Musical Moments

I WON'T SAY (I'M IN LOVE)

Lyrics : Hercules soundtrack
Characters : JK Rowling
Disclaimer : According to my bank statement, I still don’t own them.

*** DM+HG *** HG+DM ***

If there's a prize for rotten judgment
I guess I've already won that
No man is worth the aggravation
That's ancient history --- been there
done that!

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Unseeing, Hermione ran. Unhearing, Hermione ran. All that mattered right now was for Hermione to run…as far away and as fast as she could.

Hermione’s lips tingled from the kiss shared with Draco in the owlery. His passion was relentless, begging forgiveness and demanding retribution. The Gryffindor Princess had been stunned – so much so that her wand clattered unnoticed to the floor. Her arms, pinned by his hands at her side, ached to wrap around him. Her legs, forced to stand during this assault, threatened to give way. Hermione knew that if that had happened, they would have fallen onto the ground and Draco would have been thrusting into her within moments. His forcefulness exhilarated her, but also frightened her. Beneath the sensual movements and gyrations of his body and tongue, Hermione sensed something dark…sinister.

Hermione’s hand tingled from the slap she had cracked across his face. The look of shock on his face seared into her eyes and brain. Just as his fervor was giving Hermione a momentary respite, Draco told her that he had accepted his father’s offer of the meeting for her. It was all for her. Draco would join the Dark Lord for her. He tried to kiss her again. Hermione, without thinking, slapped Draco and ran as far away from him as she could.

((How could I be so blind? So stupid?)) Hermione cried at herself. ((What have I done? I’ve done more than sleep with our school enemy…I’ve slept with the son of a Death Eater…a man about to become a Death Eater.))

Hermione berated herself as if she was a House Elf doing something forbidden behind the master’s back. Given the option, she probably would have run her head repeatedly against a stone wall. The pain in her head would have numbed the pain her heart.

The Gryffindor had opened up her heart to Draco Malfoy and he had just crushed her more cruelly than she had ever imagined. A Death Eater! Did it get any worse? Could it get any worse? None of the Unforgivable Curses could compare to the pain wrenching through her heart right now.

She had thought that the worst which could happen in this game that the two played was that he would deem her a failure as a woman, that she was truly as unattractive as she had been teased in her younger years. Hermione had thought that perhaps he would tell all about them to his fellow Slytherins and she would become the laughing stock of the school and would have to face the disappointed look on the faces of Harry and Ron and her fellow Gryffindors.

Hermione had imagined many possible horrible outcomes to this relationship and had entered into it knowing full well that one of them could come true. But never had she imagined that their relationship would end because Draco would agree to become a Death Eater. Never.

Hermione sobbed as she ran. Her eyes, blinded with tears, didn’t see the grey stone in front of her and Hermione tripped. Her hands reached out in front of her to brace her body from the fall.

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((- Who'd'ya think you're kiddin'
He's the Earth and heaven to you
Try to keep it hidden
Honey, we can see right through you
Girl, ya can't conceal it
We know how ya feel and
Who you're thinking of -))

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It was difficult for Hermione to keep every thing in perspective. Her brain ranted and raved its traditional ‘I told you so’. The game had been dangerous, but Hermione had thought that she could control it. Now, in the end, she realized that she had never had control…it was an illusion. Her time spent with Draco had been so much more than she imagined. It had gone beyond horizontal tangoing between the sheets. Hermione had come to see that Draco Malfoy actually was intelligent – even outside of their Potions class – and had an interesting sense of humour and an astonishing sense of play within him. Draco Malfoy actually enjoyed playing, freedom from the conservative behaviours that the young adults were being molded and guided into as they grew older.

It had also been difficult hiding the relationship from her friends. In the Gryffindor common room, Hermione had listened to her housemates go on and on about their love interests or, worse yet, if they were both in Gryffindor, she had to watch them snog on the much coveted sofas littered throughout the comfortable room. Granted, Hermione hadn’t wanted to brag to all that she was sleeping with Draco Malfoy, but she didn’t want her housemates to believe that her nose never left a book or that the only reason men sought her out was for her assistance on their homework.

Unfortunately for Hermione, she realized that she had hid her own true feelings from herself as well as her housemates. Ignoring her hearts broken cries of despair, Hermione slowly pushed herself up from the ground and took stock of her location.

It was a seldom used garden, filled with an old stone fountain which, despite infrequent visitors, gurgled happily to itself. Overgrown with bushes and flowers, Hermione slowly ventured down the uneven stone walkway, carefully stepping around small overgrown mounds of moss between the stones.

