It Was Only A Kiss!

Chapter Fourteen

‘Padfoot!' Remus whispered hoarsely, shoving Sirius' shoulder. 'Wake up!’

Sirius squirmed under the bedclothes then he raised an arm, swatting Remus across the head as he pushed him away. ‘Bugger off, Moony,' he mumbled sleepily, burrowing his face deeper into the pillow. 'Too early.'

‘It's morning,' Remus told him, yanking the pillow out from under Sirius' head. 'And you’re still in my bed!’

The low, hissed words had the intended result; Sirius’ eyes snapping open instantly. Bright light assaulted him, slicing into his still half asleep brain, and he groaned before squinting up at a naked Remus with rapidly-rising panic.

‘It's morning? Shit! Did I sleep here all night?’

Remus nodded in confirmation, pulling his nightclothes on fast as Sirius sat up, their faces tense and worried.

There was just over a week until the Easter break, and for the first time, Sirius hadn’t returned to his own bed the night before. They’d been pushing their unspoken boundaries for weeks now, becoming more relaxed with their clandestine relationship and, along with the more casual attitude, came a loosening of their usual routine of talk, fool around then back to their own beds.

They had been staying with each other for longer after their bodies were sated, talking and dozing until the early hours of the morning when one or the other of them would stumble back to their own bed so the others would remain none the wiser. But this morning, Remus woke to soft, gentle lips on his throat and a hard, insistent erection pressing into his thigh and the part of his brain that had earned him his Prefect badge, shut down. Kissing led to groping which, in turn, led to some desperate frotting and culminated in a mutual wank which left them sweaty and exhausted. They'd both fallen asleep almost immediately with limbs tangled and come sticky on their skin, but with smiles playing on their lips.

Now, though, the light of day bought harsh reality down upon them and, after a fast Cleansing Charm, they frantically pulled on their hastily discarded nightclothes, praying to every deity they could recall - Muggle and Magic - that no one else was awake yet. Remus quietly removed the Silencing spell once they were dressed and, to their dismay, they heard James asking Peter if he knew where Sirius was.

‘Shit.’

The word was said under his breath, but Remus still flapped his hands to indicate that Sirius should shut up. The werewolf bit his lip then pulled Sirius down onto the bed, sitting down at the opposite end when he heard footsteps coming their way. They were trying to appear as if they'd been casually chatting when the curtains parted and James peered in at them with suspicious eyes.

‘Hey! What are you two up to so early?' he asked, then he grinned. 'Did I catch you out? Were you just getting up from a night of debauchary?’

Sirius, stomach dropping, forced a grin and winked outrageously at Remus, deciding that the truth might be the best defensive tactic right now.

‘Yes, we are,' he said, pouting. 'And we were about to have some fantastic morning sex when you opened the curtains and so rudely interrupted.’

He threw himself at Remus, who looked stunned by Sirius' words, and pulled him down onto the mattress before looking up at James with an arched eyebrow.‘Want to watch, Prongs? I’m sure Moony won’t mind if you join in, would you, Moons?’

Remus, catching on, tried to push Sirius off, but to no avail. ‘Don’t call me that! And I don’t care if he joins in, as long as he uses your arse.’

Sirius gave his hips a wriggle, Remus biting back a moan as their groins rubbed together through their pyjama pants and his cock started to show some interest in proceedings.

‘I am a top, Mister Moony,' Sirius said, seeming to delight in Remus' discomfort. 'I will have nothing shoved up my…’

‘Guys!' called Peter, hands on hips. 'It’s a bit early for all this fruitiness, isn’t it?’

Sirius arched his back, much to Remus’ dismay as the movement pushed their groins into even more intimate contact, and taunted the objecting Peter.

‘Jealous, Pete? We were going to invite you as well, but if you don't want to...’

Peter shrugged. ‘Oh, well, in that case…’

He took a running jump and leapt onto Sirius‘ back, making both Remus and Sirius groan in pain as their heads butted together. James laughed and jumped on the pile as well as a bemused Frank Longbottom came out of the bathroom. He glanced at them and shook his head resignedly, having become accustomed to seeing strange things after nearly seven years of rooming with the Marauders, and he knew when not to ask.

Many complaints, elbows in ribs and one close call involving Pete’s bollocks and Remus’ knee, later, James and Peter were in the bathroom and Frank had just waved a farewell on his way down to breakfast.

Remus glanced over at Sirius, who let out a long, slow breath of relief. ‘Shit, that was close, Pads.’

‘Mmm,' Sirius agreed, trying not to notice that Remus' pants were slightly tented in the front. 'We’ll have to be more careful about getting back to our own beds next time.’

