Where Others Fear to Tread

Chapter 16

When Harry next awoke his head throbbed painfully as if he’d experienced the worst vision of his life. Stirring stiffly Harry attempted to sit but groaned and only managed to shift slightly beneath the crisp sheets and blankets tucked around him. Without his glasses Harry could see little and the boy squinted tightly in an effort to see his surroundings. A blurry shape sat in a chair next to him but Harry couldn’t make out who it was, only that they seemed to be reading something. Harry saw the blob move before his glasses were slid easily onto his face, bringing everything into sharp focus.

“Professor?” Harry whispered a little hoarsely as the blob sitting next to him turned out to be Professor Snape. Harry was shocked to see the man dressed in his dressing gown, his face scratched and bruised but looking no less worse for ware, although perhaps a little tired. “What happened?” Harry whispered again gratefully accepting the glass of water Snape poured for him. Glancing around Harry assumed they were in the hospital wing and so the boy made a note not to be specific in his questions. Snape didn’t look up from his book to answer Harry, instead proceeding to casually answer the question in the infuriating way Harry had become accustomed to when the two of them passed conversation together.

“Exactly what I predicted would happen Potter. My resident overlord was somewhat disgruntled by my confession and proceeded to take out his frustrations on me but because I am perceived as a valuable asset to his entourage I was, albeit reluctantly, spared my life.” Harry stared at Snape in disbelief as the man turned the page of his book, still refusing to look up from its pages. “In fact having made me endured the Cruciatus curse for several hours, he then proceeded to tell me that he wishes my marriage is felicitous and that any offspring my mate might bare will be brought up with the same values I myself have in regards to this ‘war’.” Snape finished his comment, casually turning another page of his book.

“He’s an absolute mad man, I can’t believe someone so stupid can do that?” Harry could hardly believe what he’d just heard completely shocked at Voldemort’s incomprehensible way of thinking. This time Snape did look up from his book his time meeting Harry’s gaze with a stern one of his own.

“Voldemort may be many things Mr. Potter, but the dark lord is not stupid. In war there are very few people a dictator can truly trust because men are weak and easily swayed. In me Voldemort believes he has found one such trusted, loyal confidant and he is not stupid enough as to dispose readily of a person he believes he can trust. If Voldemort is anything then he is guilty of having poor judgment, but he is certainly not stupid.” Snape trailed off his gaze falling easily back to his book resting in his lap. Harry sighed and turned carefully over onto his side, still stiff and sore, his head still throbbing. “While I may not have chosen a partner from among the few Voldemort deemed worthy, I still have the potential to bear my master future followers something which he can not sniff at. I am not in his good books but I’m still here and that says a lot.” Snape turned the page of his book again and Harry fell into silence. Internally a little voice rejoiced in the fact Snape was still alive too, although Harry squashed it quickly with a tight fist and a shake of his head. For a few moments more they sat in companionable silence not unlike Wednesday and Friday nights they spent together but too many questions were running through Harry’s mind for the boy to stay silent for long.

“I didn’t feel it.” Snape glanced up from the pages of his book to look at Harry who was now curled up on his side, staring at Snape sitting in the chair. “The summons I mean. It usually burns and bleeds but I didn’t feel it this time.” Harry brushed his finger lightly over the scar on his forehead drawing Snape’s attention to it momentarily before the man looked back into Harry’s eyes.

“I know. I blocked it.” Snape closed his book with an exaggerated sigh, which told Harry the man was irritated.

“What?” Harry inquired his eyes wide as he waited for Snape to explain himself. Snape crossed his legs over in front of him, and pulled out his wand, spelling the curtains around Harry’s hospital bed closed and warding them. It was not really safe to be discussing their bond in the open and Snape was taking no risks.

“If it has escaped your memory Potter, I am one of the foremost occluments in the country a gift I inherited from my mother.” Snape paused ensuring he had Harry’s complete attention before he continued. “Unlike you however who can barely spell the word ‘Occlumency’ let alone practice the art of it.” Harry blushed his failed attempts at Occlumency still a sore point with the boy, especially when he knew Snape had seen him fail. Snape moved on quickly not wishing to dwell on one of his pet irritations about the boy. “Also unlike you I possess considerably more knowledge regarding wizarding bonds and I knew instinctively that combined with your ineptitude at occlumency and your youthful inability to control your emotions, especially ones unfamiliar to you such as those associated with the forming of our ‘bond’ that in no time at all Voldemort would be aware of our arrangement, which as you know is not acceptable.” Snape trailed off watching as what he’d said began to sink into the boy’s head.

“So what you’re saying, is that you fucked around in my head for the past four weeks?” Harry was suddenly angry at the prospect of Snape poking around in his mind, uncovering some of the more private things Harry wanted to remain private. Snape sighed irritably his patients wearing thin with a boy who seemed far denser than he’d given him credit for.

“I assure you Mr. Potter I was not deliberately attempting to spy into your private memories. I was simply seeking out your connection with the dark lord and blocking it, as you failed so miserably at trying to do yourself.” Snape paused again a strange wash of concern filtered into his stern expression. “What I happened across during this processes was purely unexpected and not maliciously meant.” Harry frowned suddenly trying to remember all his most embarrassing, hated memories that Snape might have stumbled across. “Why did you not say that you suffered the effects of the ‘Cruciatus’ during your visions, which I was stunned to find out are more frequent than you let on?” Harry stared silently at Snape for a moment before the boy turned over away from Snape. This was something he really didn’t need right now. “There is little point you ignoring this Potter. I have already informed the headmaster of this and he is seriously considering monitoring your sleep, an invasion of privacy I’m sure you don’t wish upon yourself.” Harry sighed and turned back over his gaze focused sadly on Snape. Harry had not talked about this with anyone, not even Ron was aware of how frequently he’d been receiving visions or the extent to which ‘Cruciatus’ curse effected him.

