Darker Side of Me

Darker Side of Me –Chapter 16

Draco stared for a long moment at the inscription at the bottom of the small, frayed piece of parchment. His heart was racing and hundreds of thoughts zipped through his mind in an instant. He went over the special protections that they had been told surrounded the Black house and carefully examined the ways in which these protections might be broken or bent. He stood catatonic as his mind jumped from one possibility to the next, continually being disproved and forcing him to search for alternate explanations. There was only one problem…

No matter whether or not the other protections were possible to break the Fidelius charm could only be broken if the Secret Keeper revealed the Secret. But that would never happen…. Dumbledore was the Secret Keeper.

Draco did not have much longer to ruminate over the endless possibilities and endless problems facing each before he was interrupted. Harry opened the door and Draco hardly had enough time to shove the letter into his pocket before Harry had closed the door again and made his way over to Draco.

“Draco, are you alright?” Potter asked in confusion as he stared at Draco’s bare chest.

“No, Potter, I am not alright,” he snapped unintentionally. He held his tongue for a moment before snapping again.

“Look, I know this must be hard for you to accept,” Harry told him. “But Lupin does know what he is doing and he wouldn’t put me in a position where I would be unable to fight for myself.”

“I know Lupin knows what he is doing,” Draco agreed, a stern look on his face. “But he doesn’t know what’s waiting for you. He may have been there the last time, to fight with your father, but I was there this time… And trust me, things have changed and you cannot trust that the Death-Eaters won’t have some new tricks up their sleeves that the Order knows nothing about.”

“I’m sure that Dumbledore knows more than we do and he woul-” Harry began in the Order’s defense. Draco huffed.

“Dumbledore doesn’t know everything, Harry,” he argued. “He can’t possibly know all that goes on in the Dark Lord’s inner circle.”

“No, but Snape-” Potter began again.

“You shouldn’t put too much stock in what Snape tells you,” Draco spat. “I didn’t think you were one to trust people so easily.”

“I trust you,” Harry argued. Draco froze. Perhaps that hadn’t been the best idea on Harry’s part.

“Just tell me something,” Malfoy seethed, staring at his lover. “Do you have any conception of exactly what it is you have to do to You-Know-Who?”

“I have to kill him,” Harry answered quietly.

“But do you know what that means??” Draco started breathing more heavily as though he was desperate and almost out of his mind.

“Draco…” Potter whispered, holding out a hand to calm the blonde.

“It means you have to use the Killing curse.” Draco pushed his hand away. “It means that you have to use the worst of the Unforgivable curses and you have to make it work! You don’t get a second try, Harry. You have to kill him and then you’ll have to deal with the Death-Eaters around you who will not be too pleased to watch their master die. You will likely have to kill –if not at least fatally wound –a whole sleuth of people and you will have to bear that for the rest of your life! You will have to watch as their souls escape their bodies and the life leaves their eyes and know that you were the cause! You have to kill a mass of very powerful wizards to save the world. You have to do all this at once, on your own, and all they are teaching you downstairs is how to put up a weak shield that would hardly stave off a cold, let alone Death.”

*_*_*

Draco was hyperventilating now and there was a crazed and frightened look that shone through his cold silver eyes. He looked much like Sirius Black had looked when he had escaped, Harry thought. The memory of this and the resemblance between them made Harry’s heart sink. He could not allow the same thing to happen to Draco… he would not allow it.

“Draco, look at me,” he whispered, desperately trying to pull him closer. “I’ll be alright, I will do what I have to do and if that means I have to kill a bunch of Dark wizards, then so be it. This was the future that I have been saddled with… and this is the future that I have no choice but to accept. I can’t be afraid and let all these thoughts rule me, Draco, because I know that they will only serve to bring me down. I won’t let that happen… I’ll stop Voldemort however I can with whatever tools I have at my disposal.”

Draco did not seem to be listening to what he was saying. His eyes darted from one corner of the room to another at lightning speeds. Harry was overwhelmed with images from that fateful night in the Shrieking Shack with Sirius, Remus and Pettigrew. Malfoy seemed to be thinking very quickly and with incredible resolve.

“Harry,” he finally said, looking the Gryffindor straight in the eyes. “I want you to use the Imperius curse on me.”

“What??” Potter exclaimed in utter disbelief. Was Draco really asking that of him? “What the hell for??”

“You will need to learn to use it eventually!” Draco yelled, still filled with a maddened determination. “You won’t be able to fight all those Death-Eaters on your own, you have to be able to use them for your own ends!”

“You’re bloody mad!” Harry yelled back, taking a step back and fearing for Draco’s sanity. “I’m not doing that to you!!”

“DO IT!” Draco demanded. He stepped forwards and punched Harry hard in the face.

“What the hell are you doing?!” Harry demanded, dumbstruck. Draco punched him again, this time much harder and in the gut. Potter unintentionally keeled over forwards from the impact of the blow.

“I won’t stop until you make me!” Draco cried out frantically. Harry could see his lover’s eyes glazed over with tears and pain from what he was doing. “Do it, damn it!!”

Harry refused, taking Draco’s attacked willingly. He let Draco punch him, knee him and jab him all over. He wouldn’t do it. He wouldn’t use one of the Unforgivable curses on Draco. He couldn’t betray him like that… they were Unforgivable.

“Harry, please!!” Draco screamed, tears running down his face. “Stop me from hurting you!!” He took another punch and another and another and soon Harry’s face was bloody from a broken nose and he could feel bruises begin to spread under the surface of his skin.

