So Far Away
folder
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Draco
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
37
Views:
22,275
Reviews:
82
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
1
Category:
Harry Potter › Slash - Male/Male › Harry/Draco
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
37
Views:
22,275
Reviews:
82
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
1
Disclaimer:
I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Chapter 16
So Far Away
By: Gwen
Rating: NC17 overall
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Warning: AU/Slash/Drama/Angst/Romance
Betas: Tracy & Dorothy
Feedback: Much appreciated
Disclaimer: The \"boys\" belong to JKR. I just borrow them on occasion. No money is being made from this little adventure.
Summary: Interesting things can happen when you\'re away from everyone and everything you know.
Chapter 16 - Allen And Draco Have A Little Talk
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Allen hoisted himself up from the table in the lounge, looking across at his boyfriend and Harry. \"Excuse me, gentlemen. Have some business to tend to.\" By the looks on their faces, he could tell they didn\'t believe him, but he left, regardless. Two minutes later he plopped down in front of Draco in their room. \"You ready?\" he asked the blonde. He and Draco needed to talk. Well, Draco needed to talk and he was going to listen.
\"Not really,\" Draco said as he closed the book that he had been reading and slid off of his bed. \"I’m not good at this sort of thing, so don’t expect much.\"
Allen slnto nto his jacket and watched as Draco did the same. \"Where to?\" Allen asked.
\"Doesn’t matter,\" his roommate answered with a shrug.
Allen thought about it for a moment and smiled. He knew where they would go. \"Come on. I know the perfect place,\" he said before the two young men left their room. They walked in silence for a while, each lost in their own thoughts.
A bit later, Allen stopped and Draco looked up. He had to give it to his roommate; he had chosen the perfect place for their talk. The Quidditch pitch; one of the few places Draco could relax. They went up into the stands and found a place that was out of the wind, but still in the sun, and sat down. Draco’s silver gaze scanned the pitch and he felt a wave of calm wash over him. He could do this, he told himself. He needed to do this.
\"I’m not sure where to start,\" Draco admitted. His thoughts were like a Mexican jumping bean, all over the place and never the same place twice.
\"How about you tell me what happened between you and Harry that night in his room?\"
\"Oh, you mean the night that we finally caught you and Chad?\" Draco asked.
\"Don’t try to change the subject, Draco. It won’t work.\"
Draco nodded. \"Fine, but it was worth a try,\" he said with a small smile. He turned to sit facing his roommate, his left leg bent at the knee, foot planted firmly on the bench. \"Okay, back to that night. I guess it didn’t really start in Harry’s room, but jueforefore. We were sitting, or rather, Harry was sitting on the couch in the lounge and I was lying across the rest of it. We were talking about missing our fights and what-not, and I asked if he had been with anyone since we’ve been here. I’m not sure exactly why I wanted to know, but I did. His answer was no, but then again, I already knew that. He said that if the situation presented itself that he might, and then he looked at me. Well, he might have been looking at me already while we were talking because I had my eyes closed most of the time, but it was like he was saying something with that look, or maybe I was reading more into it, I don’t know.\" Draco bit his lip nervously before he continued. Allen remained quiet, knowing that his roommate needed to get this out.
\"So then we went back to his room and I was mad because he tricked me into saying ‘please’, a word that I don’t use very often, if you haven’t noticed,\" he said, earning a nod from A. \"S. \"So I tossed the pillow at him, thinking that he’d send it back, but the stupid git kept it. Not knowing how long you and Chad would be, um, busy, I wanted the pillow back in case I had to spend the night, so I went over to get it. He kept swatting my hands away and ended up grabbing them and holding them still,\" Draco said, smiling as the image of himself atop Harry flashed behind his eyes.
