Understanding

All Harry Potter belongs to JKR, all song lyrics are by Evanescence, all smut is from my poor, pathetic mind.

I sent this chapter to my beta, but you have all been waiting so patiently, I couldn't let you squirm any longer. If there are any major mistakes, I apologize, and I will change them when she sends it back to me.

This chapter is from Hermione's point of view onlhed myself into his arms and hungrily sought out his mouth.

Long ago, I had decided that my first time would be slow and sweet and wonderful. He would treat me like a goddess, and I would take hours to adore every inch of him. But many years, many fantasies, and many, many kisses had passed since then. By that time, I wouldn't have cared if Severus had fucked me standing up , not even bothering to undress either of us. In fact, that might even be fun.

Severus moaned as I rubbed myself against him, and grabbing my ass, he lifted me into his arms. I smiled and wrapped my legs around him, kissing up and down his neck. I thought for sure I was in for something kinky, but he simply laid me down on the bed. I was almost disappointed; must watch that freak streak I've been discovering in myself. Standing over me, he looked me over carefully and I blushed profusely. I don't know why I blushed; by that time I was quite used to Severus looking at me and actually quite enjoyed it. But I blushed nonetheless, and it made Severus smile so I was happy. Still, I think the most beautiful sight in the world is a smile on the face of Severus Snape. If not the most beautiful, the most unexpected and rare and dear.

Slowly, he lowered himself to the bed, resting half on top of me and half to the side. He nuzzled against my neck and gently kissed me from my collarbone up my throat and along my jawline. His touch was so light it tickled me, causing me to giggle. He lifted his head to look at me, and there was such an honest, earnest love evident on his face that I immediately melted. I cupped his face in my hands and beamed up at him. It was then his turn to blush, and he td hid his head tss ess each of my palms in a weak attempt to hide his red, burning cheeks. As he faced me once again, he gazed down on me solemnly.

"I've wanted this for so long, Hermione," he whispered fervently while squeezing his eyes shut. I could just imagine that he was repeating the words "Please don't change your mind" over and over again in his head. For a strong man, he certainly had his very vulnerable moments. They were almost as rare as the smiles (which I think to Severus were also an indication of vulnerablility) and even more dear to me. Who needs a knight in white armour when you can get a black knight with a few chinks in there to keep him human? To reassure him, I gently kissed him and was rewarded as he let all of his weight fall on top pf me. I let out a satisfied moan as he did so and was rewarded once more, this time by the intrusion of his tongue into my mouth. Instantly feverish again, I bucked my hips against his, loving the effect I had on him. I felt his erection so clearly against me I almost could have diagrammed it. Must be so uncomfortable in those ti tig tight pants, though. Not to worry, you'll be rid of them soon, my love.

As we continued kissing, I let my hands roam over his body. First stop, the back of his head. The ponytail was cute for dinner, but I needed his hair down (and pullable if need be). As I yanked his hair loose, he shook his head to help and smiled at me mischieviously.

"I knew you didn't like that." He arched one of those perfect eyebrows at me, and I had to grin back at him. It was amazing that after all those years of fearing that eyebrow and the imminent detention it brought with it that I could be so completely and utterly turned on by it now.

"I just prefer it down," I answered honestly and busily ran my hands to their next objective, the front of his shirt. As I began to speedily and, I'll admit, sloppily undo the buttons, Severus simply smirked at me and began running his hands up and down my sides, quite craftily inching up the hem of my drwithwith each successive pass. I managed to make short work of the buttons and soon was running my hands along his beautiful chest. He made a noise that would have been a moan if he hadn't stifled it, and, all pretense cast aside, he was soon pulling my dress up my body and over my head. I was more than happy to comply but hed myself into his arms and hungrily sought out his mouth.

Long ago, I had decided that my first time would be slow and sweet and wonderful. He woureatreat me like a goddess, and I would take hours to adore every inch of him. But many years, many fantasies, and many, many kisses had passed since then. By that time, I wouldn't have cared if Severus had fucked me standing up , not even bothering to undress either of us. In fact, that might even be fun.

Severus moaned as I rubbed myself against him, and grabbing my ass, he lifted me into his arms. I smiled and wrapped my legs around him, kissing up and down his neck. I thought for sure I was in for something kinky, but he simply laid me down on the bed. I was almost disappointed; must watch that freak streak I've been discovering in myself. Standing over me, he looked me over carefully and I blushed profusely. I don't know why I blushed; by that time I was quite used to Severus looking at me and actually quite enjoyed it. But I blushed nonetheless, and it made Severus smile so I was happy. Still, I think the most beautiful sight in the world is a smile on the face of Severus Snape. If not the most beautiful, the most unexpected and rare and dear.

