Secrets

Hermione awoke later that night, her room filled with shadows, dark and disorienting. She felt next to her for Snape\'s body, and pulled herself into his arms. He stroked her hair absentmindedly and asked, "Are you alright? You awoke with such a start, I thought you might have had a nightmare."



"No, no nightmare. I just kind of panicked when you weren\'t next to me," Hermione said, nuzzling closer to him.



"Did you think I would leave you in the middle of the night?" Snape asked, a slight edge to his voice. Hermione recognized this voice, even though they had only been together a couple months. This was what she thought of as his "I\'m vulnerable, damn it, you better not be having second thoughts" voice. Again, she was amazed at how Severus Snape, who always seemed so sure of himself, could feel so exposed and unsure around her.



"It has been known to happen before," she said, "but I didn\'t really think you would leave. It\'s late and I\'m tired, my mind just sort of jumped to conclusions." She yawned loudly, the feeling of his fingers softly combing through her hair making her feel relaxed and ready to go back to sleep."



"I would not do that to you, Hermione," Snape said, his fingers stopping for a moment as she sat up to look at him intently.



Hermione saw him in the semi-darkness, the moon casting long shadows over his face. He looked her in the eyes, wondering what she had to say.



"I love you, Severus," Hermione said quietly, meeting his gaze. She looked down quickly when she realized she had never said that to anyone else and meant it like she meant it now.



He stiffened for a second and said quietly, "No you don\'t, Hermione."



"Don\'t tell me what I feel, Severus," she said sharply, stung by the unexpected response.



"I\'m sorry, Hermione, but I don\'t believe what you feel is love." She started to protest but he cut her off. "We have been pursuing this...thing between us for close to two months now. There is no way you can love me. It is lust you\'re feeling, that\'s all. Please understand, I\'m flattered you think so, but I don\'t believe it is love."



Hermione could feel the anger rising within her. "So, I tell you I love you, and you tell me that, basically, I\'m a foolish girl who doesn\'t know what love is, and that what we have together is a \'thing\'? How dare you presume to know anything about me!" she said, her voice becoming shrill.



"Ah, and you have made my point exactly. We do not yet know enough about one another to actually be in love," Snape said calmly.



"I know enough, Severus Snape!" she retorted, her arms folded over her naked breasts, her chest heaving as she seethed.



"Really? Like what?" he asked with a sneer, knowing he was goading her, but unable to help it. She was acting like a child and he was getting a bit angry himself.



"I know that you served two men for the greater part of your life, both of whom asked horrible things from you. I know you did this out of love and sometimes hatred for one woman. One woman who never returned your feelings for her. I know you aren\'t truly over her, and you don\'t trust me because of HER. You have to let go of Lilly, Severus!" Hermione was almost begging.



"Don\'t bring her into this. I have changed my entire *life* for you, Hermione. Don\'t you dare bring Lilly Evans into this." He said, sitting up and managing to look fierce, even though he was naked and his hair was a bit rumpled.



"Lilly POTTER! Her name was Potter!" Hermione shrieked at Snape. "She never loved you!" She was starting to cry. "She never loved you! Why can\'t you see that!? But I do. I\'m right in front of you, telling you I love you, and you want none of it! I don\'t understand you Severus. I can\'t do this." She ended pathetically, tears running down her face and her breath hitching.



Snape sat up and held her to him. How had this conversation gone so horribly wrong so quickly? His arms wrapped around her as he buried his nose in her bushy hair. "I\'m sorry," he whispered. "I\'m so sorry. I don\'t understand me either, sometimes." He let her go and guided her face to look at him. "I\'m sorry I picked a fight. Please forgive me," he said, looking at her through the curtain of his lank black hair. Hermione sniffled as she tucked it behind his ear and brushed her lips across his.



"You have to trust me, Severus," she said, sounding tired and hoarse.



"I\'ll try."



He pulled her back down, curling his body to hers, holding her close. He stroked her hair gently until she was asleep again. He mentally paced back and forth for hours before he finally fell asleep, content in his knowledge that tomorrow, he would know for sure if she loved him or not.





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A/N-

So, wow, it\'s been about two years since I last updated. :/ So sorry about that to those that were keeping up with this little story of mine. I hit a writers block of epic proportions, and then I sort of stopped visiting the site. But then I\'ve been coming here a lot more lately, so I thought I\'d finally finish my story.







Ooh, I wonder what Snape has planned! :)

Thanks for reading.