The Ties that Lead to Trust

Chapter 16~ Little Things
Soon it became habit for Hermione to visit and stay overnight with Severus on Fridays. Often they would read, but gradually they began to do other things. For her birthday, Severus took Hermione to Hogsmeade for dinner and a peaceful walk in the crisp night air. One night in early November, she dragged him outside to watch a particularly exquisite display of aurora borealis dance across the sky. When Severus was bombarded by essays to mark, Hermione helped read through first year papers or occupied her time pouring through his private library. Not once did they cancel an evening and they never mentioned the sleeping arrangements. Hermione purposefully left behind a pair of pyjamas. They were never commented on, but were waiting for her, freshly laundered, on the dresser every Friday.

The ease they felt with each other in the evening also began to rub off on the morning that would follow. Hermione ceased to be surprised to find an arm wrapped around her when she woke, though they didn’t fall asleep that way. She never said anything and neither did he. It was an understanding. Breakfast became a lively affair as they discussed the issues in the morning paper and afterwards he would discretely escort her to the library where she would meet with friends to study.

The basic routine became familiar, but little things started to change as autumn shifted into winter. First was the way he played with her hair while they sat together reading. Hermione had long ago become accustomed to the arm around her shoulders and she wondered if he was even aware of how his fingers toyed with the curls. As if testing to find out, she took his hand more often and stroked the back with her thumb. It was then she knew that they were both acutely aware of the other’s actions and condoning them by way of silence.

This gradual increase in incidental touching became much more noticeable when the weather turned cold. On the night they stood outside watching the borealis, Severus stood close behind her and enfolded her in the wings of his cloak. Later, as Hermione lay awake in the snug darkness of his bedroom, she would reflect that it was an entirely romantic gesture.

It was one morning at the beginning of December when the transformation from friendship to unspoken romance could no longer be ignored. The previous evening Hermione had rifled through Severus’ Dark Arts books doing research for a project in DADA. Dozens of books were stacked around the old leather armchair and small table she had conjured to work at. Lost in the sea of written material, she tried to fight against the drowsiness that threatened to overcome her as the hour became late, and it was Severus who insisted she go to bed. Too tired to argue, she allowed herself to be removed from the books.

Putting the books away in the morning, she could feel his eyes on her. In the Great Hall and in class his gaze had not faltered since the beginning of term, but it had changed in nature from protective watchfulness to curious observation. The last few books belonged on a high shelf, just barely within her reach and she struggled to put them back. A warm hand brushed against hers and plucked the tome from her fingers. Easily six inches taller than her, he slipped the book in its place, but didn’t move away. Leaning into her ear, he spoke softly, “You learned levitation charms ages ago. Surely that would have been easier.”

She turned to face him, her back against the bookshelves, only a few inches separating them. “I’m still not used to it, using magic all the time. It takes awhile to be familiar with.”

Looking directly in his dark eyes, she felt herself sinking into them. They weren’t so intense now, but endless in depth. A hand cupped her cheek, then slid back and entwined itself with her hair. His voice was low. “Understandable. These things take time.”

Lowering his lips onto hers, he kissed her deeply. Far from the painfully tender, hesitant kiss they first shared, this kiss was hungry and searching. Hermione couldn’t help but wonder where his confidence had come from as she returned the kiss. At her first positive response, Severus brought his other arm around her waist and held her to him. For uncounted moments, they embraced each other before slowly pulling apart.

Hermione felt a little dizzy and leaned against the books to steady herself. Looking up at him, she saw what was unmistakably desire. He was breathing deeply, lips parted and slightly swollen from the kiss. She could feel her pulse racing as they stood there for a moment looking at each other, not sure of what to say. The pit of her stomach was fluttering as she moved forward and traced the sharp features of his face. Placing a soft kiss on his lips, she squeezed his shoulders and ran her hands along his arms before letting go. When she spoke her voice was a whisper, “I’d like to stay longer, but I can’t. I promised to help some people with their Defence papers before lunch, and I have to finish my own.”

Expecting him to feel rejected, she was surprised to see a warm smile cross his features. “I know. Your schoolwork is paramount, and I have my own assignments to grade. If you can’t find what you need in the library, feel free to come back and take some of my books with you. You know where to find them.”

