In Demand

Because I


BECAUSE I\'M IN DEMAND
 


As it turned out, Severus didn’t need to be so concerned
about dancing in public.  Hermione
didn’t seem to be holding him to his agreement to dance with her. 
 


He sat at the end of a table in the Great Hall, just out of
the reach of the dim light.  He
watched her dance.  One by one, the
young men from her class had claimed her.  And
why not?  She was beautiful tonight.  
She was beautiful every night.
 


She was smiling and laughing and being silly with her
schoolmates.  Had he not been her
lover, he surely would have offered a scathing remark by now. 
But, all he could do was watch, and wait.
 


Troubling thoughts ran through his mind; thoughts of age,
experience, maturity.  Seeing her
spinning around the floor, he realized just how far apart they were in those
areas right now.
 


He was pulled out of his deep contemplations by the voice
of Albus Dumbledore.  “Mind if I
take a seat, Severus?  This muggle
beat has winded me a bit.”
 


Severus motioned toward the chair next to him, his eyes
still locked on Hermione.
 


“She is stunning tonight,” Albus observed, “And she
seems to be having such a good time with her friends.”
 


Severus smirked at this. 
“The innocence of youth.”
 


Albus’ voice came back a bit sharper. “She and her
classmates were robbed of their youth by Voldemort.  They deserve to have a bit of fun.  Don’t begrudge her that, Severus.”
 


“Oh, I don’t begrudge her that, Albus. 
But what place do I have in that life? 
The hard, callous Potions Master.  I
hardly think that I would be conducive to ‘partying down’ with her
friends.”
 


“You hardly seemed so hard and callous this afternoon. 
I daresay, Severus, that you may even have enjoyed yourself. 
You forget, my friend, that Voldemort not only robbed your students of
their youth; but he robbed you as well. And you also forget that this is one day
out of a lifetime.  We all need
those times where we can let our proverbial hair down to laugh for the sheer joy
of it, be wild, and dance.  It
doesn’t make us any less mature or worldly, just a bit more human.”
 


Severus gave him a scathing look.  “Are you saying I should be out there doing the bump and
grind with her?  Fawning all over
her like an enamored schoolboy?  Perhaps
I should get down on bended knee in front of everyone and proclaim my undying
love?  And to top it off, I can
serenade her with a sappy love song or two.”
 


Albus closed his eyes and imagined the sight. 
He laughed out loud at it.  “No,
dear boy, not even in your own school days would such behavior have been
appropriate for you.  But, sitting,
brooding and alone, in a corner is hardly appropriate behavior for her. 
Emotions tend to get a bit jumbled up in dark corners.” 
He rose and started to walk away.  Pausing
behind Severus’ chair he added one last thought. 
“Where there is love, there is always a middle ground; even in a
dance.”
 
YOU\'RE THINKING ABOUT THE WAY YOU SHOULD\'VE HELD MY HAND


 


“Even in a dance” If it had come from anyone but
Albus, Severus would have thought the choice of words to be coincidence. 
 


Dancing, their whole relationship was about dancing. 
She danced, physically, erotically. 
Together they danced as one.  And
when it came to the emotional side of their relationship, Severus tap-danced
around it.  Whispered words of love spoken in the quiet dungeons were all
he offered her. She seemed satisfied with that. 
Watching her here tonight, he realized that she couldn’t be, not
really.
 


Her behavior wasn’t about immaturity or youth. 
It was passion, life, and love; feelings that she had no desire to hold
back, or to hide from anyone.  Except
where he was concerned.  Out of
respect for him, she maintained a rigid public control of her feelings for him. 
In the privacy of their chambers, their passion ran free. 
Alone, they laughed, joked, and …danced.
 


Watching her react so openly and warmly to everyone around
her, he realized what it cost her; what it cost him.  The opportunities that were gone forever. 
Individual moments of laughter, smiles, embraces, touches; lost to his
pride; which when accumulated could have meant extra hours, even days. 
 