Slowly, he lowered himself to the bed, resting half on top of me and half to the side. He nuzzled against my neck and gently kissed me from my collarbone up my throat and along my jawline. His touch was so light it tickled me, causing me to giggle. He lifted his head to look at me, and there was such an honest, earnest love evident on his face that I immediately melted. I cupped his face in my hands and beamed up at him. It was then his turn to blush, and he td hid his head to kiss each of my palms in a weak attempt to hide his red, burning cheeks. As he faced me once again, he gazed down on me solemnly.

"I've wanted this for so long, Hermione," he whispered fervently while squeezing his eyes shut. I could just imagine that he was repeating the words "Please don't change your mind" over and over again in his head. For a strong man, he certainly had his very vulnerable moments. They were almost as rare as the smiles (which I think to Severus were also an indication of vulnerablility) and even more dear to me. Who needs a knight in white armour when you can get a black knight with a few chinks in there to keep him human? To reassure him, I gently kissed him and was rewarded as he let all of his weight fall on top pf me. I let out a satisfied moan as he did so and was rewarded once more, this time by the intrusion of his tongue into my mouth. Instantly feverish again, I bucked my hips against his, loving the effect I had on him. I felt his erection so clearly against me I almost could have diagrammed it. Must be so uncomfortable in those tight, tight pants, though. Not to worry, you'll be rid of them soon, my love.

As we continued kissing, I let my hands roam over his body. First stop, the back of his head. The ponytail was cute for dinner, but I needed his hair down (and pullable if need be). As I yanked his hair loose, he shook his head to help and smiled at me mischieviously.

"I knew you didn't like that." He arched one of those perfect eyebrows at me, and I had to grin back at him. It was amazing that after all those years of fearing that eyebrow and the imminent detention it brought with it that I could be so completely and utterly turned on by it now "I "I just prefer it down," I answered honestly and busily ran my hands to their next objective, the front of his shirt. As I began to speedily and, I'll admit, sloppily undo the buttons, Severus simply smirked at me and began running his hands up and down my sides, quite craftily inching up the hem of my dress with each successive pass. I managed to make short work of the buttons and soon was running my hands along his beautiful chest. He made a noise that would have been a moa he he hadn't stifled it, and, all pretense cast aside, he was soon pulling my dress up my body and over my head. I was more than happy to comply but was a bit abashed as he stared at my now semi-naked form.

"Black?" he asked with an upraised eyebrow. Again, a circumstance of Hermione acting more sexually expressive than she really was. For this evening I had chosen black lacy boy-cut underwear and a matching bra. Not as exciting as it could have been, true, but not as skanky as a thong (I had debated the merits of all my underclothes for the past week). I briefly wondered what he'd think after we'd been together a while and I started wearing my sports bras and panties with characters from "The Simpsons" on them...

Blushing a little, I diverted my eyes from his teasing gaze and stammered my response.

"I... um... I figured it was your color." God, what a child I am! What kind of a moron coordinates her underwear to her lover's clothes? But to be fair, his hair and eyes are also black, so it really kind of IS his color...

Severus smiled at me and leaned in to kiss me gently. I closed my eyes gratefully, confident he had been touched or at least unaffected by the gesture of my undergarments. The embarrassment had almost subsided when he took my lower lip in his teeth and tugged a little while laughing a little under his breath.

"You matched your underwear to me?" Even though my lip was between his teeth and I wanted nothing more than to have something else of his between my legs, I rolled my eyes at him.

"Shut up. I'll make you a deal. You never think about this again, and I never mention the ponytail."

"I KNEW you didn't like it."

"Shut up and kiss me."

Severus capitulated and again claimed my lips. All was well for about ten seconds, at which time he began laughing again.

"The only worse thing would have been if you'd worn Slytherin green!" He was cracking himself up now, rolling onto his back and laughing so hard tears formed in the corners of his eyes. I tried to act annoyed, but that only egged him on. For several minutes he laughed hysterically (well, hysterically for Snape), a fresh peal bursting forth every time he looked at me and caught my eyes rolling. In actuality, I was trying desperately not to blush. Boy, was I glad I had chosen this set as opposed to the emerald one I'd bought the week before in Hogsmeade.

