The Burden of Memory

Authors Note: Many thanks to my beta Shannon (GothiBlackRose) for her work on this chapter.

Chapter 16 Guilty Until Proven Innocent

Draco rolled over and grazed fingertips over the bed beside him, finding it empty.

He listened for a moment and when he heard the shower running he slipped out of bed, padded over to the bookcase and removed a thin black book from amongst the heavier volumes on the shelf, the same that had given Draco his insight into Harry’s sexuality.

With small curling script he wrote down three items.

Runespoor Eggs

Asphodel

Peppermint

All were potion ingredients that he had just had a vivid dream about, and he added them to the list of almost a dozen others, completing the list he’d been seeing in his mind over the past three nights. He slipped the book back into its hiding place and went over to the bathroom door, opening it carefully and sneaking inside.

“Draco,” Harry called. “Is that you?”

“I was trying to surprise you,” Draco muttered with a pout, sliding behind the curtain that had previously kept the Gryffindor out of sight.

Harry grinned and pulled him under the spray, not hesitating for even a second before kissing him deeply. Draco was surprised by how easy these moments with Harry felt and every time he found himself falling into Harry’s arms it was a relief that they were still outstretched to catch him.

They pressed together, Harry’s already soapy body slipping against his, and Draco grabbed hold of Harry’s earlobe with his teeth. He had learned the night before how sensitive Harry’s ears were and was eager to hear the raven-haired boy moan for him again.

It didn’t take long for Draco to get his wish and within moments Harry was pressing his erection into Draco’s stomach and his eyes were fluttering closed. Draco’s lips trailed a hot line across Harry’s jaw and neck pulling that moan he was craving from Harry’s throat. “I see you had an ulterior motive for getting in the shower,” Harry rasped.

“Slytherin’s are all about the ulterior motives,” Draco replied before being pinned against the tile wall.

“Well, maybe I’ll just have to wash the Slytherin off of you,” Harry informed him, lathering his hands with soap.

“Good luck,” Draco responded with a smirk.

Harry grinned and rubbed his hands slowly and sensually up and down Draco’s arms, paying extra attention to his long fingers and then started working up a bubbly mass on Draco’s chest and stomach before slipping down to grip his cock.

Draco’s head lolled back at the touch and he let his passion flood through him as Harry stroked him with slick soapy hands. He came with a sudden groan, the orgasm taking him completely by surprise as Harry gripped him firmly and kissed him roughly.

He returned the kiss with full force, letting his tongue slide along Harry’s teeth and bottom lip and savoring the flavor that was distinctly Harry. When they broke apart, Harry’s emerald eyes were the color of a deep forest, darkened by his smoldering lust.

“Oh, silly me,” Draco whispered. “I seemed to have dropped the soap, I guess I’ll need to pick it up,” he teased, his voice breathy and deep in Harry’s ear.

Emerald eyes widened at the joke, as Draco licked along his jaw before bending over and rubbing himself against Harry’s swollen prick. “Draco,” Harry whispered in protest, but the blonde shot up and whirled on Harry, pressing his finger over his parted lips.

“I’m tired of waiting,” Draco told him, and it was the truth. Something always seemed to come up, or get in the way of their love making for the past several days. All they had been able to do was sneak in a rushed grope or a hurried make out session since Lara had walked in on them a few nights before.

The rest of their time had been spent with the pensieve and going over memory after memory, or going through documents Hermione had managed to secure from the Ministry in order to solve the reason behind his memory loss. Time was even allotted for damage control in which they set up nice dates for Lara and Ron.

But no time had been made to spend quality time alone together and part of that had been Draco’s fault. He had been avoiding any real intimacy for a few reasons, first because he’d never had any sort of sex before, least of all with another man, but Harry had quelled his fears with his soothing and gentle nature. He knew Harry would never ever hurt him and that knowledge alone eased his mind, but the other reason was much more complicated.

“Fine, but I’m not taking your virginity standing here in the shower, not like this,” Harry told him.

Draco rolled his eyes but his lips betrayed him, forming into a subtle smile. Harry’s gentle and moral nature always won out, and he should have been expecting it, but it always seemed to take him off guard. He loved that Harry wanted only the best for him, but he hated that he was starting to think he didn’t deserve it.

Harry led them, still soaking wet, from the bathroom and back into the bedroom. He lowered Draco to the bed, stretching his hands above his head and ran his fingernails slowly down Draco’s outstretched arms. He could feel his entire body quivering beneath Harry’s firm weight and he smiled up into his boyfriend’s smiling face.

