Searching My Soul

Chapter 17

I am sorry for the long
delay and yes I am aware it's now been almost two years. I had
extremely unpleasant real life matters to deal with and simply
stopped writing all together. However, I am back now and fully intend
to finish this story. So those of you who are still there, hopefully
the rest of the story will be to your liking. And any newbies,
welcome as well. Feel free to review and rate.

Harry felt Snape's cock
get even harder and closed his eyes trying to find a steady rhythm.
He was stalling time and aware of it but he was so unsure how to
proceed from here. He had never touched a girl or a boy this way and
he felt completely out of his element. Sweat trickled down his
forehead and nausea washed over him.

Suddenly he felt a warm
hand around his own stilling its movements. He opened his eyes and
wanted to close them again but the gaze of pure anger on Snape's face
held him captive.

"Potter, do you
remember what I told you when you approached me for the first time?"

Harry nodded and tried to
avert his eyes but Snape's grip on his chin forced him in place.

The dark orbs were on fire
now. "I think I made myself clear back then. I will not accept
any insecure lovers in my bed, Potter. Was there anything about that
you didn't understand?" His voice was icy cold now barely more
than whisper.

Harry shook his head not
trusting his voice enough to speak.

The next thing he knew was
that he tumbled to the floor, his clothes hitting him in the face.

"Dress yourself and
leave my chambers instantly. And never come back without being
absolutely sure about what you want." With that Snape strode
from the room, leaving Harry to himself.

After a second he
scrambled to his feet and dressed hastily. Two minutes later he left
the dungeons.

The first day of school
found Harry busy with classes and avoiding his friends. He was in a
rotten mood, the anger directed at himself back. The afternoon found
him sitting near the lake, slowly and methodically destroying the
grass by ripping it out.

A shadow fell over him and
as he looked up he found Neville standing there, fidgeting with his
hands.

"Hi Harry."

Harry forced a smile onto
his face and patted the grass next to him, or what was left of it.
"Sit down."

For a while they stared
over the lake. It was Harry who broke the silence.

"I guess I really
blew it up." His voice was barely more than a whisper.

Neville smiled awkwardly.
"Do you remember my first year in potions? How I always managed
to fail in every single class?"

Harry nodded wondering
where Neville wanted to go with this.

Neville crossed his arms
behind his head and stretched out on his back. "These days I
manage to actually get a potion right and I am quite good in charms.
The reason for that is, I had time to get used to it, to magic. I
feel more at ease when I brew a potion or when I try to transfigure
something." He turned his head to catch Harry's eyes. "It's
the same with you, Harry. You had little time to get used to the fact
that you are gay and now you try to survive the first relationship.
You are bound to make mistakes."

"It's not really a
relationship. More like a one-sided infatuation." Harry began
once again to pick at the grass. "And he is not very patient
with any mistakes."

"Talk with him.
Whoever it is."

Harry snorted. "You
have no idea, Neville. He is not the kind you just talk with. He
is..."

"Slytherin."
Neville gulped. "You can learn lots from them but they are no
patient lovers." At Harry's questioning look, he shrugged. "Me
and you are the only gay people in Gryffindor so I had to, you know,
look into other houses. The Slytherins are pretty open about that.
Many of them are bi or not adverse to a little snogging."

"Who... I mean, with
whom...."

Neville smiled. "Blaise."

Harry nodded. "Wow."

"If you want to talk
with somebody about this whole dating-a-Slytherin-thing, talk to
Blaise. He is quite nice, as nice as they come." Neville sighed.
"I should introduce you to a couple of Hufflepuffs. They are gay
too and really nice."

Harry was only half
listening, the plan mapping itself out in his mind. He needed to talk
to Blaise Zabini if he wanted to fix things between Snape and him. A
slight smile appeared on his features, his green eyes alight with
something resembling hope. Maybe just maybe he could get Snape to
give him another chance.

He turned to Neville.
"Thanks Neville."

The other boy nodded
shortly. "You can talk with me anytime you like."

AN: I had to fight with
this chapter about where I want the story to go. My muse decided to
go where most of stories go- angst-y-land. But there will be much
more smut in the next chapters.