#6 ~ A Matter of Matrimony

Disclaimer: All characters belong to JKR (except Marcus Delaluci). All situations are mine. No $$$ is being made from this fanfic.
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Chapter 16 ~ The Date


Hermione took time bathing. She lay in the tub, soaking, anticipating her first time alone with Severus in a long time. She felt the familiar ache in her belly that she had been suffering with for the past few weeks. She knew what it was. Desire. She had been wrong to think that she wouldn’t want sex. She was starving for it. For Severus. She felt a little burst of warmth at her admittance. She sighed. She would have dinner with Severus, and talk, but was determined to leave his rooms without giving in to her needs. It wouldn’t do for her to succumb to her desires on their first date. She was a woman, not an animal. She should be able to control her urges.

She rose from the tub, rinsed herself off and stepped out. She dried herself, her skin tingling from the caress of the towel’s soft fabric. Her nipples were so hard, they hurt. She had it bad. Naked, she walked into her room and picked up the dress she had transfigured for her dinner with Severus. It was a low-cut gown, in shimmering Slytherin green that fit her curves nicely, and fell to the floor gracefully. She had transfigured a pair of her comfortable panties to match, though she didn’t plan on letting Severus see how coordinated she was. She brushed her hair until it fell softly curling down her back, and applied her makeup lightly, accentuating her eyes and lips. She looked at herself in the mirror. She looked nice. Which meant Severus would think her beautiful. She put on her high heels also in Slytherin green trimmed with silver, and fastened the straps. She loved walking in high heels when dressed like this, it added a sexy swish to her motions that Severus couldn’t take his eyes off of. She had lost a lot of gowns that way. He wasn’t very patient, after all.

Hermione donned a pair of emerald earrings Severus had given her for a gift, knowing her wearing them would please him. She hardly wore jewelry, but that didn’t stop him from buying it for her anyway. Lastly, she applied a spritz of perfume Severus had created just for her. She didn’t apply too much, knowing how it affected him. It drove him crazy. Trust a Slytherin to create a perfume more for his benefit than the wearer’s.

She took a final spin in the mirror, tucked her wand between her decollage, and exited her rooms. It was almost seven.

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In his study, Severus carefully adjusted the wireless trying to find a station that played soft, classical music. He had thought about Hermione’s favorite station, and hardened immediately, his cock tenting his robes annoyingly. He was going to have to keep a deflating draught handy, maybe in his robes pocket. He decided that due to the memories of the things they’d done while listening to the music of that particular station, it would be best to find something less arousing.

He was going to serve wine with dinner, but also decided that would not be wise. Not because of the delicious transformation that wine caused in Hermione, but because she might misconstrue his intentions and feel his main purpose in inviting her to dinner, was to seduce her. Not that he wouldn’t mind. He ached for her. He had been aching for her for weeks. But he was trying to court her tonight, to bring her closer to returning to his life, and his arms. The bed could come later. He needed to restore her heart first.

He wasn’t sure what he would tell her. It would be, he was sure the usual things men say to women they haven’t been with for a while. He hoped he didn’t sound cliché. He knew he would say he missed her presence. The nights had been long and empty without her, and even the days took forever to turn over to the dark. He fussed over the candles on the table draped with a Slytherin green cloth. A decanter of sparkling cider sat chilling in an ornate bowl of never-melting ice. There would be three simple courses, soup, entrée and dessert. He wanted to keep the night simple. He was serving what he knew she liked.. She loved cream of tomato soup, shrimp with mixed vegetables and usually some form of chocolate sweet for dessert. He left the dessert decision to Eli, his most loyal house-elf, who was serving tonight. The elf had been overjoyed.

“Yes! Eli will be most happy to help Master get his Secret back! Master needs his Secret!” the elf grinned as he danced about like a little demon. Severus just shook his head at the delighted little creature. He knew Hermione loved Eli, his presence could only enhance the evening.

There was a quiet knock on his study entrance. He had forgotten to leave the door open. He hurried over to it, and opened it. His mouth fell open. Hermione stood there, splendid in a shimmering Slytherin green gown. It was low-cut, but tastefully so. She was wearing the earrings he bought her, he noted with approval. She was breathtaking.

She smiled softly at him.

“Breathe, Severus,” she said looking up at him. He looked and smelled wonderful. His silkly black hair was pulled back in a pony-tail, and he had shaved. He wore his nicest set of dress robes, and had almost bathed in oil of myrrh. She almost purred when she smelled it. It was her favorite scent.

His mouth closed with a snap, and he took her hand and lowered his lips to it, kissing it reverently. The touch of his lips on her skin made her tremble just a little.