Draco pulled Harry to him and kissed his already swollen lips, silently pleading for him to take the next step. He could feel Harry’s entire body tense up and he ran long fingers through Harry’s ebony mane, trying to calm him. “Harry, are you okay?”

The Gryffindor shot him a nervous smile and shook his head. “I’ve never done this before,” he admitted softly.

The urge to laugh was hard for Draco to resist. All this time he had been worrying over whether or not he was going to meet Harry’s expectations, whether or not he would be any good to someone with Harry’s experience, when in fact Harry was just as clueless as Draco.

“So, the books?” Draco asked with a smile.

“Research,” Harry replied.

“And the quiet confidence?” Draco asked, feeling as though they should have had this conversation long before ending up naked and awkward in bed.

Harry shrugged, his grin widening. “I figured it would just come naturally, but I’m so fucking nervous I can’t stop shaking,” he chuckled.

Draco had never been so in love with anyone as he was with Harry in that moment. Brave, confident, hero Harry was sexy as hell, but there was something altogether different about shy, vulnerable, human Harry that made Draco fall so hard it almost physically hurt.

“Come here, you,” Draco whispered with a low chuckle and pulled Harry down to him, rolling their bodies so that Draco was straddling Harry’s hips. He took Harry’s fingers into his mouth and sucked on them one at a time, relishing in the lust clouding over his lover’s brilliant green eyes.

“Stretch me,” Draco instructed, and Harry’s eyes widened slightly before doing as he was told, working a lubed finger slowly into Draco’s arse. The Slytherin bit down on his lower lip, trying to fight the urge to cry out with the mix of pleasure and pain coursing through his body.

Once the second and then third fingers were inside him he felt ready for Harry’s thick throbbing cock, or at least as ready as he’d ever be. He positioned himself and began to bear down on Harry’s slick prick, grimacing against the pain shooting up his spine, sending all his nerve endings on edge. He blinked away the traitorous tears at the corners of his eyes, but not soon enough that Harry didn’t notice.

“Does it hurt?” Harry asked cautiously, his own slight movements paused. He had been carefully holding as still as possible and letting Draco impale himself upon him at his own pace.

“No,” Draco lied. “Well, not like you think,” he amended with a forced smile.

Harry immediately tried to pull away, but Draco clamped around him and pinned him roughly to the bed. “We’re doing this,” he rasped.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Harry pleaded, his voice breaking.

“You’re not,” Draco assured him, and pushed himself further onto Harry’s erection. He wasn’t going to stop, he would put up with this pain as many times as he had to in order to assure Harry that it was fine, he would learn to accept it, maybe even like it one day.

Harry dug into his hips, his eyes rolling back, his body arching, and the look of Harry’s pleasure in that moment would have been enough to make it all worth it, but that one movement sent Harry just slightly deeper and rubbed against his prostate and Draco thought he would scream out.

Stars burst behind his eyes and he raked his nails along Harry’s chest, trying to gain purchase in the milky flesh. “Fuck,” he moaned, and Harry’s eyes snapped open, a slow grin forming on his face.

“Better?” he asked, still cautious, but something on Draco’s face must have assured him that it was okay.

“Perfect,” Draco hissed, and raised himself up only to fall back onto Harry’s cock again, this time only a dull ache resounded in the instant Harry breached him, easily wiped away by the deafening pleasure of the deeper movement.

Harry cried out, his nails making tiny half-moons in the Slytherin’s pale skin, as Draco rode him. A few minutes later and Harry was shouting Draco’s name and shuddering beneath him, and Draco nearly collapsed from his own release, which took him off guard yet again while he was watching Harry’s beautiful face contort under the weight of his orgasm.

“Merlin,” Harry rasped, gasping thickly.

Draco couldn’t even begin to find words for the sheer gravity of emotions and feelings running through his mind, least of all the guilt from his own dishonesty. He slowly raised himself off of Harry and fell to his side, running pale fingers through the mess on Harry’s chest and stomach.

He chuckled lightly and started drawing pictures through the sticky clear liquid until it slowly dried out and left Harry grimacing. “Now I need another shower,” Harry teased.

“Maybe a nap first,” Draco amended and let his eyes fall shut, willing Harry to let him just lay there all day instead of get up and look at more memories.

He got most of his wish, since Harry fell nearly instantly to sleep beside him. He had another dream before waking up for the second time that day. The potion ingredient list floated in front of him, and then quickly the scene dissolved into a dark forest, where he followed a glowing specter of Harry through the wood and into a circle containing more glowing forms, most of whom were shrouded and unknown to him, but some he recognized instantly, like the large oaf Hagrid, his mother and Aunt and even Voldemort.