Hermione pushed a strand of her hair, which had escaped its ponytail confines, from her face and surveyed her surroundings. It was a quiet little garden, just the place to sit and think and reflect on what had just happened between herself and Draco.

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No chance, no way, I won't say it, no, no
((- You swoon, you sigh, why deny it, uh-oh! -))
It's too cliche
I won't say I'm in love

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((Why am I so upset? Why should I be so surprised?)) Hermione, taking deep breaths, calmly tried to think. ((We agreed to this relationship with our eyes open. I knew who he was and what he could be before I slept with him.))

Hermione scowled. Her logic and awareness of it was doing nothing to soothe her heart and that bothered her. Her book-smarts were failing her in her most desperate time of need.

Hermione refused to admit that she had any feelings for Draco that went beyond liking him. Okay, maybe she lusted after him but that was only natural given the status of their agreement. Wasn’t it? Seriously, what else could it be?

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I thought my heart had learned its lesson
It feels so good when you start out
My head is screaming, get a grip, girl
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out
Oh

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((Okay, Hermione, let’s recap your love life shall we?)) Hermione groaned. ((Don’t worry, it’ll be a short story. Viktor Krum…lovely dancer, lovely hands, l.o.v.e.l.y body…but an intelligence level that makes Hagrid look like a veritable genius. Yes, yes…he set your body on fire in the beginning, but that quickly ebbed into tepid embers when he opened his mouth. Ronald Weasley….uhhh…cute, goofy, rather puppy-ish don’t you think? Slobbers like one, too…well, at least, he looks like he would. I mean, sweet Merlin, girlfriend, you’ve only held his hand. And didn’t that just set your heart all aflutter.))

Silence.

((I said it would be a short story, girl.)) Hermione scowled at herself. ((Oh shut up, you…me…us…))

Hermione’s mind chuckled at her.

((Then there’s Draco Malfoy. Gorgeous…sexually intelligent…and book smart to boot. What’s the problem here? Oh right…he’s a Slytherin and just agreed to become a Death Eater. But he doesn’t snore in his sleep…that’s got to count for something!))

Hermione plopped down on the stone bench around the fountain.

((And he dresses really nice…come to think of it, you could a learn a thing or two from him about fashion.))

Reaching back, Hermione cupped some water into her hands and splashed it on to her face.

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((- You keep on denying
Who you are and how you're feeling
Baby, we're not buying
Hon, we saw you hit the ceiling
Face it like a grown-up
When ya gonna own up
That ya got, got, got it bad -))

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((I’m still here.)) Hermione swore at herself.

Okay, so Draco really did end up having a lot of good points…he made her laugh, he was a great conversationalist, he was really good in bed…((ah hah!...I knew that would factor into this discussion))…he was tender but demanding, he was arrogant but understanding. Draco Malfoy was essentially a walking contradiction. Outwardly, the world saw Malfoy. Inside, he was all Draco. The two parts were like ying and yang and needed each part to complete the whole.

Hermione could appreciate that. Outwardly, the world saw the Gryffindor bookworm, little miss-know-it-all. Inside, she was a woman who desired to be loved for herself. For a while, she had fooled herself into thinking that Draco saw who she was on the inside and understood that the two halves both made Hermione Granger.

Hermione realized that she had it bad for Draco Malfoy.

“But what is ‘it’?” She asked aloud.

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No chance, no way, I won't say it, no, no
((- Give up, give in
Check the grin you're in love -))
This scene won't play, I won't say I'm in love

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Her eyes widened in horror.

No…nononono! No way! It wasn’t…it couldn’t be…it shouldn’t be…love?

Hermione sighed heavily. Love wasn’t supposed to feel like this. It was supposed to make her feel light and carefree and…well…in love. Surely this feeling of dread wasn’t normal…was it?

((Duh! You know, for someone who is supposedly the brightest witch of her age, you are really, really dense!)) Hermione could feel the slap her mind gave her. ((Dread, my dear, means you care. You care about Draco Malfoy. Admit it.))

“No.” Hermione said aloud.

((Okay, you’re right.))

Hermione breathed a sigh of satisfaction. She was right. Things were returning to normal. The world wasn’t so out-of-kilter as she had originally thought.

((You do more than care for him. You love him.))

Hermione stomped her foot in protest.

“Who invited you into this discussion anyway?” She asked herself.

((Me. Myself. I.))

“Have I always been such an annoying person?”

((Rhetorical question, right? Besides, I’m too biased to answer. Look, you’re changing the subject. You…Hermione Granger…love…Draco Malfoy. Not for the fact that he bedded you…although, wow...purrrrrrr….))

“Ahem.”

