Dark Gods In The Blood
Chapter Fifteen
xmlns=\"http://www.w3.org/TR/REC-html40\">
A/N: None for this
chapter, I think. Thanks for reading.
Summary: A wandering
student comes home, a broken man pays his penance, and a gruesome murder is
both more and less than it seems. Some
paths to self-discovery have more twists and turns than others.
Rating: R, for
intermittent dark themes, violence, and language
you read here (save the plot and bits of the text itself) belongs to me.
property of JK Rowling and Warner Bros. (and someone else, probably, but not
me). All chapter headings are properly
credited to their sources.
Dark Gods in the Blood
by: Hayseed (
Chapter Fifteen
...
it had caressed him and -- lo! -- he had withered; it had
his veins,
his flesh, and sealed his soul to its own by the
inconceivable
ceremonies of some devilish initiation.
He
was its
spoiled and pampered favorite.
Heart of Darkness
1\'>
Old Jack was in rare form
this afternoon. Apparently not
satisfied with simply sitting quietly at luncheon and looking
near-catatonia to a veritable whirlwind of activity, smashing lunch trays,
throwing food, even going so far as to attack a nurse, leaping at her with
tooth and nail. One Petrificus
Totalus later, of course, found Jack completely
incapacitated, and the orderlies had quickly removed him.
would be confined to his room for the next week at least.
behavior did not improve, they would actually bind him to the bed with
restraints.
1\'>
Sighing, Severus wiped a
glob of some indefinable foodstuff from his brow.yes\"> At least now that his lunch had been fairly obliterated by Old
Jack’s furor -- he had taken to sitting near the man as of late -- he had an
excuse to abandon it.
1\'>
He left the cafeteria.
1\'>
“Where are you headed,
Severus?” one of the male orderlies asked with false cheer as he stepped into
the doorway to block Severus’ path.
“Dinner isn’t over.” He was
quite literally the size of a small bull, barrel-chested and
broad-shouldered. Severus did not like
the smile on his face.
1\'>
With another sigh, he
indicated his messy clothing, liberally dabbed with remnants of Old Jack’s
projectiles. “I would like to change,”
he said pointedly. “Also, if I am
permitted, I would like to shower.”
1\'>
The orderly smirked --
Severus thought he dimly recognized the face of a Slytherin student he’d taught
some twenty years ago in the man’s features.
“Of course,” he said mockingly, stepping aside to allow Severus to pass.
1\'>
Wordlessly, he proceeded
to the showers, dropping his scrubs distastefully into a bin full of dirty
clothing in the dressing room.
1\'>
The air in the shower was
sticky, full of humidity from previous patients taking their morning
turns. A greasy film of soap coated the
tiled room, a row of showerheads lining every wall.yes\"> There were no curtains, of course; Severus generally tried to
bathe only when he knew he could have the shower to himself and the staff,
after some initial protests, allowed him the small luxury.
1\'>
He turned on the water at
one of the spouts and stepped under the cold spray, letting it cool the back of
his bare neck.
1\'>
The whole room stank of
sweat and it made Severus feel dirty.
1\'>
Reaching out blindly,
water flooding his vision, his fingers found the automatic dispenser near the
water knobs. Soap shot out of the
machine and into his hand at his touch; he scrubbed it into his hair viciously.
nostrils.
1\'>
After finishing up and
shutting off the water, he padded back over to the dressing room, drippy and
naked. A bin of clean towels sat on the
left-hand side of the doorway and he took one, briskly running it over his
skin. Still quite damp and little
rivulets of water running down his back from his admittedly soggy hair, Severus
turned around to the bins of scrubs.
Hundreds of colorless Muggle-style shirts and trousers, shapeless and
thin from innumerable washings.
1\'>
Severus gave his head one
last swipe with the towel and tossed it over into the dirty clothes bin sitting
across the room. Sorting briefly
through the mass of cloth, he plucked out a set of scrubs that looked as if
they would fit him as well as any of them might.yes\"> Water from his hair spotted the shirt as he pulled it over his
head.
