All That You Leave Behind

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Harry was deeply tired. It had been a long hard slog since he had begun caring for Severus, and having to write to Kingsley and tell him that he had other commitments until January had left him feeling slightly guilty that he hadn’t leapt at the other’s offer. Still, he had other things to think about.

Christmas was approaching and Harry was faced with a dilemma: as usual he had been invited to the Burrow and he wanted to go, of course, to spend time with Ginny, but how could he leave Severus when he'd decided to help him in the first place? And, of course, Severus couldn't go to the Burrow, not with an ear-less George there and others who had no idea he still lived.

He sank into a chair, rubbing his temples in frustration. Even as he did so, he admired the twinkling lights on the much too large Christmas tree that crowded the small living room. He smiled as he remembered Severus' reaction to what he had done.

Harry had swished and flicked like crazy, filling Spinner's End with tinsel and appallingly cheerful Father Christmases. He had ensured Severus' room had borne the brunt of his ministrations.

"If you don't like it, you can change it!" Harry had laughed, sending tinsel shooting over Snape's mostly black hair.

Gritted teeth had been Severus' response: "Actually, you infuriating infant, no I can't!"

And Harry's mouth had fallen open. Of course, Severus had lost his wand in the Shrieking Shack's fire. Which meant ... He nodded to himself, making a mental note to pay a visit to Ollivander's.

And that only left the problem of what to get Ginny. He wanted to get her something really special. In fact, he really wanted to get her a ring.

But he still hadn't solved the problem of what to do on Christmas Day. He felt torn: his love for Ginny vying with his commitment to Severus.

The older man entered. In the months since he had been under Harry’s care, Severus had really recuperated well. Although he still had very little energy, his voice was back to normal and he could move about his home without having to stop and gasp for breath.

“I’ve been invited to the Burrow for Christmas,” Harry began without preamble as the other approached.

“Yes, I imagine you wish to spend time with your little girlfriend,” Severus observed, settling himself comfortably into a chair and stretching his legs out.

Harry gaped.

“Oh, for Merlin’s sake, Potter! Don’t leave private correspondence of an intimate nature lying about in future if you don't want it read!”

“Oh.” There was a pause, then the younger man said quietly, “I do want to see Ginny.”

“You truly care about her?” Severus asked, raising an eyebrow. “And what delightfully tacky gift have you bought your paramour?”

Harry blushed before speaking, “I … well, I want to get her a ring. You know, one to tell her I want to marry her, but, I don’t know, she’s still at school…” he trailed off miserably.

“You love her that much?” Came the quiet silken voice.

Harry nodded.

Severus sighed. “Then do it. Surely the one thing you have learnt from me is that love is a fragile thing, and girls are liable to run off and marry entirely unsuitable men.”

Harry gave a small smile at that. He enjoyed these little instances of Snape talking with him and giving him advice. Hidden under all that touchiness and sarcasm was a surprisingly deep person, as Harry was beginning to see. Truth be told, he was happy to have someone to confide in about Ginny, as telling Ron the things he was feeling for his baby sister was absolutely out of the question. And there was the fact that Snape was encouraging him to follow his heart in regards to Ginny. Could that possibly mean the man actually cared about Harry's happiness?

They sat in companionable silence for a long while.

Finally, he decided to visit the Weasleys for lunch on both Christmas Day and Boxing Day, but to spend his evenings with Severus. And, he thought, I'll give Ginny the ring some other time as it is bound to be mental at the Weasleys over Christmas. So a second present was necessary.

One he could give her in front of her brothers and parents.

***


Harry made sure Severus was comfortable and sleeping soundly before he gathered up the gifts he had for the Weasleys and apparated to the Burrow.

Walking up to the house from the apparition point, he could hear the noise of a crowd of people talking from within, and hesitated a moment before opening the door and stepping into the kitchen. The delicious odour of dinner cooking assaulted his nose making his mouth water, Mrs. Weasley decked out in Christmas finery was standing at the stove stirring something with her wand, and Harry suddenly felt very happy to be there, yet a tiny bit sad thinking of Severus alone in his dingy little house.

Mrs. Weasley spotted him standing there and broke out into a big smile, coming to hug him tightly, murmuring, "Harry, dear. It's so good to see you."

