enough? Of course a Gryffindor, of course a best friend. But before Ron could continue planning his talk with Lucius Harry looked him in the eyes with a childish smile playing on his face. With his huge green eyes, his tearstained face and this smile he looked so much younger than his age that Ron wondered how he could have experienced and still be experiencing the most difficult things in his life and still manage to shine each day like a sun.

“You know, Ron, I found a perfect song for myself. Can you handle it?”

“With you Harry I can handle this and so much more.”

“Good. Here it goes. Just wait a sec.”

Harry closed the curtains around his bed, put on a Silencing charm, settled himself comfortably in Ron’s arms (who was already more or less used to having Harry close beside him knowing that Harry needed as much warmth and physical contact as Ron could provide) and started singing a song in a quiet, tenderly soft voice:


Deep in Denialville
Tryin' a' fight the way I feel
I go jello when you smile
I start blushin'-my head rushin'
If you stand too close to me
I might melt down from the heat
If ya' look my way one more time
I'm gonna go out of my mind
Whatever you do...

Don't even think about it!
Don't go and get me started!
Don't you dare drive me crazy!
Don't do that to me baby!

You stop me in my tracks
My heart pumpin' to the max
I'm such a sucker for your eyes
They permanently paralyze
Whatever you do...

Don't even think about it!
Don't go and get me started!
Don't you dare drive me crazy!
Don't do that to me baby!

You got my heart under attack
You give me shivers down my back
D'ya have to walk the way you do?
I get weak just watchin' you
Whatever you do...

Don't even think about it!
Don't go and get me started!
Don't you dare drive me crazy!
Don't do that to me baby!

Don't do that-don't do that
(Shania Twain “Whatever you do! Don’t!”)


Before Ron could overcome the slight ache in his heart that he felt through Harry’s song Harry continued:

“And I found a perfect song for Lucius too.”

Ron looked at him unbelievingly.

Harry laughed:

“I mean I found a perfect song that explains and describes his feelings and actions towards me.”

Ron visibly shuddered.

“Oh, don’t worry,” said Harry laughing at Ron’s antics, “I will sing on his behalf and you won’t feel any pain.”

Ron shook his head:

“It’s not that. And frankly I haven’t felt that much pain when you sang just now.”

“Really?” asked Harry not looking a bit surprised but rather extremely pleased with himself, “It might be the fact that I tried to focus myself on driving my feelings and pain out of my system in such a way so that you wouldn’t get the full blast from my emotions.”

“And how did you manage to do that?” asked Ron rather confused.

“I just tried to spread them in many different directions so that they didn’t concentrate solely on you and your poor heart. When I didn’t know about the kind of affect I had on people I just poured out my feelings unconsciously into one direction. But now that I know this fact I’m trying to control its course. Of course I can’t just bottle it all inside or I might very well explode but I can organize and manipulate it in a way I want them to. After all these are my feelings and who is better to handle them than I am. But you still will feel the echoes though slightest of whatever my feelings are if you are in immediate proximity.”

“OK, Harry. That’s quite a lot of information and I’m glad I know it because I wondered why the pain was only minor, not that I want you to suffer but I know you do and so…”

“Stop it, Ron!” laughed Harry again.

“Right, what I meant is that I can hardly imagine a song that can represent Lucius Malfoy and his ways with you. It must be something horrible.”

“It is in a way. So brace yourself.” said Harry still laughing and Ron wondered if it was a sort of an aftershock in the form of hysteria but decided not to dwell on it too much because anyone who might have such an encounter with Lucius Malfoy would be prone to inadequate behavior.

“Ok, Harry, I’m ready.”
“OK.”