The driving beat of the song came to a halt and was
replaced by a slower, haunting melody.  “This
is a place to begin”


 


He rose and made his way across the dance floor. 
She was dancing, somewhat awkwardly with Neville Longbottom. 
He tapped the young man on the shoulder. 
When Neville turned to see who was trying to cut in, Severus gave him his
fiercest Potions-Master scowl.  Quickly,
stumbling over his own two feet, Neville released Hermione, mumbled a quick
“Thank You,” and was gone.
 


Hermione giggled at this, then tried to stifle her giggle
with a cough.  “What are you
doing, Severus?”
 


He looked into her eyes and willed himself to shut the rest
of the room out.  “Fig a g a
middle ground,” was his simple explanation. 
Before she had the chance to question him further, he took her in his
arms and danced.  This dance, like
so many of their other’s, was only about the two of them. 
They were alone in it, sharing one beat. 
Until, out of the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of amazed faces. 
His step faltered a bit under the close scrutiny. 
 


“Severus, you don’t have to do this. 
I know how you abhor this kind of public display.”
 


He closed his eyes briefly to regain his demeanor and
returned his gaze to the woman in his arms. 
“I told you once that I would need some guidance in this area of our
relationship.  I am asking now for
that guidance.”
 


She was clearly confused, unable to puzzle out his
statements, to make sense of them.
 


He took her hand and guided her gently toward the door. 
She expected that they would be proceeding to the dungeon, for him to
explain in a more emotionally comfortable setting. 
Instead, he walked to the front doors of the castle and slipped outside. 
He took a seat on the top step and pulled her down beside her.
 


He faced her and tried valiantly to put his feelingto
to
words.  “I watched you dancing and ghinghing tonight.  You were stunning
and I was jealous.  Jealous of the
attention you paid to everyone, but me.” 
She tried to interrupt him then, only to be silenced by a finger on her
lips.
 


“Let me continue, please. I was also quite annoyed by
what I viewed as childish behavior on your part, giggling, joking, laughing. 
But as I observed you, and with a little guidance from Albus, of
course...”
 


“Of course”
 


“I realized that you were simply enjoying the people you
were with.  Enjoying them openly and
affectionately.  Enjoying life and
enjoying living it.  I realized that
your lack of affection for me had nothing to do with your feelings, but to do
with my insistence that silly emotional displays were somehow, beneath me. 
And that what I viewed as childish behavior was nothing but affection for
those you were with.”
 


“I have been, for the most part, unyielding in the more
public aspects of our relationship.  I
realize for this relationship to continue, for you to truly be happy, things
have to change a bit.  I have to
learn to be somewhat more open-minded in some areas.”
 


He was clearly struggling to put his feelings into words
that she would understand.  “You’re
eyes were so full of life tonight.  I
want to see those eyes looking at me, not just when we are alone; but at dinner,
walking on the grounds, shopping in Hogsmeade. 
I love you, Hermione and while displays such as snogging in corners will
always be beneath me, dancing slowly with you, holding your hand beneath the
dinner table and walking arm in arm may not be. I just need your reassurance,
your guidance.”
 


 


 


Hermione moved into his lap now.  He fought a bit of panic, realizing someone could walk by
them at any moment and catch them in what he deemed such an unseemly position. 
She brought her hand up to his cheek, and ran her thumb along his bottom
lip. She brushed her mouth over his, gently. 
She did not seek to deepen the kiss, not now.
 


The door opened up then and several couples poured out. 
Hermione felt Severus stiffen instinctively; but he did not pull away. 
“That’s a good start,” she thought.
 


“Oh, Severus, I do love you,” she whispered.
 


He lifted her up and set her on her feet. He spoke
loudly, as he pulled her to her feet, “I love you, Hermione.”  
He smiled a bit devilishly at her now, and bowed slightly.   “It’s
your turn to lead me, my darling.  Just
please be gentle.”