The Mentor

Chapter 16 – The Longest Day



At times, Hermione’s day seemed to fly by. At others, it seemed to crawl. Her insides were a jumble of knots, and she had worked herself to a headache, trying to figure out what could possibly be so important for Severus to discuss with her. Maybe he wanted to end the relationship, such as it was. Hermione pondered that for a bit. Not that she had a wealth of experience with these things, but she had a hard time imaging any man wanting to end the explosive chemistry that they shared. Not that she wanted that to be the basis of their relationship, but it certainly made everything that much better.



As the last class of the day was about to end, Hermione made the decision to skip lunch in the Great Hall, and tackle some of the marking waiting in her office. The real truth of the matter was that she did not know if she would be able to spend the meal time seated next to Severus, wondering what was going on. The suspense was killing her!



‘It figures’, she thought to herself with a twinge of frustration. ‘Leave it to a man to be so serious and secretive at the same time!’



As the bell signaled that end of class, Hermione dismissed her students, with a reminder about their essays, all 10 inches, due the following week. She had to grin at the chorus of moans a groans that filled the room.



“This is not a surprise to anyone”, she gently stated to the subdued group. “This was assigned two weeks ago, and it was listed in the course outline that everyone was given on the first day. If you have not started yet, I would recommend that you make good use of your lunch time, and head to the library”. More groans and long faces were her only answer, but she still had to grin. When she was in school, the essay would have been completed already. She had yet to meet a current student who showed even a fraction of the drive to succeed that she possessed.



‘That is probably just as well’, she considered laughingly. ‘Another me would drive the other teachers batty’.



With a wave of her hand, the door to the classroom opened, and the students left in a wave. Gathering her wand, teaching notes and other miscellaneous supplies, Hermione walked to her office, ready to put a serious dent in the stack of student work that waited for grading.



If she hoped that this would provide the distraction she needed, Hermione was sorely disappointed. After reading the same line from a test answer five times, she decided that it was hopeless. It was probably not in the best interest of her students to mark their work when she was in such a distracted state of mind anyway. Moving to a comfortable chair beside the fire, Hermione ordered herself some lunch.



As she sat, staring into the flames that flickered cheerfully, her mind wandered back to Severus, and what he might need to discuss with her. Although fairly certain that he did not want to end the relationship, a niggle of doubt remained. Determined to be more positive, Hermione considered some other options. An end to the relationship was the worst possible scenario. Maybe he wanted to make their situation public. How did she feel about that? What would the reaction of the other staff members be? Part of Hermione wanted to shout her love for Severus from the highest tower roof of the castle. Another part of her was uncertain at the newness of it all, and wanted to hold it between the two of them, just for a little while longer.



Maybe he wanted to keep it a secret. Maybe he was embarrassed because of the age difference. It was not something that had occurred to Hermione, but maybe Severus was struggling with it, worried about the response from his peers. Maybe he was worried about the reaction from the Weasley family. She shook her head at her own ramblings. Severus had never been one to worry about what other’s thought of him, and there was no reason to believe that he would start now.



Hermione decided that it was time to focus her thinking a little bit. With her quill she drew a line down the middle of a fresh piece of parchment. On one side, she began listing all of the things that she knew with some type of certainty. She knew that he wanted to have a serious talk about the future of their relationship, and marked this down on her list. She knew that he was an amazing lover, and that they have explosive chemistry. Severus supported her, in both her professional endeavours, and her personal problems; jumping to her defense during her confrontation with Ron.



He had told her that he loved her, well kind of told her, and it was in the heat of passion, so did that really count? Hermione debated this, finally adding it to the ‘unknown’ list. Once her mind went down this path, Hermione could think of several things that were unknown. What did he want from life? Did he have any family? What was his favourite colour?



What the hell had she been thinking, jumping in to bed with someone when she did not even know their favourite colour! Hermione had intended for her list to be a soothing exercise, but she could feel the beginnings of a panic attack gripping her lungs.



Taking a few moments to calm her breathing, she considered something else. Maybe he wanted her to move in with him. What if he wanted her to marry him? Did they even want the same things out of life? Hermione was sure that she wanted children some day, but what about Severus? He was rarely civil and never kind to the students, unless they were from Slytherin House. Maybe he really hated them, and never wanted to be a father.



Hermione saw herself teaching at Horwart’s for several years, if not for her entire career. What if Severus wanted to leave? Was she ready to abandon her career for a man, even one that made her feel the way he did?



