Darker Side of Me

Darker Side of Me –Chapter 15

Harry stared at Draco for a good long time before he could come up with anything suitable to say. He was completely unaware of any of these aspects of Malfoy’s life and wished he had known in the past. At least some of them helped to explain why he had always been so rude and altogether nasty.

“You…were kissing this boy…” he repeated quite needlessly. “You were eleven?”

“Yes,” Draco answered flatly. He had not told anyone of this memory before now. “I don’t remember why. I didn’t feel anything for him. At least I don’t think so… it was all so fast and I really just had an impulse. My mother wouldn’t look at me for weeks. My father… well, he did as he saw fit, which is never a good thing.”

“What did your father do to you?” Harry asked, pulling Draco closer to him. He caressed Malfoy’s face with his fingertips, wanting him to feel loved.

“He gave me a lashing,” Draco answered, emotionless. “Said it was to ‘knock the pansy’ out of me or something equally as foolish. After that he started impressing on me the importance of maintaining the Malfoy family line.”

“Your father needs to get his head rearranged,” Harry muttered, gritting his teeth and holding Draco more tightly.

“Added him to your list, have you?” he murmured. “Good thing too, because you are likely on his.”

“Did your father know what you were doing to get close to me?” Harry asked with a sly smirk.

“Are you bloody mad?” Draco looked at Harry with wide eyes. “I’m not stupid. You-Know-Who said ‘by whatever means necessary’. So I did what first came to mind. My father didn’t ask questions and I never found it necessary to explain it to him.”

“Does he have any idea as to why you turned your back on them? Or where you went?” Harry lifted his head slightly, to get a better look at the Slytherin.

“I doubt it,” he mumbled, not too sure of his response. “But he’ll probably get the idea soon enough. He is sadly well-connected and it won’t take long for him to find out I’ve joined your side instead.”

“Well he won’t find you here,” Potter said defiantly. “This house is unplottable and there are tons of spells and enchantments around it to protect it. You are safe… safe with me.”

The Gryffindor smiled and kissed Malfoy happily. They held each other for some time and drifted off to sleep.

*_*_*

Draco screamed. He felt terrible white hot pain in his nerves and screamed again. He held up his wand and called out curse after curse at the black shadowy figures that approached him and began their assault. He did everything he could to throw these masked figures from him. He cursed again and again, his wand burning into his hand from the magic. They were gaining upon him and more and more of them were bringing him down. They would float like Dementors but he knew that they were very human.

“CRUCIO!” Draco’s voice rang out in the impenetrable darkness. Suddenly there was a crash and a scream to his left. Draco sat bolt upright in bed. He was hyperventilating and shaking, a cold sweat covering his body. It took him a moment to realize where he was and what was happening before he noticed that Harry was no longer in bed next to him.

He panicked and got out of bed but before he went far he spotted Harry’s shaking figure on the ground next to the wall. His eyes were wide and frightened and he couldn’t seem to move.

“Harry!” Draco called, reaching down to help him up. Potter’s skin was burning and he started coughing up blood. Draco pulled him close and held him, trying to calm him down. He ran his fingers through the boy’s hair and whispered soft words to him. He kissed Potter’s forehead and got him partially dressed. “Come on, I’ll get you some water, you’re burning.”

Harry followed Draco down the stairs and into the kitchen. The blonde served him a glass of cool water and helped him finish it slowly. Harry was still staring at him, speechless and confused. Draco did not understand.

“What happened, Harry?” he asked, brushing hair out of his lover’s face.

“You… you cursed me and then threw me against the wall,” Potter whispered to him quietly. He was still shaking.

“I what?” Draco asked, his pupils dilating and a strange shiver running up his spine.

“I don’t know why or how you did it,” Harry continued. Draco noticed some tears mingled with the sweat on his face. “But you were screaming and thrashing in your sleep… you were screaming curses and then all of a sudden you had your wand. Your arms and legs were thrashing all around and you screamed the Cruciatus curse and it hit me. I screamed and then you threw me out of bed against the wall. I fell to the ground and the curse stopped but I couldn’t breathe…”

“Harry…. I…” Draco didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t aware that he was actually acting out what was happening in his dream. He wanted to scream and to cry, staring into Harry’s eyes, knowing that he had done such a horrible thing to him. “I don’t know why I did that… I was dreaming… I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, I told you I was dangerous…” He babbled frantically. He held his head in his hands and screwed up his eyes, trying not to cry.

