Secrets and Promises (Abandoned Story)

Series Title: Secrets and Promises
Fandom: Harry Potter
Series Rating: NC-17
Genre: Mystery & Romance
Pairing: Draco/Harry, but also mentions of other past and other relationships as the story progresses.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy et al are a fictional characters created by J.K. Rowling as part of the Harry Potter series. We just borrow them to play. We don't make any money from it but we do have a very good time. [Beckett, Cocoa and the Malfoy Townhouse are inventions of slashpervert.]
Series Summary: Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy are Aurors who work for the Ministry of Magic. In this series they find themselves investigating a serial killer and discovering they are in love with each other. It follows them as they struggle to build lives and heal their past wounds, now that the war is behind them.
Notes: This series is written based in part on the RPG Ambiguous Desire.

Chapter Number/Total: 16/?.
Chapter Title: Revealing Passions’ Past
Chapter Authors: slashpervert and aveeno_baby.
Beta(s): nefernat
Chapter Rating: PG-13
Words: 4540 Words
Chapter Characters: Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter and Pansy Parkinson.
Warnings: Language, discussing sex.
Summary: Draco returns from Theo’s bed to Harry. They discuss the past relationships that led to this point. Then Pansy demands Draco explain what happened. He gives her more than she thought.



Saturday, Nov. 29, 2003

It was nearly noon by the time Draco made it back to the townhouse. He Apparated into the foyer and was met immediately by Beckett, who took his things from him. "Where is he?" Draco asked.

"He is in the master bedroom, sir," Beckett answered quickly.

Draco Apparated up to the bedroom and looked around for Harry.

Harry was asleep on their bed, curled up around one of the pillows. Cocoa sleeping was next to his head, her tail resting in his hair. Harry still had his glasses on, and it was strange because he hardly wore them after he got contact lenses.

Draco stood looking down at his lover, beyond words at how beautiful he looked. He smiled at Cocoa. As quietly as he could, he slipped off his shoes and then walked to the bed, bending down and removing the glasses. He set the glasses beside the bed and sat down slowly, trying not to shake the bed. Then he reached out, petting Harry's dark hair and Cocoa's tail.

Harry grumbled something, shaking his head a bit. He thought it was just Cocoa.

Draco ran long fingers into Harry's hair, nails lightly running along his scalp and bent to kiss Harry on his soft lips.

Harry blinked open his eyes, looking around sleepily around. Cats did not do that.

Draco licked at Harry's lips, breathing him in and carding his fingers back through those tangled locks. He lay down beside him so that he could better reach his face.

"Draco," he mumbled softly against his lips, moving closer.

Draco smiled and gently tugged the pillow out of Harry's hands, moving in to replace it with his own body.

"Hey," he said voice a bit rough from the sleep. "What time is it...?”

Draco reached and pulled Harry to him, kissing him again. "Around noon," Draco answered quietly, still playing with Harry's hair.

"Ohh, how's Theo?" he asked softly, reaching down to pull the covers over them. He didn't care that Draco was still dressed.

Draco smiled, "Feeling better, I believe." He sighed happily snuggling his lover. "Did you stay up late?" Draco asked.

"Yeah...I wanted to wait up for you…but I guess I couldn't," he replied.

Draco frowned. "I didn't think you would wait up, given the circumstances."

Harry shrugged, blushing a bit. "I actually talked to Beckett for a while," he said, changing the subject.

Draco's eyes widened, "Did he talk back?"

Harry nodded, laughing. "He did! Beckett's smarter than he looks."

Draco smirked. "Well, given that he is a house-elf and looks like one, it would be hard not to be."

"Oh, shush," he murmured, poking him lightly in the chest. He could tell that Draco did a lot more than talking with Theo. He knew it would happen, but actually seeing it...

"So did you learn anything new about me from Beckett?" Draco teased.

"No, nothing that I don't already know," he answered. "I didn't know what to ask."

"Is there anything you want to ask me?" Draco asked quietly.

"Not really. Is there anything you want to tell me?" he asked.

Draco nodded, pulling back a bit so he could look Harry in the eyes, "Thank you."

Harry smiled. Even though he couldn't see Draco's face as clearly as he wanted to. "You're welcome."

"I haven't done this before," Draco began shakily. "I don't know what I am suppose to tell you or not. I want to share with you, but I don't want to upset you."

Harry blinked. "What...you won't upset me, Draco. Promise."

Draco smiled at Harry, laying a brief kiss on his lips. "It was like a part of me had been broken so long I didn't even realize what was wrong," he said with a kind of wonder in his voice.

"What exactly are you saying, Draco?" he asked.