\"And then something happened. It was like I had never seen him before. Of course I knew that was absurd because we used to fight every day, but this was the first time I really saw him. I was noticing things about him that I had never thought about before that moment. It was strange to be there like that, sitting in his lap, memorizing every little detail about him. I would never get the chance to do it again, so I took advantage of it.\"
Allen looked puzzled. \"You took advantage of what?\"
Draco tilted his head a bit. \"Oh, no. I didn’t take advantage of Harry. No, I meant that I took my time with it, with looking at him. But what scared me were the feelings that I had while I was doing that. Never in a million years would I have thought that I would be attracted to Harry Potter. We’re enemies for Merlin’s sake. Or at least we used to be. But in that instant, I wanted him, and I don’t mean just as a friend. I mean I wanted him, in every possible sense of the word, and it scared me,\" he admitted as he rubbed the pad of his index finger over the nail of his right thumb, as if seeking comfort from it.
\"As I was sitting there looking at Harry, I saw the same things in his eyes, like he was seeing me, Draco, not Malfoy, for the first time. It was a heady feeling, but it also scared the shite out of me. He was reaching up to touch me, my face, when Chad walked in. If he had not interrupted when he did, I’m almost positive that we would have kissed, which would have messed things up worse than they already are,\" he said with a shake of his head, blonde fringes brushing back and forth across his forehead.
He turned to look out over the pitch. \"And then last night happened. I did something phenomenally idiotic last night, didn’t I?\" he asked as he looked back at his friend.
Allen shrugged. \"Did you?\"
\"Yes, I did,\" Draco admitted. \"I let a guy suck me off and I was kingking about Harry the entire time. But that’s not the worst part.\"
Allen’s dark eyes grew wide. \"Tell me what could possibly be worse than that.\"
Draco rested his forehead on his raised knee. \"I could have stopped. I did, in fact. He was on his knees doing his thing and he looked up at me, and all I saw was Harry. Craig has dark hair and green eyes, but I never made the connection until that moment.\" Draco took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. \"I … stopped … and played it off that I get a bit too hyped up, which really wasn’t a lie, and once I had calmed down, he got back to business. I could have told him that I couldn’t do it and left then, but I didn’t. This time when I closed my eyes, I was seeing Harry, not Craig. I wanted to imagine that it was Harry’s lips wrapped around me, bringing me off,\" he said in a quiet voice. \"I knew that it would never happen, so I played out one of my fantasies, and then felt like a total arse afterwards.\"
Allen knew that the two of them had disappeared into the bathroom and knew what would take place. But he never realized that THIS, what Draco was explaining to him, had happened.
\"Do you know how hard it was for me to walk into the billiards room after that and face him, knowing what I had just done? Merlin, Allen, I’ve never felt more guilty about anything before in my entire life, and we’re just friends!\" he shouted in anger; anger directed at himself and at the entire situation. \"I did that to get him out of my mind and what happened was the complete opposite.\"
\"It wasn’t supposed to happen,\" he said quietly. \"We were supposed to become friends, which we did, and I was enjoying that more than anyone could ever imagine. I’ve never really had friends before, just hangers-on who wanted to be associated with the Malfoy name. But when we came here and decided to put our past behind us, and I met you and Chad, as well as a few others, I now have friends. Not many, but a few. And it’s nice. But then that night happened, and things changed, the lines blurred and the world shifted, and now I don’t know what to do,\" he said as he dropped his foot back to the floor. \"The great Draco Malfoy has no fucking clue what to do next.\"
Allen reached out and put his arm around Draco’s shoulder, pulling him against his side.
\"If it’s any consolation, I know exactly what you’re going through,\" he said as he leaned his head towards Draco’s.
\"So tell me how to fix it,\" Draco stated.
\"I can’t, Draco. This is between you and Harry. And if you haven’t noticed, you two are just a tad bit different than Chad and me. You two are not normal,\" he teased.
Draco chuckled. \"I should be offended by that but I’m not because it’s absolutely true. We have never been anywhere close to normal.\"
Allen pulled away and looked at his friend. \"I want you to be honest with me, Draco. What do YOU want? Do you just want to be friends with Harry, or do you want something else? That’s what it all boils down to.\"
Draco thought about it for a minute. \"I love the way things have been, the clowning around, hanging out with the guys, that kind of stuff.\"
\"And don’t forget the flirting,\" Allen added with a grin.