“Draco,” Harry whispered calmly to him. He felt Potter’s hand on his shoulder. “Draco, it’s alright… it was a nightmare. Draco you aren’t dangerous, you just… you were acting out in your sleep, it happens!” Harry’s voice was frantic as well. He seemed to be searching for whatever defense or explanation he could.

“No, Harry,” Draco told him. “It doesn’t just happen. You can’t sleep in the same bed as me anymore… I might do something terrible to you. Even more terrible. I’ll just tell Lupin-”

“No, you will not,” Harry ordered. He pulled Draco to him and refused to let go. “You are not changing rooms and you are not going to sleep anywhere but next to me. I don’t bloody care what you say. You are not dangerous and we’ll just give you sleeping potions or something to help with the dreams. Draco, please.”

“Harry, what if I hurt you worse than I just did?” he whispered. He curled up in Potter’s arms.

“You won’t,” he answered. “I’m alright. It was an accident..just… what were you dreaming of?”

“I was being attacked,” he whispered, remembering the horrifying images. “By Death-Eaters. They were all attacking at once. I was trying to curse them and fend them off…they jumped me and I was trying to throw them off…I guess I just acted it out on you. I’m so sorry…”

“It’s alright,” he reassured. “It’s alright, you’ll be alright.” Harry rocked back and forth, rubbing Malfoy’s back. “We’ll be alright…”

*_*_*

For the following weeks Harry and Draco spent their time during the days with either Tonks or Lupin. They decided, after Dumbledore suggested it, that it would be a good idea for Harry and Draco to learn to defend themselves properly in a duel. Lupin would set them up in one of the larger rooms of the house and clear all the furniture to make it easier for them.

Occasionally other ministry wizards who were members of the Order would show up with news or different leads on Voldemort’s whereabouts, or possible new Death-Eaters or even possible targets for attacks. They would pay little mind to Harry and Draco unless they noticed who Harry was, at which point they all saw fit to go shake his hand and say hello.

Arthur Weasley also stopped by on several occasions with great platters of food from Molly and occasionally some sweaters for Harry and Draco. Surprisingly, the first encounter between Malfoy and Mr. Weasley turned out rather well. Draco was very polite and did not seem to want to look Arthur in the eyes. Mr. Weasley seemed rather taken aback by this. Harry explained their situation to him, after which Molly began sending Draco the sweaters. Malfoy didn’t seem too enthusiastic about wearing them, but was politely appreciative.

Lupin was their mentor more than anyone else, however. Tonks only replaced him when he was needed by the Order or when it came time for the full moon. Draco had never witnessed one of his transformations until one night, when he ventured downstairs for a glass of water and found a rather strange looking wolf sitting at the kitchen table. Lupin had simply looked up at him, nodded and sauntered off in a different direction.

“Alright, boys,” Remus began happily, pulling his wand and rolling up his sleeves. His face was ragged from the recent transformation but his eyes were sparkling. “Today I’ll teach you a useful little shield charm that will repel most simple curses and hexes. Ready?”

They had been practicing this simple charm for what seemed like hours as Lupin sent simple hexes at them. Harry was doing marvelously well but Draco seemed to be having some trouble with it. He couldn’t understand why they were wasting their time learning that.

“You need to be able to defend yourselves,” Lupin wisely explained to him. “The time will come when you two need to face dark wizards who will intend to do serious harm to you and you need to be able to protect yourselves in such a circumstance.”

“If we come up against dark wizards, they are definitely not going to be using things like the jelly-legs hex on us and that little shield of yours will be completely useless,” Draco pointed out. “What is Harry to do when he comes up against You-Know-Who? What is he supposed to do in the face of the Killing curse? Put up a shield and hope that it misses him??”

“Draco, please, you need to start with the basics,” Lupin replied calmly. “You must learn to crawl before you can walk and walk before you can fly.”

