Snapey Went A Courting

Snapey Went A Courting

It all belongs to Rowling, except what you don’t recognize.


Chapter Seventeen – Hellzapoppin!


Hermione turned to Jerkypot. “Could we—“

“Oh, no. You’re not getting me in trouble. I’m not talking to you. Sliewynk wound up exiled for a hundred years.”

The small twiggy creature walked faster. Hermione increased her strides.

“Oh, but, can you tell me…”

“Urps. There you goes again. I’m not talking to you. Troublemaker!”

Jerkypot started scurrying ahead of her. Waldo was awake, but not complaining. Hermione wanted more than anything to sit down right there in the middle of the path and start nursing. The vegetation was beginning to normalize around them and so she knew they were nearing the boundary between her world and theirs. Hermione picked up the pace before Jerkypot could totally disappear. And then, suddenly, Jerkypot was gone and she was standing at the edge of a pasture of normal, green grass.

The sun was setting. Hermione tried to understand how the time could have gone by so quickly. Then it struck her. It might not even be the same day! Weeks might have gone by, that was what Erasmus had meant by time flowing differently! Hermione set aside her panic as Waldo took in a deep breath and began screaming. Grateful to see her son return to normal, Hermione sat in the long grass, the beautifully green, green grass and nursed her son.

Even as the calm of let down settled over her, her mind raced over what her next steps would be.

&&&

Snape slept. In his dreams hobgoblins danced in wild frenzy with the ghosts of Deatheaters now long gone. He ran from them and the bonfire that they had jumped over and around seemed to rear up and chase him. He ran fast and long and then the dream changed. He dreamt that his child was safe and growing up at Hogwarts. The place that had been his home over the years was now his sons. Snape’s dungeons had been drafty and dark, but he saw Saccius, now a young student, looking out one of the Ravenclaw towers. Not a Slytherin or a Gryffindor he, no, two intellects had joined to create a brilliant new life, free of old animosity.

He smiled and slept on.

&&&

“There you go. Ooooh, this is going to be loverly,” said Trini, the bright one, with a smirk as she put in the last pink hair curler.

The triplets, Faith, Hope and Charity, were doing a combined full body wax and pedicure.

“Okay, hold your breath, Harry. Here goes the bikini line,” said Faith.

Harry held his breath. It was magical tape, but not that magical. As the tape came off it tickled like hell.

“Ooh, Faith,” Harry blushed.

Charity laughed, “Harry’s got a stiffy.”

“Oooh, let’s see…” said Sally, the touchy one, and Babs, the sensible one, in unison. Harry was profoundly grateful that Ron had gone down to the corner store for some Fortescue’s Truffle-tripleberry ice cream. He really was never going to live this down.

The Weasley Harem was involved in giving Harry a makeover. He couldn’t believe it. Of course, he was shocked that Ron could be so accepting, but it seemed certain members of the harem had threatened all sorts of dire consequences (including no ‘pogo’ whatever that was) if they didn’t get to “have some fun” with his quite famous school mate.

“Well, who gets to have it?” asked Sally.

“Let’s have an auction,” said Gertie, jiggling her assets.

“Girls.” Harry was getting more than excited, however, “I have someone I’m involved with.”

“Ohh, spoilsport,” sulked Sally.

“She won’t know--” Said Trini.

“Come on, no one here will tell her,” said Babs.

“Just a friendly little…” said Hope.

Harry jumped back as the girls came closer to him. Just then there was a knock on the door. Harry took the distraction as an opportunity to tie the belt on his blue silk kimono.

The door opened and there was a collective gasp from the girls.

&&&

The three-quarters full moon was just rising as the Night Bus pulled up and Hermione got on.

“Say weren’t you in the papers?” Asked Ernie the bus driver as she got on.

“Listen up and listen well,” Hermione’s eyes blazed. “This baby is asleep. I want a smooth ride to Hogwarts or it shall be your hide.”

Ernie’s mouth dropped open.

“Sure, Miss Granger,” Stan the conductor gulped. “Anything you want.” The bus took off at a literal crawl. Hermione paid her money and ignored the curious stares of the passengers. She wasn’t in the mood. She had serious things to attend to.

She kissed Waldo’s tiny brow. He had fed well and quickly fallen asleep. Hermione wished that she could simply head home and go to bed with Waldo by her side. But she couldn’t. Sliewynk the faerie was on the loose. She had to insure her child’s protection against the forces of darkness. Then she would see to the return of her son’s father. And then… Hermione’s sighed… only then would she attempt to sort out her feelings for Severus. She was aware, once again, that she hadn’t a clue as to whom he really was. Bully, snob, spy, he was a complicated man and she feared, really feared that she was falling in love with him. Watching him with that creature had affected her. It went beyond pity or sympathy-- she had felt jealousy. The Queen had usurped Hermione’s rights to the man. She was gripped by a sense of possessiveness she had not felt before.

Her feelings were almost as mixed and confusing as the man himself. Still, unraveling the mess between them should be a snap compared to the challenges that currently faced them.

