When Living is No Longer Enough

When Living is No Longer Enough
By Sci-Fi Nut/ JStockert

Disclaimer: See Chapter One


Chapter Seventeen


Taking a deep, resigned breath in an effort to steady her nerves for the scene she knew was soon to come, Hermione stepped aside and wordlessly ushered him into her quarters. Closing the door, she turned and walked across the room to sit seat on the couch, gulping nervously when Snape declined her offer to be seated and chose to stand directly across from her instead. Crossing his arms over his chest, he stared silently at her until she thought she would scream from the tension that engulfed the room. Expressions of rage and betrayal alternately crossed his face.

“You know about Lucius,” she stated flatly, breaking the blanket of ice that had settled over them.

“Yes,” he replied stonily, arching one eyebrow in an expression that intimated she was to continue.

‘I guess it was too much to hope that he might try to make things a little easier,’ she thought despairingly upon hearing his clipped answer. “I was going to tell you…” she began and broke off momentarily as that same eyebrow raised further in an undisguised gesture of disbelief. “Honestly. Well, not at first but then Minerva made me talk to Albus about everything and well… I just wasn’t ready yet.”

“Not ready yet?” he repeated with barely suppressed fury. “Tell me, Hermione, when do you think you would have been ready? For that matter, why was telling me about Lucius a problem at all?”

‘Why was it a problem?’ a little voice in the back of Hermione’s mind questioned. Shaking her head in an attempt to rid herself of the unseen voice, she looked to the man standing ominously before her. ‘Surely telling him would have been better than this?’ claimed the stubborn presence hidden within her mind.

“Well?” Snape prompted, growing impatient at the silence that stretched before them.

“It’s just that, well… I was unsure of your reaction,” she feebly explained, her face taking on an expression that was something of a mixture between confusion and fear. “I didn’t want you to be angry.”

Severus once again raised his brow in a familiar gesture of disbelief. “And tell me, Hermione,” he began, closing the gap between them to stand directly in front of her, “is my current reaction more to your liking?”

“No,” she whispered as a tear slipped silently down her cheek. “I’m sorry, Severus. I should have told you about Lucius earlier this evening. I mean, I thought about it but I just didn’t quite know how to tell you without…”

Severus would never know in the days and weeks to follow whether it was the tear streaking down her face or the softly whispered apology that caused his anger to evaporate. The only thing he could be certain of at that point was that the feelings he now faced were those of confusion and concern for the young woman who sat before him. Sighing, he knelt down to take both of her hands in one of his own as his other hand gently pushed back the wisps of hair that had fallen forward and now obscured her face from his view. “Just talk to me, Hermione. Tell me what happened.”

Something in the calmly spoken words broke through the barrier of fear the Gryffindor had unintentionally created for herself. Looking into his eyes, she saw the concern and confusion that swam within the black orbs. In a very matter-of-fact tone of voice, she began recounting the events of her meeting with Lucius.

Severus sat quietly, reviewing her words while trying to counter the renewed urge to Apparate to Malfoy Manor and deal with Lucius once and for all. Knowing that such a thing wasn’t possible he decided to clarify a few of the details within Hermione’s story.

“So… he made a few threats and wanted to ensure that you brought the news back to me?” Snape questioned, watching intently as she quickly bobbed her head up and down. “Did he do anything else? Did he hurt you?”

“Not really,” she replied and offered a small smile in an attempt to reassure the dark haired Wizard gazing worriedly at her. “He threw out a few insults and used a little bit of manhandling to accentuate his point every now and then but otherwise…”

“Manhandling?” Snape interrupted sharply. “What type of ‘manhandling’ are you referring to?” he demanded, knowing exactly what Lucius Malfoy was capable of.

“Nothing much really,” she assured hastily, seeing the spark of anger ignite within him once again. “He grabbed me, jarred me about a bit and pushed me before he left but it wasn’t too bad,” she said as her hand unconsciously began rubbing her forearm where Lucius had grabbed her and shoved her into the bookcase.

“And that’s all?” the man in front of her asked skeptically.