1\'>
The outside door to the
dressing room suddenly opened. “Oi!” a
male voice shouted. It was that same
Slytherin student from earlier. “Severus?
1\'>
He sighed.
1\'>
“Budge up,” it continued
in a rough voice. “You’ve got a visitor
waiting for you. A lady
He could hear the grin in its voice and longed to be able to do
something to remove it.
1\'>
Unwilling to court trouble,
Severus simply continued dressing, making his way toward the orderly as soon as
he was clothed. The wet hair in his
eyes was only mildly annoying -- the fact that it was a testament to his
managing to evade the hairdresser last week more than made up for any potential
irritation.
1\'>
The burly orderly frowned
at his appearance. “You look like a
drowned rat, Severus. When’s the last
time they cut your hair?”
1\'>
He did not bother to
respond, choosing instead to begin walking down the hallway, toward the
visitation rooms. The orderly did not
follow.
1\'>
A lady, the former
Slytherin had said. And unless he’d
garnered far more admiration during his teaching career than he surmised, that
only meant that Granger was back.
1\'>
Severus grimaced.
evasive. This time, he probably would
not be so lucky.
1\'>
As he watched his feet
shuffle down the corridor, he mulled it over.
What harm could there be in telling Granger the truth?
course -- he was unsure exactly what she thought of her old headmaster -- but
Severus had never cared much about what people thought of Albus before.
1\'>
Besides, it would be
somewhat of a relief to finally be able to tell someone.
soul. Not even Minerva McGonagall knew,
and she’d been at Hogwarts and known Albus for Severus’ entire life.
1\'>
It seemed perversely
pleasant to be able to break Albus’ trust after all this time.
1\'>
It was decided then, he
realized as he laid his hand on the doorknob between himself and Granger.
1\'>
He would tell her.
1\'>
-- --yes\"> -- --
1\'>
She did not pull her
punches. “It is another day,” she said
abruptly as he sat down.
1\'>
Severus blinked, not
immediately understanding her meaning.
And then he had it. Ask
me again one day, he’d said as she left last
time. “You wish to ask me once more?”
1\'>
Nodding, Granger’s face
was rapt with attention.
1\'>
For a brief, shining
moment, he nearly refused again.
Refused and insulted her so badly that she’d go away and never come
back.
1\'>
But then he recalled his
earlier resolve and reined his impulse into check.yes\"> “What do you know about Albus?” he asked, unsure as to whether he
was looking for a place to start his narrative or simply evading her yet again.
1\'>
Granger frowned,
concentrating. “He’s very old,” she
said. Apparently she hadn’t meant to
say this aloud, as she blushed immediately.
“Erm ... I mean ...”
1\'>
“He is,” Severus found
himself agreeing in what could almost pass for a civil tone.
1\'>
Accepting his gesture,
she continued. “And I know he taught at
Hogwarts as early as the 1940’s. Harry
once said that he saw him in Tom Riddle’s old diary.yes\"> He had red hair ...”
Granger trailed off for a moment, either thinking or dreaming.
him with the philosopher’s stone Flamel had.
And, of course, they were after him for Minister of Magic many years ago
-- I don’t know if they still are. And
he battled Grindelwald.” She concluded
her list briskly. “Oh ... and he has a
brother. Or, at least, he did.
brother and, what was it? A sheep?”
1\'>
Severus smirked,
recalling that
does like to bait his brother about it whenever he gets a chance.”
1\'>
“Oh,” she said in a small
voice. And then, more firmly --”That’s
all I know about him. Not much, really,
when you consider everything he’s done.”
1\'>
“Well ...” he said,
tilting back in his chair. “The
Dumbledore family is a fairly old one.
Not particularly pureblooded, as wizarding families go, but they’ve had
their moments of importance. Albus does
indeed have a brother. Aberforth is
many years younger than Albus -- close to thirty, I think.
Severus permitted himself a grim sort of smile.
Aberforth and his twin were born.”
1\'>
Her brow furrowed.
1\'>
“Not a brother,” he
corrected. “A sister, actually.
names beginning with the letter ‘A.’”