The sound of a bell chiming and the shuffle of students walking in to her room startled Hermione out of her ponderings. With a resigned sigh, she walked back to the classroom.



At that moment, Hermione decided that she was no fan of uncertainty. She did not like these kinds of surprises – not one bit!



**********



Fortunately for Hermione, she had her advanced classes in the afternoon, and found herself engaged in their work to the point that she was distracted from her upcoming dinner with Severus. Watching the group perform a series of successively difficult charms was very rewarding, and their excitement with their accomplishments was infectious. As the last bell of the day rang, Hermione excused a group of very tired but happy looking students.



After the last 7th year was out the door, Hermione’s dinner date and subsequent ‘talk’ with Severus flashed back into her mind. Locking up her classroom, Hermione started to walk back to her quarters, thinking that a shower or soak in the tub might help her relax a little bit. Half way to the entrance, she stopped abruptly.



‘Forget it’, she thought to herself. After a day filled with so much inner turmoil and uncertainty, she was not waiting another moment to find out what was going on with Severus. Straightening her spine and throwing her shoulders back, Hermione headed in the direction of his rooms. The closer she came to his door, the angrier she was. How dare he leave her on tenterhooks all day! Who the hell did he think he was?



Students loitering in the halls before the evening meal were shocked at the look on their professor’s face. She was known as a calm, kind-hearted teacher, but the way she looked at that moment had the students pressing themselves against the walls in an effort to get out of her way. With her wildly curling hair escaping its twist and flying out behind her, and her robes billowing in perfect imitation of Snape, she looked like an avenging angel. Her eyes had darkened to the colour of coffee, and her fists were so tight, the knuckles were white. Every step was heavier than the one before so that by the time she descended the stairs to the dungeon, she was stomping loudly, each step reverberating up through her legs.



Much more loudly than was necessary, particularly given that Severus had charmed his door to tell him who was there, she raised her fist and pounded.



********



Severus had been settled in the chair in front of the fire. If Hermione’s day had been a challenge, his had been unbearable. Over the course of the day, he had convinced himself that as soon as he told Hermione about the potion, she would walk away and never speak to him again. If she was carrying his child, she would abort it immediately. After all, what witch in their right mind would want to carry his baby?

He was by turns throughout the day pensive, angry, frustrated, hopeful, finally settling in to a mire of despair and hopelessness. Severus was sure that Hermione would never forgive him. He even considered not telling her about his duplicity. Instead, he would sweep her into his arms, make love to her all night and never let her go. The dark side screamed at him to do just that; to put his self preservation above everything else. But, he could not do it. As much as it might push her away completely, he had to be honest with her. He had to honour the depth of his feelings for her, give her all of the information and hope that she might understand.



Just as his wards chimed gently with a melody that he had created just for her, a loud banging on his door startled Severus out of his contemplation. Thinking the loud banging meant that something serious had happened, Severus made it to the door in several ground eating strides. He pulled open the door to a very irate looking Hermione. Without a word, she brushed past him, stomped through the room and proceeded to pace in front of his fire place.



He was taken aback by her agitated manner. Turning slowly he warded the door with a spell that could only be released by him, casting a silencing spell. Moving quietly, he came to stand behind her as she paused to stare into the flames.



“Hermione”, he softly said, placing his hands tenderly on her shoulders. “What is wrong? Why are you so...tense?”



She turned sharply, pulling herself out of his embrace, and shot him an incredulous look.



“What is wrong? You have some gall to stand there, looking all innocent and concerned and ask me what is wrong!” She was shaking with rage. “I have been in turmoil all day, waiting to find out what is so important that you would be so serious and mysterious. Waiting to find out that you regret our relationship, such as it is. Waiting for you to walk away from me without a backward glance. Waiting for anything! I can’t wait any more. You have to tell me what you meant this morning. The suspense is killing me. I would rather have my heart broken, but at least know what is going on.” Hermione paused, seemingly spent by her outburst.



Severus was still with shock. He had no idea that his words this morning would have affected her this way. He told her that it was nothing to worry about, but clearly she had picked up on his own uncertainty. Not knowing what to say to make things better, he did the first thing that came to his mind. Severus grabbed Hermione again, spinning her in his arms and pressing her against his body. He dropped his head, bringing his lips to hers and then thrusting his tongue inside, tasting and licking until she melted against him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him even closer.



He gradually gentled his onslaught, raining tender kisses on her lips, chin, cheeks and finally her nose. He leaned his forehead against hers, and took several deep breaths.