“Well yes. I mean, what more could he have done really? We were in the middle of a bookstore and I didn’t think he would be able to do very much considering the potential for witnesses.” Her previous fear came rushing back to her as she remembered her concerns that the Death Eater might suddenly decide to Apparate them both out of the store. Seeing the look in Snape’s eyes, she wisely decided to keep that small bit of information to herself lest she unwittingly make him angrier than he already appeared to be.

“What more could he have done?” the Potions Master repeated incredulously. “He could have ‘done’ quite a few things and no one would have been the wiser. You are far too trusting, my dear. A trait, which I can only hope, won’t lead you straight to disaster one day.”

“I’m sure you over exaggerate,” she snapped softly, shuddering at the implications of his words.

“Let us hope for both of our sakes that you are correct,” he answered gravely. “You have explained the circumstances of your encounter with Lucius but you have not adequately explained why you were afraid to inform me of the encounter. So, if you would be so kind as to do so now then perhaps we can dispatch the need to discuss this particular matter again in the future.”

ioneione’s petite frame stiffened upon hearing his words. A fact that did not go unnoticed by the man in front of her.

‘You should have known that he wouldn’t simply let the subject drop’ the unwanted voice mocked her.

Brushihe vhe voice aside, she took a deep breath and hunched her shoulders as if she was preparing to go into battle. “I didn’t want to tell you because I was worried that you might consider leaving Hogwarts to go after Malfoy or that you might decide that our relationship should come to an end.”

“I admit that my first inclination was to deal with Lucius once and for all,” he told the young Witch. “However, seeing that he would probably be expecting such a move… No, I will remain here. For now.”

“And our relationship?” she asked hentlyntly.

“What of it?” he replied knowing all too well the point Hermione was driving at, but wanting to hear her say it all the same.

“Well, are we… will you… are you going to put an end to it in the hopes that Malfoy will back off?” she stammered and held her breath as she waited for his answer.

Severus thought about her words for a moment. ‘Would Lucius forget about Hermione if he believed that their relationship was non-existent or would he continue making threats against her out of spite?’ Realizing that the woman in question was waiting for an answer, he calmly replied “No. I don’t see how breaking off our relationship will help this situation. Lucius has already decided that you are important to me and therefore will continue with his threats whether we are actually seeing one another or not. However, as I said earlier, you are far too trusting and one day those threats may very well become a reality. So, with that thought in mind, I insist that you stay here within the safety of Hogwarts.”

“What?” she exclaimed sitting straight up in a gesture of surprise and agitation. “There is no reason that I can’t go out as long as I’m…”

“You tried that today and look what happened,” Snape interrupted the anticipated tirade. “I will not take ‘no’ for an answer, Hermione. You will stay where it is safe and that is final.”

She slumped forward in a gesture of defeat knowing that this would be one issue in which the Potions Master would not back down from. He had been justified in his concern about her trip with Minerva. After all, look what had happened. She had managed to stray away from the Transfigurations Professor and land straight into the arms of Lucius Malfoy. It was that thought that made her manner seem more dejected than ever. She had let them down. She had let HIM down and underneath everything she knew that was the real reason she had wanted to keep the meeting with Lucius to herself.

Snape watched the emotions flit across her facial features as she absorbed his words. He also noticed the sense of defeat that emanated from her body language. Narrowing his eyes in suspicion he asked, “Hermione, there is something more isn’t there? Something you aren’t telling me perhaps?”

“No, I mean, I told you everything about the meeting…” she began.

“Hermione!” he interrupted and the smooth baritone of his voice had taken on the same crispness he reserved for students who misbehaved or turned out incorrect potions in class.

“Oh alright!” she exclaimed in exasperation, knowing that he wouldn’t give up until he had managed to drag every last detail out of her.n adn addition to all those other reasons, I didn’t want to tell you about what happened today because I was afraid that you would go back to looking at me like I was still some silly schoolgirl in one of your classes!”