"Happy Christmas, Mrs. Weasley," he said, returning her hug.

“Molly,” she insisted.

He nodded and held her tightly, knowing she was probably thinking about Fred.

They held one another for a few moments before letting go, and Mrs. Weasley said, her smile warm even though her eyes were still a bit sad, "Everyone is in the living room, and there's a certain someone who is waiting especially for you. Harry. "

"Right," Harry said, feeling his face flush a bit, "I'll just go say hello."

Everyone turned to greet him as he walked into the living room, and Ginny rushed up and grasped his arm tightly while he went about returning greetings and shaking hands. He found himself glancing into her warm brown eyes often, and he partly wished all these people weren't here and they could be alone. He saw there was some mistletoe hanging and wanted nothing more than to take her into his arms, kiss her and tell her how much he had missed her, but he wasn't about to do so in front of her brothers and father! So many people were a bit overwhelming at first, he wasn't used to being around this many having only Severus for company for the past few months, but gradually he relaxed and began to enjoy himself, catching up with what everyone was up to these days.

Dinner was delicious as usual, and he and Ginny sat together, entwining their hands and feet under the table where nobody could see. They all had a silent toast to the memory of Fred and all the others the war had claimed, and he put his arm around Ginny's shoulders and held her close while they did. It was George who dispelled the somewhat sombre mood that resulted, saying that Fred wouldn't want them spending their Christmas with long faces and began regaling them with funny stories of their exploits at Hogwarts. That got everyone laughing, and they retired to the living room again for presents in good spirits.

Everyone was exchanging gifts, and as Harry gave Ginny hers, he bent near her ear to whisper, "I've got something special for you later on. When we can be alone."

"I've got something special for you, too," she murmured into his ear, "for when we're alone."

The subtle suggestive quality in her voice sent a thrill through him as he drew back to look at her, and he swallowed hard, his throat dry from it. Her liquid brown eyes reflected the same suggestive note her voice had, and he leaned in and kissed her quickly on her mouth, not caring who saw. He returned to his seat across from her clutching the gift she'd put into his hands, unable to tear his eyes away from her.

He watched her as she opened his gift to her, and smiled back when she smiled at him and said, "Oh Harry! Thank you! I really needed a new pair of these. These are great! Thanks!" as she held up the Quidditch shin guards he'd chosen for her.

He became aware of the suddenly volumes quieter room and looked up from the box Ginny had given him to see everyone looking at him rather stunned, except for Hermione, who was looking at him as if he'd lost his mind. He followed her eyes as she darted them to Ginny's shin guards and back and threw him a look of disbelief which turned to a fierce frown as she held up her wrist and showed him the gold bracelet Ron had just given her. Wouldn't she be surprised later! he thought to himself as he smiled and shrugged at her. She simply rolled her eyes at him and turned back to Ron.

A bit later he made his excuses, and thankfully, nobody asked him questions as to where he was going and what he was up to. He had the idea that Ginny had had something to do with that and smiled at her fierce expression. She was glaring at anyone who seemed as if they would ask, while she clung to his arm as he said his goodbyes. She walked out to the apparition point with him and pushed a small package at him.

"What's this?" He asked, turning it over in his hands.

"Just a small gift for Snape," she shrugged, "I kind of thought he wouldn't be getting many gifts, so I just got him a little something."

He was quite touched by her thoughtfulness and pulled her close, murmuring, "I knew I loved you for a reason. That's so sweet of you, Ginny"

She held him tightly, her face against his neck and said, "If it weren't for him, I might not have you. I hope he's feeling better, Harry. I still wish you'd let me come help, although that's more for purely selfish reasons."

He smiled and said, "Well, as long as it's to my benefit, you can be selfish," and kissed her deeply, wishing he didn't have to go.

"I wish you didn't have to go, Harry," she said wistfully when he let her up for air.

"I'll be back before you go back to school," he promised somewhat breathlessly, "to give you your real gift."

"Mmm...I can't wait," she said, and kissed him several more thrilling kisses before letting him go reluctantly.

"I'll be back," he said again, and then apparated home.

***

When he arrived back in Spinner's End, he found an annoyed looking Snape glowering in the armchair in the living room.