He saw Granger smile broadly. “I
suppose most people wouldn’t
as a brother and sister with thirty years between them can be, at any
rate. If I remember correctly, he
actually presided over her wedding -- he was with the Ministry at that
point. But they lost contact for many
years. Albertina and her husband
inherited his father’s estate -- he was a Muggleborn, you see -- and retreated
from the wizarding world. The estate,
by all accounts, had fallen into disrepair.
But they made a few rather clever investments and -- while never truly
wealthy -- they were able to enjoy some degree of comfort.
1\'>
“Between the interim,
Albertina had a single child -- a daughter.
But she had not been in touch with her brothers for many years and her
parents were long dead. So I expect
Albus was quite surprised one year when the girl showed up at Hogwarts.
have children for many years without success, so their daughter was born
late in their lives. She had grown up
quite isolated on their country estate.
1\'>
“Agrippina Darcy --
that’s the daughter, Albus’ niece -- was a curious sort of person,” he said
slowly, trying to settle on a gentle phrase to satisfy Granger’s hungry
curiosity. He closed his eyes, trying
to remember her face and failing, as usual.
“Recall, Miss Granger, that she had spent the first ten years of her
life living as a Muggle. A Muggle who,
incidentally, came from a formerly noble, wealthy family that was now reduced
to living in a crumbling old mansion with only enough money to support a
lifestyle that she was beginning to see as bourgeois.”
1\'>
He held her complete
attention, now. Severus could see the
question in her eyes -- what
does this have to do with you?
1\'>
“Thus, not only was Albus
surprised to learn of the existence
child of his beloved, gentle sister was Sorted into Slytherin without so much
as a pause. The Hat barely had to touch
her head. Agrippina wanted only one
thing in the world at that point in her life -- the restoration of honor and
wealth to the Darcy name. And the Hat
knew that she would have done anything
1\'>
“Agrippina was at
Hogwarts a good twenty years before Voldemort,” he said, hesitating only
slightly on the Dark Lord’s name. “But
the pureblood fanaticism was already permeating the school.
course -- Salazar Slytherin and Godric Gryffindor themselves had a major
falling-out over the issue.”
1\'>
Granger’s gaze was
reproachful and Severus felt the urge to defend Slytherin bubbling up in his gut
-- weakly, he gave in to it, diverging from his story long enough only to glare
at her and say,
1\'>
“Miss Granger, consider
the fact that the Founders lived more than a thousand years ago.
them as a threat to wizarding society.”
He felt himself slipping into lecture mode and his hands itched for a
piece of chalk. “Muggle society in
pre-Norman Britain was a brutal blend of Christianity and Saxon
factionalism. Muggle awareness of a
wizarding presence would have meant all-out war, Miss Granger.
1\'>
The grudging glint in her
eyes confirmed it, but she till protested.
“Muggle awareness, certainly.
But is that any reason for full discrimination?”
1\'>
“Gryffindor was the son
of two wizards, Miss Granger,” he continued.
“Raised in a wizarding enclave.
He knew nothing of Muggle society and, to be honest, they fascinated
him. His desire to include them stemmed
more from curiosity than any sense of compassion.yes\"> But Slytherin’s mother was a Muggleborn witch, half-trained in
her arts, and worked as a midwife in a Muggle village.
of him when he was a child -- angry villagers that saw her arts as
devil-worshipping witchcraft. He knew
what sort of mentality ninth-century Muggleborns were likely to have and how
they would react to the knowledge of the existence of wizards.”
1\'>
Her expression was still
skeptical, but he could tell that his revelation about Slytherin’s background
had surprised her. He dimly recalled
that she was a Muggleborn and felt the need to continue.
1\'>
“Miss Granger,” he said,
not unkindly, “I am not attempting to justify pureblood discrimination, and
certainly not in this more enlightened time.
I simply wanted you to understand the context of Slytherin’s
belief. It was more fear than hatred --
fear that Muggleborn students could not overcome their preconceived notions
based on a society that has long since gone to dust.yes\"> And while his concerns are now baseless, for the most part,
during his time, they may have had some merit.”
