Darkness Within

Hermione was in the park, wrapped up tightly in a thick coat, hat and gloves. She was walking fairly briskly, enjoying the feel of the winter sun on her face. She caught sight of Ginny and waved at her, increasing her pace.



‘Hi,’ she smiled, ‘sorry I’m a little late,’



‘That’s okay,’ Ginny grinned at her, ‘let’s go and get a coffee or something?’



Hermione nodded and they linked arms, crossed over the busy street and headed for the nearest Costa Coffee.



Ginny went up to the counter, while Hermione grabbed a comfortable sofa and commandeered it, taking off her outdoor clothes and shaking her chestnut hair around her shoulders. By the time Ginny walked over to her, Hermione was comfortably ensconced in the corner of the sofa and watching people as they walked past the cafe.



‘Here you are, cappuccino, and a maple syrup and pecan Danish,’ she smiled at her.



Hermione grinned, ‘Yummy!’



Ginny put the tray down and took off her coat, as Hermione lifted the cups and pastries. She sat down and looked at Hermione, who had given herself a foam moustache from the coffee, and she giggled.



‘So, what was so important that you just had to meet me today?’ she said as Hermione licked her top lip expertly.



‘I’m going away for a while,’ she said quietly, sighing softly.



‘What?’ Ginny looked at her in surprise ‘When? Why, mores the point?’



Hermione looked at Ginny carefully, biting her lip in thought.



‘Two reasons, really. Firstly, Severus suggested, ages ago, that I should think about going back to my studies. I’ve realised he’s right, and that if I don’t do it now, I never will,’ she smiled at her. ‘I’ve been accepted to the Ecole Centrale Paris.’



‘In France, you mean? But that’s so far away. You could have stayed here, Hermione,’ Ginny’s voice sounded sad.



‘I know, but I want to travel, and being away will help me to concentrate. I’m scared I would be too distracted if I stay here,’ she murmured, and cast her gaze to her coffee again.



‘Distracted by Severus, you mean?’ Ginny asked her.



Hermione took a breath and her eyes widened in shock. ‘You know?’ she asked her.



‘Of course I know, it’s obvious, to me anyway. You don’t stop talking about him, Hermione, or haven’t you noticed?’ Ginny smiled indulgently at her.



Hermione put down her cup and buried her face in her hands for a moment.



‘I haven’t spoken to anyone about this, Ginny. Talking about it now makes it more real, somehow. Up until now, it was just in my head. I don’t know what to do for the best, I really don’t,’ she said in frustration.



‘Have you and Severus, well… you know?’ Ginny nodded at her.



‘Gods, no,’ Hermione shook her head firmly, ‘he has no idea how I feel about him. I don’t even know really, but the more time I spend with him, the more I can’t keep my eyes off him. And I dream about kissing him,’ she shook her head, ‘it’s a fantasy. He doesn’t think of me in the same way, or if he does, he’s very good at hiding it.’



Ginny covered Hermione’s hand with her own, ‘Maybe you should tell him how you feel?’



‘What should I say? I want you to kiss me, Severus?’ Hermione giggled and blushed.



‘Do you think that going away will stop you caring for him? Because I don’t think it will. You have never cared for anyone the way you care for him. What if you love him?’ Ginny was almost pleading with Hermione to stay and she heard it in her voice.



‘I don’t know if I do love him, but it makes no difference, if he doesn’t feel the same way, does it? I know you don’t want me to go, Ginny, but it’s only for a year initially, then I’ll be home for a while,’ Hermione finished her coffee and lifted her Danish.



‘What did Severus say about it?’ Ginny murmured.



Hermione glanced at her, ‘I haven’t told him yet.’



‘Oh, gods, Hermione, why ever not?’ Ginny couldn’t believe it; she knew Hermione shared everything with Severus now.



‘I’m nervous about telling him. I don’t think he’ll be pleased about me going away,’ Hermione looked a little sad.



‘When are you going, Hermione?’ Ginny eyed her friend with suspicion.



‘In two weeks,’ she whispered and the tears she had been trying to hold back dripped down her cheeks softly.