"Fine! If you're going to laugh, I might as well give you a reason," I proclaimed as I rolled on top of him and began tickling him mercilessly. As I straddled him, I "accidentally" rubbed against his erection, and the play-fighting turned serious. I was sure that all (okay, most) kidding was over for the evening. Suddenly, his eyes focused and with a hunger I had only seen him show a couple times before, he lifted his head and captured my mouth. Soon enough his tongue was in my mouth, and my hands had made their way to his pants and unbuttoned them. He lifted his hips (with me on them- quite strong, that one) and helped me help him out of his pants. To my shock and delicious surprise, he was not wearing the boxers I knew he usually wore. I could not help retaliating for his earlier quips about my choice of bloomers.

"You didn't happen to be expecting this, did you?" I smirked at him. Severus did a bad impression of someone being truthful and responded.

"It just so happens that I gave all my underwear to impoverished war orphans." I tried valiantly to keep a straight face, but I cracked at the mock sincerity on his face and in his wonderfully silky voice. Coughing to clear my throat, I immediately pulled on my most serious yet undeniably aroused face.

"Those lucky orphans." He grinned at me and grabbed for me to straddle him once more but I had ideas of my own. Sliding farther down his body, I positioned myself between his legs and began rubbing up and down his thighs. His eyes had closed as I moved to my new position, and I knew he was expecting what I was about to do, so I decided to make him squirm a little. Don't count your chickens before they're hatched, Severus, dear.

Sliding so that I was almost off the bed, I took hold of one of his ankles and traced one of his scars along the length of his calf.

"What's this one from?" I asked innocently. I could feel the frustration emanating off him, but I was quite high on the control I had on him and not ready to relinquish it just yet. Lightly running my fingertips over the scar again, I gazed at him intently. He opened his eyes a slit to make sure I wasn't joking before answering.

"Quidditch accident when I was seven."

"Oh. What's this one?" I had picked another scar, further up his calf and closer to the inside. My touch was teasing, and I'm sure the fact that I innocently chewed on my lip while questioning him wasn't helping him to relax.

Good.

"Fight with Sirius Black third year."

"Oh. This one?" There was a veong,ong, thin scar along the inside of his thigh that ran just high enough to let him know my intentions. I rubbed it a bit harder than I had the others and I heard his breathing pick up and become ragged in anticipation. He was bucking every time my hand came close to his cock, and I smiled, still quite innocently.

"A... a... Oh, God, Hermione!... Another Death Eater... drunk at a revel... thought I was fucking his girlfriend... was going to cut off my balls..."

"Oh, what a terrible story!"

I am sure there is a special section of Hell reserved for women who bring strong men to the point of begging. In that case, I'm sure I will be there some day. But at least I'll be with girls who know how to have a good time.

Severus was still eyeing me cautiously, as if he didn't know whether I was being serious or not. I decided to let him off the hook. In a minute...

"Do you want me to kiss it better?" In response, he only let out an unearthly moan and threw his head back. I grinned wickedly even though he couldn't see it. It's fun being bad sometimes.

Slowly and very, very lightly I ran my tongue over the shallow cut, stopping just short of my eventual destination. Severus whimpered as I headed back down his leg to start again. I licked farther this time, but not quite to his balls just yet. I repeated this motion several times, each time getting closer and closer but never achieving my goal. He was doing everything in his power to act like a gentleman, but I could tell it was killing him; he was doing things to try and trick me into sucking his cock. He began by spreading his legs a little further apart. Next he lifted his hips ever-so-slightly, moving his cock into position. But I ignored all of this. Finally, when I thought him about to grab my head and shove it into his crotch, I repositioned myself a bit higher along his body and placed an innocent little kiss on the head of his erection. He was already leaking, and I couldn't resist the urge to lick the pre-cum off him. This however, only confirmed my earlier fears for as soon as my mouth was open around him, he clamped both of his hands in my hair and refused to let me up for air.

I had intended on teasing him some more, but I guessed he HAD been waiting long enough. God knows I had been and I had been sexually aware for a significantly shorter time than he. I heard him moan and groan above me as I bobbed up and down on his throbbing cock. He thrust into my mouth in unison with my movements, and I fully immersed myself in my work. No matter what I would learn later that night or later in my life, my first true love as far as sexual activity would always be giving head. I have heard of women who think it demeaning or debasing. I, on the other hand, had given Severus what he had later told me was his favorite phrase he'd ever heard that night in my father's study: "I just love having your dick in my mouth." Classy, Granger. Real classy.