“Hermione, I have to tell you something, and I am only going to say this once so I want you to listen very carefully”.



His tone and demeanor were compelling, and after the passion of their kiss, Hermione could only nod her head in understanding.



“The only way that I am ever leaving you or ending what we have is if you walk away first. You are the most important person in my life, and I have wanted you since that moment on the battle field, when our magic came together for Harry. The thought of waking up in the morning and not having you with me is beyond consideration. We belong with each other; today, tomorrow and always. Do you understand?”



The entire time that Severus had been making his impassioned plea; he looked Hermione directly in the eye, willing her to feel what he was saying as well as hearing it. As he watched, her eyes became glossy with tears, and he watched as one spilled over her lashes to run down her cheek. With a shudder, he gathered her into his arms, pulling her tightly against his chest and burying his face in her neck.



“Gods Hermione!” he exclaimed, his breath tickling against her neck. “I love you so much! How could you even think that I would walk away?”



“Oh Severus”, Hermione sobbed. “I just assumed the worst.” She pulled back, looking him in the eye. “I love you”. She kissed him gently on the lips, and then pulled him back into her embrace. “I love you”, she said again, holding him close, feeling the loud beating of his heart against hers.



They stood that way for several long moments; relishing the feeling of completeness they felt just holding each other. Severus finally stepped back, taking Hermione’s hand and drawing her down on the sofa to sit beside him. He turned his body towards her, and gripped both of her hands tightly in his.



“There still is something that I have to tell you”, he paused for a moment, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed deeply. “I have done something very stupid, and I fear that I have made the situation far worse”.



Hermione was absolutely stumped. She had no idea what Severus could be talking about, but clearly it was a cause of great worry for him. All that she wanted to do was reach out and ease his discomfort. She placed her hand on the side of his face.



“Severus, I have a difficult time believing that you would do something that serious. Please tell me what it is so that we can deal with it; together.”



He turned his face to place a soft kiss on the palm of her hand, and then startled her by jumping up to pace back and forth in front of her.



“Do you remember the first time that we made love? When I made you mine? You let me take your maiden’s blood and I gave you that potion?”



“It was only a few days ago”, she responded with a knowing smile. “It is not likely something that I will ever forget”.



“The potion was not a contraceptive, and to be honest, using any kind of birth control did not even cross my mind.” At this point, Severus could not even look at her sitting there. But he could sense her shocked expression. “I know that it is no excuse, but all I could think of was making you mine; of being held inside of you; of holding you and kissing you. I knew you were innocent, and all that I could think of was making it more comfortable for you.”



He waited another moment before turning to look at Hermione. To his surprise, she did not look angry but thoughtful.



“Tell me about this potion, please”, she asked, shifting to get comfortable on the sofa. “How does it work and what does it contain? When did you make it? And tell me anything else about it that you think I should know”.



“It is an old potion”, he began in his best teaching tone of voice. “It was used mainly by wealthy pure-blooded families. Most of their marriages were arranged for pedigree and money, and many times the brides were less than willing. In those cases, their first experience of intercourse could be exceedingly painful. Although it was not the original intention of the potion, brewers soon discovered that this was a welcome side effect for brides. It became tradition for pure-blood mothers to provide their daughters with a vial of it for their wedding night”, he paused then, looking intently at Hermione. “My only thought was to spare you any pain or discomfort. I did not think beyond that, and have cursed myself constantly since then”.



Hermione was confused. She felt as though she was missing something that was not being said, and continued to process all that Severus had said. “I fail to see the issue Severus. I doubt that I could become pregnant in one evening, and I felt little pain. What is the problem?”



“The problem, my love, is that the potion was designed to increase the chance of conception. Pure-blooded families were, and still are, almost consumed with the ideas of lineage and heritage. They want to do anything that they could to ensure the continuation of their lines.”



He paused here for a moment, waiting for what he said to sink in.



“Are you telling me that you gave me a potion to get me pregnant?” Hermione asked in a quiet voice.

“Hermione, I swear to you that I did not even consider that purpose of the potion. I could say that I was consumed with lust, although that is somewhat clichéd. But it is true”, he implored, sitting back down beside her. “I just wanted you to be comfortable”. Severus waited for some kind of response from her. “I cannot believe that I was so stupid. It is so unlike me to overlook any detail. That should tell you how distracted you have me.”



The response that he received was completely unexpected. Hermione threw her head against the back of the sofa and began to laugh hysterically; deep belly laughs that had tears running down her cheeks.



Severus could only sit there in shock.