‘Bloody hell, Hermione,’ Ginny hissed, ‘you can’t keep it quiet for much longer then, can you?’



Hermione sniffed and pulled a tissue from her handbag. ‘I know, I’m going to tell him tonight. I’m going to miss him so much Gin. Do you think I’m doing the right thing?’



Ginny looked at her friend sadly, ‘I really don’t know, Hermione. I really don’t know.’



***********



Hermione arrived back at Spinners End with a tight knot in her stomach she couldn’t shift. Her arms were laden with carrier bags full of food and she struggled through the front door and walked straight through into the kitchen with them. She unpacked the food and put a bottle of Firewhisky on the side for Severus, washed her hands and started to cook.



Severus wandered through a few moments later and watched her silently.



‘Talk to me,’ he murmured softly.



Hermione turned and looked at him, and, unable to hide the fear and the tears in her eyes, she started to cry.



Severus walked over to her and wrapped him arms around her gently, holding her as she sobbed. Hermione wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him tightly, closing her eyes as she felt his chest rise and fall beneath her cheek.



‘I’m sorry,’ she mumbled, ‘I didn’t want to cry,’ she pulled away softly and Severus looked into her face, his expression blank.



‘Do you want me to guess, Hermione, or are you going to just say it?’ Severus’s voice was calm and quiet and Hermione looked at him with a frown.



‘You already know, don’t you?’ she mumbled.



‘I know you have been planning something, and keeping it a secret from me, yes.’ Severus walked away from her and sat on one of the kitchen chairs.



Hermione poured Severus a glass of whisky and handed it to him, before flipping over the two salmon steaks in the frying pan and turning the water on for the vegetables.



‘I took your advice and enrolled in a college course,’ she sat opposite him and put her hands through her hair.



Severus exhaled a deep breath, ‘is that all? I thought perhaps, well, it doesn’t matter. What is the course?’ he sat forward, his face interested.



‘It’s a foundation course, so it will cover most subjects, then I can decide what to specialise in later. It’s just for a year,’ she smiled sadly.



‘You should be pleased, surely,’ Severus swirled the whisky in his glass and watched as Hermione stood to finish the food, plating up the salmon with a little hollandaise sauce and adding the lightly cooked peas and carrots.



As Hermione placed the plates on the table, she gazed down at Severus sadly and a small tear ran down her cheek. She sat down and picked at her food, sipping occasionally on a glass of water.



‘There’s something else,’ Severus stated quietly between mouthfuls, ‘or someone, perhaps?’



Hermione stared at him, her mouth agape, ‘You know that if I was seeing someone, you would be the first person I would tell, Severus,’ she snapped at him.



Severus put his fork down and glared at her, ‘it makes no difference to me, Hermione, whom you are seeing. I have no claim on you, I am only the port in a storm,’



Hermione’s eyes glinted at him angrily, ‘How could you? You know how I feel about you, Severus, and don’t pretend you haven’t noticed. Yet you choose to remain cool and detached. I’m only Hermione Granger after all, insufferable know-it-all, a lost cause you played hero to. I know I don’t mean any more than that, I am not blind.’



Severus’s face went dark and he pushed his plate away in frustration, ‘do not assume you know me, Hermione,’ he growled.



‘I’m not assuming anything. You are,’ Hermione shouted at him and stood up, her hands gripping the edge of the table, ‘and for your information, I am not seeing anyone, Severus,’ she took a deep breath and her shoulders shook with emotion.



‘Well, what is it you haven’t told me, witch?’ he spoke so quietly that Hermione had to strain to hear him, and her eyes met his for a brief moment.



‘The college is in Paris, Severus. I start in two weeks, which means I will be living there for a while,’ Hermione murmured.



‘You’re leaving?’ Severus stared at her, his face pale with shock.



Hermione nodded and started to cry again, then turned and ran from the room.



Severus sat and stared at Hermione’s uneaten food, the silence in the kitchen pressing down on him like a tonne weight. With a deep, shuddering sigh, he wiped the tears from his eyes and reached for the Firewhisky.







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