Down On Your Knees

Tile: Down on Your Knees

Author: Exis* Exis_@hotmail.com

Pairing: Harry Potter/Severus Snape

Warnings: This fic will contain M/M sex....Gay sex. For thoes who don't like that, you should go away now. It will also highlight a love afair with a teacher so if that makes you unhappy, scram. I haven't finished writing it, but you should assume that it will have spoilers from ALL FOUR BOOKS.....if that displeases you, you can go away as well. My last warning is that this is my virgin slash fic, and my virgin Harry Potter fic. I haven't the slightest clue whether it's horrible, and I'd like to pretend it's not....

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, nor am I making any money off this. You know the drill, I won't elaborate.

Dedicated: To my Lovely Beta Tealish. Thanks for your patience, and your trust. And also to ALL THE RAVENCLAWS OUT THERE.......the greatest hero's go unnoticed...and also to the people who put me on their favorites list.....this is for you.......

Archive: Anywhere you want to....just mail me to let me know'

I picture you in the sun, wondering what went wrong
Falling down on youres, es, asking for sympathy
Being caught in between, all you wish for and all you seem
Trying to find anything that you can feel that you can believe in

Chapter 15 "Anything that you can feel"

Severus often wondered why he taught. He could make so much more money doing other things, although money admittedly wasn’t an issue for him. He could have so much more recognition, although admittedly he found fame disgusting and a waste of time. But the one major reason Severus pondered why he taught was that in any job, even the most menial, he would have more respect.

It was people like Harry Potter than made Severus think he should wonder more often. Any doubts he had over Harry’s acceptance by the students were quickly doused after the first day. All the students could talk about was how ‘cool’ the new teacher was, and how ‘amazing’ the defense class was. Even the Slytherins seemed impressed, though hardly any of them would admit to such a thing. The whole idea made Snape even more grouchy and antagonistic. Not that his students would notice. None of them paid that close of attention.

What was most bothering Severus, though he would rather die than admit it, was that Harry hardly noticed him. In staff meetings and at meals Harry talked politely with the other staff members, discussing the students or the class material. He usually stuck close by Lupin and Black, and always seemed happy and easy going. Every time they passed without looking at each other, Snape could feel his stomach clench and his mouth go dry. It was driving him nuts. He told himself over and over than he didn’t want Harry’s attention, as nothing would work out between them anyway, but he didn’t expect Harry to give up so easy. It was distinctly out of character for the wonder child, and Severus couldn’t help but wonder what was hanging back in the shadows.

But even though Harry hardly noticed his existence, Severus was not going unnoticed. Remus Lupin had his eyes glued on Severus what seemed like every minute. His eyes were not lusty or angry, but puzzled. It was as if Severus was speaking in a different language and Lupin was straining to understand. It unnerved Severus to a high degree and it made him particularly cautious of the werewolf. Perhaps the strangest part was that Potter and Black didn’t notice at all.

~*~

“Siri,” Remus began, as he slipped beneath the covers of their bed, “Have you noticed anything... strange... about Severus?”

Sirius, who was already tucked in, shifted his eyes to his mate and squeezed his eyebrows together. “There’s always something strange about him,” Sirius said indignantly, and fluffed his pillow slightly.

“No, like any changes in behavior - anything out of the ordinary,” Remus continued, and turned on his side to face the other man.

“That git wouldn’t change his behavior if the apocalypse occurred right in front of him. Once an overbearing uptight freak, always an overbearing uptight freak. Anyway, why do you care if he’s acting strange? He can’t possibly get any worse.”

Remus shifted uncomfortably under the covers. “Well, he's just... he smells different, Siri,” Remus said, as he straightened himself up in bed and threw his hands down on the covers. “It’s hard to explain, but he just gives off different energy. I know the feeling, too, that’s the strangest part. I just can’t quite put my finger on what it is.”

Sirius sat up a little too, and put his hand on Remus’s. “I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you; maybe he’s sick or something. Whatever it is, it can’t be too drastic, because he looks normal. Just forget about it,” Sirius said with sleep in his voice, as he and Remus laid back down and intertwined under the blankets.