"What do you know about Theo and my past?" Draco asked.

"That you...liked him?" he wondered, biting his lip.

Draco snorted and shook his head. "I have known Pansy since I was five and Theo since I was eleven. We were in the same house together and we are all Slytherin. That makes it much, much more complicated."

"So you were all really close..."

"Well, I was engaged to Pansy," Draco began.

"Ohh..." Harry blushed at that, not really knowing why. "But you aren't now...”

"Of course not," Draco sighed. "I broke the engagement when I ran away and went into hiding."

"Ohh, okay...go on," Harry replied, nodding.

"So, Theo, I met on sorting day. He was not really one of us. His father was a scary man even among purebloods," Draco said. He paused for a moment to let the idea sink in for Harry. "Anyway, he was a bit quiet and didn't really fit in. But I liked him."

Harry smiled and nodded. "I can see why...he's really smart...and funny in his own way."

"Yes, he is," Draco smiled. "I knew I liked boys as well a girls, so I seduced him."

"In school?" he asked.

"Yes, in the dungeons," Draco laughed, "I was almost fifteen."

"How..."

"How what?" Draco smirked.

"How did you seduce him?" he clarified, blushing.

"Oh, the usual clumsy way, I guess," Draco laughed. "I kissed him."

"And you've wanted more ever since?" he asked.

"Well, we kissed a lot. I was publicly dating Pansy and privately snogging Theo all the way to sixth year," Draco explained. "And then the war started and my so-called mission and I pulled away from them. Actually disavowed them."

"Oh," he nodded, understanding. "That must've felt horrible...”

"I don't know which of the two I hurt worse," he sighed. "Pansy had to suffer the public humiliation of her fiancé’s disgrace and refusal. Theo had to suffer it all in silence since he was never publicly acknowledged in the first place."

"I'm sorry," Harry said softly, biting his lip.

"Yes, me too," Draco sighed. "Our families weren't exactly a source of love or comfort either, as you probably realize by now. All we really had was each other. I hurt them."

Harry nodded and sighed, unable to say much else.

"You really don't know much about the lives of the Slytherins during the war do you?" he asked.

"No. I don't...” he replied, closing his eyes a bit.

"It's not like I really could expect you too," Draco sighed. "But realize that every student there had to choose sides. For many, it meant choosing to become a Death Eater or loose all family and friends, not to mention probably their lives. Even if your family wasn't Death Eater already, you faced the potential of fighting your own friends in the war if you chose against them."

Harry closed his eyes completely as he listened to Draco. It depressed him to hear that this had been was all happening, right underneath his nose. He was so, so glad that he'd finally killed the source of that evil.

"I didn't start to give you a history lesson," Draco told him quietly. "It's just that this isn't all about now. Just like what has happened between you and I goes all the way back to that Madam Malkin's Robe Shop."

"I know, Draco. It's okay, go on," he said, encouraging him with his soft voice.

"After the war, and after I finally felt safe to come out of hiding," he said, "we just sort of tried to pick up things as if we had all been just friends at Hogwarts. Slytherins. We never talked about it."

"Why not? You should've," Harry commented, but wanted Draco to go on.

"Why did I not talk to you?" Draco shrugged. "Because I thought it was over. I thought you never wanted me. I thought that they would never forgive me. When they got together, I wanted them to be happy. But they are so messed up that they just keep hurting each other. I couldn't just stand there and watch them be miserable while I was finally happy."

"You had to do something about it," Harry said softly, leaning over and kissing him softly. He thought he needed it then.

Draco kissed him back for a minute, stroking his hair. "I just wish I knew what to do," he sighed. "I talked with Theo. I have tried to talk with Pansy about it. But words will never mend what is broken."

"But last night...you fixed things, right?"

Draco actually blushed. "We talked and we made love," he said quietly. "And it helped." He was quiet a minute. "How do you feel about Theo?"

Harry blushed a bit too, when Draco said what they did. But it helped. "He's nice...When you and I weren't on the best of terms; I liked going to talk with him.”

Draco smirked, "Yeah, I heard about that."

"Yeah...why?" he asked.

"Well," Draco began, "maybe the three of us could spend more time together, maybe even 'talk'?"

Harry grinned, nodding quickly. "I'd like that!"

"Good," Draco grinned, "Because I don't want any of us to have to loose those people we care about." He cocked his head for a minute, "Speaking of which, have you talked with ... Granger, yet?"

"I have and we're good again. We went out for lunch the other day," he replied, smiling.

"So, my love," Draco smirked. "What shall we do with the rest of the day?"

"Well, we can sleep more," he answered, acting innocent.