“They started getting worse after Cedric died last year.” Harry’s voice was barely audible and he avoided completely meeting Snape’s gaze. “I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want everyone to make a big deal, it’s not as if you can do anything to stop them, and I hate the way everyone treats me like I’m a child when they learn something more terrible about me.” Harry trailed off his finger involuntarily beginning to twist the ring about his finger again. “Are you going to tell me the rest of why you’re snooping around in my mind?” Snape noted the new habit Harry had formed but said nothing about it, instead choosing to continue his own little story when it was clear Harry wasn’t going to talk further.

“I resent the word ‘snoop’ Potter.” Snape growled irritable before continuing. “What I came across was purely coincidental in my attempt at protecting you. I knew that through our bond you would doubtlessly be exposed to the normal anxieties a partner in the relationship feels when the other is in grave danger and so was attempting at block that, but when I came across this new piece of information it came to my attention that you may just also be exposed to my actual pain, intensified if you like through your own link with Voldemort and in turn your link with me.” Harry looked confused at Snape who sighed and rolled his eyes contemptibly at boy’s ignorance. “In laymen’s terms Potter, you were going to be exposed to not only my emotions through our bond, but also my pain through your bond to Voldemort. Thus I blocked you out of the connection, more successfully than I had hopped for too, if the account of your break down yesterday evening was anything to go on.” Harry stared at Snape in shock hardly believing what he was hearing, that Snape had actually selflessly sacrificed himself to stop Harry from feeling the full effects of Snape’s abuse. “I was doing a rather fine job of keeping things in check until he did this.” Harry looked on horrified as Snape for the first time since Harry had awoken removed his hand from the folds of his dressing gown to reveal his bandaged hand, minus three fingers. Seeing the horrified look on his mate’s face Snape tucked his hand back in his robes and put Harry’s mind at ease. “Don’t look too mortified Potter, I am growing back my appendages as we speak, a medical marvel I believe muggles have yet to replicate.”

“You can do that?” Harry asked in wonder still feeling ill at having seen Snape’s mutilated hand.

“With the help of potions, yes thank Merlin.” Snape muttered, internally berated the severe inconvenience it was of having to work with three missing fingers for the week it would take for them to grow back.

“So is constantly blocking my mind difficult? Do you have to think about it all the time?” Intrigued now by Snape’s revelation, Harry was interested in what other things Snape had been doing while he hadn’t been aware of them.

“Surprisingly I do it almost unconsciously now, I believe our ‘bond’ has made it easier for me. I recall my mother being able to read my fathers mind quiet easily, and I expect it is the same for me and you.” Snape ended quietly his own not so fond memories of his parents forcing their way to the surface momentarily before Snape stamped them back into submission as he’d learned to do.

“But you won’t though.” Harry added quickly.

“Won’t what?” Snape inquired quietly in return.

“Won’t read my mind.” Snape rolled his eyes at Harry as the boy looked suspiciously at him.

“No Potter but the very nature of our ‘bond’ means I will be privy to some of your more interesting quirks. Quirks that your magic has picked up on and thus passes on to me.” Harry frowned in confusion but allowed Snape to clarify his meaning. “For instance I now know you get cravings for muggle ‘cheese and onion crisps’ when you’re studying for exams, having last week been forced to bribe Professor Minstrome our muggle studies professor for a packet from her own personal store to stave off my own sudden craving for them.” A smile twitched at the corners of Harry’s lips, finding the image of Snape asking the weird and slightly eccentric Professor Minstrome for anything just hilarious. Harry managed to keep his full-blown smirk in check as Snape glared at him warningly.

“I wouldn’t laugh Potter, as a child I had a taste for ducks liver on toast and I still occasionally find myself hungry for it.” Harry’s smile fell immediately and he stuck his tongue out in disgust at what Snape had just suggested. Pleased that he’d got the desired response from his young mate Snape rose painfully from his chair beside Harry’s bed, for the first time showing the true extent of his injuries by the expression of agony that swept across his face as he rose. Harry didn’t comment on it though but his heart pounded ruthlessly in his chest in sympathy. “Now I believe it is just about time for that meddling old coot of a medi-witch to make her rounds, and should I not be in my own bed I believe she may ‘Thestral’ whip me into submission.” Snape walked awkwardly to the end of Harry’s bed the boy noting the way the man held on to the bed for support as he moved. With a swish of his wand Snape opened the curtains again revealing the brightly lit hospital wing bathed in the morning sun. Harry watched as Snape walked gingerly back over to the bed opposite Harry’s in the ward and climbed in under the blankets.

“Severus.” Harry whispered, still not entirely sure about using Snape’s first name. Snape looked up from where he was tucking in his blankets around him and glared at Harry across the ward.

“Watch it Potter.” Snape warned the boy quietly about using his name in a public place.

“Sorry. I just wanted to say thank-you and I’m glad you’re not dead.” Harry watched as the man lying across from him smiled genuinely amused by Harry’s comment.

“From you Potter, I will take that as a compliment.” Harry smiled in return and watched as Snape swallowed a mouthful of water before slipping down into the soft pillows of his hospital bed. “Now get some rest you’ve got exams next week and this little incident will not excuse you.” Turning straight back into ‘teacher’ mode Snape glared at Harry sternly from across the ward and Harry nodded understandingly before quietly settling down in bed, content in the knowledge Snape was watching over him as he fell back into a healing slumber...

TBC>>>>>>>>>>>