Severus sat back stunned and wondered if he should start searching for the rogue bludger that had just come out of nowhere and hit him upside the head. “Hermione love, what are you talking about? She She looked up at him in confusion. “It was my fault that I became separated from Minerva this afternoon in the bookstore,” she stammered. “I became so engrossed in looking at all of the books that I forgot to keep an eye on my surroundings. I promised you that I would be careful and I messed up. If Minerva hadn’t come searching for me when she did, I don’t know what Lucius would have done. By the time I realized that I was alone, it was too late. So… one of the reasons I didn’t want to tell you about what happened was because I was afraid that you would think I was still no better than I was when I was a child that used to sit in your classroom all those years ago.”

‘That’s it!’ Severus thought to himself. ‘I am definitely mounting a search for that damnable bludger as it has struck yet again.’ Looking at Hermione, who now had a multitude of tears silently streaming down her cheeks, he tried to gain some sense of order over his thoughts. “You honestly mean to tell me that you were afraid that I would reject you on the grounds that I still see you as a child?” he asked incredulously.

“Well, don’t you?” she answered tentatively. “I mean, I know that you must be disappointed in me for what happened…”

“Hermione,” he said lifting her chin up so that he could look straight into her face. “I am disappointed that we could so easily fail to protect you and I am relieved that you are unharmed, but I have not thought of you as a child for a very long time. Rest assured, today’s events have not changed my opinion of you in the slightest.”

“Really?” she asked hopefully with the first hint of a true smile since he had entered her rooms.

“Really,” he answered shaking his head with a tired smile of his own. Sitting on the couch next to her, he decided that a change of topic would put them back on familiar ground. Reaching over to wrap his arms around her waist he pulled her next to the curve of his own body. “I do believe, Professor Granger, that earlier this evening you were telling me about some of the information you read in the Potions texts at Flourish and Blotts?”

“Oh yes,” the chestnut haired Witch answered with relief as she began telling him of the different books she had come across at the shop.

Severus found himself truly relaxing for the first time since that morning as he sat back and listened to Hermione speak. The evening had been a revelation to him in more ways then one. Wrapped up in his own concerns and feelings of inadequacy, he had never taken the time to think that the young woman resting against him might also find herself battling demons of insecurity and doubt. Somehow that thought made her seem more human, more…real. He laughed to himself thinking that even if he were fortunate enough to live to be Albus’ age, he would still never understand the complexities that comprised the female gender. To be more specific, he would never fully understand the woman sitting next to him happily chatting away.

It was a thought that stayed with him as they talked long into the night and eventually ended up falling asleep against one another in front of the warmth of the fire.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


The next couple of weeks found the couple knee-deep in research in Snape’s private lab.

“Oh! That’s the fourth trial that has failed to produce any results,” Hermione exclaimed, looking at the small snake lying on the counter.

“I don’t know,ape ape noted, looking at the snake, “we managed to change the color from a deep green to a bright blue.” He took a step back as Hermione turned around to glare at him and make a half-hearted attempt to lightly punch him in the arm.

“Great, we’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that we managed to make Voldemort look like a walking blueberry. What a glorious testament to all of the hard work that we’ve put in on this project,” she replied sarcastically.

“Believe me,” Snape said in a low voice, “the Dark Lord could use a few cosmetic changes. Besides, we know that we’re on the right track. At least something is changing at the DNA level.”

Picking the snake up and returning it to the aquarium, Hermione sat down on the stool in front of her work area. “I don’t know, Severus, it’s all so frustrating and we have so little time left.”

“Patience, my dear,” he told the disillusioned Gryffindor before planting a kiss on the nape of her neck. “We’re much closer than we were before. It’s only a matter of time before we hit on the right combination of ingredients.”

“Right,” she muttered, trying to be positive. ‘And pigs will fly south for the winter next year,’ she thought to herself in frustration. Of course, in the Wizarding World, she wouldn’t put it past them to do exactly that. “You realize that we still have to determine a method of delivery?”

“That should be one of the easier parts of our task,” the Potions Master answered absently as he made a few changes on his notes to the formula they had just tested.

“How do you figure that?” Hermione asked in confusion. “There are several different methods and each can be affected by the ingredients themselves.”

“Voldemort rarely eats what everyone else does so that leaves out the possibility of ingesting the potion. Unless of course we can figure out where he is and sneak in when he’s asleep and pour it down his throat without his knowledge.”