"Sleeping and talking, is that what we call it these days?" Draco teased as he bent to suckle dark nipple.

Harry bit his lip lightly, looking down at Draco. "And you're not tired?" he whispered.

"Never too tired for you," Draco whispered, licking his way to Harry's other nipple.

Harry blushed and didn't say any more, arching slightly.

***

Sunday, Nov. 30, 2003

Beckett brought the letter to Draco on a tray. He opened and read it, frowning.

~~~

Draco,

We need to talk. As in...yesterday. If you get my drift.

I'm currently staying with Daphne. Being as you were invited as well, I'll assume you know where. If you'd like to keep your testicles in tact, I suggest you meet me as soon as possible. I'm not in a mood for waiting or other trivialities.

See you soon!

Love,
Pansy Philomena Parkinson

~~~

Draco handed Harry the parchment from Pansy.

"Ouch," Harry responded.

"Oh, yes," Draco said. "This time, please do wait up." Then he put his coat and hat on and Apparated to the front of Daphne's apartment. He took a steadying breath of the cold air and then knocked. The door opened abruptly.

"It's about fucking time," Pansy said, pulling Draco into the flat.

She took his hat and coat before he could say a word, throwing to a random house elf passing by and dragging him down a long hallway to her room.

"Do excuse the noise," she waved her hand in the air. "Daph is having another party. But my room is soundproofed perfectly. I always was good with that spell, especially at Hogwarts. Probably why I made prefect..."

Draco allowed himself to be dragged along the hall without so much as a real hello. He held his face as neutral as all the years of training allowed him.

Pansy closed the door behind them, walking over to him with a smile that spoke of pure evil. "So...Draco, darling," she said melodically, resting her hands on his shoulders and pushing him to sit on her bed. "Anything to tell me?"

Draco closed his eyes and shook his head. "Cut the act, Pansy," he growled, "I know you too well for the drown-you-in-syrup bit."

"Fine," she said, scowling and crossing her arms over her chest. "Why'd you do it, Draco? You knew he and I were already on the rocks. You just had to be the fucking high tide, didn't you?"

Draco stood and crossed the room and sat in a chair, crossing his leg, knee to ankle. He sighed and leaned back, "Just what was I suppose to have done that broke you up?"

"Don't make me go through it again, Draco Malfoy!" she screamed, sitting on the bed in frustration. "You know damn well what you did. Theo told all before he stormed out and left me. And now I'm stuck with handouts from all my bloody Hogwarts roommates that I barely talk to anymore. All because I thought that last rock bottom would be the last and finally got rid of my flat. Nice fucking timing I'd say. Because now I'm officially homeless and could care less about my damn job!"

"I kissed him, Pansy," Draco sighed. "That shouldn't be cause for anything more than a serious talk. I can't see how you can blame him at all. And I certainly don't understand that if you loved him, it would matter!" By the end of his speech, he was yelling too.

"Because we're both bloody stubborn as hell," she screamed even louder, throwing herself back on the bed. "And I wanted to be first." Realizing what she had said, her body tensed stiffly and she clapped her hands over her mouth. Fuck! She was hoping that admission never had to come out.

Draco's eyes widened. "First what?" he said quietly.

"Nothing," Pansy choked out, rolling on to her side and pulling her legs up as she stared at the wall vacantly. "Just forget it."

Draco sighed and got up, crossing to the bed and sitting beside her. He reached a hand out and put it on her back. "First what?" he asked quietly.

"Nothing," she said again, burying her face in the blanket so she wouldn't have to face him. "I was just being selfish."

Draco hung his head and sat there staring at her back. He rubbed his hand in small circles between he shoulder blades and waited. He had always been more patient than her.

Pansy took a deep, shaky breath, turning to face him finally. "Why him, Draco? You knew, always knew, I could handle you with anyone, but him. Sure I blew up over Potter, but that was only because I thought you could do better. But Theo...he's the one thing I always wanted. The one thing I never thought I'd have. And now I've lost all."

"You and Theo," he asked quietly, shifting his hand around her so he could continue to rub her back. "I thought that was just in the last year. What do you mean always?"

Pansy arched unconsciously into Draco's hand, shutting her eyes softly. "I had to be the good little daughter, Draco. I couldn't say anything different. I wanted you both. But Theo was the one I could never have. Always with the boys and not a second glance at me for anything other than friendship. But I had you, so the choice seemed simple. I told him once. Rejection is a bitch..."

"When did you tell him?" Draco asked quietly feeling like he was re-watching his life from a different angle.

Pansy cowered slightly, voice barely above a whisper. "Right after we started dating. Before the engagement..."

