Light on the Dark Side of Me

Title: Light on the Dark Side of Me
Author: Cocoa-Snape
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Harry Potter belongs exclusively to JKR…she is a goddess. I am making no money from this.
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Light on the Dark Side of Me
Chapter 15: And the day after...

After leaving Snape’s quarters early Thursday morning, Harry easily snuck back into Gryffindor tower using his invisibility cloak. He went straight for the showers, and after changing, he sat down in the common room, which was already beginning to fill with Gryffindors excited about the long weekend. Harry could not shake the idea that the last 8 hours had been just a horrible nightmare. What was he going to do? He felt bad about leaving Snape alone and injured but he had promised him that he would tell no one. But at least, Harry mused, he would get to see Snape at meals.

But as is turned out, Snape did not make an appearance at any meals that day. While everyone was enjoying their dinner, Harry barely ate a bite and spent most of his time glancing over at the Head Table. He looked over at Dumbledore, who was happily enjoying his fifth pumpkin cream puff of the evening and wondered if he knew anything about Snape.

That evening, Harry went by the dungeons. He was surprised at first when the wards refused him entrance. He knocked on the door, and after several minutes, began to pound on it. Finally, he slumped onto the floor and waited. Periodically, he would get back up and pound on the door some more, begging Snape to let him in. Harry woke up a few hours later and realizing it was very late and clearly past curfew, made his way back to Gryffindor tower once again.

The next day did not treat Harry any better. Snape did not come to breakfast or lunch. Harry sent Hedwig to deliver a note to Professor Snape that read: ‘Please just send word that you are ok. Harry.’ But Hedwig returned with the note, and her frustrated hoot indicated that she could not deliver it. Had Snape shut his owl window? And when Snape did not make an appearance at Friday’s dinner either, Harry was beginning to panic. Noticing that he was ignoring his food once again, Hermione finally snapped.

“Harry, for the tenth time, will you tell me what’s bothering you? You’ve been looking so worried for the past two days.”

“It’s nothing.”

“It most certainly is not nothing,” Hermione said.

“Yeah mate,” said Ron. “You’re really bumming me out. I mean we have a four-day weekend and you’ve spent half of it in la-la land. What gives?”

Harry looked back over at the Head Table and then back at Hermione and Ron.

Hermione caught on immediately. “Does this have something to do with Professor Snape? I’ve noticed he hasn’t been to any meals in the past two days.”

Worried that Hermione would put two and two together and figure out that Snape had been the target of Harry’s affections, he twisted his anxiety into the only lie he knew Hermione would believe. “No. It’s just that I…I had another dream…you know…about Voldemort. I’m thinking about going to see Professor Dumbledore about it is all.”

“Oh,” said Hermione seriously. “You should absolutely go and see him. It could be important.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Harry said, playing along.

Ron seemed glad that was cleared up, adding: “Harry, listen, I almost forgot to tell you. The team is planning on playing the coolest trick on the Ravenclaw team since we’re supposed to play them next week and they did that thing a month ago where they jinxed my broomstick. It’s on for tonight.”

“Oh…I…I think I’m going to see Professor Dumbledore tonight,” Harry lied, trying to make up an excuse. He wanted to head right down to the dungeons after dinner.

“Can’t you do that later?” asked Ron.

Hermione elbowed him. “Ron, don’t be stupid. This is more important than some stupid prank. Harry, don’t listen to him.” Ron didn’t seem too happy, but Harry didn’t have time to be worried about Ron.


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After dinner, Harry had gone once again to see Snape. Not surprisingly, Snape’s wards were as strong as ever, and Harry was unable to gain entrance. He beat his fists against the door some more, and wondered again if Snape even knew he was trying to get in. Perhaps Snape has cast a silencing spell to block out the noise – in that case, all his knocking was in vain. But Harry was relentless and continuing pounding on the door for what seemed like forever. Eventually, his hands were throbbing and he had to stop.

Suddenly, Harry heard a voice speaking in Parseltongue: “Has the pathetic little Gryffindor finally given up his rantingsss? I want some ressst.”

Harry spun around, facing the portrait of Salazar Slytherin. Harry responded back in the snake language: “Perhapsss you should not insssult people while they are ssstanding right in front of you. I’m worried about Professor Sssnape – he’s a Sssslytherin, shouldn’t you be worried about him too?”

The portrait was clearly shocked: “A fellow Parssselmouth. It has been quite sssome time sssince I’ve had the pleasure. I have no reason to be worried about Severussss. I haven’t seen him sssince he was with you lassst.”

“He hasn’t left his quartersss sssince then?”

“No.”

“Are you sssure that no one has come to ssee him? Professor Dumbledore perhapsss?”

“No one. And yessss, I am sssure. Goodnight brave Gryffindor,” he said sarcastically.

Harry couldn’t take another minute of this. It hadn’t occurred to him to find out if Snape had been alone in his quarters this entire time. Harry had just assumed that if Snape hadn’t visited Dumbledore, that the Headmaster would have surely paid him a visit by now. Now Harry was really worried. Snape had been in there for two days – alone. Harry thought back to the severity of Snape’s injuries. Snape seemed confident he could deal with them on his own, but perhaps something had happened to him. Harry decided that he needed to talk to someone, even if it meant breaking his promise to Snape. There was no question who that someone should be.

Storming off, Harry nearly ran to the other side of the castle over to Dumbledore’s office. It was getting late, and Harry hoped he could catch the Headmaster before he’d gone to bed. Stopping before the stone gargoyle, Harry tried a variety of passwords – lemon drops, lemon sherbet, lemon meringue pie, lemon soufflé. Dumbledore did seem to be favoring lemon these days after all! But Harry suddenly remembered that at dinner Dumbledore was particularly keen on something new the house elves had prepared.