“You look beautiful, Hermione…so beautiful you make my heart ache,” he breathed, guiding her to the table and drawing out her chair. He helped her sit, and slid the chair a bit closer to the table. He placed his hand on the decanter.

“Wine?” Hermione asked, her brow furrowing a bit.

“No,” Severus replied, opening the bottle and pouring her a glass, “it’s sparkling grape cider. I didn’t think wine would be appropriate.” He couldn’t help the way he looked at her when he said this. She blushed.

“Thank you for being so considerate, Severus,” she said softly.

“You’re welcome, Hermione,” he said, smiling at her.

He poured himself a glass of cider, then took his seat opposite her. They sat in silence for a few moments. Severus’ eyes were focused on Hermione’s face, drinking her in. It had been so long since he could admire her beauty.

“I’ve missed you, Hermione,” he said softly.

Her amber eyes met his.

“I’ve missed you too, Severus,” she said.

His heart felt full at this admission.

“We’re going to have a simple meal tonight. The foods I know you like. I would rather you eat well than be dubiously impressed by foods you can’t pronounce or digest.”

She smiled at him, actually relieved. She could be a picky eater, and it would have been rude to push her plate away. Suddenly Eli appeared with a pop, holding two steaming bowls of tomato soup. The soup smelled delicious.

“Eli!” Hermione gasped, clapping her hands with joy at seeing the little elf again. He had saved Severus’ life when Draco and the deatheaters attacked them. She would forever be in the little creature’s debt.

“Hello, Master’s Secret!” the elf gushed, “Eli is so pleased to see you, Miss. Master missed his Secret very, very much!”

Severus cleared his throat and scowled at the elf, who cringed, then put the soup on the table. Two soup spoons appeared next to the bowls.

“Begging pardon, Master,” Eli said, still cringing.

“It’s fine, Eli,” Severus said, rolling his eyes as the elf continued to cringe, “Go, and watch until we need the course, if you please.”

“Yes sir, “ Eli said with a little bow, relief on his face. He disappeared with a pop.

Hermione couldn’t suppress a giggle.

“Eli, always looking out for his Master,” she grinned.

“Apparently,” Severus snorted, before he caught himself and looked at Hermione apologetically.

She smiled at him fondly. “Same old Severus,” she thought.

“Let’s eat,” she said, picking up her spoon and diving into her soup.

They ate in silence. When they were both finished, the bowls disappeared.

Again, Severus stared at her. His heart was so full, but his head felt empty. He couldn’t ever remember feeling like this in his life. It was so…so uncomfortable. Hermione came to his rescue.

“Severus, please don’t be so stressed. It’s just me,” she said softly.

“But…this is so important, Hermione. I love you, and I want you to trust me again, to be with me again…” Severus began, making an effort to say what was in his heart at a full run. Then Eli appeared with a pop, effectively cutting him off.

“The entrée, Master,” the elf said, placing the plates on the table. Forks appeared beside them.

“Thank you, Eli,” Severus said through gritted teeth.

“You is most welcome, sir,” Eli replied, disappearing with a pop.

“He has good timing,” Hermione said, with a small smile. Her heart went out to him. He was really trying. She lifted her fork and speared a shrimp.

“Go on, Severus, finish,” she said encouragingly, devouring the shrimp.

Severus’ eyes were focused on the motion of her lips. Oh, that sweet little mouth…

“Severus?” Hermione said to snap him out of his thoughts. He started.

“I’m…I’m sorry Hermione,” he said, “I just haven’t really seen you in so long…”

His voice was full of longing, desire.

“I understand, “ she said, “but I need to hear what you were going to say.”

He cleared his throat.

“I was going to say, Hermione, that life without you is like the world without sun. There’s no color, no beauty, no warmth I can see or feel anywhere. Hermione, you complete me. I never knew I was so broken before you. So much had been ripped out of my life, all the joy, all hope of happiness, I just survived, lived to try to redeem myself, and all the while hoping for death to release me. Then you came along. A little know-it-all virgin with the hots for her Potions Master, who was bastard enough to take advantage of your precious offering with every intention of abandoning you to the world, then discovering I couldn’t.”

Hermione had stopped eating now, her eyes glued to Severus.

“Oh, I tried to forget you, but what you gave me was too special. You weren’t meant to be cast aside. You worked under my skin, and into my heart. I was afraid to love you, Hermione, and once I loved you, I lived in constant fear of losing you, that you would come to your senses and leave me, or find someone else younger or handsomer and fall in love with him.”

He looked at her, hoping she could understand.

