Flame of Existence

--> See Introduction for warnings/disclaimer.

FLAME OF EXISTENCE
/ by Bella

Chapter Fifteen

Snape didn\'t know whether to crawl into a hole in the ground and die, or jump up and down and whoop for joy. Dumbledore had just given him permission to... what, kiss Hermione? Court her? Fuck her senseless? Proclaim his unconditional love for the witch? Well, he didn\'t know about all of that, at least not yet. But whatever he decided to do, he knew that he had the support from the Headmaster.

Now, that didn\'t mean that Snape was going to go off and snog the seventh-year in the Great Hall the next morning at breakfast. No, his reputation, along with her\'s and Professor Dumbledore\'s, needed to remain in contact.

Reputation - like he could taint his any darker than it already was. Though, a sex scandal with a student might just be the right ingredient to turn it completely black.

He didn\'t want that, and he didn\'t want to hurt the poor witch in any way. Dumbledore had told him to be careful, though he knew the heart in which to be careful with was not his own, but the witch\'s who would be on the receiving end of his affection. Hermione.

Yes, she had been through a lot lately, he realized as he sat down in his study with a fresh bottle of Firewhiskey in his possession. Her entire person, mind and body, had been tested this past month and a half. She had started the school year in an pissed off, angst-filled state of mind, and had partly overcome that.

The nightmares still persisted, Snape knew. He knew just as well that they would continue for a very long time, but the memories of that dreaded night for Hermione would fade slightly in her mind eventually, and the nightmares would lessen.

Severus sighed. He had never been particularly fond of the witch before this school year. Hell, he hadn\'t liked her at the very beginning, either. Then she had kissed him with all of her confused and twisted might.

One kiss led to two. Two to three... And now he was kissing her all by himself.

But why, he questioned himself. He had never truly needed a woman\'s kiss before. Before this year he hadn\'t longed for the warm embrace of another.

The little witch had turned him upside down and around and they weren\'t even two months into the school year... and he loved it. Now, whether he loved her was still up in the air. However, Severus could not find it within himself to deny that he did feel something for Hermione.

So he took another gulp of the liquid and winced as it burned at his throat as it went down.

His mind switched again to the memory from earlier that night when Hermione had first visited him. She had been a little scared, and he had noticed that the second she opened her mouth.

Malfoy had affected her in more ways than one, and the last thing she needed was another reminder of that. Snape had also seen the guilt that danced across her eyes when she told him that she suspected the youngest Malfoy to have been behind the latest attack.

Of that suspicion, Snape had no doubt in his mind that she was correct. He also, in fact, had no doubt in his mind to whom Crabbe was referring to when he foolishly yelled, \'He made me do it!\' as the Aurors escorted him out of the castle.

Snape took another swig from the bottle and closed his eyes, replaying the events of that day in his mind. Flickering back to the memory of them embracing in the rain near the cliffs made his cheeks heat. Snape chided himself on his carelessness in the situation, now realizing that they could have been spotted by anyone.

Downing the rest of the bottle in a fitful moment of rage at himself, Snape winced and coughed loudly.

His mind wandered back to his conversation with Dumbledore, as he tried to think of what the Headmaster had really implied. Albus had told, in few words, that he would stand behind his-- Severus\'s-- decisions, whatever they may be.

However, Snape found it hard to think that the Albus would support him if he were to, say, have intimate relations with the student. No, he decided, Albus wouldn\'t. And quite frankly, neither would he.

Snape was an old enough wizard, and man, to know his boundaries. Can\'t have your cake and eat it too, as the old muggle saying goes.

Snape sat up and swayed, his head swirling from the alcohol. He eventually found his balance to stand and staggered to his bed quarters, where he plopped belly-down onto the hunter green silk bed coverings. Breathing in heavily, he let his mind wander to a certain doe-eyed witch before falling into a deep slumber.

{--------------------------------------------}


“YOU DID WHAT?!” Minerva McGonagall was outraged, but before the Headmaster could repeat what he had previously said, she went on, “I can\'t believe you, Albus! You are an interfering old prat, you know that? You shouldn\'t meddle - I\'ve told you this a thousand times at least. And you shouldn\'t encourage for Merlin\'s sake!

Severus Snape is a teacher hear, Albus. You know that. And you know from your little ministry-written handbook that--”

“A relationship between a student and a teacher is not dwelled upon further than...” he opened a drawer to his large desk and removed a worn book, fingered through it for a moment, and then read aloud, “sexual relations, which should be punished accordingly by the Headmaster in charge.”

“And you gave Severus permission to what, exactly, Albus?”

Dumbledore met her glare evenly, his eyes lacking the normal twinkle that put most at ease. “Severus has done a lot for this world, Minerva, as you are aware. He is a good wizard, and a good man. Do you doubt that for one second?”

