The Affair

Chapter Fifteen: Never Again











If what I feel for him is so wrong, someone please tell me why in the hell it feels so damned right? – Anonymous









It was quiet in the library as the lovers lay in one another’s arms. There was guilt there, but not as much as one would expect. It was almost as though they felt it because it was what was expected of them, not out of any remorse for what had transpired between them.







“What have we done?” She asked softly, her fingers idly stroking his hair.







“What was inevitable and can not be undone.” He answered, turning his face into her skin and kissing the center of her chest where her heart beat. He had never been more content in his entire life and for that he felt the first stirrings of guilt.







“Do you regret it?” She asked, looked down at the man with his chin resting against her sternum. He looked pensive for a moment then shook his head slowly.





“No, I don’t regret it. Do you?” He looked almost afraid of her answer.







“No, I don’t regret it, but it doesn’t change the fact that what we did…we were so wrong.” She said, nudging him away from her. He rolled onto his back and she sat up, shoving her skirt down over her thighs and readjusting her bra.







“It didn’t feel wrong.” He said, pulling his trousers up over his hips and doing up the buttons.







“We can never do this again, Lucius.” Her fingers were shaking as she re-fastened her blouse. She heard his mocking laughter and turned to him with a frown.







“Do you really think we aren’t going to want this again? It was incredible, Hermione, not the kind of thing people find everyday and we are most certainly going to want to feel that again. Hell I already want to do it again.” He said as he got to his feet and helped her to stand. “This won’t go away, not now.”







“It has to.” She tucked her blouse into her skirt and winced when she felt the warm trickle of his seed on her thighs. “Where is my underwear?”







“I think I tossed them into the fire.” Lucius said as he glanced over at the fireplace, vaguely recalling that they were in his way and therefore they were to be destroyed. “You know I am right, Hermione.”







“No matter what we feel we can’t do this!” She snapped, trying to gather her tangled hair into a bun. “We can’t just go around doing what feels good whenever we want!”





“Why in the hell not?” He didn’t bother to do up his shirt; he wanted her to see the marks on his chest from her nails, the bruise on his neck from her teeth.







“Because we aren’t the only people to consider! We are married to other people!” Her voice was rising steadily.







“Why should we consider their feelings when neither of them takes ours into consideration?” Lucius didn’t shout, but he didn’t need to. His voice could take on a vehement edge that could cut like a blade.







“Because it’s the right thing to do.” She found herself back in his arms, held tight against him as he looked into her eyes.







“The right thing to do? You want me to believe that the right thing is for us to be miserable? To continue to live in misery with them and ignore what we feel?” He wanted her again and he wasn’t about to let her walk away from him, not after what they had just experienced.







“Yes, because we spoke vows to them. We promised to be true them and look at us? We are adulterers.” She felt his hands biting into her lower back.







“I’ve been called worse, believe me. If what we have between us is sinful then set up my spot in hell because I will not feel bad for what just happened. It was without a doubt the most incredible experience of my life.” He said fiercely. “Look me in the eyes and tell me it wasn’t the same for you!”





He grasped her chin and turned her to face him. Tears shimmered in her eyes but he could see the truth.







“Tell me!”







“I can’t….I have never felt anything like it.” She sobbed. He cupped the back of her head and pulled her close so that her head rested on his shoulder.







“Don’t cry. We will figure this out.” He whispered, kissing the top of her head gently.







“There is nothing to figure out, Lucius. We belong to other people. We can’t do this.” She said.







“We don’t have a choice, it’s already done.” He held her for a long time, stroking her back and trying to offer her comfort. He had missed dinner, no doubt Narcissa was wondering where he was, and he didn’t care. He wished it were as simple as just gathering her up and running away. But she was right, there were others to consider besides themselves though he longed to be selfish.







“I should go.” She said finally, drawing back from the comfort of his arms. “I should probably quit this project, maybe if we take the temptation away these feelings will fade.”







“No, if you go I will follow you. I will knock on your door bold as you please without a second thought.” He threatened. She believed he would do just that if she tried to ignore him.







“I need some time, Lucius.” She said, “I never imagined I ever would…ever could be unfaithful to my husband…I don’t know what to do, what to think. I need time to process what has happened.”







“How much time?” He didn’t want to be apart from her for longer than was necessary but he understood. He should probably think more deeply on what had happened between them himself.







“I’ll be back after Christmas.” She said softly. “I was due that period off anyhow.”







“Hermione, that’s two weeks!”







“Please, Lucius….please….I need to think…..” She stepped out of his arms and put her shoes on, gathering up her bag and cloak.







“I’ll try.” He wouldn’t agree to it because he could already feel her loss and she hadn’t even left him yet. “Come here.” He grabbed her elbow and pulled her back to him, cradling her face in his hands and tilting her head back. “No regrets.” He bent his head and kissed her gently, so tenderly that it brought tears to her eyes. He released her with a reluctant sigh and watched as she disappeared through the hearth.







She stepped out into her living room. The house was dark and empty, just as she expected. She didn’t bother with the lights. She tossed her things into the chair and headed straight for her shower. While the hot water and soap would wash his seed from her body it would not, could not wash away the memory. She closed her eyes, crying softly as she recalled the feel of him deep inside her, the touch of his hands on her body, the mind boggling pleasure achieved by their joining. She cried not because of what she felt, but because she wanted to feel it again. She wanted to be in his arms, to know how it felt to sleep with them wrapped around her. She wanted something that just couldn’t be.







She slipped into a nightgown and curled up in the center of her bed facing the window. She could see the snow swirling in the wind and piling up on the windowsill. Her palm began to tingle and she lifted her hand. She ran her fingertip over it and saw the little heart glow faintly and she knew that Lucius was thinking of her.









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I love you gals(and maybe a few guys?)…..you make me smile with your analysis and predictions =) So you knew guilt would come, at least for Hermione, Lucius seems to be struggling with NOT feeling guilty though doesn’t he? Now you will begin seeing a more familiar Lucius emerge =)







HermioneMalfoyFan – Thank you, dearest! Im glad It is coming over as I intended. =) and I am glad you are reading and enjoying it as well!! The end of a relationship is always so different for everyone. For me, I don’t blame my husband so much as I blame the war, he was in a place where there was a lot of ‘stuff’ going on everyday and it changed him, made the man he was disappear. Its so sad to see any relationship end though, unless it was unhealthy to begin with.







VoraciousReader – you will see more idiocy from Draco before you see any kind of maturity from him…LOL







Narcissas Sister – I apologize for driving you crazy…well not really because that means you like the story enough to have a strong reaction to it. Ron’s double life will soon be revealed and you will know just what he has been up to.







Tenar…thank you =)







LadyofClunn – amazing what a parent will do to a child isnt it? Using them to guilt the other parent into doing what they want.







Linneh – Thank you so much for that lovely compliment.







Carha – I hope you are feeling better!







B – wow, I am sorry you were ill but glad I was able to help you pass the time!!!







Rosebud – The Remus story is complete and I was even inspired to write a couple of chapters for one that has come and gone for me over the last several months, it may get finished soon too….





DarkePhoenix – thanks for reading, and yes, I will continue, I always complete my fics before the first chapter goes up. =)







SOOOOO have a Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!