The Dark Gryffindor

Sheherazade: Thanks for your review. Snape and Valerie will continue to get more intimate at their weekend at Spinner's End.


Continuation of….


Chapter Eleven : Tears for Fears


The next morning Snape and Valerie had a late bed-in-breakfast, Snape using bits of food he had brought with him, increasing the morsels magically to create a full meal.

They came downstairs afterwards, Snape looking towards the blank canvas of the Dumbledore portrait first, to be sure there was no danger. Apparently not, or Dumbledore would be here calling.

It was pitch-black inside the tiny sitting room, which felt like a padded cell with all the books covering the walls from floor to ceiling.

Snape waved his wand and the hanging lamp in the center of the room turned on, casting a dim meager light, expelling most of the darkness.

Snape waved his wand again and transfigured two desks into the corners.

“Why are you putting the desks so that we cannot face each other, professor?,” Valerie asked.

“If I know you well enough, once you see what you will be practicing and why, I am pretty sure you will want some privacy.”

Valerie nodded feeling bewildered at this ominous statement. Exactly what kind of Dark Magic was he going to have her review now? She hoped it would be some more in the art of Dark magical pornography, like the posing procedures before. But intuitively she knew that just wasn’t going to be the case.

“Sir, may I ask what you will be doing?”

“My own research and periodicals I write for,” said Snape humbly.

“Wow! I didn’t know you contributed to such prestigious journals!,” said Valerie.

Snape nodded and strode, his robes whooshing softly, traversing with intent to a particular section of the bookshelves. He took a book out and said, “These books were actually my mother’s. My mother was singularly obsessed with the Dark Arts. Her one and only passion in life. Or rather Eileen did not have passion for life, but everything for death.”

Valerie shivered at this terrible insight. “But what about her husband, your own father sir? Why would she marry a muggle if she loved Dark Magic?”

Snape lurched looking bitter suddenly, “Inside, my mother was a weakling Valerie. And she had no time or attention for her son. It was all about her…I will not explain further. That is all.”

Valerie just nodded gravely and took the heavily bound book from Snape and went to sit at her corner desk facing away from him.

For awhile she pored over the book as he completed his own studies.

*

Until she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder, she looked up from her seat to see the hooked nose of Snape peering down at her.

His hand was still gently resting on her shoulder as he observed her looking in through her eyes, with a deep fullness. He whispered with tendernesss, “I know there is something terrible in your past, Valerie. Something to do with your father? You would not tell it to me during your Occlumency lesson. Care telling about it now?”

A long moment of silence stretched between them, until Valerie turned around slowly. She shook her head looking miserable, a lump forming in her throat. If she talked about it she would surely cry and she knew Snape didn’t like tears.

“Very well then,” said Snape, and with a final pitying glance he forced himself to look away from her sad expression.

“I shall tell you of an excellent coping mechanism, which can be used…therapeutically to get through the pain.”

Valerie said tensely, “What is it professor?”

“Cutting yourself,” said Snape bluntly.

“What? Your telling me to cut myself?,” said Valerie, sounding galvanized and clearly losing interest.

“Do not be so blasé about this wonderful aspect of the Dark Arts. And where are your manners?”

“Sorry, sir. But still…”

“However, it will be effective, Valerie. For it is more about the actual healing afterwards than the cutting. Of course, the healing spells aren’t dark magic, but they will heal dark wounds. Now, the first point, you must never aim to cut into your vitals. That would be at your wrists, neck, kidneys, and heart.”

Valerie nodded, and said, “I know…Did you use this spell, sir?,” she questioned nervously and offered as explanation, “I’m just curious…”

Snape gave her a long, clear look and said softly, “No…” But this was a lie. “My mother did though. Tobias, my father that is, I killed him when I was eighteen. Tobias was a very abusive husband, brutal to her actually. And an – alcoholic…,” he finished and there was no mistaking the shame in Snape’s voice.