((Oh, right. He completes you. You’re opposites where it counts and alike where it matters. What more do you need?))

“He’s going to be a Death Eater!” Hermione wailed at the moon.

((You make it sound so final. Ever heard of feminine wiles, Hermione? Time to use them. Talk to him. Running away doesn’t help.))

Hermione sniffled.

((Just admit it.))

“I love him.” She whispered to no one.

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((- You're doin' flips, read our lips
You're in love -))
You're way off base, I won't say it
Get off my case, I won't say it
((- Girl, don't be proud
It's O.K. you're in love -))
Oh
At least out loud, I won't say I'm in love

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Hermione jammed her eyes shut and groaned loudly. Now that the extent of her feelings had been revealed to all of herself, she realized what a true dilemma her agreement to this game had placed her in. Not only was she in bed with a man who was about to become a Death Eater, but she was also in love with a man who was about to become a Death Eater.

Draco had said that he agreed to his father’s wishes for Hermione…that he was doing it for her. Did that mean that he felt the same way for her? Did it mean that he could feel the same for her? Hermione jumped up and started to pace around the fountain.

If Draco did love her…and if she loved him…maybe, just maybe, the Gryffindor Princess could convince him to not meet with his father. Maybe, just maybe, they could come up with an alternate plan. They were an intelligent wizard and witch combination, their teamwork in Potions demonstrated that.

Hermione heard a soft sound of small stones crunching and she looked up from her seat by the edge of the fountain. Draco stood before her, confusion and pain written across his face. He knelt down before Hermione and placed a hand gently on her knee.

“Hermione? What’s the matter? I thought you, of all people, would understand this choice of mine. I thought you would understand why I made it.” Hermione could hear the confusion in Draco’s voice.

“I never would have asked you to make this sacrifice for me, Draco. Never!” Hermione’s eyes flashed in hurt. “I can take care of myself and if, by some accident or occurrence I found myself in danger, I know that my friends would stand by me to protect me.”

“Am I a friend, Hermione?” Draco asked.

Hermione hesitated a moment.

“Of course, you are.” She managed to say.

Draco’s smile was tight.

“And if I am a friend of yours, you know that I would protect you. This is my way of doing so.” Draco raised a hand, cutting off Hermione’s response. “I know that you would never ask this of me. This is my gift to you. I can protect you this way.”

“Gift?” Hermione jumped up from her stone seat. “What kind of gift is this, Malfoy? You’re about to become a Death Eater! A Death Eater! Do you know what they do?”

“Yes, I do.” Draco nodded, his tone serious. “The Dark Lord wants me…he has asked specifically for me. This means I must hold some sway with him. I will be able to protect you, Hermione.”

“And Harry? And Ron?”

Silence.

“Exactly. How do you expect me to live, knowing that they may be gone? How do you expect me to accept that I am protected and they are not? I can’t do that Draco. I can’t. They’re my friends and just as they will protect me, I will do the same for them.” Hermione grabbed Draco’s cold hands. “Please, Draco…please…don’t do this. Send another owl. Tell your father no. Please.”

“Why?” Draco frowned. “I please him and I protect you…essentially, I win. I don’t understand why I should toss this opportunity aside.”

“Because I…I…” Hermione fumbled around for the right words.

“You what?”

“I…” Hermione gathered what little courage remained and pulled Draco’s mouth down on to hers. When words failed, actions took over. She hoped that as her tongue mated with his, Draco would understand what she was trying to tell him. That her feelings went beyond simple educational appreciation and friendship. She tried to convey her hope, her feelings, her desperation as she clutched at his robes and threw herself into the kiss.

Draco pulled himself away from Hermione and looked down at her, his pale eyes questioning her.

“What was that all about?” He asked.

“I…” Hermione looked away.

((Do it, girl. Tell him.))

“I don’t want you to become a Death Eater, Draco. We can win. We can beat the darkness…together…you…me…”

“…and the Golden Trio?” Draco’s tone was laced with sarcasm. “I don’t enjoy being an extra wheel.”

“You aren’t!” Hermione protested.

“You have your strengths to fight the fight…this is mine.”

“And when he asks you to kill someone? What will you do?” Hermione asked, tears in her eyes.

“I…” It was Draco’s turn to falter.

“Haven’t thought that far ahead have you?” Hermione sighed. “When is the meeting?”

“A month from today.”

“We have time to formulate a plan then.” Hermione decided.

“A plan for what?”

“For us to get what we both want.” Her tone was firm.

“And what do you want, Hermione?” Draco asked, voice husky with emotion.

“You. I want you, Draco Malfoy.” Hermione’s dark eyes stared into his soul and Draco found himself falling into her.