I just want to take you away from everyone
And keep you stashed under my pillow
And then I'd take you out simply for my own pleasure
And wear you when the occasions special
Then I'd put you on like a diamond
So I can sparkle and be the envy of my friends
I'd proudly hold the leash that I'd have you on
So you can't stray and follow me around all day

It's too late now
I don't think it can fade
It's too real now
Fulfillment just adds fuel to the blaze

Compulsion has stained me
I'm nervously cradling our young love, without known limits love
Like a butterfly cupped in my hands I peek in to see beauty trapped
Confined it flutters
Then it leaves behind colorful dust
To remind me of the special times we've spent
But of course it has to leave my clutch
But enough's never enough to make a dent

It's too late now
I don't think it can fade
It's too real now
Fulfillment just adds fuel to the blaze
(No Doubt “Too late”)


“Wow, “ said Ron after a long pause hardly managing to close his mouth, “It really sounds like something he would do the sadist he is.”

Harry nodded hiding his face that was by now covered by the cloud of gloom.

“It’s scary.” continued Ron, “If that is the way he wants you.”

“It is scary, “agreed Harry, “but it’s true.”

“And what are you gonna do about that?” inquired Ron.

Harry looked him in the eyes:

“And what do you want me to do about it? What I can do about it? Do you really think that one can do something when Lucius Malfoy decides to own them?”

“Don’t say that.”

“But it’s true!”

“And what about that thing you have to find out about?”

“I’m not going to.” mumbled Harry.

“What?” yelled Ron his eyebrows hiding in his hair.

“I said…”

“I know what you said. What I want to know is why you won’t find out what is behind all this…”

“Mess.” supplied Harry while Ron couldn’t find an appropriate word to describe the situation at hand.

“Harry, we’re spending so much time doing all this stuff in the library, doing all sorts of researches and school projects but you won’t look for something probably life depending? Why?”

“Why should I do it, Ron? I don’t even know what I have to look for not to mention where. And besides I don’t want to.” said Harry pouting.

“I still don’t understand. You learn so much different stuff that you might never actually need but you have no desire to learn about that. It doesn’t make any sense to me.”

“Because it doesn’t make sense, Ron. You can’t even name it. All you say is “that”. What “that”? Do you think we can find a book about “that”? Do spare me. Though if you come up with more helpful ideas you are most welcomed to share them with me. But don’t give me that shit about “THAT”. It doesn’t even have a name!”

They sat in silence.

“Besides I’m sure there must come up something to show me the right way, to show me were to look. And until I feel it I won’t be looking for it. I’m going to wait for a sign.”

“You’re being stubborn, you know that? Are you going to let Lucius do whatever he wants with you and to you?”

“Ron, please, let it go.”

“I don’t want to let go and I don’t want you to let go.”

Harry stayed silent. Ron sighed heavily and put his head in his hands.

“I don’t understand…Maybe you want me to research it alone?”

Harry shook his head.

“Maybe we can ask Draco. Lucius is his father after all. He must know something. And you’ve become quite friendly and close with each other these past few days.”

“I hope Lucius didn’t do anything to hurt him.” whispered Harry.

“So, you don’t think that Draco set it all up?”

“No. His look was eloquent enough. He was as dumbfounded as you the moment Lucius took off the spell. He was terrified. And you were right he didn’t tell Lucius about our arrangement.”

“And it was extremely foolish if you ask me. Knowing his father…”

“I just hope Lucius calmed down. He seemed quite under control when we were leaving but with Lucius you never know.”

“You should know better.”

“I do and I hope he didn’t punish Draco for his little lie. After all we had done absolutely nothing wrong. It’s not like we were cheating on him.”

“That’s what you might think,” pointed out Ron, “but who knows what Lucius Malfoy regards as cheating when he is concerned. He seems like a one jealous bastard to me.”

“He is.”

“You should know better.”

“I do.” said Harry showing Ron his bruised wrist.

“Yes I can see that and I could see it perfectly well there. What with your lips and face…”

“Sorry.” said Harry dropping his head.

“Hey, it’s not like it’s your fault. It’s not your fault that he acts as if he wanted to suck your soul through your mouth.”

“Hey, you’re talking as if he’s a Dementor.”

“Well…” thought Ron for awhile, “ he is of a sort.”

“No he’s not! Why are you saying it?”