“I know we’ve been together seven years, and by all rights I should know that you truly love me, but I’ve never known why, and have never needed anyone, Hermione. It is still something that disturbs me, it is a weakness…to need someone else so desperately. So I try to control it. Control you. So you won’t leave. I realize now that this is impossible…if you wanted to leave me, there is really nothing I can do to stop you, and that, my love…is even more frightening. I am at your mercy, and I am a proud man, to be at the mercy of a beautiful, young woman is a hard truth to face. But it is the truth. And sometimes I … I revolt against it. Against your power over me. It is greater than that the Dark Lord held over me. No one has ever held my life so fully, so securely, so completely in her hands.”

“And when I saw you with Marcus…I did see you leaving the library corridor with him, and the look on your face when you took his hand, I was afraid, afraid that my nightmare of losing you was coming true, and you would destroy me if I didn’t reclaim you. I didn’t want to rape you, Hermione, gods know I didn’t. I wanted you to keep loving me. But I was angry about the power you have over me, that you could destroy me, I felt all my fears about love were all true and you would be the method of my destruction, and I wanted control…I wanted to be the one in control, and when I came to you, I tried to take that power from you and even as I was taking you, I knew that I could never take that power away. My need, my love for you is just too strong, you are part of me now, the best part of me, the part that keeps me human, my soul…and after what I had done, I couldn’t look at you, at what I’d done to you, because you chose to love a dark, twisted, emotionally-deficient man like me, who had never known love before you…so I left you. I couldn’t face you. I fled like the coward I am when it comes to you, like I did the night you told me you loved me.”

Hermione was watching him, her eyes wet with unshed tears

“Hermione,” Severus said, his own eyes wet with emotion, “I am so, so very sorry to have hurt you, to have taken something so precious from you, taken what you have always willingly given to me. There is no excuse for it. Not even if I were driven insane by love, is there any excuse for it. It was a selfish, loathsome thing to do to the woman I love, and if I could take it back, I would. But I can’t. I can only pray that you will instead, let me go forward and prove my love to you. I swear by all I hold dear in this world, which is my love for you, I will never, ever react that way again. I don’t care if ten thousand wizards fall at your feet declaring their love to the heavens, I will never, ever lay a hand on you in jealous anger again. Please believe me, Hermione. Please consider how much you mean to me, how you hold my very life in your hands. I need you, Hermione, like I need air to breathe. Take me back and I will do my best to always tell you what is in my heart, and work hard, so very hard to make you feel safe and loved. I’ll take you dancing. I’ll take you anywhere you want to go. I’ll be more demonstrative, if that is what you want. I need you, Hermione. I want you. I’m willing to do anything for you not to walk away from me again.”

Hermione was crying now, fighting the urge to go to him, and comfort him. Severus looked at her and tried to pull out of the spiral of emotion he was falling into, but not before a final plea to the woman he so desperately loved and needed.

“You made me love you. Now, I am helpless against you. You brought into my life the very thing I’ve always feared, even as you healed me, filled the ripped parts of me with your love, and allowed me to live through your joy, your peace, your happiness. Will you take it away? Will you destroy me, Hermione or will you forgive me and continue to bless me? Will you continue to hold the awful darkness inside me at bay and let me live in the light of your love? I don’t need you to make your decision tonight. But I need to know soon, my love, my lioness. Please.”

Severus fell silent, drained. He looked at her, waiting for some response, some reaction.

Hermione sobbed, stood and fled from his rooms, her heels clicking away into the distance.

“Hermione!” Severus called, rising to go after her.

“Let her go, Master,” Eli said, appearing by his chair and looking up at him sympathetically, “she needs to go. To think.”

Severus lowered himself back into his seat, leaned back and gazed at the ceiling as if it would give him answers he needed to hear. He felt Eli pat his knee.

“Don’t fear, Master. Your Secret will come back. Your Secret is yours forever,” the elf said with a gentle smile.

Severus looked down at the small elf.

“Do you know this for certain, Eli?” Severus asked, grasping at any then comfort he could find.

“As well as I knows myself, sir,” Eli said, clearing the dishes by hand, “she will soon be your Lady. Then no more fear, sir. No more fear.”

Severus looked down at the elf, not understanding, and not convinced.

Eli looked at his Master’s drawn face, and sighed. He knew Severus would be up all night with worry and self-loathing. Like he had been for many nights before he asked his Secret to come to him. There was only one thing a loyal house-elf could do.

“You sleeps now, “ he said, waving his clawed hand at Severus, who instantly fell asleep.

Eli returned the dishes to the table. With a snap of his fingers, he levitated his Master and floated him gently to his bedroom. After divesting him of his robes, Eli pulled back the covers and lowered Severus into the bed, covering him up.

“You sleeps now, Master. Things will be better soon,” he whispered, and left to finish clearing the table.

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A/N: I have nothing to say at this point...am anxious to hear from all of you. Please review.