&&&

The moon was out and its reflection against the lake was perfect for a moonlight picnic. Remus had the traveling rug spread out beneath them on a secluded bank. There was a magic pot of Honeyduke’s finest summer swirl chocolate fondue, stirring itself and humming Italian love songs. Every once and a while a chuck of fruit or marzipan would dunk itself and settle on a plate filled with sweetmeats.

Alicia bit into a chocolate covered cherry and then popped the rest of it into Remus’ mouth. Their lips met and melted into one semi-sweet kiss. Remus leaned forward and removed the last of her clothes. Her body was glistening a pure white in the moon’s glow. Smiling wickedly, Remus dipped a finger into the pot and decorated one dark pink nipple of the Witch before him. She gasped when his mouth settled down over it.

“Remus,” she moaned deep in her throat.

“I love you,” Lupin looked up, his face chocolate smeared like a little boy.

“I love you, too!” she purred and began to lick the chocolate from around his mouth.

From the depths of the lake, a dark still eye opened. Its sense of smell was acute and it smelled… chocolate.

She reached out and stroked him through hises. es. He was so very hard under her fingers. Alicia got to her knees and quickly undid the remaining buttons, pushing off the robes from his shoulders. She kissed down his chest to his flat abdomen. She scooped up a finger full of chocolate and lathered it around the head of his cock. Lupin’s body trembled. She licked his under-ridge and slowly brought her mouth up to his chocolate covered tip. Lupin swallowed and rested a shaking hand on the top of her head.

She closed her eyes and opened her mouth to ease him into her. The chocolate melted on her tongue and seeped down the back of her throat. She bought him in deep and she moaned with sheer pleasure at the feel of his velvety hardness.

Lupin reclined on the ground. “Oh Gods, Alicia,” he sobbed. “You are so—“

The squid’s tentacle reached up out of the water and grasped Alicia tightly around her waist. She screamed and Lupin’s eyes filled with terror as she was lifted up off of him.

“Alicia!” he cried as the waters crashed over her head.

&&&

Hermione exited the bus at the gates to the school. Grateful passengers cheered from inside. “Smoothest ride ever,” said Priscilla Everest nodding to her friend Lolly Lingham. Lolly dabbed tears from her eyes, “yes, indeedy. That woman should be put in charge of things, if you ask me.”

Happy that the moonlit evening would be easy to navigate, Hermione quickly walked through the gates and along the path. Just then she heard a scream and a splash of water. Hermione held Waldo tightly and went to look, just in time to see a naked Remus Lupin jump into the lake.

The water was agitated as if a great struggle was going on. And then Lupin came up for air.

“Remus!” Hermione called out.

“Who’s that?” asked Remus while spitting out water. “Whoever you are, go get help. The Squid’s gone mad and taken Alicia.”

“It’s Hermione. I’ll get help.” She spelled Waldo to float behind her as she ran for the castle.

&&&

The Squid went down further and further. However, the chocolate smell was washing off. The Squid gurgled in disappointment. It missed all the chocolate frogs the Hogwarts students would give it during the term. Its dull mind had no awareness that in a few days it would yet again feast.

Regretful over missing it’s treat, it let go of the unconscious Alicia and she sank gently down to the bottom of thke. ke.

Lupin dived again and again, searching for her its depths until his chest was ready to explode and his eyes were red from burst blood vessels.

&&&

At the door to Ron Weasley et al. were Iolanthe and Quinn holding onto Harry’s girlfriend, Daisy. The three of them looked a sight. Iolanthe’s dress was torn at the shoulder in a most immodest way, revealing her breast almost to the nipple, and she was sporting a black eye. One of her heels had come off, leaving her tottering. Quinn had lost his cap and his pure white fur was splattered all over with blood, his own and others. Daisy had three broken nails, a patch of blue spiked hair missing along with part of her ear where an earring had been ripped out. Her lower lip was swelling.

“D-d-d-daisy?” gasped Harry.

Daisy burst into tears and ran into Harry’s arms. “You mustn’t believe a thing they say.”

“How did you find me?” asked Harry nervously.

“May we come in?” said Iolanthe not waiting for an answer but walking straight for the door. Quinn redirected her in just the nick of time before she could gather any more damage to her person and they all wound up safely in the living room. Quinn put Iolanthe on the couch and stood behind her, arms crossed much as a police constable might. Harry brought the sobbing Daisy to an armchair and sat her down. The harem all took places around and in between the two parties quietly clucking to themselves.

“Harry, who are all these women?” asked Daisy miserably.

“Just some friends of Ron,” said Harry turning red.

“Yes, and we want to know what all this is about.” Said Charity, the dominant one of the triplets.

“Daisy is my girlfriend,” replied Harry.

Quinn snorted.

“Excuse me?” asked Harry.

“Some girlfriend. D’you know what you got there?”

“No, don’t tell him,” begged Daisy.

“Her name is Sliewynk and she’s been a rather naughty little faerie.”

Daisy wrapped her arms around Harry’s neck, “If you love me, Harry, you’ll make them go away.”

The harem all looked at one another some in shock, some in amusement.

“So what did she do wrong? No crime in being a magical being,” said Trini with a grin.