“I will. I’ve had fun looking through them.” she said smiling broadly.

“I knew you would.”

She collected her things and they left his rooms for the library. Throughout the rest of the day, Hermione buried herself in schoolwork. It wasn’t until after supper when she was sitting in the Gryffindor common room that she found herself thinking about the kiss that morning. Surprisingly enough, it had been easy to focus on the work that needed to be done, and now she was finished all her weekend work. She had decided to spend Sunday getting ahead with her reading so she would have less over the holidays.

She watched Harry and Ginny playing a round of wizard’s chess and allowed her mind to drift. The kiss this morning hadn’t been all that unexpected. Mentally cataloguing the incidental touches and unspoken closeness, it was more surprising that something hadn’t happened sooner. Thinking about Severus made her smile. The cold and forbidding exterior fell away when they were alone and she looked forward to their time together. There was no longer a need to constantly fill the time with talk. She felt at home enough now to do her own work or pick through the bookshelves herself while he was busy with other things. She hadn’t yet gone down to explore them on her own accord, but would likely do so during the holidays.

The holidays. Her face dropped. Just what was she going to do this year. Her, Ron and Harry had almost always spent Christmas break at Hogwarts together, but this year was different. Mrs Weasley had gone on about making sure Harry had a proper Christmas this year when she waved goodbye to them at the train station. Much as she had enjoyed visiting the Weasley home, she didn’t want to be there for the holidays, nor did she want to go to her own home. Being honest with herself, she was increasingly happy with the changing relationship between her and Severus. Not only did she want to see what would become of it, but she also didn’t want to keep more secrets and tell more lies to her parents. Going home for the holidays was definitely not what she wanted to do.

Ginny had been watching Hermione’s expression sour with her thoughts and asked, “Have you been eating lemons?”

“No,” she replied, “What kind of question is that?”

“You look like you’ve had an acid pop. Is something wrong?”

Hermione unclenched her teeth and took a deep breath. “I was just thinking about the holidays.”

“Only Hermione can find a problem with two weeks without classes.” Harry teased.

“It’s a problem if you don’t know where to spend them.” she countered.

Ginny was shaking her head. “You’re coming to the Burrow, aren’t you? It’s been ages since we had a proper Christmas there. You know you are invited.”

“Visiting for a couple days in the summer is very different from spending the holiday. I’m not sure I’m ready for that just now. Besides, it would be odd not to stay at Hogwarts.” Hermione tried to explain.

Harry looked somewhat exasperated. “No one will be staying this year. What I still don’t understand is how someone with a nice family spends so much time avoiding them. Why not just go home for Christmas?”

Hermione shook her head vehemently. “My parents are nice, but I don’t belong there anymore. It’s awkward and uncomfortable when they are around. Last summer was alright because they were at work most of the time. I’ll probably just stay here. There will be fewer people in the library.”

“Don’t your parents miss you?” Ginny sounded sad.

“I suppose, but I don’t want to go home and act like nothing has changed. I’ll be happier to stay at school. Besides, I won’t be entirely alone.” Hermione grinned inwardly at the thought.

Harry snorted. “Quality time in the dungeons?”

“Shhhh,” she hissed glancing around the common room to see if anyone was listening. Seeing no one she looked a little sheepish. “Perhaps some.”

“I can’t pretend I understand, Hermione. What do you two do every Friday, anyway?” Harry said shaking his head.

Hermione couldn’t keep a small smile from spreading across her lips. “Have conversations mostly or read. It’s nice having someone challenge me in a debate.”

“We’re not smart enough for you?” Ginny teased.

“I’m not friends with people just because they’re smart! I care more about someone’s personality than if-” Hermione stopped her little rant when Harry and Ginny burst out laughing. Hermione tried to screw her face up in anger, but eventually couldn’t resist laughing with them. She knew she was far too easy to tease.
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The following Friday, Hermione ceased to wonder what the holidays would bring. During dinner, Severus seemed edgy and uncomfortable. After class, he had greeted her with a peck on the cheek, and with a proper distraction charm in place, they had walked hand in hand through the dungeon corridors to his rooms. These gestures had come so easily, but whatever ease had been there vanished.

Hermione tried to ignore him shifting in his seat and talked of inconsequential things. “It started snowing again this afternoon when I came back from Herbology. There should be plenty for the holidays. I much prefer snow to the wet weather I always have at home for Christmas.”