“Harry don’t you see? He’s sucking out all your happiness every time you meet him and then plunges you into gloom. He’s as bad as any Dementor.”

“Ron, you’re forgetting one thing that while I am with him I’m happy. And I know who and what he is. I know he’s not the nicest person on this planet but that’s just what he is and there’s nothing either of us can do about it. I like when he holds me and maybe in awhile when I find out what’s it all about he’ll change and we won’t fight so much. It’s just that for now I can’t accept it as it is and it angers him. Wouldn’t you be angry?”

Ron shook his head.

“He’s possessing you. He has already possessed you maybe even poisoned you because now it turns out that you can exist happily only while in his arms.”

“Ron, that’s not true. I am truly happy when I’m with you and Draco. This week was so much fun though all we did was studying I still could feel that the presence of the both of you made me happy and I felt safe especially when you guarded me from the outside world. It was hilarious.”

“Well, I’m glad I managed to make you laugh but you know that it’s quite different.”

“How so?”

“You love the bastard.”

“Don’t remind me.”

Ron opened his arms wide:

“Come here. You’re hopeless but you’re still my best friend and I still love you.”

Harry smiled and accepted Ron’s embrace.

“I love you too Ron.”

“Whatever am I going to do with you though?”

“Whatever am I going to do with myself? It won’t do throwing myself into Lucius’ arms every time I see him and then licking mi pobre corazon herido from blood after he rips it apart.”

“Could you please repeat the piece that wasn’t quite in English.”

“Oh I talked about my poor wounded heart.”

“Oh.”

“But you know there’s at least one positive moment so far.”

“Really?” asked Ron doubtfully, “and what that might be? Sorry if I’m not as optimistic as you but…”

“Can’t you see it? I can still sing. And I will continue singing because he’s not going to leave me and even when he leaves I know for sure that he will come back.”

“Maybe it’s because it’s not exactly he who is leaving but rather you.”

“That is quite irrelevant in the matter.”

“Well if you think so…” said Ron not a bit convinced with this positive aspect.

“OK, OK, I know I’m stupid. But I’m a Gryffindor and that’s my nature.”

“Yes and such a poor stupid Gryffindor as you got into blood-thirsty talons of a Slytherin vulture in the person of Lucius Malfoy. Or should I better call him a snake?”

And than it hit Harry: “You will find a snake of your own.”

“Shit!” he exclaimed, “I forgot the book!”

“What book?” asked Ron bewildered at the sudden change of topic.

“Oh, Ron I haven’t told you about a one sole dream I’ve been having recently…”

“What? What dream?”

“About a snake and a raven.”

“Nice couple.”

“My thoughts exactly.”

“And why didn’t you tell me about this dream of yours?” asked Ron in a hurt voice.

“Oh, Ron don’t be upset. I didn’t think it was of importance but today I saw the book with the same snake and raven that my dream has and I wanted to buy it but then Lucius ambushed me and I totally forgot about it.”

“So, let’s proceed gradually. First, the dream.”

“Yes, the dream…”

Harry told Ron about his dream who by the end of it was as wide eyed as a person could get.

“Some dream you have. And you didn’t think it was important in some way?”

Harry just shrugged his shoulders.

“You are quite irresponsible, you know that? Well, anyway I’ll tell you a piece of my mind later now tell me about that book.”

“First of all it fell out of nowhere and opened on the page with the image of the snake and the raven just like the one in my dream. The snake was hissing something and I wondered why I couldn’t understand him.”

“It hissed in Parseltongue?”

“No, Ron, it hissed in English!”

“Ok, sorry, continue.”

“And just when I thought about it the snake from the book turned its head towards me and hissed directly at me. This time I understood it. It told me that the words he hissed weren’t destined for me but I needn’t worry because I would find my own snake.”

“My congratulations. You found the snake all right.”

“Funny ha.”

“And what is the name of the book?”

“Something about soulmates, bonds and rituals.”

Ron fell off the bed.

“Ron?”