1\'>
“I know,” she
replied. “It’s just ... I hadn’t ever
considered it from that perspective.”
1\'>
Severus cleared his
throat. “Anyway ... back to your
initial question. Agrippina, as a
half-blood thrown into Slytherin house at a time when these prejudices were
rearing their ugly head, found her focus shifting.yes\"> Instead of wanting to restore the former glory of her father’s
family, she became obsessed with the purity of blood.yes\"> She saw herself as tainted and grew to resent both her parents --
her father, simply for what he was, and her mother, for besmirching the
Dumbledore name with Muggle blood. Of
course she knew, by that time, that the Transfigurations teacher was her uncle,
but she did not seem to care. Albus did
not have a strong relationship with her.
1\'>
“It should not be
surprising to you, then, that Agrippina set her sights on marrying into the
oldest, purest wizarding family that would have her.yes\"> She was pragmatic -- her ‘dirty’ blood would keep her from the
most noble -- but she was not turned from her task and spent most of her time
at Hogwarts, apart from coursework, hunting for a potential husband.
he did, whether he mentioned it to Albertina -- I do not know.
1\'>
“In her seventh year,
when she was growing most desperate, Agrippina finally met a worthwhile
candidate. Actually, she met his
brother. Her future husband’s brother
was a first-year Ravenclaw that she saw one day being bullied by a pair of
sixth-year boys. She ran the boys off
-- more with hopes of points for Slytherin in mind than any actual concern over
the Ravenclaw’s well-being, I am sure -- and saw the injured child to the
infirmary. In so doing, she learned his
name. Tertius Snape.”
1\'>
Granger gasped and
Severus snorted with laughter.
1\'>
“Had you not guessed it
yet, Granger? You should be
ashamed.” Smirking at her reproachful
glare, he continued blandly. “Tertius
was grateful for the attention and, in turn, then, told her everything she wanted
to know. She was his friend, I think,
when it suited her purposes.
1\'>
“The Snape family was
indeed old, just as Agrippina wanted.
And as pureblooded as they come.
Unfortunately, the Snapes were not, as she had hoped, particularly
wealthy. Tertius’ great-grandfather ran
through the last of the fortune in his lifetime, leaving his widow with a
useless castle and a stack of gambling debts.
The castle had been sold by Tertius’ father once they were unable to afford
the upkeep and thus the Snapes, much to Agrippina’s horror, were very nearly
middle-class. Tertius’ older brothers
-- of which there were, predictably, I suppose, two -- were both actually
employed. Primus, the eldest, had
established a fair name for himself at Gringotts,’ but he was also,
regrettably, married.
1\'>
“It was the younger
brother, Secundus, who Agrippina found herself asking about.
in Diagon Alley, save his abominable state of near-poverty, had the qualities
she sought. He was pureblooded, from a
respectable family, and blissfully unmarried.
Even the age difference -- a mere fifteen years -- was quite acceptable
to her.”
Granger shocked him here by interrupting his monologue.
1\'>
Severus shrugged.
to please his friend. I like to think
that maybe she did not want to corrupt him by involving him in her little
scheme -- that she genuinely liked him.
But I must be realistic -- the truth is that Agrippina was a rather
beautiful young woman and as soon as she walked into Secundus’ shop later that
year, he wanted her. She captivated him
and he proposed to her before she even finished at Hogwarts.
graduated.
1\'>
“But they realized an
important fact not long after the wedding -- they did not like each other.
and Secundus resented that Agrippina carried on with her lifestyle as if he did
not. The bills piled up and they were
deep in debt before they were wed for five years -- she bought a lavish home,
had it fully furnished, entertained her friends on almost a daily basis, lived
as extravagantly as if she had married a prince instead of a poor potions
brewer. As a consequence,” he said,
pausing partially to breathe but mostly for effect, “I was not born until my
parents had been married for nearly twenty-five years.”