"Couldn't tear yourself away from your little girlfriend?" He growled, surprising Harry.

"What's got your knickers in a twist?" Harry blurted, annoyed at having his post Ginny good mood shattered. He didn't want to argue with the man on Christmas. "I thought you wanted me to go see her!"

"You said you'd be back for supper," Severus growled.

"I am back," Harry said, and caught sight of the table laid out festively for a Christmas supper. Did Snape do this? He wondered, surprised again, after all the fuss he put up about Christmas decorations? He found he was touched by the gesture, and felt a bit guilty that he'd left him alone on Christmas.

"I don't know what you consider the proper time for supper, Potter," the man said grumpily, "but I'm starving. Sit down, and don't tell me you're too full to eat."

"Right," Harry said, sitting. He couldn't help but feel some amusement at the contrast between the scowling man sitting across from him and all the bright Christmas lights surrounding him. "Oh, hang on...I'll be right back. Just let me wash my hands." He got up and hurried upstairs to his room to fetch the gift he had for Snape, pulling the gift Ginny had sent along out of his jacket, which he discarded on his bed.

Back at the table he said, "Before we begin eating..."

"What now?" Severus snapped.

"Happy Christmas, Severus," Harry said and set the gifts on the plate before the man.

There was a moment of silence as Severus stared in surprise at the two brightly wrapped boxes sitting on his plate. He hadn't bought the boy anything, hadn't even thought of it. Granted, he could hardly waltz into Diagon Alley and go shopping, but still, Minerva or Kreacher could have helped he supposed. He simply hadn't thought of it.

"Well open them!" Harry laughed at him, "They are for you."

"I...I don't have a gift for you," Severus said quietly.

"So? I …we didn't get them so we'd get one in return," Harry said, "Go on. Open them!"

"We?" Severus questioned

"One's from me and the other is from Ginny," Harry told him, "she gave it to me to give you and says she hopes you're feeling better."

Severus noted the look that came across the boy's face as he spoke of his girlfriend. "That's very kind of her. To think of me," he said quietly, "she didn't have to."

"She wanted to," Harry smiled, "she's that kind of girl. Open them!"

Severus opened the one from Ginny first, and found a knitted muffler and a small note saying that she'd made it for him to keep his throat warm in the cold winter.

"She made this," Severus said in a strange voice, and Harry smiled.

Severus fingered the muffler for several moments before putting it aside and picking up Harry's gift. He unwrapped the long box, opened it, and looked at it a long time before looking at Harry and asking, "Where did you find it? How did you find it?"

"It's not your original," Harry said sympathetically, "but Ollivander did a good job, don't you think?"

"But...he knows then," Severus pointed out, "that I'm alive."

"He won't tell," Harry assured him, "he owed me.” In answer to Snape's questioning face, he sighed and clarified, "A life debt."

Severus looked down at this gifts again feeling somewhat overwhelmed. That the two teenagers had taken the time and thought; Harry to call in a life debt to get him back his wand, and Ginny Weasley, making him something with her own hands. He was so unaccustomed to being given anything even resembling gifts, let alone something so thoughtful, that he didn't quite know what to say.

"I...I'm sorry I didn't..." he began.

"No, come on," Harry smiled, brushing Severus' apology aside, "you need a wand, and Ginny thought you needed to keep your throat warm after your injury,"

"Thank you," Severus said, feeling strangely close to tears to his own horror.

"You're welcome," Harry said, "Happy Christmas, Severus."

"Yes," Severus replied, clearing his throat, "I do believe it is"


***


Harry had promised Ginny he would return, and did so on the day before Ginny had to return to school, arriving at the Burrow, drawing in lungfuls of crisp winter air. He was surprisingly nervous. He knew he loved Ginny, knew she loved him, knew too that they had already discussed a future together, but he was still scared. His stomach churned as he approached the house.

Ginny must have been keeping an eye out for him, because she came rushing out of the house and ran into his arms. He just had time to smile a greeting before he was kissing her.

They clung together, their lips clinging as he slipped his tongue into her mouth, and felt the slide of hers along his. He loved this, loved kissing Ginny, even in this freezing weather! She moaned and pressed closer to him, feeling his growing arousal and rocking herself almost wantonly against it.