I was just getting into it when the hands tangled in my hair abruptly (but gently) pulled me up.

"I... I can't... Um... My turn," he gasped. I could tell he'd been incredibly close to coming, and I thought it very sweet of him to hold off. The biology of the situation dictated that he would have been ready again in ten or fifteen minutes, but I was kind of glad he'd waited. Besides, I'd ingested all the protein I needed at dinner earlier that evening.

Sitting up, Severus held me tight and kissed me deeply, moaning a little at the taste of himself in my mouth. Soon, though, he'd flipped me to my back and was busy kissing every square inch of bare skin. He deftly manuevered and removed my bra, and I shivered a bit at the cool air on my erect nipples. Severus only smiled at me a bit before enclosing one those nipples in his hot mouth and beginning a pretty thorough working of the other. Now it was my turn to moan, and I did quite a bit. That night I also learned that I'm kind of loud when there's no one listening... Actually, even when there are people listening sometimes, too. Long as it's not Dumbledore.

After releasing my breasts (which ached at his absence), Severus slid slowly down my body, running his hands along my sides as he did.

"Now, we have no need of these, do we?" he asked even though he'd already removed the offending panties. I shivered again, but this time with anticipation. Severus noticed and raised an eyebrow at me. "Are you cold, Hermione?"

"Um... no.. not exactly...oh-" Ignoring my answer entirely, he moved lower between my legs and began kissing down my belly. He took a comparatively shorter time to reach his destination than I had mine, but it still felt like an eternity before I finally felt his tongue flick at my clit. I jumped in surprise but he steadied me with an arm over my waist. I was immediately thankful because, given my sexual enthusiasm, without restraint I may well have bucked at the wrong time and broken his nose. Wouldn't that have been a pleasant visit to St. Mungo's? Well, you see, he was fucking me senseless with his ever-so-talented tongue when I got too excited and his nose met my pelvis in a not-too-intimate way.

I could tell Severus was pleased by my reaction, and as he ran his hot tongue along my wet folds, I was quite sure that if I had the money, I would employ him to never, ever leave my bed and do this all day and all night long. Severus ran one hand lazily up and down my leg before finally moving to rub my clit with an expertise that I found astonishing. As his fingers began to work their magic, I felt that beautiful, wonderful, sometimes acidic tongue plunge inside me. I gasped and moaned and bucked and probably looked like an over-acting porn star, but I didn't care. Severus Snape was my new god, and I was more than happy to sacrifice this virgin to him. He was extremely talented, at times switching positions so that his fingers pumped inside me and his beautiful lips sucked on my clit and then switching back. As he worked I felt my orgasm building, and within five minutes I came long and hard and screamed things that make me blush to this day.

Chuckling deep in his throat, Severus crawled up along side me and draped an arm around me. He nipped at my neck and collarbone while I rode out the aftershocks, murmurring my name occasionally and smiling almost constantly. Once I was settled (what can I say? The man gives one hell of an orgasm.), I turned on my side to face him. Immediately sobered, we both knew what had to happen next. Tracing the outline of my lips with his fingertips, Severus eyed me seriously.

"We can stop now if you want to, Hermione." I so ano annoyance or irritation on his face as he made the offer; he genuinely cared about how I felt, and that meant more to me than I could ever possibly tell him. Smiling, I cupped one side of his face and kissed him softly.

"I love you, Severus. Make love to me." He closed his eyes, the lust once again plain to see etched across his features. He whispered my name once before pulling me in close to him and kissing me deeply. Slowly, he turned me so that I lay on my back and he hovered above me, almost touching me. I could tell he was nervous, and I knew through the journals he's written me that he'd deflowered a great number of virgins at Voldedmort's orders. I knew he was trying his damndest to be gentle with me and take his time, and though the feel of him JUST over me was driving me crazy, I did not attempt to urge him on. He moved a hand between my legs and gently spread the liquid there all around my opening. I wanted him so badly and was so wet I think I could have bottled it and saved some for later. But, to tell the truth, I'd ruined two other sets of panties that day thinking about him.

Severus looked deeply into my eyes as his hand left me and moved to his erection. I smiled at him- not a big smile, just a little encouragement, and he positioned himself right at my entrance.

Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease!

I wanted him so much, but I was also wary of the pain that was supposed to accompany the loss of virginity. I kept telling myself that I'd faced Voldemort six times in seven years, I thought I could take a little prick (bad choice of words) in order to be with Severus. Besides, supposedly it was the tearing of the hymen that made it hurt, and Severus had done that with his fingers our first night together. That HAD hurt a little, but if that was what girl whined about, they must ahve terribly low pain thresholds.

Still looking in my eyes, Severus moved inside me slowly, inch by inch. I moaned and closed my eyes as he worked his way in. Apparently encouraged by my response, he began kneading one of my breasts but kept up his slow pace. That was fine with me.

Nope. Doesn't hurt. A little tight, but doesn't hurt. It's actually quite... oh- oh, God!

Severus had buried himself completely inside me and bent low to kiss me. It began quite sweetly, but soon I wanted more and I was sucking on his to as as I had been on his cock earlier. Apparently he understood my silent communication because he began to thrust into me. I moaned again (loudly) and began to move my hips to meet his movements. I whimpered his name as his pace quickened. I had figured he wouldn't last long after the blow job that almost got him off, and he was soon pumping harder and faster into me. It was one of the most wonderful moments in my whole life as he began to lose control and could only let out a hoarse plea to me.

"Oh- God- Hermione- please-"

I encouraged him and moaned his name, and within seconds ame ame inside me. I was amazed at the sensation, and though he fell on top of me quite clumsily and kind of crushed a rib or two, I was completely enthralled by him and sex and everything that those two had in common with each other. He leaned his head on my chest and I was surprised to feel how sweaty he was. I don't think I had ever seen him sweat a drop until that moment. I smiled and ran my fingers through his hair. I could tell he was utterly exhausted, but I was afraid there was another reason for his silence. My suspicions were confirmed a second later when, nervously running his fingertips across my midriff, he tried to ask me a question.

"Um... How... I mean, did you... umm.."

"It was wonderful, Severus. You were amazing," I responded truthfully, kissing the top of his head. "I love you."

A small, sheepish smile played across his face as he raised his head to kiss me gently. I knew he wanted to ask me if I really meant it, but instead, he nuzzled against my neck and closed his eyes.

"I love you, too, Hermione."


*********************A/N**********************
I know- FINALLY, right?

Thank you all for reading and reviewing! I'm so sorry it's takeing so long- the smut train derailed a couple of times, plus goddamn real life is killing me! Thanks for sticking with me!

Deb: Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked the last chapter; it was very much a cathartic exercise for me (and, so far, the only one to make ME cry!). I'm also super-psyched that you liked my Severus. I firmly believe that there's always a reason for people to act the way they do, and by that thinking, it is most certainly IN character for Severus to be vulnerable. In my mind, that is the truth behind him. But anyways... I do go on, don't I?... Hope you liked this one!

deblovesdragon: Domestic Goddess, I must admit that I never saw the Tick, but your name is perfect! I'm glad I can still make ya cry, and as you can see by my earlier admission to Deb- this one even made ME cry! Glad you liked it- hope you like this one, etc... And I'm Mighty Mary, BTW- the leader of an elite fighting force of fanfic writers who are dedicated to the pursuit of life, liberty, and the contents of Severus Snape's pants!

JennD: Thanks! I'm so, so glad you liked it! It was by far the most personal one yet! Hope you like this one!

Susan: Sorry! Thought you'd guessed by now that cliffies are kind of my thing... Hope you enjoyed the lemons!

spaz141: Thanks! You rock!

Droxy: Thanks!

GrrArrg:
Okay, first- how the hell am I supposed to write an e-mail to "I like big butts and I cannot lie?" It doesn't have a domain- duh!

Second- was wondering why you didn't review ch. 15. I even send you e-mails to remind you! Don't know how you missed it (stupid bitch...)

Third- thank you so much for all your praise and adulation and donuts and hugs and wet sloppy kisses and Vegas weddings and IM chats where I talk incessantly and don't even have the patience to wait for you to take your sweet-ass time to write me back before I go on to another subject and for reading over the smut because I am a pitiful virgin who wants to get married just to get laid and for listening to my stupid little bunnies who multiply like... well... rabbits...
You are my #1, all time favorite, and I hope that Strong Enough ends well or I'll be forced to kill you... :)

PinkTribeChick: Thanks! You rock!