1\'>
“Then ...” Granger began
haltingly. “Then Albus Dumbledore is
your ...”
1\'>
“My great-uncle,” he
completed for her. “Yes.”
1\'>
He relished the look on
her face -- bewilderment, amazement, and curiosity a delightful blend in her
eyes. “But ...” she spluttered for a
moment. “But you don’t look
like him!”
1\'>
Taken aback, Severus
actually allowed a rather genuine laugh to escape.yes\"> “I can assure you, Miss Granger, that it is true.
photograph of my uncle Aberforth, you will find that we have identical
noses. I am also told that my hands are
very like my grandmother Albertina’s.”
1\'>
She was silent, still
staring at him with wide eyes.
1\'>
“I was largely
disregarded as a child, Miss Granger,” he said, continuing the tale.
asked not only what relationship Albus had to him, but exactly
he was his next-of-kin, on paper as the closest relative he had.
relationship had degenerated terribly and my earliest recollections are of them
fighting. I was trotted out when it was
prudent to display their son but otherwise left in the hands of a nurse.
1\'>
Again, he paused.
my mother killed herself that year,” he said, more thoughtful than sad.
1\'>
Granger’s eyes
rounded. “She killed herself?”
1\'>
“I remember the funeral,”
he said, losing himself in the memory and only half-remembering Granger sitting
in the chair across the table from him.
“My nurse dressed me in hot, scratchy robes of black velvet, and I had
to stand beside my father in the rain as Albus spoke over my mother’s
grave. I don’t know why he was the one
to officiate -- possibly out of some misguided sense of obligation to my
grandmother, who died long before I was born.
That was the first time I ever laid eyes on him.
anyone at the funeral and took me back home as soon as it was through.”
1\'>
His voice shifted
slightly as the tale changed, turning into true memory rather than story, and
the urge to scratch out pertinent dates and names on a chalkboard at his back
faded. “My father was not a bad fellow,
Miss Granger. He was, however, not a
wonderful father. After my mother’s
death, he seemed to realize he had a son.
He dismissed my mother’s servants and sold her house -- we moved into
the empty flat over his apothecary shop, just the two of us.
part, allowed to roam Diagon Alley during the day while my father worked.
reading -- the owner knew I could not afford any of her books and so she
indulged me. I suppose ...”
here. “I suppose the fact that I was
probably one of the more homely children she’d ever seen helped.”
1\'>
Granger did not reply.
1\'>
“Perhaps, then, it was
not entirely a bad thing that my father somehow managed to poison himself when
I was almost nine. It was an accident,
of course. Something went awry at work
one day while he was mixing -- the fumes were toxic enough to kill him
instantly. I cannot bring myself to be
glad of his death, though. He may not
have been the best choice for my father, but he was the choice, nevertheless.”
Plunging forward, Severus did not give her a ce toe to comment.
somber and colored by the realization that I was now a homeless orphan.
bother to attend the funeral, so I knew I did not have a home there.
-- an unmarried professional Quidditch player of little repute and thus little
salary, penniless and traveling so continuously that he did not even bother to
maintain a permanent residence. He told
me as much at the funeral, standing beside my father’s grave with an apologetic
look on his face.
1\'>
“And so, once the funeral
was over and the minister left, I stood there, alone.yes\"> I had nowhere to go. The
shop had been sold and the money put toward the funeral expenses and unpaid
bills my father had left. I vaguely
knew that someone from an orphanage would probably come and fetch me at some
point if I went back to Diagon Alley, so I stayed in the graveyard, an old
suitcase by my feet, wondering what to do next.yes\"> You can imagine, probably, what happened.”
1\'>
With a little shake of
her head, Granger indicated for him to continue.
1\'>
“Albus showed up.
for his battle with Grindelwald, Apparated into the graveyard.”
1\'>
“’Do you remember me,
Severus?’ I remember him asking. ‘No?’
he asked again when all I could do was stare at him.yes\"> ‘I’m your uncle Albus.
Your grandmother’s brother. I’ve
come to fetch you.’