“Forget about it...” Remus echoed, as he drifted off to sleep.

~*~

“Pages 27 through 35 should be read by Monday, and I’d be ready for a test, ladies and gentleman. Have a good weekend,” Remus proclaimed as the sixth year Hufflepuffs and Slytherins walked out of the classroom. Remus waited until everyone was gone before he began to load up the paperwork that he was intending to correct over the weekend. Harry, however, was anxious to get out of the classroom. It was the end of the day on what seemed an endless Friday, and more than anything he was looking forward to his calm weekend of correcting and sleep.

Remus watched him carefully as Harry loaded his share of the work into a brief case. Harry was a phenomenal teacher, and was always more than willing to get involved and help. However, today Harry seemed lethargic and his whole rhythm seemed off. Remus figured he just most likely needed a good night’s sleep and some time to himself, but these thoughts were preempted by a previous thought of his.

“Harry, have you noticed anything strange about Professor Snape?” Remus asked, and Harry instantly quit shuffling the paper and stood dead still.

“Uh... no,” Harry said looking down at the floor. “Why do you ask?”

“Well,” Remus started, “He' s just giving me a strange feeling. Like something’s up. I know you and he spoke frequently last year, and I was just wondering whether you heard anything.” Remus leaned casually against his desk, but to Harry he might as well have been in combat stance. “His scent is different... I just can’t figure out what’s changed.” Remus looked thoughtful. “But, I suppose whatever’s up, we’ll find out soon enough, right?”

Remus finished packing and left the room to a very nervous Harry. The words replayed themselves in Harry’s mind. Remus couldn’t know. Could he? No, if Remus suspected anything he would try to have an honest conversation, not drop elusive hints. But even if he didn’t know, Harry recognized easily enough that Remus was gunning tod oud out. He also knew that outsmarting a werewolf was no easy feat. He had to speak to Severus, and quickly.

Grabbing his things, Harry walked quickly down the hall toward his rooms. He ducked Albus, who most likely wished to converse, and avoided Minerva, who probably wanted to give him the latest goings on of the Gryffindor House. He finally reached the safe haven of his rooms and ducked ie. He. He spun around for a minute or so, until he finally spotted his old trunk. He rummaged through it for a minute and finally came across the map that had helped him countless times before. He searched out Severus and found him still busy in his workrooms. Harry set off to find the older man, totally disregarding the other dot moving steadily in the same direction he was.

~*~

Terror hit Harry in waves as he stood in the oh-so-familiar doorway, looking not only at his ex-lover, but also his step godfather. Remus Lupin stood statue still, holding an elegant cup filled with what must have been tea. Harry froze on the spot, and Severus looked accusingly back and forth between the two men.

Harry was caught under Remus’s unforgiving curious stare. Harry could feel the conclusions that were being drawn. But even as afraid as he was to speak, Harry knew the silence wouldn’t protect him.

"I see the Gryffindor reunion is being held in my quarters this year.....How unusual." Severus said, giving both men pointed looks. "Don't let the fact that this is my personal space disuade you from your activity."

“ I... umm, I came down here for a potion,” Harry stammered out. Both men gave him equally disbelieving looks.

“Really,” Remus replied, looking more amused than ever. Luckily for Harry, the Gryffindor courage welled up in him at the moment and he continued with his story.

“Yes, er... Well, the sleeping potion I take regularly takes a week to brew, and I’ve started sleeping funny. I just wanted something to get me through the week so I can brew some of my own.”

Severus didn’t believe a word of it, but luckily for both of them, he kept his mouth shut and his face blank. Remus, who would be a little easier to convince, was visibly weighting Harry’s words against truth. He seemed inconclusive.

Fortune must have been smiling on Harry, because at that very moment Severus deduced the most likely reason that Remus and Harry were BOTH in the dungeons, and why Harry was pretending to have a legitimate reason to be there. He decided to play along.

“Oh, I see,” Severus replied, and swooped around to a shelf lined with thousands of tiny bottles. “What were you taking previously?”

