Everything I Do, I Do It For You

Chapter 16: Snape Goes Into Hiding

Severus sat across from the Headmaster, sipping on the peppermint tea that Albus had conjured up for them. Both men sat in silence for a moment, lost in their own thoughts.

"It would seem we have some decisions to make," Dumbledore finally said, looking at Severus.

Severus placed his fine china cup back onto the saucer before looking up at the man he thought of as a father figure.

"What decisions would those be?" Severus asked warily. Albus being direct never meant anything but trouble.

"Well," Dumbledore paused, "I have just come back from a rather interesting chat with the Minister."

"That great fool actually had something interesting to say?" Severus sneered. "He must have gotten a personality transplant, then."

"Be that as it may he told me he has his top Aurors out trying to find Miss Granger."

At this, Severus snorted and folded his arms across his chest. "I’m sure he did. Whether it’s true or not is another question."

Albus chose to ignore the interruption. "He also said that I was you call you off Miss Granger's case and…"

Severus stood up abruptly, cutting off the Headmaster mid-sentence. "Oh, did he then?! Does he really think we’re just going to sit here on our hands, like helpless children, and let Papa Government take care of everything?" The Potions Master was now pacing the room, growing more agitated as he spoke. "Incompetent Fool! If we made a habit of doing that, where would he be now? Rotting in some mass grave, that’s where! And yet he still presumes to…" The volatile young man trailed off and slumped back into his chair, his anger leaving as suddenly as it had come. "I’m sorry. Please, continue."

"Feel better now?" Dumbledore asked dryly. Severus opened his mouth to apologise again, but Albus waved him silent.

"I understand, my boy. I feel it too. It is hard to live when others perish. Guilt and anguish compound natural grief, and you feel you failed them somehow. It isn't so; there was nothing you or I could have done differently. I prefer to believe that we're still on this mortal coil for a reason. Someone should be here to remember them, to stand witness to what really happened."

Severus looked up into the face of the elderly wizard and noticed for the first time how worn and faded he looked. He'd never really thought of Albus as old before and did not appreciate the revelation. But the Headmaster wasn’t quite done with his little monologue. "You are a survivor, and I well; I’m just too stubborn to die." He gave a little laugh at this, which was belied by the seriousness of his next words.

"Severus, I have taken the liberty of hiring a new Potions professor for the duration and putting you on paid sabbatical," Dumbledore stated, seemingly out of the blue. "You more than deserve a vacation, and I intend to see that you get it. And don’t scowl at me. How many times have you wished for more time to do research? You needn’t come back until you’re ready, so this is the perfect chance to embark on all the complicated projects you like."

Dumbledore was giving him very significant looks, and Severus didn’t need to use Legilimency to decipher the meaning behind his carefully chosen words.

"As you wish," Severus replied, bowing his head. He stood and gracefully made his exit.

***

"I… I don’t know," Hermione stammered. She was still reeling over everything Robert had just told her. Her head was spinning, her vision was blurry and she felt like she was about to pass out. "I think I’m going to be sick."

Robert just looked at her with revulsion on his face as he quickly jumped up from the chair. She turned her head to the side and threw up.

"Eww gross," Robert said as his face screwed up in a look of disgust. "Well, you can just lie in it for a while," he added, a sneer crossing his face

Hermione had the taste of vomit in the back of her throat, and she was desperate to rinse her mouth out. She had thrown up all over the side of her bed and it was now dripping down onto the floor. She could hear each droplet as it hit the white tiles. The stench hit her and made her gag.

"Don’t even think about it," Robert warned her.

At that moment, Doctor Andrew Lopes came around the corner and entered the patients’ living quarters. He was planning to check on Hermione and see for himself the extent of her injuries. She had sent Orderly Wintermeier to the hospital with a fractured jaw and a couple of missing teeth. He would live, but he wouldn’t be back at work for at least a week. Orderly Finn had been luckier than Wintermeier, having only sustained a flesh wound.

His thoughts changed as he entered the room to find Orderly Finn standing to the left of Hermione, who was obviously in distress. Rushing over to her side his nostrils picked up the odour of vomit. Robert, having noticed the doctor, quickly wiped the smirk off his face and replaced it with a look of concern.

"Doctor, she was just sick and I was about to press the green button to get some assistance in here while I tidied it up," Robert said, thinking quickly.

"Good thing that I arrived when I did, then," Andrew replied as he made his way to stand besides Hermione’s bed, carefully avoiding the pile of vomit on the floor. Placing his index and middle fingers over the pulse on her wrist, he checked her heart rate. It was a little bit fast, but he was confident that she was not having a seizure. Next, he moved on to her face and noticed that her right eye was swollen shut with a bruise. He figured Orderly Finn must have done that to Hermione when he subdued her in the hallway, and Andrew shook his head. Her eyes were pressed tightly closed as he approached them with his penlight.

"Hermione," Andrew spoke quietly. "I just what to check you over to see if you are okay." He paused. "Would you mind opening your eyes?"

Hermione let the air out of her lungs with an exasperated sigh. "I can’t."

"Why not?" Andrew asked, perplexed.

"I can’t open my right eye," she replied.

At this Andrew stifled a laugh. "Of course not, but if you would, could you please open your left eye?"

Hermione did as he asked, groaning slightly at the brightness of the lights. Andrew took his penlight and examined her eye for any residual damage. Finding none, he allowed her to focus her eye. He held up one finger in front of her face.