1\'>
“What choice did I
have? I was eight years old, lonely and
destitute. I knew that Albus was my
only option for evading the orphanage.
So I went with him to the old Dumbledore estate, not knowing what to
expect.
1\'>
“Aberforth was there,” he
said darkly. “Apparently, Albus had
read of my father’s death in the Daily Prophet and he contacted Aberforth about
it. They knew the Snapes would want
nothing to do with me, and Albus felt that they had an obligation to help as
best they could. Aberforth, you see,
did not quite agree. He had his own
family -- children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, by that point --
and wanted nothing to do with an awkward little orphan child.
eyes on me -- a shy, ugly little shadow of a boy.yes\"> He wanted no part of it and was quite ... vocal about it.”
1\'>
Granger was
frowning. “But you were just a little
child ...”
1\'>
“He said that there was
not a circumstance in the world that would move him to take in another
child. He could not afford it, he said,
and neither could any of his kin. They fought
and Aberforth Disapparated, leaving me alone with Albus.
when he left.
1\'>
“’So ... ’ Albus said
once it was just the two of us. ‘Are
you hungry, Severus? I’ll have
something brought up to you.’
1\'>
“I could not bear it.
I asked.
1\'>
“He laughed and patted my
head and I think it was that moment that I wanted nothing more than for him to
love me and let me live with him. ‘My
house is awfully large and empty, Severus,’ he said with that awful little
twinkle in his eyes that he’s always got.
‘Plenty of room for one little boy.
Would you like to live here with me?’
1\'>
“I distantly recall
bursting into tears at that point,” Severus said dryly.
1\'>
Her features
softened. “Of course not.”
1\'>
Giving her one last
pointed, threatening look, Severus picked up the narrative again.
a dream world. I had such vague
recollections of our home before my mother died, and afterward, our flat had
been so shabby and dark that the Dumbledore mansion seemed unspeakably large
and beautiful to my eyes. And Albus was
generous with his money -- everything I wanted I had as soon as I so much as
mentioned it to a house elf. Books,
toys, clothes, sweets, anything I asked for.
It soon became apparent that Albus did not know very much about children
-- more exotic requests were also indulged.
I set up my own potions lab in one of the rooms near mine and began
practicing brewing before I was ten, whatever I could dig out of Albus’
library. The Dumbledores have quite an
extensive library and Albus personally added a great number of alchemical and
potions texts. Plenty for a curious
student to spend all his time crawling through.yes\"> For the first time in my life, I found myself fairly content.
1\'>
“But as I aged, I noticed
that my uncle was rarely on the estate.
During the school year, he was required to live at Hogwarts and during
the summers, he was often absent on Ministry business or Order business or some
such thing. Again, I grew lonely.
I have said, my parents were not particularly affectionate people.>
1\'>
“I started at Hogwarts
when I was nearly eleven years old and at first, I was very excited.
day that he was not going to give me any special treatment.
train in with all the other students, he told me that I was not to refer to him
familiarly, I was to go to my Head of House if I needed anything and not him,
and I was, above all, never to tell anyone that I was his ward.
position and he did not want to be accused of any potential favoritism.
1\'>
“I was Sorted into
Slytherin, of course,” he said, watching Granger nod shortly.
disappointed with me because of it -- I have never been able to bring myself to
ask. From the first day of school, the
first time I set foot on the train, I realized that, again, I was alone.
sociable.
1\'>
“Sirius Black was the
first boy I spoke with at Hogwarts. He
and James Potter and I were forced to share a boat on the ride in to the
castle. There was a cold wind blowing
that day, and my cloak was not warm enough.
As I shivered in the bottom of the boat, with both cold and fear, Black
smirked at me and said, ‘Afraid of water, then, scaredy-cat?’
1\'>
“’I am not,’ I remember
saying. ‘I’m just cold, is all.’
1\'>
“’Bet you aren’t,’ he
continued, still smirking widely. ‘Bet
you’re scared
a little fairy ‘fraidy boy, aren’t you?’
1\'>
“Stupidly, not knowing
anything about boats, I leapt to my feet.