“Are you going home for the holidays?” He asked, trying to sound unconcerned.

She shook her head. “I hadn’t decided, but most likely not.”

“You’ll need to know by tomorrow. Minerva will be around tomorrow to take names.” His discomfort seemed to increase.

“I suppose I’ll put down my name then. It isn’t like I can’t apparate from Hogsmeade if I change my mind. I expect it will be nice and quiet here this year. Everyone I’ve talked with is going home. I had an invite from the Weasleys, but their house is always so raucous when everyone is home.” she told him.

Severus nodded and took a deep breath. “Would you stay with me during the break?”

She smiled at him, “I think I’d like that. What do you do for the holidays? Any traditions?”

“Truthfully, I usually spend my time reading and working on research. I don’t have any holiday traditions.” he admitted.

“Really?” She wasn’t all that shocked to hear it, but a bit saddened. “You should make some.”

“Perhaps, but there hasn’t been call to in the past. Anyway, Hogwarts has its own traditions”

She peered at him over her glass. “I think we should make some plans for the holidays. I’ve never had the chance to plan my own Christmas.”

Severus guided them to the fireplace where they sat comfortably. “Tell me, what do you usually do at Christmas?”

And she did. Explaining everything from her grandmother’s crowded family gathering on Christmas eve to late night film marathons with her parents at New Years. They laughed together at the stories of Christmases past. Tentatively, Severus mentioned one or two memories of holidays as a child that had been pleasant. There weren’t many, he told her, but the few he had were better than anything else he remembered from his childhood.

As they talked and chose which ideas they liked the best, the gentle touching that had developed over the past months returned. Hermione snuggled up against Severus, her head on his shoulder, while he stroked her arm and held her close. He dropped a soft kiss on the top of her hair and breathed in its scent. He smiled at the scent of pine needles. “You smell like Christmas already.”

She laughed. “Blame the seventh year Herbology class for that. Professor Sprout thought it would be fun if we did a holiday project about the uses of live plants in the home. Making small pine trees grow in wreaths was simple enough, but some of the boys got carried away with the idea. The greenhouse was a pine jungle when they were through. I’m still not sure I got all the needles out of my hair.”

He pulled back and began running his fingers through her hair to check for errant pine needles. “It looks like you got them all. They made your hair smell nice.”

He leaned into her hair and took another deep breath. Brushing her hair behind her ear, he placed another small kiss on her cheek. Leaning back against him, she whispered, “I like that. I enjoy the time I spend with you.”

Severus held her closer. “As do I.”

“Are we still friends?” she asked softly.

His voice was low and quiet, “I’m not sure.”

“Why did you ask me to stay?”

He was silent for a long time, stroking her hair. She could tell he was looking at her closely. “Because I want to be with you.”

Hermione smiled thinking back to the first time she asked that question, pleased he finally answered. “Was it that difficult to say?”

“Yes.” He said simply.

The fire glowed in the dimly lit room. Few candles were lit, and shadows danced in the occasional flickers. Severus watched the woman beside him in the soft light. “Do you still want detachment Hermione?”

“It’s a bit late for that, don’t you think?” she responded.

“Perhaps, but it was your desire. Is it still?”

Hermione was quiet and thoughtful, considering her thoughts on the matter. “No. I don’t think I want each of us to go our separate ways and lose touch. I like being with you.”

“I’m glad.” He was smiling now, rubbing her shoulders. She was humming quietly as he worked the knots out of her neck and shoulders with his dextrous fingers.

“This isn’t just friendship, is it?” She said when Severus had finished and wrapped his arms around her.

He nuzzled against her ear. “Does that bother you?”

She shivered as his breath tickled the small hairs of her neck. “No. I’m just not sure if I’m ready.”

Severus sat up and held Hermione’s eyes. “I care about you and I don’t want you to feel scared or weak when we are together.”

“I don’t feel that. I trust you.” she whispered.

That night, when they went to bed, they didn’t speak. In the darkness, they stroked each other gently, tentatively, finding comfort. Severus explored her back through the soft flannel material while Hermione traced her fingers across his chest. Face to face, holding each other closely, they fell into a deep sleep of pleasant dreams.
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