Professor McGonagall shook her head quickly. “Of course I don\'t, Albus. You know firsthand that I consider Severus a friend. And yes, I am aware of what he\'s done for both the wizarding and non-magic worlds alike, but that is no excuse--”

“Then,” Professor Dumbledore interrupted again, “Do not criticize his intelligence, Minerva, or his common sense. Severus will, in no way, harm Miss Granger, of that I am sure.” Dumbledore frowned for a moment at Professor McGonagall who sat across from him with plagued eyes. “The war has too soon since been over, Minnie... Severus fought harder than any of us to ensure safety of the light side. He came out tattered and torn... and alone. I believe that Miss Granger is the perfect candidate, and I say that in the most lovingly way possible, for Severus.”

Professor McGonagall thought it over for a few minutes, her wrinkled brow fusing together in thought. As if a light had been lit in her brain, she raised her eyes to the Headmaster\'s and said in an almost inaudible, breathless voice, “She is his equal.”

Dumbledore nodded shortly, smiling. “As you were mine,” he said. “It seems like such a long time ago, doesn\'t it, love?”

{--------------------------------------------}


The following day, Hermione woke early and showered and dressed to go see Ron in the infirmary. The look Madam Pomfrey gave her as she entered the ward told her that she was anything but pleased with the added distraction.

“Be quick, Miss Granger,” she said coolly.

Hermione nodded politely and walked over to Ron\'s curtained-off bed. She saw that his appearance hadn\'t changed any; he complexion was still sallow, his lips and cheeks lacking their usual hints of red, and the bruises on his forehead (where he hit the leg of a stool while writhing in pain on the dungeon floor) were still colorful.

She frowned at the expressionless face of one of her best friends, and took his limp hand in her\'s once again. Not knowing what to say, she simply placed a soft kiss on the top of his hand and murmured a quick, \'get well\' before retreating to the Great Hall for breakfast.

One of the great things about breakfast at Hogwarts was that not everyone attended. On top of that, the first meal of the day had no specific time, so students could go in anytime after the sun rose up until the start of the first class.

Being as early as it was, Hermione found the Great Hall relevantly deserted, save for a few people who chose to eat early. Among them, Hermione noted, was Professor Snape, who was currently staring down at a newspaper while he spooned oatmeal into his mouth.

Apparently, he didn\'t see her walk into the hall, because his eyes never left the paper that he was reading. Hermione took her usual seat at the Gryffindor table and began buttering a piece of toast that she had grabbed from the stack in the middle of the table.

Her eyes kept finding their way back up to the the dark-haired wizard at the Head Table, where she watched him as he ate. Her thoughts wandered a bit as she thought back on the night before. She really was curious about what Professor Dumbledore had said to him after she had left.

For a brief time the night before, Hermione had a terrible notion that Snape had been sacked, due to the position that Dumbledore had found them entangled in the night before. However, his obvious presence at breakfast proved her notion wrong, much to her relief.

Halfway through her piece of toast, Hermione had the familiar, prickling sensation that somebody was watching her. She glanced around at the students and then up at the Head Table, where her eyes met with Snape\'s. His face expressionless, Hermione couldn\'t read what he was possibly thinking.

She smiled at him, the corners of her mouth lifting only a little, as to not give away what she was doing to the other students. She watched as his face softened a bit, and as he nodded slightly, bringing the cup of steaming tea to his lips to sip.

At the realization that he had actually acknowledged her in public without a snide remark or sneer, Hermione felt a wave of --something-- attack at her stomach. Suddenly, she wasn\'t able to take another bite, or drink for that matter. The remaining bits of toast on her plate went untouched.

She hadn\'t been sitting there long, letting her mind (and eyes) wander to Snape, before Harry joined her at the table. Hermione watched as her friend piled mounds of eggs, bacon, and toast onto his plate.

“You would think,” she said jokingly, “that you were nearly starved to death.”

Harry grinned and slapped her on the arm. “I\'m a growing boy, Hermione. And plus, I\'ve got quidditch practice before class.”

“Before?” she asked, glancing over at him. “But there\'s not nearly enough time, Harry. You will be late to potions--”

“Yeah, well the great git booked the field for the remainder of the week. It\'s now or never,” he said bitterly, throwing a glare up towards the front table before stuffing more eggs into his mouth. “I just wish Ron were okay to play. Poor guy, it seems like he always gets the worst of everything.”

Hermione looked away quickly, closing her eyes for a brief moment to collect herself. “Have you gone to see him today, Harry?”

Harry nodded. “I did, just before I came here. Still no response, though Madam Pomfrey said that he was getting better, and should be up and about within a few days.”