He groaned and rocked back, aching to be with her, to be inside her.

“G – Ginny!” He gasped at last, pulling his lips free.

“God, I’ve missed you!” she observed face flushed, eyes bright, and hips still shifting slightly against his hardness.

He fished awkwardly into his coat pocket, and brought out the box. He hadn’t imagined doing it like this, he had thought he’d get down on one knee and do it properly, but this seemed right. “This is for you.” He said, offering her the small box.

She took it and opened it. She gasped as she took in the beautiful gold ring with the simple but exquisite diamond winking at her.

“Oh! Harry!” she breathed, taking it from the box with trembling hands. It fell from her grasp and tinkled onto the ground.

Harry dived down and retrieved it for her. Suddenly aware that he was on one knee and holding up a ring to her, he blushed and coughed in embarrassment.

She queried softly, “Are you asking me?”

He nodded, unable to speak.

For answer, she took the ring from his shaking hand and slipped it on. A smile split her face in two and she dropped to the ground by him and kissed him wildly and passionately.

When at last they broke apart for air, Harry said, a huge grin lighting his face, “I’ve been thinking about us, and well, how crazy things are going to b for the next few years. I want us to have a home, Gin, somewhere just for us.” He paused, looking deep into those warm brown eyes. “What do you say?”

Her smile somehow, impossible though it seemed, got wider. “Yes!” she cried, “Yes, we can have somewhere that’s just for us, where we can spend time alone without having to worry about my parents or my brothers.” She blushed slightly but went on, “And, speaking of…” she leaned in and nibbled on one of his ears, “Mum’s gone to visit Andromeda and Teddy. There’s only me here!”

Harry felt a surge of excitement.

Ginny got up and tugged on his hand. “Want to go to my room?” she asked.

Harry did. Absolutely.

***


Harry sat on Ginny's bed, excited, but very nervous. This was their first time, and he loved Ginny so much, wanted her so much, that he wanted this to be special. She was sitting beside him, having just come from the bathroom where she had been ‘taking care of stuff’, and now she was gently whispering to him how much she was looking forward to what was to happen between them. That she was ready. She loved him.


He slid his arms tightly around her and let his lips cling to hers. He felt the soft give of her lush mouth, felt her open up for him, her tongue stroking along hers, close to her. His hands slowly roamed over her body as hers did over his and his hands travelled higher, cupping her breasts, squeezing gently as he moaned into her mouth. He could his hardness pressing against her legs, could feel his clothes clinging to his wet tip. It felt so good, better than anything he'd ever imagined. His hips were rocking a little. He had to move or go mad.


She spread her legs beneath him and he slipped easily into place between them. As if he belonged there. She moaned softly, feeling his hardness against her, wanting to feel him with nothing between them


She began pulling his shirt up over his torso, running her hands all over the warm skin of his back. She rocked up, pressing against him. He gasped, feeling a little out of control. It felt incredible. Ginny so close to him; he longed to be closer still.


He let out a groan as her nails lightly scratched against his skin


With a hot deep look into one another’s eyes, they sat up and began discarding their clothes, both eager to have nothing but skin between them.


They sank back down onto the bed together. Harry finding his place between her legs again, kissing her deeply as the tip of his aching length brushed against the warm silky wetness he found there. He wasn't sure he could hold back much longer, and looked into her deep brown eyes gasping, “Ginny...” breathlessly.


She opened her legs wider in response. She could feel him sliding along her wetness, and clenched inside, wanting him there. He was rubbing along her so perfectly, his blunt end just rubbing against her, sending sparks of intense desire deep within her that made her gasp softly and spread her legs still further.


He pushed gently, not wanting to hurt her, but no longer able to hold back from the need to be inside her.


He looked into her beautiful face as he did, seeing her frown slightly, and stopped pushing, thinking he was hurting her. "Gin..."


"No," she said huskily, "no, don't stop. It's okay. It's good"


She wrapped her legs around him, pulling his hips closer, urging him on, and he began again, pushing into the exquisitely tight channel, a low moan escaping him as he sunk deeper into her warm wetness. She continued squeezing her legs around him, rocking her hips up to meet him until he was fully engulfed in warm, tight heat.