Draco sat stunned. His hand stopped while he did the math. Shit. "Didn't you and Theo ever talk about me? I mean after you got together this year?"

Pansy furrowed her brow in confusion and worry. "Well...you were our friend. And we didn't want to hurt you. And after things didn't work out between you and I, well...all my friendships kind of crumbled except with Millie because we moved in together. We never really had reason to talk about you..."

Draco closed his eyes taking long slow breaths. He couldn't believe after all this Theo had left it for him to tell her. Theo hadn't told her. He had assumed they had talked about it. Talked about him. Damn, Slytherin codes. He hung his head, knowing what he should do now but frankly facing Death Eaters seemed easier than this.

"Pans," he said quietly, "There is more to it."

Pansy raised her brow and kept entirely quiet. What more could Draco know that she didn't? It didn't make sense. Nothing seemed to anymore though. For Merlin's sake, she nearly went on a date with Michael Corner...she even had coffee with him.

"I need to ask you something odd questions first," Draco said. "Where you always interested in girls too or did that come later?"

"Good bodies, but I never wanted anything more until I realised that all men were bastards. I could live without the cock if it meant living without shameless prats in my life," she scowled, thinking of all the rotten memories again. "Why?"

"Thanks," Draco grimaced; being even less happy about the position he was in. He got up and began pacing the room. "You see, I always knew," he said, "that I liked both."

He put his hands to his face for a minute, stopping in the middle of the room. He turned toward her, trying to think but he was stuck and he knew it. "Not boys and girls or men and women, but three very specific people,” he said, “Pans, I have loved three people in my life. Naming in order of when I met them ... Pansy Parkinson, Harry Potter and Theodore Nott. And still do."

Pansy sat up, rolling her eyes at him. "Good for you, Draco. But that doesn't mean bloody anything anymore. There were only two I wanted and they're far from my grasp. That doesn't even count the enormous lesson I learned with Tracey. I've given up, Draco. On everything."

"If you have bloody well have given up, then why the fuck am I here!" he shouted. "I start fucking confessing and you roll your eyes at me. So you don't care that I still love you. Fine. But you should know that I also loved Theo. That he turned you down back then because he was in love with me. Not just in love with me but actually involved with me. So there we are. We are a big mess of secrets and lies and I refuse to keep them anymore!" He collapsed into the chair with his head hanging down and his face in his hands, crying.

"Thank you!" she screamed, throwing her arms into the air. "Thank you for just fucking reminding me why I hate men and moved on to women."

Pansy growled, moving under the covers and pulling them over her head, mumbling from underneath them, more to herself than to him. "How am I supposed to believe you love me, any of you love me, when all you do is break me down? How am I supposed to tell you I love you too when all we ever do is fight? And you wonder why I'm sick of it all..."

Draco wiped the tears from his eyes and sighed, looking over at where Pansy was hiding. He stood up and walked to the bed looking down. He was still crying but ignored the tears trickling down his face. He lifted the edge of the covers and crawled in with her, reaching his arms around her and pulling her close, burying his face against the back of her hair.

"You're an arse," she mumbled, all venom gone from her voice.

"You're a bitch," he whispered, "but I still love you."

Pansy rolled in his arms, burying her face against his chest. She closed her eyes as her heart started to race, her hand resting firmly on his hip. It was like being kids again, but now there were real emotions involved and it only made everything more painful. A tear slipped down her face as her breath caught, not sure she could hold herself together much longer.

"It's okay to cry Pans," Draco said, "It's just us under here."

He could remember a moment so like this fifteen years before, two seven year-olds under a blanket crying. And he had kissed her then; their first kiss. So that's what he did now. He kissed her.

"We can't have everything we want," she choked out as more tears rolled down her cheek and she clung to him tightly. Pansy never cried...

"No, we can't. But we sure as hell can cry about it... together," Draco said, holding her.

"I love him," she sniffled, running her hand up his chest. "I never wanted to lose him. I never wanted to lose you either because I love you too. And bloody hell I hate sharing when I'm on the losing end. You're both prats and I don't want to hear anymore about what you did without me."

Draco stroked her hair away from her face and then reached to wipe at the tears. He grinned at her. "You are a spoiled brat who hates to share on principle," he said. Then sighed, serious again. "Pans, you keep pushing us away," he continued. "I am used to it. I know to come back. But Theo, he just might not be able to."

"But I wasn't the one that walked out this time," she pouted. "I promised him I wouldn't do it again. And I didn't. He walked out on me. I'm not going to chase after him."