“Did she?”

Harry nodded and finished off his eggs. “She also said that he should be waking up later today. We could go before lunch if you\'d like.”

Hermione nodded quickly. “Y-Yes, Harry, that would be fine. I, um, have to go get something from my rooms. Have a good practice, Harry.”

“Okay, see you in potions,” Harry replied.

Hermione stood quickly and raced down the long aisle between the tables leading out to the main corridor. She cast a quick glance back at Snape, who she found watching her intently from his seat at the front of the hall.

{--------------------------------------------}

Hermione didn\'t know what exactly had crawled up her ass at breakfast and made her turn all weird on Harry. Whatever it was, it lasted only long enough to get her out of the Great Hall, for when she got to her rooms, she was fine.

However, the guilt she had momentarily experienced was probably due to the fact that she was still upset that she ended up getting Ron landed in the Infirmary. Frustrated, Hermione sighed and took a seat down on the couch in front of the un lit fire and tried to think of what to say to Ron when she saw him at lunchtime.

Thoughts on her current predicament occupied Hermione until it was time for her to leave for the dungeons for her first class of the day. She quickly made her way down to the dungeons where the line forming to enter the class was already long.

Hermione tried to ignore Pansy Parkinson and Millicent Bullstrode as they gossiped amongst themselves about Ron\'s current condition. It wasn\'t long before the Snape arrived and held the door open for the seventh years as they walked nervously past him into the classroom.

“Good morning, Professor Snape,” Pansy Parkinson said sweetly.

Millicent smiled as well. “Yes, good morning, sir. You have very nice robes on today.”

Hermione, from her position behind them, fought back the urge to laugh out loud at Snape\'s obvious displeased expression. Biting back a grin, Hermione lightly patted him on the arm as she passed him in the doorway. The action, she made sure of, went unnoticed by the other students.

Snape pretty much ignored Hermione for the remainder of the period. He focused his attention on more needy students like Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown, whose potion was had, at one time, emitted giant green sparks and whistled loudly.

Knowing that he probably didn\'t want to direct any more attention to themselves as it was, Hermione didn\'t feel the least bit upset when she left the classroom. Her bit of anger for the day came, however, at lunch time when Madam Pomfrey insisted that Ron didn\'t want any visitors.

Needless to say, the argument ended with Gryffindor losing fifty points and two very upset best friends. Hermione and Harry made their way to lunch after Professor McGonagall intercepted the argument with Madam Pomfrey and gave the two very stern looks.

“This is a load of dung,” Harry muttered as they made their late entrance to lunch. “Ron wouldn\'t deny our visit. I think Madam Pomfrey is up to something.”

Hermione shook her head and looked up at the Head Table for Professor Snape. . “Don\'t be such a cynic, Harry.”

“She wouldn\'t let us see our best friend, Hermione!” Harry argued as they took their seats between Dean Thomas and a third year who was falling asleep.

“That\'s true,” Hermione said. For the next few minutes she listened to Harry ramble on about how unfair it was for Madam Pomfrey to not allow them to see Ron.

Her ears, however, immediately tuned out Harry when she saw Snape stand up quickly, glaring down at Professor McGonagall who look almost as lucid as he. She saw him hiss something at the transfiguration teacher before turning abruptly on his heal and stalking out of the Great Hall via the staff door next to the Head table.

Hermione also didn\'t miss the quick glare McGonagall sent her way before turning back to her lunch.

“Well, that was interesting,” she said, looking nervously down at her own plate.


End of Chapter Fifteen / To Be Continued


A/N: Moving along nicely, I\'d say. Not an overall interesting chapter, but important nonetheless. :) I hope you enjoyed.

Thanks so much to my brilliant reviewers - you definitely made my day(s). A few responses are in order:

EsmaKeltin: Quality fic? I\'m flattered. Thanks for your continuous reviews - I look forward to them. :)

JTBJAB: WOOHOO! times a million. :) You win, lmao. Thanks for the review, hon. It\'s always appreciated, especially from you.

Monkmess: I\'m glad you like the story, becaues I like writing it. :D

Selene: You made me cry. Seriously. Thank you so much for your kind review - I\'m glad you like the story thus far. :)

little me: I\'ll take a chocolate chip cookie if you have one, thankyouverymuch. :) Thanks! *LOL*

Lovespell: Thanks! =]

Bree: I really wish I could update faster, but life is life, as we all know. I\'m not superwoman (or am I?), so one chapter a week will have to suffice... :) Anywho, thanks!

Katie: Thanks for the advice - highly appreciated... And I\'ll see what I can do with
the e-mail notification.

K: You start from th0000000000e beginning every time? Whoa, that\'s called dedication. LOL.
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