Draco nodded. \"Fine. I miss the flirting, no matter how unintentional it was. But most of all I miss Harry,\" he quietly admitted. \"The fun-loving, carefree person that Harry was before all of this happened.\"
\"So what are you going to do to get him back?\" Allen quietly asked.
\"Again, I have no idea of what to do,\" he admitted. \"The last time I had feelings for someone I pushed them away because I was scared.\"
\"And what about now?\" Allen asked.
\"I’m still scared, but … fuck! I can’t just stroll up to him and say ‘Hey, Harry. How about you and me hooking up?’\"
Allen laughed. \"Well, I’d say that would be one way to get his attention, but not the right way. First of all, you two need to talk. And by that, you need to tell him how you feel about everything; about that first night and you also need to tell him about what happened at the club.\"
Draco lowered his head. \"He’ll hate me for that. He’s a bloody Gryffindor who would never resort to using someone in that capacity.\"
\"Draco, we all do stupid things every day. Some of us more so than others,\" Allen said as he nudged his friend with his shoulder. \"But our friends are willing to allow us a few misguided incidences, and I’m sure that Harry will allow you this one.\"
\"But if he doesn’t?\" Draco asked.
\"If he doesn’t then maybe it wasn’t meant to be in the first place,\" Allen stated.
\"That’s what I’m afraid of.\"
Allen smiled as his friend. \"So you’ve decided then.\"
Draco nodded.
\"And?\"
\"And what?\" Draco asked with a smirk.
Allen sighed. \"What do you want, Draco?\"
\"It’s not WHAT I want, but WHO. Once I accomplish the latter, then I’ll tackle the first, as long as the other party is willing,\" he stated.
\"And if things don’t go your way?\" Allen asked.
Draco smiled a real, genuine smile. \"I’m a Slytherin, Allen, and a Malfoy to boot. If I want something, I get it. I’ll just have to go about it a bit differently than just reaching out and taking it.\"
Allen noticed the change in his friend. Gone was the unsure, worried young man that had sat down to talk a little while ago. In his place was a force to be reckoned with. Poor Harry had better watch out.
TBC
Posted 11-09-04
By: Gwen
Rating: NC17 overall
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Warning: AU/Slash/Drama/Angst/Romance
Betas: Tracy & Dorothy
Feedback: Much appreciated
Disclaimer: The \"boys\" belong to JKR. I just borrow them on occasion. No money is being made from this little adventure.
Summary: Interesting things can happen when you\'re away from everyone and everything you know.
Chapter 16 - Allen And Draco Have A Little Talk
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Allen hoisted himself up from the table in the lounge, looking across at his boyfriend and Harry. \"Excuse me, gentlemen. Have some business to tend to.\" By the looks on their faces, he could tell they didn\'t believe him, but he left, regardless. Two minutes later he plopped down in front of Draco in their room. \"You ready?\" he asked the blonde. He and Draco needed to talk. Well, Draco needed to talk and he was going to listen.
\"Not really,\" Draco said as he closed the book that he had been reading and slid off of his bed. \"I’m not good at this sort of thing, so don’t expect much.\"
Allen slnto nto his jacket and watched as Draco did the same. \"Where to?\" Allen asked.
\"Doesn’t matter,\" his roommate answered with a shrug.
Allen thought about it for a moment and smiled. He knew where they would go. \"Come on. I know the perfect place,\" he said before the two young men left their room. They walked in silence for a while, each lost in their own thoughts.
A bit later, Allen stopped and Draco looked up. He had to give it to his roommate; he had chosen the perfect place for their talk. The Quidditch pitch; one of the few places Draco could relax. They went up into the stands and found a place that was out of the wind, but still in the sun, and sat down. Draco’s silver gaze scanned the pitch and he felt a wave of calm wash over him. He could do this, he told himself. He needed to do this.
\"I’m not sure where to start,\" Draco admitted. His thoughts were like a Mexican jumping bean, all over the place and never the same place twice.