Harry looked utterly confused, and Remus cocked his head with interest. Harry stood still with a blank look plastered in his face. Then the light returned to his eyes. “Oh, yes, the sleeping potion. Um, I was taking Modified Addleman’s Hair Elixir. But I won’t need anything nearly that strong from you. Just something to get me through the week.”

Severus furrowed his brow and looked through the contents of the shelf. “Well, with you taking something like that, I doubt anything short of heroine would get you a good night’s sleep. And, as chance would have it, I don’t have any Addleman’s Hair. But I do carry Eidlericks’s Draught, which shouldn’t react with the Addleman’s Hair,” Severus said, looking bored. Remus, however, was most interested in the exchange. He stood back and watched as Severus stood unnervingly still, and Harry’s hands compulsively fidgeted. Something was up.

“Er, yes, that would be great,” Harry replied to the floor. Severus pulled down a bottle of mustard-colored liquid and set it on the table next to Harry. Harry picked up the vial and placed it in one of the inside pocket of his robes. What interested Remus the most was how they both went out of their way to avoid touching one another, and how everything they did was calculated. Was this the type of relationship that had promoted Harry to spill his darkest secret?

And then the most remarkable thing happened. Out of the blue, their eyes locked and they both froze. For the first time in his life Remus saw Severus become powerless, and he witnessed Harry back down. And in that moment he smelled the familiar smell that had been haunting the Slytherin since the beginning of the term. It stung his nose like sulfur, and suddenly everything fell into place. Realization rang through his mind, but neither of the other two men seemed to notice. They were enwrapped in something else. Remus finally broke the moment.

“Well, I’ll be getting along now,” he said, trying to hide the amusement in his voice.

Harry and Severus broke apart like two teenagers just got caught necking by their parents. Harry ran his hands through his hair and turned his eyes to the floor, whilst Severus just concentrated on cataloging the potion he had lended.

“I have the syllabus for Minerva, so I’ll see you both tomorrow,” Remus said, before he took off toward the door. Harry made no move to leave. Both men heard the click of the door, and then counted ‘3... 2... 1...’ in their heads to give themselves the proper amount of time until the werewolf was gone. Finally they both sighed with relief

“Congratulations Har-- Potter. You’ve exceeded your own stupidity.” Severus sat down cautiously on the couch closest to the wall. Harry, however, flopped on the opposite one. Harry had noticed the slip with his name, but was choosing to ignore it.

“Well, how was I suppose to know he would be here?” Harry asked in his own defense. Severus just sighed again.

“You weren’t supposed to know, but that doesn’t excuse it. Ignorance is never an excuse.” Severus moved slightly in his seat. “So, how much does he know?” Severus asked. All there was left to do was damage control.

“Too much,” Harry replied simply. He laid down and removed his glasses, rubbing his eyes.

“Hmm,” was all Severus replied. That was all there was left to say. Both men stared at the ceiling, feeling comfortable with each other now only in the common fight to keep their transgressions secret. Both men who once faced terrifying evil were now terrified to face one another. They fell into cleverly worded silence.

~*~

Remus almost skipped down to his room. Sirius was no where to be found, and he busied himself with the task of dressing for dinner. In his mind he replayed the events over and over again. There was only one answer, and now he knew it.

Everything fell into place now. He finally understood. Harry was a tough nut to crack, but none was tougher than Severus Snape, and for some reason that was enough for Remus to understand what prompted this. And under everything, Remus was happy for them. ‘If only they could be happy together,’ he thought. Ahh, well, time was a funny thing. Everything would work out eventually...

Remus checked himself out once more in the mirror before disappearing toward the Great Hall. He saw the light of knowledge around his own face. He was pleased with himself, that was for sure. He looked into his own eyes and grinned. “Severus is in love,” he said simply, and left for the wonderful dinner that awaited
him.

***Authors Note***
So did you all miss me? This chapter was the most pain staking to write. No reason why, I just couldn't seem to get on with it. And, to add insult to injury, my computer broke for a week right in the middle of all this. All right, so now that I've overcome this obstical, it's all down hill from here.