"No," she said, clenching her jaw tightly. "He didn't. I dragged my arse back to the Estate and apologized for something that wasn't really my fault."

Draco closed his eyes, breathing deep for a minute. When he opened them again, his grey eyes were very sad. "I would go after him," he said, "but then that is what I did when he ran away last week. I knew that he would run if you didn't forgive the kiss."

"I was going to forgive him," she whispered, chest tightening again. "He just didn't give me the chance. And now I'm too afraid. I don't want to fight anymore, but it's all he and I ever do. I just...I want it all to end. Even if it means I don't see him again. Because I honestly don't know which side is the winning side anymore."

Pansy ran her fingers softly through Draco's hair, gazing hard into his eyes. "It's like being back at school again and trying to pick a side. I didn't want to choose then either. And I didn't. I don't want to choose now either."

"So, forgive him. Forgive me. Forgive yourself. And get on with your life," Draco said. "I ran last time, but I won't this time. I am not sure what to do about Theo and you. Just, please, try to stop fighting."

"I can't forgive him if he keeps running from me. And if I hadn't have forgiven myself and you, I wouldn't be in bed with you, Draco. Because I swear I could forget my name if I'm in your arms any longer."

Draco actually blushed when she mentioned being in bed with him. He hadn't been thinking about it that way when he climbed in to comfort her. "Does he really have to be present to be forgiven?" he smiled, then shook his head. "And I will remind you if you forget something. Don't I always?"

Pansy bit the edge of her lip in thought, an evil glimmer in her eye. "I'll forgive him on one condition..."

Draco knew she was setting him up, but he sighed and asked, "What?"

"I kind of want to taste those lips of yours again," she said sweetly.

Draco pulled back, looking at her, "Are you asking me to get back at Theo?"

"Surprisingly...no," she shrugged. "That was your fault. I'm mad at him for walking out. I can't really be mad at him for kissing you back when I've been wanting to do the same for a while now. I don't know what I was thinking, but I suppose I thought you might figure it out before I ever said anything."

Draco smiled softly at her, reaching a fingers out to touch her lips. "A kiss," he said quietly. He slid his fingers down to her hold her chin and then gently leaned in and brought his lips sliding against hers.

Pansy closed her eyes softly, letting all the happy memories wash through her again as he kissed her. All of the naive moments at Hogwarts when she loved they both and never knew they loved each other. See never thought she'd have either of them, but she'd had both. She'd lost both. But maybe...

"All's forgiven," she whispered against his lips, kissing him again chastely, but not moving away.

Draco had nearly forgotten what she tasted like. But it was as comfortable and familiar as his favourite tea. He took his time, kissing her slowly and thoroughly. And when he lifted his face to look at her, he was happy. He nodded at her words. "What next? Do you stay here or go back?"

"Just because you've gotten me to forgive, doesn't mean I'm going after him, Draco," she whispered, feeling reality set back in painfully. "The next move is his. Either way, I'm going back to London when my vacation here is over. I do have my job and it's so far been the only thing I could count on."

Draco nodded, "You are good at it. I like reading the Prophet knowing it is your work." He kissed her on the forehead. "Give him time, Pans."

"When have you ever known me to have patience, Draco," she sniped playfully. "That's what you and Theo were always there for."

"Yes, I noticed," he teased back. "And I need to go home now. Just know and remember, you don't have to threaten to get my attention."

She pouted, pushing the blanket down and sitting up. "Where's the fun in asking nice?"

He sat up and reached for his shoes, putting them on. "Won't know until you try," he said, smiling.

Pansy stuck her tongue out at him, smoothing her hair down again. "Fine!" she said, rolling her eyes playfully. "Next time I storm into your bedroom, I'll snog you first."

She laughed, crawling out of bed and walking over to her closet where she pulled her shirt off, tossing it to the floor and searching for a new one to wear. "And if I'm in a good mood, maybe Potter will get lucky too," she giggled, selecting a tight black tank top.

Draco smiled, glad to see her happy. "Going to join Daphne's party now?" he asked. He stood by the door, unsure of whether to let himself out or wait for her.

"Maybe," she looked back over her shoulder smirking. "Or maybe I was just looking for an excuse to strip in front of you. But I'll never tell, so why don't I walk to out..."

She pulled on the tight shirt walking back over to him and placing her hand on his shoulder. "Wish you didn't have to go, but that's the way the world turns I suppose..."

He smiled and nodded, following her to the front door. The house-elf brought his coat and hat, and Draco put them on. He leaned forward and gave Pansy as simple kiss on the lips. "Good night, Pans."

"Goodnight, love," she smiled as he walked out. "And don't do anything I wouldn't do."