He was lost in these actions. He could not understand why Draco would so desperately want him to do this and he wasn’t sure anymore if the blonde was just crazy or really trying to help him. The desperation in Malfoy’s eyes and he struck Harry again and again was almost too much for Potter to bear. He was lost until he saw Draco’s fist, as if in slow motion, come towards his eye and threaten to shatter his glasses.

“Imperio!” he finally called out, flushing with pain and sadness. His face was streaming with tears and blood as he felt the incredible magic course through him to channel itself through his wand. He watched in mute horror as he saw Draco suddenly halt in mid-air, as though froze in time. Malfoy suddenly dropped his hands and stepped forwards to kiss Harry, but his eyes were flat and emotionless. “I don’t know how to stop this!!”

Draco stopped, mid-kiss and froze again. This time, there was a strange look of concentration on his face as though he were fighting some invisible barriers. Finally, he collapsed to the floor and looked up in a daze.

“Draco!” Harry called, kneeling next to him, still crying and hating himself for giving in to the madness. “Are you alright? I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry… I -… I..”

“You did great,” Draco answered softly. There was a painful calm that had cast itself over Malfoy and he smiled. “That was damn hard to break. I’m proud of you.”

“What?” Harry was in shock. Draco smiled again and leaned his head against Harry’s shoulder.

“You have a strong grasp of the Imperius curse,” he murmured in reply. “Some of the Death-Eaters might be harder to keep in control, but you’ll get at least a few with that.”

“You are bloody mad,” Harry repeated, feeling absolutely terrible. “Why did you make me do that to you?!”

“Because you need to get over this idea you have that you can do this without using those curses,” Draco answered. “And you need to practice.”

“Starkers, completely off your rocker,” Harry muttered. “How do you think I’m going to live with myself now that I’ve used an Unforgivable curse on you?!”

“That’s my point,” he said quietly. “If you can’t live with yourself after using the Imperius curse, then how are you going to be able to bring yourself to use the Killing curse?”

“I-” Harry stopped. He looked down at Draco for a moment with a strange kind of admiration. He really had been trying to help him. “That’s different though, Draco. I don’t love the people I’m out to kill.”

“It doesn’t matter,” the Slytherin responded. “These curses will have that effect on you until you learn to dissociate from them. I wasn’t cursing people I particularly cared about when I was learning, but it still tore me apart until I learned to remove myself completely from the situation.”

“So, you’re training me to be a Death-Eater?” Harry mused softly, wishing that the conversation weren’t so bleak.

“In a manner of speaking,” Draco answered, getting to his feet. He seemed diminished somehow. “I’m sorry about having hit you like that, by the way…” His voice was quiet and embarrassed.

“I know you are,” Potter answered, remembering the pain in Draco’s eyes as he was attacking him.

“Now use the Cruciatus curse on me,” Malfoy suddenly ordered. Harry frowned.

“You really are mad, you know that?” he said again. “Are you really going to make me practice all the curses?”

“Yes,” Draco replied promptly with no hesitation. “Now attack me.”

“How do you propose I practice the Killing curse?” Harry asked, ignoring the demand.

“Judging on the strength behind your Cruciatus curse,” Draco explained, expressionless. “I’ll be able to decide whether or not you need to practice that one. I certainly would not have you use it on me.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Harry whispered, biting his lip.

“There may come a time when you might have to.” Malfoy’s eyes were set and his face was solemn. “Get it over with now. I’m asking you to do this.”

“I’m… so sorry…” Potter whispered to him, knowing he would not relent until he had done it. His face was shining with more tears. “Crucio!”

Draco fell to the ground instantly and twitched in a strange paralyzed pose, an incredible fear behind his eyes. Harry could tell he was holding back screams of agony as he wrung on the ground and screwed up his face in the concentration. Harry panicked and tried to wave his wand at the boy, hoping that it might just stop the curse. But there was nothing for it. He had to wait until the curse had worn off.

“Draco,” Harry mumbled, breathless, when he finally saw the blonde’s body relax and could see the pain fade away. Harry immediately pulled Draco into a tight hug, threatening to never let go. “I’m so sorry, please forgive me. I never want to see you hurt like that again…”

“Harry, it’s alright,” Draco’s meek voice came from through Harry’s shirt. “You can let go, Potter.”

“I am not doing that again. I don’t bloody care what you say,” he proclaimed with resolution. Draco smirked. He seemed a bit reassured.

“You won’t have to,” he whispered. He seemed so weak now before Harry. “I think you are better prepared than I previously anticipated…”

“I almost want to hate you right now,” Harry said, feeling almost abused.

“At least now I know you’ll be able to kill him… if you get the chance.”


A/N: Ok so after I got all those lovely comments demanding more, I rearranged my time and managed to get this chapter up for you on Tuesday! Baha a day earlier than I previously planned!! Ok, that's enough. I don't think this answers many questions for any of you, ehehe but those will come later. I also realized something while outlining the rest of the plot. What I'm basically endeavoring to do is write a full-length novel in fanfiction form O_O. Crazy aren't I? Oh and to dark_samira who left me a lovely little reminder, I didn't mean to confuse you (or anyone for that matter) but I tend to like to make up words and use them in my daily vocabulary, ehehe. I will try not to from now on because it kind of makes me seem a little crazy but thank you for the comment! I appreciate it very much! :) Thanks to everyone of course, and I'll have the next chapter up very soon and it will have a more specific note at the end. Love to all!