When he woke up in a cold sweat, he found Harry still slumbering peacefully beside him and he kissed the boy softly on the cheek. The Gryffindor stirred and muttered something unintelligible and Draco chuckled lightly, pulling him closer and drifting into a less fitful sleep.

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Harry was ecstatic.

Over the past week things just seemed to begin falling into place. Ron and Lara were seeing more of one another and Lara, though she still wouldn’t speak to him directly, was slowly coming around to forgiving Harry for his betrayal.

Hermione had been on her best behavior since Harry reprimanded her, even bringing Vane over once or twice to visit with Harry in lieu of Lara since she was giving him the cold shoulder.

The best of it though was Draco. His progress with the memories was nothing short of miraculous, and they had already worked through most of the big memories, including the final battle, which they had just witnessed the night before, bringing Harry to his current reason for joy.

In his hand was a thin wooden box with intricately carved snakes on the cover. He had forgotten all about it, tucked safely away in one of this many bookcases. He hadn’t intended on ever giving it back, never thought there would be a want or even an opportunity. But suddenly Harry had both the want and the opportunity to return it to its rightful owner.

“Draco,” he called on his way back to the bedroom they shared.

The blonde was sitting in a comfortable armchair, drinking tea and gazing out the window. He looked over as Harry entered and his eyes lit up.

“I have a present for you,” Harry told him, the box carefully hidden behind his back.

“I love presents,” he cooed, leaping from his chair and crossing the room to stand in front of Harry. He leaned from side to side trying to see what Harry was hiding.

Harry chuckled and showed him the box, letting it fall into Draco’s extended palms. “It’s a really lovely box, Harry,” Draco mused, turning it over and over.

“The gift is in the box,” Harry replied, rolling his eyes.

Draco opened it and his eyes went wide as recognition whispered through their steely depths. “My wand?” he asked tentatively, as if not believing it.

Harry nodded happily. “When we watched the memory of the final battle, I remembered that my own wand had been broken, and I stole yours at the manor. It was your wand that I killed Voldemort with.”

“I’ve had it all this time and forgot, but I remembered last night and thought you may want it back since we don’t know where your new one is,” Harry continued.

Reaching into the box, Draco wrapped his fingers around the wand and looked it over from every angle. No sound broke through his lips, no emotion registered on his face, and then suddenly he looked over at Harry with shining eyes. “I need a few minutes alone,” he whispered.

“I don’t – okay,” Harry stuttered at last, not understanding this sudden solemn mood, but he hoped that Draco would explain it later. He left the room and shut the door behind him, wondering what had just happened, what he had done wrong.

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Draco twirled the sleek piece of wood over and over in his hands. A shooting pain laced behind his eyes and made him wince. More memories flooded over him as he ran his fingers over the small bit of wood, memories he didn’t want to have.

The imperius curse, the poison he slipped into Slughorn’s wine, the magical cabinets in the room of requirement, staring down a weak and dying Dumbledore. All these things rushed over him all at once making him feel ill.

These unseemly memories coupled with the snippets of very recent memories that had been worming their way into his mind made him nervous.

He had been terrified to bring them to Harry’s attention, but over the last week he would recall things, awful things, things he had done since the war. He remembered a meeting with a man who wanted his help capturing Harry; he remembered agreeing and being pleased about it. He also kept seeing that same list of potion ingredients, which were now imbedded in his mind like a brand, written down and carefully concealed in Harry’s own home.

What if he really was intending to hurt the Gryffindor? What if Draco’s being there brought his enemy right to him? Worse still, what if Harry had been right and Draco remembered something that would turn him against Harry, even now that he knew him and cared about him, maybe even loved him?

He felt haunted just thinking that there was some memory, some potential trigger lingering under the surface of more warm and fuzzy feelings.

Draco took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to remove the painful emotions flooding through him as he put on a carefully blank mask and left the room.

“Is everything alright?” Harry asked as soon as he stepped into the living room.

Draco smiled warmly and kissed Harry on the corner of his mouth. “Everything’s fine. I just got a little overwhelmed,” he lied smoothly.

Harry kissed him back, letting their bodies mesh together and sighed. “You had me worried there for a minute.”

“Nothing to worry about,” Draco replied, and hoped to Merlin he was right.

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Authors Note: by request of the brilliant and lovely (and dirty, but we all love it) Laurel, I will be offering Harry and Draco sex toys to all who review! lol. That's right people! I said it!