He stood up and stretched, his night shirt riding up. Sirius smirked when he caught Remus eyeing off the strip of revealed skin, then felt heat spread through him as the werewolf's eyes dropped to Sirius' own, far-more-prominant-than-usual bulge below.

He swallowed hard, then leaned over and whispered teasingly, ‘Totally worth it, though. You’re getting damn good at giving head, Mister Moony.’

His tongue snaked out and traced the curved shell of Remus’ ear, feeling his cock stiffen even further as his lips closed around the soft lobe. Remus was unable to completely mute his moan then he let out a loud, shaky exhale before he pushed Sirius away.

‘Get changed, you ponce,’ he muttered, voice gravelly and face flushed.

Sirius grinned, but stepped back, blowing Remus an exaggerated kiss before moving toward his own bed.

He drew his curtains and rummaged in the pile of clothes on the floor, finding what looked like a reasonably clean uniform. He sniffed it then, once he'd determined it still had at least one wear in it, shook the wrinkles out of it and quickly tugged his pyjamas off. His hand brushed over his cock - still hard from just being close to Remus. He smiled to himself as he recalled what he and Remus had done last night and what they might do tonight.

After his tentative first try, Remus had taken to oral sex like a fish to water and, like the diligent student he was, used every opportunity to refine his skills. He now gave the best blow jobs Sirius had ever had and the brunette's cock throbbed at the thought of those soft, pink lips which had been stretched around his shaft just hours earlier.

Sirius felt a little shot of guilt; he hadn’t offered to reciprocate yet. He was curious about what it would be like. Really curious; Remus had gotten off several times while blowing Sirius, without the other boy so much as touching himself. Sirius' mouth had opened many times to offer to do Remus in return, but the words kept sticking in his throat. He just wasn’t ready yet. Sucking a bloke off...wouldn’t that mean he could kiss any chance of being heterosexual goodbye?

Sirius frowned. Heterosexual...when had his last contact with a girl been? He thought back and swore silently when he realised it had been months since he'd had sex with a bird and he couldn't even remember the last time he masturbated without Remus. He sighed and sank down onto the edge of the bed as the reality of his situation began to finally sink in.

So, not so straight, perhaps. Bisexual, maybe? Would that be so bad? I could still carry on the Black name and all that shit…

He tried to draw on his previous experiences of sex with girls to reassure himself that he still wanted them, but their curves and softness suddenly seemed so unattractive after Remus and his straight lines and rough textures and hard, toned body...
Sirius cock pulsed and he groaned, pressing down on it with the heel of his hand.

Is it really that I'm attracted to men, or is it just that I'm attracted to Remus?

He tried to imagine himself with James or...ugh...well, not Peter, but any other boy in their year...but he couldn’t. Nor could he now see himself with one of the girls. Sirius shivered as he finally realised it was Remus he wanted, Remus he craved.

Sirius sighed again. It wouldn’t really matter to his family whether he was shagging one boy or sixty-three. His parents would be furious if they found out he’d been carrying on with a member of the same sex. Homosexuality, while not as taboo in the younger generations, still remained a forbidden subject amongst older wizards and witches who still believed matches were made based on blood purity and the ability to breed, rather than for love.

When Sirius was sorted into Gryffindor, his mother sent a vicious letter telling him how disgusted she was in him. Every time they got a letter about his misdeeds, his mother would send a Howler. When she discovered he was hanging around with Muggle borns and half bloods, she’d locked him in his room for almost an entire summer and, when he left home last year, his parents had been furious. But after everything he'd done to piss them off, they still hadn’t disowned or disinherited him. They would, however, do exactly that if they found out about him and Remus.

As much as he disliked what his parents stood for, they were his parents. He had to believe that deep, deep down, there was some good in them...if for no other reason than so he could keep believing there was good in himself. If he had been borne of two people so dark, how could there possibly be any light in him?

Remus believes there’s light inside me. He believes I’m a good person.

Was that enough? Was what he had with Remus enough to make up for everything he’d lose - the name, the power, the money - if his family found out he was waking up naked next to another guy?

The definitive 'no' that he'd answered that question with a couple of months ago now wavered and was beaten back by a stronger, but still slightly uncertain 'maybe'. Sirius rubbed at his face roughly and let out a groan of frustration.

‘Paddy?’

Sirius' head jerked up and he saw James watching him closely with a slight frown through the curtains.

‘Everything alright?’ his best friend asked in concern.

Sirius nodded and finished buttoning his fly. James came closer and leaned against the bedpost.
‘Sirius, you know that if you ever want to talk about anything, I‘m here. Right?’