"Oh...Harry" she moaned, and he saw that she was no longer frowning, her eyes were liquid with desire, and he leaned down to kiss her, nibbling at her lips as he breathed her name over and over.


She squeezed him inside her, enjoying the feel of his hardness filling her, and he moaned loudly, gasping into her mouth as his body began to thrust against her.


Harry thought that nothing had ever felt this good, the tightness surrounding his throbbing shaft making him pant heavily as he screwed his eyes shut against the jolts of pleasure that shot through him. He couldn't help it, his hips moved faster involuntarily and he felt his balls drawing up, his orgasm approaching uncontrollably fast. He didn't want it to end so soon, and tried to think of anything that would stop it, but he was helpless to the sensations flooding his body


"Ginny..I...I can't.." he rasped and suddenly his hips jerked as he felt his seed spurt deep inside her.


He collapsed over her, breathing heavily, and cursing himself silently for not having better control. Obviously it had been far better for him than it had for her and he felt his face flush in embarrassment as he buried it against her neck.


Ginny tightened her passage, feeling him deflate and begain to soften. He moaned as she squeezed, his over stimulated length unable to endure the feel of her pressing in on him. She ached for more.


His face was still close against her neck, and she suddenly became aware that there was warm wetness there. He was crying.


"Shh," she soothed, rubbing her hands over his back, not as a lover would, but as a friend might, "it's okay, Harry, it's okay." She repeated the phrase over and over as he gradually slipped out of her.


"I wanted it to be special, Ginny.” his voice was muffled against her skin and thick with suppressed tears.


"It was special," Ginny said softly, ignoring her own lack of completion. No, it hadn't been perfect, but it had been Harry, and that made it very special to her.


"But...but.. you didn't...?" he queried, sounding afraid of the answer.


"We've got lots and lots of time to practice." she said, still soothing, but with a touch of her mischievousness returning. “A whole lifetime.” She waited for his response. When none was forthcoming she added, “Okay?"


Harry snuffled and nodded. He raised his head and looked at her face..."You're still going to marry me then?"


Ginny glared at him. "Of course I am, you ... you prat!" she said, "It was our first time, so it's normal to expect things to not quite go according to plan. Yes, I'll still marry you,...if you still want me?" she sounded a little worried then, had it been her fault things hadn't been perfect between them?


Harry leaned over and kissed her passionately. "God, Ginny, I still want you. Forever."


***


"Have a nice visit, Potter?"

Harry avoided the man's gaze, hanging his head.

"She didn't say no, did she?" Severus asked with a frown.

"What?" Harry asked, eyes confused. Then he seemed to actually focus on the man addressing him, "No, she said yes." he mumbled.

"And yet you don't seem thrilled. Having your proposal accepted is supposed to make you happy, Potter, not looking as if you'd just lost your best friend."

Harry tried to recapture the elation he had felt when Ginny had agreed. He chewed on a lip. "No, I am happy. It's just..." he paused, who on earth could he talk to about his problem? He tried to skirt around the topic, "have you ever wanted something, thought it would be amazing, and it just ... wasn't?"


Severus' frown returned as he said, "You don't think her saying yes to marrying you is amazing? Why, pray tell, are you marrying her then?"


Harry gulped. He couldn't. He just couldn't ask Severus for advice about sex. He'd ask....His heart sank as he realised he had no one else to ask. Sirius, Remus, both were dead. And he could hardly ask Ron for advice on how to do his little sister better, could he? He covered his face as he realised this man was the only one he could talk to.

"Erm....can I talk to you? About......well......something........personal?"

Severus raised a brow and tried to hide his amusement at Harry's obvious embarrassment.
"Certainly. What's on your mind?"

"Well.....ermm....it's....," Harry said, feeling his face flush warmly,".....it's about.......sex."

Severus' eyebrows shot for his hairline. "Oh. I see...."

Face flaming Harry said with a note of desperation, "I don't know who else to talk to about this!! I don't have a father to go to...and Sirius is gone......Remus.....I just....I mean....”

Severus repressed the urge to snap out "And you picked ME?!" He stayed silent, knowing Harry was right, he needed someone he could talk to.

