You Can't Always Get What You Want

Disclaimer: See chapter 1

A/N: I would like to thank all the readers of this story and a special thanks to those of you kind folks who have persevered with my little fic and left reviews. I know it has been a long time since I updated YCAGWYW but as I have mentioned previously, I’ve had a terrible case of writers block, couple that with being rota’d onto permanent night shifts and gutting my house from top to bottom, these haven’t been conducive to motivating my lazy arsed muse.
However, enough with the excuses and enjoy chapter 15.

Chapter 15

Remus stared absently into the flames of the fire that blazed away in the hearth of his little sitting room.

He was taking a well earned break from his studies. Ditzy, one of the house elves assigned to him had popped in briefly before to remove his dirty crockery from evening meal.

He realised, in his contemplation that it had been a week since this whole fiasco began. This time last week, he, Prongs and Wormtail had sat in Dumbledore’s office and explained the cause of the fight.

Moony still had trouble believing that this was all real. In the space of a week, his life had turned to shit. He was about to be expelled from Hogwarts, his best friend and secret love had outed his two deepest secrets to the entire population of the school. It was like one of those nightmares that seem so real and that you struggle to wake from.

But this was no nightmare. This was really happening and from which there was no escape.

Just then, Sir Artimus alerted him that Michael was asking permission to visit. Remus gave his consent, to which the portrait swung open allowing the Ravenclaw to enter.

Mike sat down next to the Remus on the tatty old sofa.

“Remy, how’re you bearing up?” Michael asked.

“I’m fine.” Remus lied.

“I haven’t been by since last week ‘cause I thought you’d be busy revising.”

“Cheers, you’re right. I’ve been busting my arse trying to cram like mad for my N.E.W.T.s before they toss my arse out of here.” Remus said, gesturing to the piles of text tomes that littered the small living space.

“Have you left your quarters at all since last week?”

The werewolf looked away, desperately trying to hide his despair.
“No. The house elves pop in with my meals and Madam Pince gives them any books I request so there’s really no need to leave.” He said dejectedly.

“Has Potter visited you?”

“Yeah, James and Peter came on Wednesday lunchtime but that’s it. I asked them not to come again for a while just in case Si...” He stuttered, he was no longer Sirius to him. “…I mean Black tries to sneak in.”

“Remus, I just wanted you to know that for what it’s worth it doesn’t matter to me.” Lupin looked at Mike questioningly. “You know, you being a werewolf and all. I know you and I know that just because you were bitten by another werewolf and you change into one every full moon, that isn’t the Remus Lupin I know and lov....”

“Mike, don’t say it.”

Oh God, please don’t say it! He thought.

“But it’s true. I do. I know we hadn’t got around to actually saying the ‘L word’ but that doesn’t mean we wouldn’t have.”

“Mike, I...er.”

“Look I know that you think you’ve been in love with Black for years but I think you were more in love with being ‘in love’ with Sirius. How else could we have been together like we were?”

“Maybe you’re right.” Remus conceded.

Michael leaned in and brushed his lips against Remus’. At first, he wasn’t sure if he should complicate things further.

Complicate things further? How the fuck could things get even more complicated than there were already? He had no other secrets that he was hiding, so how could it get any worse?

He argued with himself that he could use a little comfort right now, after everything that had happened. He closed his eyes and eagerly returned the kiss. To his inner disgust though, he imagined that he was snogging Padfoot, not Mike.

The two men quickly broke apart when someone knocked at the door.

Remus looked anxiously at Michael.

“Want me to answer it? Just in case it’s Black?”

Remus swallowed, and nodded mutely.

The Ravenclaw made his way down the dark corridor to the entrance and opened it. He was perplexed to find that there was no one there. He turned to the portrait of Professor Dorning.

“Who knocked at the door Sir?”

“Why, no one Master Bratherton.”

All of a sudden, the young Ravenclaw was shoved unceremoniously through the portrait hole and out onto the landing; the guarding portrait slamming shut behind him.

“Clausus!” Remus heard a disembodied voice cast the blockade spell on the entrance.

Remus recognised Sirius voice and as expected he became visible as he discarded James’ invisibility cloak.

“I’m sorry Moony but desperate times call for desperate measures. You wouldn’t see me and we need to talk.”

Lupin flopped back in his seat resignedly. This meeting had been inevitable, so better to get it out of the way now so he could get on with his revising, passing his N.E.W.Ts and begin making his way in the wizarding world.

“Fine, let me at least assure Mike that I’m okay. We can’t exactly talk with that racket going on.” He said referring to Bratherton banging loudly on the portrait.

Remus made his way down the corridor and knocked back on the door.

“Michael, listen yes it’s Sirius but don’t worry, we’re just going to talk. Just give us five or ten minutes, believe me it won’t take long.”

“Okay…” He answered back. “…but if he doesn’t leave by then, I’m getting Dumbledore.”

“Ooohh, getting the headmaster are we?” Sirius shouted mockingly from behind Remus. “I’m so scared. Why don’t you come in and I’ll show you just why the Black family are so feared.”

“Sirius!” Remus chided. “Mike, don’t get the Headmaster, if all else fails, get James and Peter, okay?”

A reluctant okay filtered back through.

Remus turned and glared at Sirius, who still stood behind him in the cramped passageway. He felt claustrophobic being at such close quarters with Black.

“Well?” Lupin said belligerently. “Go on through, your time’s running out.”

The two Gryffindors made their way back to the sitting area. Remus braced himself for the ensuing onslaught.

Sirius paced back and forth like a caged lion, as he thought about what he was going to say to Remus, who sat expectantly on the edge of the sofa.

“Well?”

Sirius stopped.

“I know that this may seem like too little, too late but for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

Remus stared blankly at Padfoot, contemplating his words and then did the only thing that came to mind. He laughed.

Hysterically.

Sirius merely stared at the laughing werewolf; watching him wipe away the mirthless tears from his amber eyes.

“Oh, Sirius that’s rich. Honestly.” He said calming slightly. “You’re sorry. Sorry for ruining my life. Thank you Sirius for that heartfelt apology.”

Black looked confused, unsure how to take Lupin’s words.

“Well, I forgive you Padfoot.”

“Seriously?” He asked hopefully.

“Fuck no!” He yelled. “Did you really believe that you could come in here in some tepid act of contrition and expect everything that you did would be automatically be forgiven because you said sorry?”

He stood up, facing toe to toe with him. Remus marvelled at Black’s arrogance. “You know, I honestly believed you did.”

“But, but…” Sirius stammered. “…you love me.”

Before the last syllable left his lips, his head ricocheted sidewards with the force of Remus’ hand slapping him hard.

“And trust you to use that against me.”

“But I, I…I love you too Remus.” Black admitted reluctantly.

“And which Christmas cracker did you pull that excuse from?”

“I do. I know I fucked up Remus and I’m going to do everything within my power to make this right. Please Remus…” He begged. “What can I do to make this right between us?”

Remus thought carefully for a second as he contemplated his answer. Amber eyes staring into grey-blue orbs, he replied honestly.

“Make this whole mess never to have happened Sirius.”