But all Harry heard was Ron’s frantic whisper:

“Soulmates… soulmates…. bloody soulmates!”

“Ron, are you all right?” asked Harry helping Ron up on the bed again.

“Harry, how didn’t we see it?”

“See what?”

“Soulmates! You and Lucius Malfoy are soulmates!”

“What?”

“Soulmates! Didn’t he tell you that you belong to him? Didn’t he tell you that it had to be done when he raped you? And the way he’s acting overly possessive and protective ordering Draco to follow your every step and ready to rip anyone who comes near you. Remember how he didn’t like that you spent so much time with Granger? And now he didn’t like the fact that you spent so much time with Draco and me? It all fits!”

“How do you know about that? How come I’ve never heard about soulmates before?’

“It’s because you were raised by muggles and because it’s a very rare occasion when a wizard finds his mate.”

“OK, but if you say that we are soulmates how did Lucius find out that I am his soulmate? I mean what gave him such an idea? He couldn’t possibly wake up one day deciding that I am his soulmate, right? So how did he know it?”

“And how am I supposed to know it? Why don’t you ask him?”

“Like he would tell me.”

“But we found out! Wasn’t that what we I mean you had to find out?”

“I still don’t understand. And what about this dream? What does raven and snake has got to do with us being soulmates?”

“Don’t you see? Raven and snake are the images of your and Lucius’ souls.”

“What? What is that supposed to mean? What images?”

“Every soul has its own image. In your case it’s a raven because Lucius is surely a snake.”

“Well, ok, I can understand why Lucius’ soul has got the image of a snake. The way he slithered into my life wrapping his coils all over me not letting me getting away…”

“You can be quite poetic when speaking about Lucius.”

“Oh, shut up! But why is my soul’s image (soul’s image? Isn’t it strange?) is a raven?”

“Again, Harry how am I supposed to know that? It’s your soul, not mine.”

“And what does your soul look like?”

“I don’t know. The soul reveals itself only if you find your soulmate.”

“I don’t understand, but that doesn’t matter right now. What I want to know is what do soulmates do?”

“They bond.”

“Bond?”

“Yes, bond.”

“How?”

“Well, I don’t know for sure.”

“So you can’t tell if Lucius and I are bonded?”

“I really don’t know Harry. By the way he acts I’d say that you aren’t. Maybe it’s a many step process? You know it is the matter of the souls after all and it is very serious that’s why it is probably rather complicated.”

“But if I am his soulmate couldn’t he just tell me about it and not rape me instead?”

“Well, you wouldn’t listen to him in the first place and maybe raping you was a part of the bonding?”

“Nice.”

“Though I’m not sure.”

“Ok, and what do soulmates do after they bond?”

“They live happily ever after.”

“Ha-ha-ha. Than we are definitely not bonded.”

“Well, I don’t know. You do have quite uncontrollable feelings towards him and you don’t hate him for raping you and he has a lot of power over you so I’d say you are somehow connected already.”

“So now we need to find that book. I’m sure it has everything on soulmates and bonding. And that picture was it a kind of example or what?”

“Will you stop asking me unanswerable questions?”

“Well, you seem to know more than I do!”

“But not much. All I know is that wizards find their mates by special signs, they have to bond and then they stay forever together. That’s all.”

“And still if Lucius knows that we are soulmates why doesn’t he tell me?”

“Well haven’t he told you that you have to find it on your own?”

“But why?”

“Maybe he thinks that if you find it on your own you will accept and understand it quicker, but if he will tell you that you simply won’t believe him?”

“Wow, Ron such an insight into Lucius’ mind and reasons. I’m impressed.”

“Oh, stuff it!”

“Let’s go!”

“Where?”

“To buy the book!”

“Now?”

“Of course now! What do you suppose I should wait for another century?”

“As far as I remember someone didn’t want to learn anything about it…”

“I told you that I was waiting for a sign and here it is: a dream and a book. Let’s go! If you hurry up we may even come back before dinner.”

“Harry, one day you’ll be the death of me.”