“That is such a terrible plan,” Hermione remarked, rolling her eyes at the expression of mock hurt that crossed his face.

“Unfortunately, you’re correct. We could find a way to dose Lucius with the potion and have him unknowingly pass it along to Voldemort. After all, we know that he has frequent contact with the Dark Lord,” the Potions Master mused.

Hermione paused and looked at him with a thoful ful expression on her face. “You mean infect him, like a virus?”

“Precisely, only this virus would be non-lethal and non-symptomatic to humans. Lucius would serve as a type of carrier and the ‘virus’ could either be transferred by air or by touch. Malfoy would unknowingly carry the virus and then quietly transfer it to Voldemort. No one would be the wiser until the symptoms manifested. By then it would be too late,” Snape replied, mentally sorting the logistics of such a plan.

“Not bad but we’re nowhere near a solution for the potion yet. Not to mention that we still have to find a way to incorporate the tracking spell,” she reminded him, scooping enough of the ineffective potion into a small vial for analysis before disposing the remainder of the batch and cleaning the cauldron.

“I think that we should try to add some Ashwinder eggs into the mixture on the next trial and see if that has an effect,” he suggest

“Maybe, but something keeps bothering me about all of this. I just can’t seem to put my finger on what it might be though.”

“Try talking it out with me and perhaps it will jog your memory or at least give us a new avenue to investigate,” he instructed, checking the seals on the ingredients they had used to make certain they were tight.

“Well, I keep thinking back to my second year,” she began with a small shudder. “You remember, the Chamber of Secrets and the giant basilisk?”

“I’m not likely to forget such an occurrence,” he answered and gently laid a hand on her shoulder in a gesture of comfort. He still shuddered when he thought back to the blank expressions and the unmoving bodies of those students that had been petrified, Hermione included. ‘Thank Merlin for the Mandrakes,’ he thought silently.

“I keep remembering something the boys said… or maybe it was Hagrid?” She frowned as she tried to pull the information out of the recesses of her mind.

“What was it?” Severus prompted softly.

“Something about roosters disappearing around the time of the attacks...” she muttered. “Or maybe it was chickens?”

Snape’s eyes grew a little wider as he remembered back to the time that everyone had tried so desperately to forget. “It was roosters and I’ll be right back. I just need to grab a book from my library.” He disappeared for a few moments and then returning with a thick, leather bound tome. Sitting the book on the counter, he immediately began rifling through the thick pages.

Unable to resist the lure of a new book, Hermione walked over to stand beside him. “Ancient Magical Beasts and Monsters,” she said, reading the title imprinted in heavy gold leaf lettering on the side of the book. “What exactly are you looking for, Severus? Does it have information on the basilisk?”

“Yes,” he replied, partly in answer to her question and partly as an expression of triumph at finding the page he was looking for. Quickly skimming the paragraphs, he found a particular passage. “This is it,” he said, grabbing her arm and pulling her close enough to him so that she could read the text alongside him. “If a snake can have an Achilles’ heel, the basilisk has two: It cannot tolerate the scent of a weasel or the sound of a rooster crowing. To slay a basilisk by weasel it is necessary to first lure the serpent into a weas des den and then block the entrances and exits, whereupon the serpent will succumb to the weasely fumes. Death by rooster is far easier as the mere sound of a cock crowing will cause the basilisk to go into convulsions and die,” he finished reading the text and closed the book. “Hmmm, death by Weasley, I should have known.”

Glaring at him for his questionable sense of humor, Hermione pointed out in her usual logical fashion, “But Severus, Voldemort doesn’t have basilisk in him so none of this will help us.”

“True, but we still have the remains of the basilisk. Perhaps if we incorporated some of its DNA into the formula along with essence of weasel, then it would alter Voldemort’s DNA just enough to have an effect,” he postulated and began marking notations on a piece of parchment.

“I don’t know. Even if we can work in the basilisk DNA, what’s to stop the essence of weasel from counteracting that DNA only?”