“Well alright, I guess you’re right,” Draco agreed sarcastically. “Harry you’ll just have to tell the Dark Lord to go easy on you because you are still learning.” He shook his head in frustration and bit his tongue for a moment. “Look, I just don’t see why we’re wasting our time with defenses at all. If we are meant to take on Death-Eaters then we aren’t going to have time to defend ourselves. What’s Harry to do with defense spells when facing the Dark Lord? Shield him to death??”

“What do you propose we do then, Draco?” Lupin asked sadly.

“Teach him curses! Teach him how to attack!” Malfoy exclaimed as though it was obvious. “There will come a time when we are all faced with the decision of whether to kill or be killed. If you don’t equip him with what he needs to do that, how can you think that Harry stands a chance at all? Do you really want to send him into a war against the greatest dark wizard of all time with only the basics??”

“Draco…” Harry began, clearly feeling uncomfortable.

“No, Harry you don’t understand,” he said flatly. “You don’t think like a dark wizard. I do! I think like a Death-Eater, I talk like a Death-Eater and when it comes down to it, I’m going to end up acting like a Death-Eater!”

“Draco, please calm down,” Lupin asked carefully. He seemed concerned for Draco’s mental state.

“You just don’t get it,” he pressed on. “There is no in-between for them. There is no stunning or hexing. There will be nothing but Unforgivable Curses flying back and forth and unless Harry learns to use them, he will not survive. They teach you that there are only two options, kill or be killed, because there is no going back. None. And I don’t know about you, but I’m not about to let him go on a suicide mission!”

Draco did not wait for an answer. He ran from the room and back upstairs to their bedroom. He slammed the door behind him, breathing heavily and wanting to punch something. He had let his temper get the best of him and felt terrible about it but something was bothering him even more.

More and more he thought of how Harry was going to have to face Voldemort all on his own and attempt to stop him. He didn’t know if Harry was at all aware of the fact that he was saddled with the responsibility to kill someone. Whether he liked it or not, he was going to have to use one of the Unforgivable curses and he was going to have to kill Voldemort. He made many threats on the lives of those that have betrayed him and his loved ones, but did he really understand what it meant? Did he realize that he was going to have to watch the life leave the eyes of these people and know forever that he was the cause?

And in the end, when all was said and done, would anyone blame Harry? Would he be held accountable for these deaths? Would anyone dare and accuse him of any crime? What was to become of Harry Potter when it was all over? What was to become of them?

“Argh, I don’t belong here!” Draco screamed, removing the sweater that Mrs. Weasley had knitted for him and throwing it aside. “I can’t bring myself to think like they do… I can’t even bring myself to understand why they trust me at all…”

“Sir has a point,” a small and rather mischievous voice came from behind Draco. He jumped and turned around to see Kreacher looming just in front of the bed with a dark smile on his ugly face.

“Kreacher!” Draco snapped. “What the hell are you doing here? Don’t sneak up on people!”

“Yes, Sir,” he replied, bowing his head to Malfoy. “Apologies, Sir. Kreacher just came to deliver Sir a letter.” He held out his spindly hands and handed Draco a small, thin envelope.

“What? There was nothing for me in the morning mail,” Draco muttered, staring at the letter but refusing to take it. “No one knows I’m here… where did you get that?”

“T’was hand delivered to Kreacher this morning, Sir,” the house-elf answered politely. Draco furrowed his brows in confusion. He took the letter from Kreacher but before he opened it he stared at the little elf.

“That is all, go now,” he ordered. Kreacher nodded and instantaneously disappeared.

Draco stared at the spot from which Kreacher disappeared for a moment or two, trying to decipher the expression on the elf’s face. He then turned the envelope over in his hands, trying to divine its origins. After finding nothing, he opened the envelope and read the letter. His heart stopped by the time he reached the end.

It was signed ‘Lucius Malfoy’.


A/N: I hate to leave you with a strange cliffy-thing like this but I sadly have to return to school this week *sigh* and so I won't be able to post again for a few days. Hopefully I'll be able to post wednesday, but I might even be forced to wait until friday. I hope you are all enjoying it though! I feel as though it's getting strangely dramatic O_O but anyway thanks to all of the wonderful people who have reviewed and asked for me! I will indeed be posting more and I'll be starting another Harry/Draco fanfiction after this one that will be the follow-up to book 6 (sort of)! Anywho, thanks again!