Sirius looked up at the bespectacled boy and swallowed hard before slapping a smile on his face. ‘I know, Prongs. I…don’t have anything I need to talk about. Unless you want to know about that strange rash I found after shagging Evans in the closet…’

James slapped him around the head and chuckled. ’Lils has got better taste than that. But if you do ever want to talk about...oh, I don’t know...where you got that hickey on your shoulder, for example, you know where to find me.’

Sirius’ eyes widened and he quickly checked both shoulders, seeing nothing, but unblemished ivory skin. He looked up to see James laughing as he walked away and realised that his friend may not be as clueless about what was happening between him and Remus as he’d thought.

Me and Remus...makes it sound like we’re a couple.

Instead of sending a horrified shudder down his spine, the thought of he and Remus being able to be as openly affectionate together as James and Lily were made warmth spread through him and he was suddenly thinking of how Remus would make a fantastic boyfriend. He was cute, funny, a right clever bastard, great kisser, gave head like he was born to fucking do it...

I can’t think about him like that. I can’t. I’m not ready for this. I’m not ready to face this.

He sighed again and pulled his shirt on as Remus appeared as neat as ever. He smiled at Sirius, making the brunette's stomach do a strange kind of somersault and said, ‘Ready, Padfoot?’

Sirius smiled back grimly and muttered under his breath, ‘No. No I’m not.’

~*~*~

‘C’mon Moony, let me see it.'

‘No.’

‘Why not? I’ll show you mine.’

‘You won't.’

‘Reeemmmuuusss…’

‘Oh, for the love of Merlin, Sirius!' Remus said in exasperation, throwing down his quill. 'I'm not showing you my essay. Do your own bloody homework.’

With an exaggerated pout, Sirius threw himself down next to Remus on the werewolf’s bed, nearly knocking a bottle of ink over in the process.

Remus’ hand shot out to steady it and he cursed, ‘Fuck, Padfoot!’

‘Now you’re talking!’ Sirius said, perking up.

‘Oh, sorry,' said Remus with a tone of sweet scorn that made Sirius' insides wobble. 'That should have been NEVER fuck Padfoot.’

Sirius snorted and chucked Remus under the chin. ‘Don’t pout, Moony m’ darlin‘. Although, you do look pretty cute with your lips all puffed out…’ He shifted, sliding over the werwolf until he was lying half in his lap.

‘Get off me, you oaf,' Remus muttered half-heartedly, pushing at Sirius weakly. 'I’m trying to study.’

‘I’m studying something far more interesting than Ancient Runes...your arse is quite fetching, you know.'

‘Yeah, well, you’ll never know how fetching if you don’t stop annoying me,' Remus retorted snarkily and Siriu poked him in the ribs playfully.

‘Does that mean that you plan on allowing me up close and personal access to your arse in the near future, Moony?’ he teased then he realised exactly what it was they were talking, albeit jokingly, about doing and clamped his jaw shut.

There was a moment of heavy silence and Sirius knew what Remus was going to say before he even opened his mouth. He remained quiet, however, as he watched the werewolf put his quill and ink on his bedside table then carefully roll up his assignment and put it on his trunk. Then, somewhat reluctantly, he turned to Sirius and took a deep, shaking breath.

‘Sirius, I’m gay.’

There was another thick silence then Sirius gulped and nodded, trying to lighten the atmosphere. ‘Yeah. I know. I kind of wondered when you went down on me…’

Remus let out a little whimper and Sirius watched in horror as the werewolf's eyes filled with tears as the impact of his admission struck him. Remus raised a trembling hand, swiping it across his face and Sirius reached out, grasping the other boy's hand tightly. He knew how hard this was; knew how hard he himself was struggling with this same issue and envied Remus’ ability to see himself for who he was and not who he wished he could be for someone else.

‘It’s okay, Moony,' he said in what he hoped was a soothing tone. 'It’ll be okay.’

‘Okay?' Remus burst out, words exploding in a strangled sob. 'I’m a fucking flaming werewolf queen! I may as well shoot myself now.’

Sirius felt a strong surge of protectiveness and squeezed Remus' hand. ‘Well, Your Majesty, anyone who says a word against you will have to answer to me.’

Remus looked up at him, eyes glistening with unshed tears that he was trying valiantly to blink away.

‘You still aren't sure...?’

Sirius smiled shakily and shook his head. ‘I may not be able to be as decisive about my sexuality as you right now, Moony, but I know what I like...and I like being with you, I...like what we do.’

He grinned, trying to diffuse some tension. 'And I really like your blow jobs.’