\"How about you tell me what happened between you and Harry that night in his room?\"
\"Oh, you mean the night that we finally caught you and Chad?\" Draco asked.
\"Don’t try to change the subject, Draco. It won’t work.\"
Draco nodded. \"Fine, but it was worth a try,\" he said with a small smile. He turned to sit facing his roommate, his left leg bent at the knee, foot planted firmly on the bench. \"Okay, back to that night. I guess it didn’t really start in Harry’s room, but jueforefore. We were sitting, or rather, Harry was sitting on the couch in the lounge and I was lying across the rest of it. We were talking about missing our fights and what-not, and I asked if he had been with anyone since we’ve been here. I’m not sure exactly why I wanted to know, but I did. His answer was no, but then again, I already knew that. He said that if the situation presented itself that he might, and then he looked at me. Well, he might have been looking at me already while we were talking because I had my eyes closed most of the time, but it was like he was saying something with that look, or maybe I was reading more into it, I don’t know.\" Draco bit his lip nervously before he continued. Allen remained quiet, knowing that his roommate needed to get this out.
\"So then we went back to his room and I was mad because he tricked me into saying ‘please’, a word that I don’t use very often, if you haven’t noticed,\" he said, earning a nod from A. \"S. \"So I tossed the pillow at him, thinking that he’d send it back, but the stupid git kept it. Not knowing how long you and Chad would be, um, busy, I wanted the pillow back in case I had to spend the night, so I went over to get it. He kept swatting my hands away and ended up grabbing them and holding them still,\" Draco said, smiling as the image of himself atop Harry flashed behind his eyes.
\"And then something happened. It was like I had never seen him before. Of course I knew that was absurd because we used to fight every day, but this was the first time I really saw him. I was noticing things about him that I had never thought about before that moment. It was strange to be there like that, sitting in his lap, memorizing every little detail about him. I would never get the chance to do it again, so I took advantage of it.\"
Allen looked puzzled. \"You took advantage of what?\"
Draco tilted his head a bit. \"Oh, no. I didn’t take advantage of Harry. No, I meant that I took my time with it, with looking at him. But what scared me were the feelings that I had while I was doing that. Never in a million years would I have thought that I would be attracted to Harry Potter. We’re enemies for Merlin’s sake. Or at least we used to be. But in that instant, I wanted him, and I don’t mean just as a friend. I mean I wanted him, in every possible sense of the word, and it scared me,\" he admitted as he rubbed the pad of his index finger over the nail of his right thumb, as if seeking comfort from it.
\"As I was sitting there looking at Harry, I saw the same things in his eyes, like he was seeing me, Draco, not Malfoy, for the first time. It was a heady feeling, but it also scared the shite out of me. He was reaching up to touch me, my face, when Chad walked in. If he had not interrupted when he did, I’m almost positive that we would have kissed, which would have messed things up worse than they already are,\" he said with a shake of his head, blonde fringes brushing back and forth across his forehead.
He turned to look out over the pitch. \"And then last night happened. I did something phenomenally idiotic last night, didn’t I?\" he asked as he looked back at his friend.
Allen shrugged. \"Did you?\"
\"Yes, I did,\" Draco admitted. \"I let a guy suck me off and I was kingking about Harry the entire time. But that’s not the worst part.\"
Allen’s dark eyes grew wide. \"Tell me what could possibly be worse than that.\"
Draco rested his forehead on his raised knee. \"I could have stopped. I did, in fact. He was on his knees doing his thing and he looked up at me, and all I saw was Harry. Craig has dark hair and green eyes, but I never made the connection until that moment.\" Draco took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. \"I … stopped … and played it off that I get a bit too hyped up, which really wasn’t a lie, and once I had calmed down, he got back to business. I could have told him that I couldn’t do it and left then, but I didn’t. This time when I closed my eyes, I was seeing Harry, not Craig. I wanted to imagine that it was Harry’s lips wrapped around me, bringing me off,\" he said in a quiet voice. \"I knew that it would never happen, so I played out one of my fantasies, and then felt like a total arse afterwards.\"
Allen knew that the two of them had disappeared into the bathroom and knew what would take place. But he never realized that THIS, what Draco was explaining to him, had happened.