Valerie stared at him in fascination losing her bearing for a moment at Snape’s sudden reminiscences. Then she gathered her thoughts and said, “Sir, isn’t this is a Defensive dark spell though? One meant to be cast on enemies, not yourself?”

“Yes…this is indeed the other side to the spell I will teach you. It’s darker side, as it can inflict great pain onto others….” And Snape couldn’t help but add, “I used it on someone, the milder form of it on James.” And Snape was referring to that time when he had called Lily a mudblood and been hung in the beech tree, and during the incident Snape had casted a deep gash on James’s cheek.

Valerie blurted impulsively, “Whose James?”

Snape said sounding bored, “Just a boy I went to Hogwarts with.”

“But he was your enemy-“

“I will not have us discuss this. I have told you more than enough about my past. It is time to heal your own. To be strong and disciplined like me Valerie. You cannot let your emotions get the best of you. That story, the story of James,” he said irritably, really thinking how there was much to that greatest regret of his life, on that day than just what he did to James, “Is not something I shall have us discuss. It is irrelevant to the lesson and my current role as your Dark Arts instructor. Is this clear?”

“I won’t pursue the subject professor. For I know you’ll punish me if I try,” and her brow furrowed still feeling curious, but all the same looking down at her feet, her urge to know subdued.

Snape just nodded, but he looked lost and distant, somewhere else in the past.

After a moment, Valerie interrupted, “So what is the spell, sir?”

Snape finally came back to himself and said eerily, “Sectumsempra. DON’T use the entire spell, for that could definitely kill you. It’s not written in a book, for it was I who invented it.”

Valerie’s lashes fluttered with amazement.

Snape seemed to restrain himself from revealing more, telling her how he once called himself, the half-blood prince. Then he continued, “There is the alternative. A nonverbal derivative I calculated…”sectum.”

“Now – when cutting yourself, I want you to think of those painful episodes. Summon up any of your feelings that go along with the pain and use the spell to actually feel it viscerally, to become aware of it, like I- like others do.”

“I should like this, professor! I enjoy feeling pain sometimes. Even being tortured.”

“Yes, I know you do. But after cutting, it is essential for the healing process to take place. For this will make it feel better, you will feel better.”

“Yes, professor,” mumbled Valerie.

Snape gave her a thoughtful look and said, “Do you wish to change your mind? I can still assist you.”

Valerie said sulkily, fingering her wand, “No…”

“I won’t use my Legilimens to assist you then,” said Snape. “Once you’re done practicing this…lesson you and I will get ready for our evening out.”

Valerie smiled a little at this, but then frowned concentrating intently on “Sectum” and remembering her father, who had died when she was eleven, just as she was starting Hogwarts, and gaining a sense of power.

Yet she remembered how he had stolen her sense of power when she was a child. She focused, seeing an image in her mind of running bath water. And her father cooing at her, “Bath time, little girl,” and she saw him squatting over the tub, after she climbed in, as he filled the tub with bubbles, from a spell from her father’s wand.

And Valerie forced to strip for her daddy and feeling like his pet in the water. Valerie’s heart filled with rage, sadness, and a whole kaleidoscopic view of complex emotions as she witnessed in the past her father touching her.

“Sectum…Sectum…,” she said, pointing at her left forearm.

And suddenly two bloody gashes appeared on her skin, and she could feel her pain. Both the pain in her past and the pain in her present. She let the pain stay with her for a moment, as the blood oozed out of the wounds. She was already feeling better.

Then she did a healing spell and the wounds disappeared and Valerie was surprised at feeling a little refreshed, renewed. Like that was the past and she was ready for a fresh start in the future. And maybe her future with Severus Snape!


Note: There is incest obviously in Valerie's past. And I mean no harm against the very real problem of people who cut themselves. It is not quite the same thing, as Snape wants her to heal it right after. Again, I mean nothing offensive.