‘Take it back!’ I cried as the boat started rocking.
1\'>
“He did not have a chance
to reply. The boat overturned then,
dumping Black and Potter and me into the lake.
Potter couldn’t swim and Black hauled him to the water’s edge.
the lake. Fortunately, Hagrid came back
for me and fished me out.
1\'>
“That was just the
beginning,” Severus said, eyes flashing as he remembered his Hogwarts
years. “You knew Sirius Black after
years in Azkaban. After he’d been
twisted with hate and drained by the dementors.yes\"> And you still loved him.
No, you stupid girl,” he sighed as she opened her mouth, osiblsibly to
object. “I don’t mean that you were in
love with him. I mean that you liked
and respected him well enough to go charging blindly after him in the
Department of Mysteries all those years ago.
And don’t give me all that blather about it being Potter’s idea -- you
him. You saw Black as important enough
to die for. Keep that in mind when I
tell you that Sirius Black ruled
worshipped him and the teachers would forgive him any offense.
but not a whit less powerful, was James Potter.yes\"> If Black was king, then Potter was his crown prince -- headstrong
and charming. He also usually had more
of a sense of self-preservation than Black -- Black would try anything at least
once, but Potter was generally there to keep him from getting in real
trouble. And they absolutely despised
me.”
1\'>
Black’s grin flashed
across Severus’ memory and his hands clenched into fists.
he suspected was a deliberately careful voice.
“He said he looked in a Pensieve once that had your memories in it and
he saw Sirius and his father and they were ...”
1\'>
Eyes narrowing at the
recollection of Harry Potter’s damned nosiness, Severus nodded sharply.
advantage of Albus’ largesse, perhaps seeing it for what it was.
secondhand, and my robes wore thin as I made do on the little pocket money he
gave me and nothing else. I had not
asked for anything from him for ages and little by le, le, his desire to spoil
me faded. By my fifth year, it was gone
completely. My appearance was further
fodder for their amusement. I began
practicing hexes and curses outside of classes in addition to my potions
dabblings and soon, I could hold my own against them.
1\'>
“Only once did I try to
speak to Albus about Potter and Black.During my sixth year, I happened to hear Black speaking with Potter
about a meeting they were to have in the Forbidden Forest that evening.
for me to overhear what he was saying -- he mentioned the Whomping Willow and a
large knot at the base that, if pressed, would reveal a secret passage.
strange that he felt the need to remind Potter of this fact.
1\'>
“That night I went to the
willow tree and pressed every knot I could reach with a long stick.
and the passage opened, the tree freezing as if Petrified.
barreling out of nowhere and knocked me down.
I fought him, of course, kicking and punching as he screamed at me.
not take him long to drag me completely away from the tree.
1\'>
“’You
he shouted as I struggled. ‘Snivellus,
you’ve got
1\'>
cla class=MsoBodyText2>“’What are you doing down
there?’ I asked.
1\'>
“He punched me in the
face. ‘There’s a
behind that door, Snape. Sirius and I
can keep him in check, but you can’t
Sirius thought it would be funny to scare you, but he didn’t realize
Remus could killstyle=\'font-style:normal\'> you.’
1\'>
“Potter let me go and
that was the first time I broke Albus’ rule, running straight to his office and
shouting at the entrance until he came out.
I wasn’t completely stupid -- I’d caught Potter’s slip.
had just tried to kill me. ‘Uncle
Albus!’ I cried. ‘Uncle Albus, you’ve
got to help me.’
1\'>
“The whole story spilled
out. Somewhere in the middle of it, Albus
managed to get me into his office, into a chair.yes\"> I’m certain I was in tears by the end of it all.
spoke, letting out years
look on his face that it was not going to be good.yes\"> ‘Severus, my boy, I am sorry for what you feel has been done to
you, but there’s not much I can do.
Young Mr. Black did not harm you in any way and you should be grateful
to Mr. Potter for saving your life. I
confess, I did know about Remus Lupin -- we’re doing our best to give him the
best possible education under the circumstances.yes\"> Maybe a stricter curfew during the full moon is in order.