\"Do you know how hard it was for me to walk into the billiards room after that and face him, knowing what I had just done? Merlin, Allen, I’ve never felt more guilty about anything before in my entire life, and we’re just friends!\" he shouted in anger; anger directed at himself and at the entire situation. \"I did that to get him out of my mind and what happened was the complete opposite.\"
\"It wasn’t supposed to happen,\" he said quietly. \"We were supposed to become friends, which we did, and I was enjoying that more than anyone could ever imagine. I’ve never really had friends before, just hangers-on who wanted to be associated with the Malfoy name. But when we came here and decided to put our past behind us, and I met you and Chad, as well as a few others, I now have friends. Not many, but a few. And it’s nice. But then that night happened, and things changed, the lines blurred and the world shifted, and now I don’t know what to do,\" he said as he dropped his foot back to the floor. \"The great Draco Malfoy has no fucking clue what to do next.\"
Allen reached out and put his arm around Draco’s shoulder, pulling him against his side.
\"If it’s any consolation, I know exactly what you’re going through,\" he said as he leaned his head towards Draco’s.
\"So tell me how to fix it,\" Draco stated.
\"I can’t, Draco. This is between you and Harry. And if you haven’t noticed, you two are just a tad bit different than Chad and me. You two are not normal,\" he teased.
Draco chuckled. \"I should be offended by that but I’m not because it’s absolutely true. We have never been anywhere close to normal.\"
Allen pulled away and looked at his friend. \"I want you to be honest with me, Draco. What do YOU want? Do you just want to be friends with Harry, or do you want something else? That’s what it all boils down to.\"
Draco thought about it for a minute. \"I love the way things have been, the clowning around, hanging out with the guys, that kind of stuff.\"
\"And don’t forget the flirting,\" Allen added with a grin.
Draco nodded. \"Fine. I miss the flirting, no matter how unintentional it was. But most of all I miss Harry,\" he quietly admitted. \"The fun-loving, carefree person that Harry was before all of this happened.\"
\"So what are you going to do to get him back?\" Allen quietly asked.
\"Again, I have no idea of what to do,\" he admitted. \"The last time I had feelings for someone I pushed them away because I was scared.\"
\"And what about now?\" Allen asked.
\"I’m still scared, but … fuck! I can’t just stroll up to him and say ‘Hey, Harry. How about you and me hooking up?’\"
Allen laughed. \"Well, I’d say that would be one way to get his attention, but not the right way. First of all, you two need to talk. And by that, you need to tell him how you feel about everything; about that first night and you also need to tell him about what happened at the club.\"
Draco lowered his head. \"He’ll hate me for that. He’s a bloody Gryffindor who would never resort to using someone in that capacity.\"
\"Draco, we all do stupid things every day. Some of us more so than others,\" Allen said as he nudged his friend with his shoulder. \"But our friends are willing to allow us a few misguided incidences, and I’m sure that Harry will allow you this one.\"
\"But if he doesn’t?\" Draco asked.
\"If he doesn’t then maybe it wasn’t meant to be in the first place,\" Allen stated.
\"That’s what I’m afraid of.\"
Allen smiled as his friend. \"So you’ve decided then.\"
Draco nodded.
\"And?\"
\"And what?\" Draco asked with a smirk.
Allen sighed. \"What do you want, Draco?\"
\"It’s not WHAT I want, but WHO. Once I accomplish the latter, then I’ll tackle the first, as long as the other party is willing,\" he stated.
\"And if things don’t go your way?\" Allen asked.
Draco smiled a real, genuine smile. \"I’m a Slytherin, Allen, and a Malfoy to boot. If I want something, I get it. I’ll just have to go about it a bit differently than just reaching out and taking it.\"
Allen noticed the change in his friend. Gone was the unsure, worried young man that had sat down to talk a little while ago. In his place was a force to be reckoned with. Poor Harry had better watch out.
TBC
Posted 11-09-04