Remus smiled grudgingly, but Sirius could still see the fear and uncertainty in his face. He quickly glanced over at the door to make sure they were alone then embraced the other boy.

‘I’ll bloody kill anyone who hurts you, Remus. I swear on my life, I'll kill them.’

Remus tightened his arms around the brunette and kissed the sensitive little spot under the other boy's ear lightly.

‘Thanks, Pads.’

A shiver ran through Sirius at the sensation of those warm lips on his skin. ‘Mmm, thank me again.’

Remus smiled and kissed him in the same spot, making a heady combination of desire and need undulate down Sirius' spine.

‘Again,' he murmured, pressing his face into Remus shoulder and biting down lightly on his clothed collar bone.

Remus chuckled. ‘Horny mutt.’

‘Randy wolf,' Sirius returned and lifted his face to Remus' with the intention of stealing a kiss until they heard a soft gasp and a girl's voice.

‘Ah, pardon me. So sorry to interrupt…’

Remus and Sirius leapt apart, both flushing as their eyes fell on Lily who was staring at them from the doorway with a strange look on her face.

'What is it, Evans?' Sirius growled, running a hand through his hair as he tried to regain his composure.

‘I’m sorry,' Lily said, for once, not returning Sirius' harsh tone. 'I…I have a message for you, Remus. Dumbledore needs to speak with you in his office.’

Remus' brow creased in confusion, and he stood, Sirius rising also.

‘Want me to come with you…?’

‘Professor Dumbledore said he needed to see him now and in private,’ Lily said regretfully, looking from Sirius to Remus. There was a glint of comprehension in her green eyes and Sirius shifted uncomfortably.

Remus must have also noticed because he said in a kind, but unmistakably dismissive voice, ‘Thanks, Lily. I’ll go now.’

She took the hint and left quickly down the stairs. Remus glanced at Sirius who he could see was as worried as he was; Remus didn‘t get called to the Headmaster‘s office unless something was wrong and they‘d both had the same horrid thought - someone had found out about the lycanthropy.
Remus tried to smile reassuringly. ‘I’m sure it’s nothing too serious,' he said unconvincingly.
Sirius nodded and followed the werewolf down the stairs, watching worriedly as he left the common room.

He tried to concentrate on his Potions essay for a few minutes then gave up on it. Lily Evans caught his eye; the girl ignoring James in favour of staring thoughtfully at Sirius. Disconcerted by her piercing, knowledgable gaze, Sirius decided to try and distract himself by joining Peter and James when they announced they were attempting a kitchen raid. There was really nothing tricky or masterful to the task - the house elves loved them - and it was only a short time later that they were returning to Gryffindor Tower with their pockets stuffed full of sweets.

‘Hey, Wormtail, don’t be a pig,' Sirius snapped, slapping the other boy's hand as he reached for another chocolate and caramel slice. 'Save one of those slice things for Moony. He likes them.’

Peter sulked, but pulled back his abused hand. ‘Should have got more of those. I like them too.’

‘You’ve had three,' Sirius scolded. 'And Moony needs fattening up.’

James shot him a look that Sirius was too scared to try and decipher and said blithely, ‘You been paying a lot of attention to Moony’s body, Padfoot?’

The question didn’t quite have the teasing undertone that usually went along with their banter and Sirius quickly sidestepped the underlying question, pretending to take it as seriously as he usually did.

‘Of course. Nothing else but his knobbly spine to stare at while I’m pounding him into the mattress. One day I’ll snap him in half.’

He heard Peter snort, but James was silent as they reached the portrait. They gave the password and stepped into the common room where James was immediately leapt upon by Lily.

‘Thank Merlin, he was looking for you lot, but he just couldn’t wait. I told him I’d go and look for you, but he said there was nothing you could do anyway and not to bother but…oh, James…he shouldn’t be alone…’

‘Evans, as usual, we have no idea what you’re talking about,' Sirius said impatiently.

‘REMUS!' she exclaimed. 'Remus was looking for you. He’s gone home.’

‘What?’ James and Peter spoke as one but Sirius frowned.

‘Does this have something to do with what Dumbledore wanted him for?’ he asked.

Lily nodded, her eyes glittering with tears, and for one horrible moment, Sirius thought his worst fear had come true - Remus’ lycanthropy had been discovered and he’d been kicked out.
His voice was harsh when he next spoke.

‘Spit it out, Evans. What happened?’

‘He’s gone home,' she told them tearfully. 'His mother…his mother was in a car accident. She’s in the Muggle hospital. It’s pretty bad. They...the doctors...Oh, Sirius. They don’t think she’ll pull through.’

TBC...