“Although, if you were to get rid of her, Harry,” said Faith.

“We shouldn’t mind--” continued Hope.

“Not in the slightest,” finished Charity.

Just then Ron came through the door, “Blood Hell, Harry, who are these people and what happened to all your body hair? You’re as naked as a rat’s tail.”

&&&

“By Merlin’s Balls, I’ll have his head for this!” Dumbledore fumed waving the newspaper around.

“Please Honorable Dumbledore. You will undo all the good of the past few weeks,” begged Master Mifune.

“I can’t leave them alone for a month without the place falling down around their ears.” Smoke was coming out from Dumbledore’s ears without any Pepper-up potion at all.

“Pack my bags, I’m leaving a few days early. And heads will roll,” he thundered.

Both the owner of the spa and the master healer exchanged glances. Unspoken was the knowledge that it was a waste of time to reason with this Wizard. He had heard the call to action and like an old war mule could not help but heed the call. They shook their heads, unaware that they were both reciting the same Zen koan about teaching mules to sing in their heads.

&&&

“So let me get this straight--” said Harry, pacing the room. “You stole Hermione’s baby and replaced it with a changeling so that you could pretend to get pregnant and eventually have the baby with me?”

Daisy, eyes still brimming with tears nodded.

“Well, that’s a right bitchy thing to do,” boldly stated Sally.

“But wouldn’t I notice the difference between a newborn and a nine month old child?”

“No, Harry. He wouldn’t have aged, not with the faerie. I could have pulled it off and you would have been mine if the Queen wasn’t such a selfish cow.”

“Oh, blast it, Daisy. Hermione is going to go spare over this.”

“Say, Harry,” said Ron. “Remembeen Ien I spoke to you about the newspaper article about Hermione that morning?”

“No. You didn’t tell me about it, I found out at work.”

Ron nodded and looked directly at Daisy. “What else have you been doing to Harry?”

Daisy gave a feeble smile. “I loved him. And he doesn’t really want her-- he just wants to be a father. I was going to make him one.”

Harry sat down, devastated. “That’s true. I’m sorry Daisy, I do love you, you know. Well, we can still be together. We might have our own kids”

Daisy sighed. “And wind up looking like her? Not bloody likely! And it’s your fault I was exiled.” Daisy crossed her arms and stamped her foot. “Harry, it’s just not fun anymore. I’m leaving you.”

“Like that?” Harry was shocked.

“Perhaps I should explain,” cut in Quinn’s deep voice. “Daisy is only 200 years old and that is very young for a faerie. And they don’t have much of a moral conscious to begin with.” Quinn turned to Daisy.

“If I understand you, Daisy, you just wanted Harry for a lark. You don’t really want a mortal husband?”

Daisy stood up. “I didn’t know all this would happen. All right?”

“Don’t you think you should say you’re sorry,” asked Quinn gently.

The young faerie laughed, “But I’m not sorry, except for being exiled. That part I hate. Now let me go!”

Quinn stalked towards the girl. “And do you promise to leave alone Miss Granger, Harry and their friends?”

“Yes, I’m thoroughly sick of the lot of them.”

Harry began to shake.

“Good bye, Harry. I can’t say that it’s been nice knowing you,” and Daisy flounced out of the room.

“I’ve been so stupid,” said Harry, putting his face in his hands. “I’ve got to find Hermione.”

There was a flurry of activity from the girls as they surrounded the young Wizard. Faith took the five-gallon barrel of ice cream from Ron and headed to the kitchen to make a snack for them all.

“Oh, there, there ducks…” said Gertie, massaging his back.

“Don’t you worry…” said Sally, kneeling by his knee.

“Sure, she’ll be all right,” said Charity with great charity.

Ron rolled his eyes and headed to bed. He knew when he was not wanted or needed.

Quinn took Iolanthe’s arm and helped her to stand.

“Harry,” said Iolanthe. “Hermione Granger and Professor Snape have gone to get the baby back. According to Slie… um Daisy, the Queen kept their child for her own.”

“Then I have to follow them,” said Harry, attempting to get out from the bevy of girls.

Quinn shook his massive head.

“I’m not going to be responsible for any more people getting involved with the faerie.”

Iolanthe stroked his arm. “We’ll do our best to see if there is any information on them. Though we really did burn a few bridges in getting hold of Daisy.”

“Where was she?”

“Drinking in a pub. And no, we are not saying which one,” said Iolanthe.

“Don’t you care about what happens to Hermione and Snape?” asked Harry.

Iolanthe put her hand to her head and for a moment seemed lost. “I’m really too tired to try this, but here goes.” Then she lifted her head and a tremor shot through her.

“Hermione and her child are north of here.” She swayed and Quinn improved his grip on her. “Professor Snape, it seems is still with the Faerie Queen.

“There is nothing further we can do. I’d just wait and see, if I were you. The Snapes have a reputation when it comes to the Dark Arts.

Come on now Viola. It’s time to see to your injuries.” Quinn waved his hand and they were gone.


A/N: Big hugs and many thanks to my reviewers: DMS, Luna, Wendynat, Deb, Spaz141, Mele and Littlebird.