"I need to talk to somebody....NOT Hermione....another man, and well......we've become close, right? I mean...you're not my father, but.....well, you could have been."

He looked down into those green eyes that pleaded with him so eloquently.

"....but well, you could have been.....”

Harry had no idea of the anguish he had caused with that last remark. Severus closed his eyes, savouring the thought of having a son who made him as proud as Harry did. He snapped his eyes open in surprise at his own thoughts. Where had that come from? He wondered. A son? His son? He nearly laughed out loud at himself. He was so accustomed to living under the threat of imminent death, under the iron hand of Voldemort, he forgot he was allowed to have a life now. A son, he thought, I could have a son. His eyes came to rest on the green eyes looking up at him, pleading for his help and guidance.

Like a son would.

Bracing himself, telling himself he could do this, Severus took a deep breath and plunged in. "What...what's on your mind?" He asked, trying to sound casual yet concerned.

Harry looked momentarily surprised, and then he too took a deep breath, "We ... well ... erm ... celebrated getting engaged." He said, and when no comment came from the other clarified, "You know ...just the two of us ... in her room." Harry's voice rose a few octaves. "But I ... I mean she ... I did ... but she ...."

Harry swallowed hard and raised his eyes.

"What seems to be the problem.....Harry?" Severus asked in a kinder voice.

Harry noticed the change in the other's tone and felt more confident. He met the black eyes and drew strength from them. "I ... I had s-sex with Ginny. And, well, I enjoyed it, but ...erm... she didn't, not as much."

Severus looked at the boy...no, his mind amended, young man...and asked, "This was, I take it, ...your first time?"

Harry could feel his face flushing, and looked away from the black eyes, embarrassed. He nodded his head.

"It...erm...went rather ...quickly?" Severus asked delicately, knowing that was it when Harry actually flinched and squeezed his eyes shut, his face flushing a deeper shade of red.

"Yeah," he choked out, "..I...I w-wanted it to be special....perfect...and…but…I couldn't help myself! I couldn't help it! And...then...then it was over and..." He opened his eyes, turning to look at the older man again and said miserably, "She...she said it was alright, that we had a lifetime to…together, said she still wants to marry me, but... it's not alright! I don't want it to take a lifetime! I wanted it to be special now! We're going to be married! I don't want it to be just "alright" for her for the rest of our lives! Why couldn't I make it good for her?" He drew a deep breath, tears in his eyes. "It's meant to be perfect with the one you love, right? Why wasn't it perfect?" His voice dropped to a harsh whisper, "Why wasn’t it perfect, Severus?"


Severus thought back to his own first time, with a woman, and surprising even himself, he felt his heart go out to the boy. Where Severus had merely been embarrassed, the woman meant nothing to him, Harry was obviously deeply in love with Ginny, and was devastated.


"Well, as little as I like admitting anyone other than myself is right, she is. You do have a lifetime together. And, Harry, women often need a little more erm... effort to reach the same pinnacle as ourselves. Perhaps you might consider investing in a book of advice?" He shied away from saying "sex manual" knowing the other would be upset enough as it was.


Harry went crimson. "GOD! Severus! I couldn't do that! I need help. Real help!" He paused before saying, his chest heaving, "Your help."


"Harry," Severus said gently, "it's not, although to you at this moment I'm sure it is, the end of the world. It was your first time, and, unfortunately, this isn't unusual for a first encounter. There's nothing wrong with you, you were simply over excited, as any young man is the first time he is with a woman. Ginevra was right. You have your entire lives ahead of you to get to know one another, to discover what works for both of you. You simply need to calm down and....believe that. It will get better, Harry. Believe me, it will." After a pause to check that his words had sunk in, Severus went on softly, "Now, there are various things you can do..."


Harry listened so long to different things to try, that he was quite keen to go back to Ginny and try some of them. He didn't, as he was grateful to Severus for taking the time and trouble to help him, and besides, he had a lifetime with Ginny to get it right.


Harry stood up silently, his head spinning with ideas. He needed a drink. As he reached the door of the room, he said, not turning around, "You would make a good father, Severus." A long, very long, pause before he added, almost whispering, "Thank you."

**********


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