Severus?’
1\'>
“It would not have been
worse if he’d struck me. ‘You’re not
going to do anything?’ I shouted. ‘But
Black set a live werewolf
Albus ... ’
1\'>
“Hardening further, he
sat behind his desk, leaving my side.
‘That’s Professor
Dumbledore, Severus,’ he reminded
me. ‘And I will say again, you must
learn to fight your own battles. I hear
that Sirius Black and James Potter are quite nice boys.
sake. I’m sure that you can straighten
everything out.’
1\'>
“And that was it.
matter. But that’s when I realized that
Albus thought Black was important
fallen under Black’s spell just like everyone else at the school.
nephew, Albus would choose -- had chosen -- Sirius Black and James Potter.”
1\'>
His>His voice was bleak and
Granger’s face was compassionate.
“Within the week, I was studying Dark hexes -- I knew that if I was
going to have to deal with Potter and Black on my own, I would need stronger
weapons. When I met Lucius Malfoy at
Borgin and Burkes the summer after I left Hogwarts, he told me about a
political organization he was affiliated with.
One that was dedicated to the betterment of wizarding society, that
desired a return to traditional wizarding ideals.yes\"> His argument was compelling and I soon found myself attending
meetings.
1\'>
“Voldemort was a
brilliant creature,” Severus said with a grimace.yes\"> “Mad as a hatter, of course, but brilliant.
his banner if he spoke about world domination and the purging of the
races. So he employed a more subtle
approach, telling his inner circle to recruit members as they saw fit, offering
each exactly what they wanted. Once in
the system, he could ‘re-educate’ us.”
1\'>
Granger looked
horrified. “That’s ... that’s awful!”
1\'>
“Of course it is,” he
agreed. “What did you expect, Miss
Granger? No ... Voldemort used Lucius
Malfoy to pull me into his organization, showing me only the best points,
offering me funds for research, and a ready-made group of companions.
1\'>
“But ...” Granger
began. “But you went back to
Dumbledore.”
1\'>
He quirked an eyebrow at
her. “I rose quickly within the
ranks. I was eager to please my new
masters and they rewarded me with such praise for my efforts that it was only a
matter of time until I was invited into the inner circle.
brought me to an inner circle meeting.
Wearing a silver cloak and a dark mask, I took my place within the
circle. And I was terrified.
1\'>
“The Lucius Malfoy that
treated me with kindness and patience was gone.yes\"> As was the gently charismatic Lord Voldemort.
new world order, in which wizards ruled and Muggles lived only by our
leave. I realized that they were
fighting a war, a war with the Ministry and a war with my uncle.
and spoke freely about what he would do to him, and his Order of the Phoenix,
once he was in power. He ordered Lucius
to ‘eliminate’ an Auror and his family -- he was getting too close to the
truth, you see. When I protested to
Lucius, I was placed under the Cruciatus curse for the first time in my life.
1\'>
“I went to Albus that
very night. I threw myself at his feet,
begging for forgiveness and offering him every piece of information I had on
the Death Eaters. And while I had eliminated
any chance I ever had of joining Voldemort’s inner circle, I still offered to
go crawling back to Lucius, to continue collecting evidence against the Death
Eater organization. Albus took me at my
word and I became a spy until my usefulness ran out.”yes\"> Bowing his head, he focused his gaze on a small, unidentifiable
stain on his trousers. “That, Miss
Granger, is why Albus Dumbledore is my next-on.
he feels the need to visit me as well.
Think of me what you will.”
1\'>
Granger was quiet for a
moment. Finally, she said, “I think you
are a good person, Professor Snape. You
have not been handed an easy path in life, but you have walked it nonetheless.
1\'>
“Good.”
1\'>
Still contemplative, she
stood up, giving him a look he could not immediately identify.
1\'>
He watched her leave as
he always did, overwhelmed and exhausted.
After all, he had just said more in the span of two hours than he had in
the last five years. To Hermione
Granger, of all people. It rather
boggled the mind.
-- --
-- --