"Can you follow my finger?" Andrew asked. Hermione nodded her head weakly. He moved his finger from side to side until he was convinced that she was fine. Next, he moved on to her ribs and put some pressure over them with his hands, causing Hermione to cry out.

"Pretty sore there, are we?" Andrew asked. She did not reply.

He then checked on her broken hand, which was badly swollen.

"You may need another x-ray of this hand, to be sure you didn’t break it again," he said to her.

Sensing that they weren’t alone, he turned to look behind him, and noticed that Orderly Finn was still standing there. Dr. Lopes said, in the most polite tone he could, "I thought you had gone to get clean sheets and a mop."

"Oh sorry, doctor. I just thought that you might need me to keep an eye on her whilst you check her out."

"This patient is tied to the bed," Andrew replied. "I don’t think she’s going anywhere."

"Okay. I’ll be right back," Robert said. With that, Andrew turned back to his patient.

Hermione’s good eye lingered on the door that Robert was leaving by, and she saw him turn quickly and hold up a hand with which he motioned to his eyes with two of his fingers and then pointed at Hermione. She made out his blurred imagery and the meaning behind it; he would be watching her. She shuddered as she looked away; when she brought herself to look up again, he was gone.

"I don’t like him," she whispered.

"Who? Orderly Finn? He’s okay." Andrew replied, still going over Hermione.

"Why do you care so much?" Hermione asked.

Dr. Lopes, though moved by her question, just looked up from what he was doing into her eye. "Because it’s my job."

***

Severus took one more look around his quarters, his home for most of his adult life. He would miss it, especially his comfortable wingback chair by the open fireplace. He had spent many a night curled up there, reading texts on potions.

As he packed, the ex-Death Eater found his mind less on his task, and more on the memories of how he came to occupy these rooms, nearly twenty years ago.

He had come grovelling back to Hogwarts as a bitterly disillusioned young man, disgusted with what he had done, to beg the Headmaster’s forgiveness for his part as a Death Eater. He wasn’t quite sure when he had started seeing Voldemort for the mad man that he was, however, he was sure that he wanted no part in the Dark Lords fanatical tirade. Voldemort was killing everyone around him; he even took to punishing and killing his own Death Eaters when things didn’t go his way. Where were all of the riches and power that were promised to him when joining the Death Eaters?

He and Dumbledore had come up with a plan to tell to explain his presence at Hogwarts to Voldemort. It was quite simple really -- Snape would be there as the Dark Lord’s spy, as Dumbledore was the only wizard that that evil bastard was afraid of. Of course Voldemort was overjoyed at this, and even moved Severus up within his inner circle.

It had been some time later that he discovered Voldemort’s plans for James and Lily Potter. He had thought them to be safe, with their unknown Secret Keeper; how wrong he had been. He thought he could have warned them; should have known; and although it wasn’t his fault, he felt as if it had been. He had arrived in time to witness the final Killing Curse delivered to Lily Potter’s baby boy, Harry, only to see it rebound on the Dark Lord.

Oh, how he despised Harry Potter for living when his mother, the woman that Severus had secretly cared for, had died protecting the boy. He knew he hadn’t loved her. What was love anyway, but a fleeting delusion for the weak? But he had cared for her more deeply than for anyone else in his life. Then she had to run off with James Potter, one of Snape’s enemies, and gotten pregnant with his child.

He’d never expected leniency from Dumbledore and had awaited his fate in the old man’s office. Never in his wildest dreams had he thought that the Headmaster would grant him the Professor of Potions position. Severus had thought at first that the reason was to keep him close and within sight. But as he learnt more about the Headmaster, Severus found, to his surprise, that the old man genuinely cared for him. It was this caring, that not even Severus’ parents had shown him, which made him trust Dumbledore fully. Now, the Potions Master would have willingly laid down his life if the elderly wizard had asked it of him.

And he had. Snape had risked everything every day he’d lead his double life, working for the Order whilst trying to keep up his pretence as a Death Eater. He had never expected to still be breathing by the end of this war, but Albus saw to it that he lived. On the one hand, he would be eternally grateful; but on the other, he regretted continuing to live when so many other worthy people, much more cherished than him, had died.

‘How do you ever measure one’s wealth?’ Severus thought to himself. ‘Is it in the amount of money or goods you had? Or in the beloved family and friends you left behind, those who would grieve for your loss long after you have passed on?’

Severus was working even as he brooded, reducing his packages to pocket size and placing them in his robes. His hand brushed slightly against Hermione’s broken wand in one of his pockets. It lingered there for a couple of seconds before he hastily pulled it away.

"This is no time for sentimental wallowing." Severus spat out, half-disgusted by his own reactions.

He knew he would have to play this next step very carefully. If everything the Headmaster had told him, and had been very careful not to tell him, were correct, it would seem that his services for espionage were going to be needed, and he would have to use every subtlety in his possession. He would go to his summerhouse; it was heavily warded and Unplottable, so it would suit his purposes nicely.

Taking another look over his shoulder, he pulled open the door and left what little of his life he still possessed behind him.

***

A/N: Ahh another chapter up, well as they say, "Better late than never!" As always I appreciate any feedback you as the reader have to offer.

Thanks to eclipse for betaing this particular hard chapter...

Disclaimer: Oh god I love Orderly Finn, he is my own creation and he just keeps on getting worse... He he he.. Not Mine, J.K's.