“You’re right. Not to mention the fact that it would add months to our research time,” the Potions Master conceded with more than a hint of frustration. “Okay the basic idea still holds true, but instead of targeting just one type of snake we need to find a characteristic that they all share.”

Rubbing her temples, Hermione thought about his words. ‘What is something that is detrimental to all snakes?’ she repeatedly asked herself and became frustrated when she continued to draw a blank.

“It’s too hot in here,” she complained aloud as she stood up and pulled her woolen vest off over her head. Seeing Snape’s expression, she stopped and gave him a questioning look. “It’s just a jumper, Severus. It’s not like I don’t have anything on underneath,” she told him with a smile.

“No,” he answered, too distracted by the line of thought her previous words had triggered to reply to the innuendo she tossed his way. “Hermione you may have figured it out,” he told the Witch who was staring at him in confusion.

“I may have figured what out, Severus? We already determined that the rooster and weasel remedies are specific to the basilisk only. I fail to see where that helps us,” she said in a tone balanced somewhere between confusion and frustration.

“No, think about it, Hermione. Reptiles are cold-blooded animals. What’s the one thing that they can’t stand?” he asked and waited a minute for her to figure out the answer.

“Cold,” she replied almost immediately and a smile broke across her face. “Snakes can’t stand excessive cold temperatures.”

“That is correct. Most snakes need to find alternate heat sources since they can’t regulate their core temperatures. If their core body temperatures drop below a critical point without alternate heat sources then they slow down and their immune systems become impaired. Enzymes fail to function which can cause digestion to be incomplete or cease altogether,” Snape pointed out.

“So if we can create a formula that drastically lowers the internal body temperature, it will naturally attack and break down the reptilian systems within Voldemort’s body and thereby cause his human systems to fail as a result of their co-dependence upon one another,” she added triumphantly.

“Yes, and I can think of several different ingredients that could be used to cause such a chemical reaction when introduced to a specific type of DNA.”

“Ingredients that we can engineer to react exclusively with reptilian DNA,” she clarified.

“Exactly,” he answered, feeling more hopeful of their chances of success for the project than he had since its initial conception. “Well, Miss Granger, I think that we have a formula to recalculate tomorrow evening.”

“Professor Snape, I couldn’t agree more,” she replied in a playful tone but stopped when she heard the sound of hurried footsteps entering the Potions classroom and a young voice frantically cal out out for Professor Snape.

Giving one another a worried glance they exited the lab and entered the classroom to find Jonathon Veren, a seventh year Gryffindor, clutching a piece of parchment. An expression of extreme worry graced his handsome young features.

“Professor Snape, Professor Granger,” the boy acknowledged breathlessly as the two adults entered the classroom. “It’s Emily. She must have left this piece of parchment in my book bag after our group study session this evening. I tried to stop her but I couldn’t find her anywhere. Not the Astronomy tower or the dungeons or even the library.”

“Let me see it,” Snape snapped, stepping forward to grab the parchment. His face paled as he read over the words that looked to have been hurriedly scrawled. Tightening his fist for a moment he looked at the boy and asked, “Mr. Veren, have you shown this note to anyone else?”

“No sir, I didn’t want to chance wasting the time,” the boy answered and nervously fidgeted from one foot to the other.

“Good. Be sure that you keep it that way. Now, take this note straight up to the Headmaster and let him know that Professor Granger and I will begin a search for Miss Saunton. Quickly, boy, and make certain that you tell no one else of this,” he ordered, practically pushed the young man out of the classroom.

“Severus, what is it? What has happened?” Hermione asked, worried by the urgency of Snape’s voice and the expression on his face.

“It’s Emily Saunton. It seems that she has decided that the only way to go against her father’s wishes is to commit suicide. We should check the Slytherin common room and her dormitory first,” he declared, striding quickly out of the dungeons with Hermione hot on his heels. “I only hope that we are not too late.”


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


TBC


Author’s Note: So it looks like it isn’t just Severus and Hermione that are facing a difficult path… Thank you to those of you who have reviewed the last few chapters and I hope that all of you reading this story are still finding it to be entertaining Next chapter should be up by tomorrow evening.
~Jules.