“Pumpkin cream puffs?!” he said, and the gargoyle moved slowly to the side and Harry ascended the moving spiral staircase.

Harry knocked on the oak door and heard a strong voice say, “Enter please.”

Dumbledore was sitting at his desk, papers and books covering its entirety. Harry was happy to see he had not woken the Headmaster up.

“Harry my boy! To what do I owe the honor at that hour?”

“I’m sorry for disturbing you Professor.”

“Not at all Harry – I was just sitting here and thinking. I daresay I do that quite a bit. I could use an interruption. What can I do for you?”

“I…well…I’m worried about Professor Snape.”

Dumbledore raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Indeed? And why is that Harry?” Suddenly Harry felt uncomfortable talking to the Headmaster about this, but there was no turning back now.

“Well…I haven’t seen him at any meals for two days and he’s modified the wards on his quarters so that I haven’t been able to get into his office to check on him.”

“I see. So you haven’t had any lessons with him then?”

“No sir.”

“I see,” Dumbledore said, apparently deep in thought. A long silence stretched between them and Harry was starting to get a bit irritated. He really didn’t want to go into details, but apparently that was going to be necessary.

Harry interrupted the silence: “Professor, I know that he was called by Voldemort two nights ago.”

“You do? Hmm, perhaps we should move to the sitting room and discuss this over tea.”

They moved to the back room and Harry was glad it seemed he’d finally gotten Dumbledore’s attention. After being offered a variety of sweets, all of which he refused, Dumbledore spoke again.

“How do you know that Professor Snape was summoned by Voldemort, Harry?”

Harry gulped. Here it was. “I had a dream that night and I went to go check on him afterwards and well, he was in bad shape. He kicked me out of quarters and I haven’t seen him since. I’m very worried. I was hoping that you could go check on him.”

Dumbledore leaned forward, his blue eyes peering over his spectacles: “Harry is there something you are not telling me?” Dumbledore sensed Harry’s hesitation and pressed on. “Did you by any chance see what happened at this meeting in your dream?”

Harry was beginning to sweat. “Didn’t he tell you about it?” Harry asked uncertainly.

“Not details no, I received a note from him telling me that there was little information of use to the Order.”

“Oh,” Harry said, not knowing what quite to say next.

“He did also mention that he had some important experiments to attend to over the long weekend.”

Harry remained quiet. He was beginning to really worry now that Dumbledore was not going to help him.

Sensing his anxiety, Dumbledore got up, and moved to sit next to Harry on the couch. “Harry, tell me what happened in your dream,” he said gently.

“I…I’m sorry Professor, but I can’t do that. I…he made me promise and he would be upset if I—”

“Harry, how long have you and Professor Snape been involved?” Dumbledore asked, his eyes twinkling.

Harry felt himself blush. How did Dumbledore know? What a stupid question. Of course Dumbledore knew! The man could see straight through him!

Sensing the boy’s embarrassment, Dumbledore quickly said: “It’s alright Harry. You are of age correct?”

“Yes Professor.”

“Excellent then!” Dumbledore said loudly, dismissing that part of their conversation. “Now please tell me everything you think necessary for me to understand your concern for Severus. I am sure he will forgive you given how worried you are about him.”

“Well, we’d just recently, you know…”

“Gotten romantically involved?” Dumbledore suggested helpfully.

“Yeah.” Although romantic was definitely not the word to describe it, Harry mused, but nonetheless it conveyed the point. “It was just about a month ago. Then three weeks ago he told me that things were over between us and never to mention it again.”

“Indeed?” Dumbledore smiled, apparently unsurprised by the brevity of their relationship.
Realizing that his last words implicated Snape in some sort of cover-up, Harry rephrased them – he didn’t want Dumbledore to misinterpret his message, “I mean…he said never to mention it to him again. After he broke it off, he told me I should come to talk to you about it though.”

“And why didn’t you Harry?” Dumbledore asked with a smile, as though he already knew the answer.

“Well, first I didn’t want things to be over and I kind of thought that he only wanted me to talk to you if it meant getting him in trouble.”

Dumbledore’s smile widened, “How very perceptive of you Harry. Please continue.”

“Well, I was actually planning on talking to him about…you know, us, this weekend, but then…well…two nights ago I dreamed about the meeting and I went to his quarters to see him. He’d just gotten back and he was in a horrible state. He wasn’t very happy to see me.” Harry took a deep breath and looked at the floor as he spoke. “His ropes were wet, and covered in blood and mud. He looked so awful. He was twitching a lot from the Cruciatus – I mean, he was trying to hide it from me, but I could tell it was really bad. He’s normally so good at hiding these things.”

Harry looked up and saw the concern on Dumbledore’s face. He motioned for Harry to continue.

“I told him I was going to get either you or Madam Pomfrey, but his eyes went crazy and he begged me not to. He asked me to leave him alone. I helped him to the bed and he passed out. I stayed with him and the next morning when he woke up he figured out that I had dreamed about the meeting and he was so angry – the look in his eyes…it was scary. So I left, and I haven’t been able to get into his quarters since even though I’ve been begging him to let me in. I even owled him and Hedwig couldn’t deliver the message. I’m scared that something’s happened to him Professor.” Harry dropped his head in his hands and released a deep sigh, glad he had finally unburdened himself to someone.

“I see. And what about the dream you had Harry? Can you tell me about it?”

Harry shifted uncomfortably. “I’d rather not say, sir. I promised him that I wouldn’t.”

“I understand.”

But Harry added urgently, desperate for Dumbledore to understand: “But it was very very bad Professor.”

Harry felt tears welling up in his eyes. He looked directly into Dumbledore’s eyes, willing him to look into his mind and view the memory. Somehow it wouldn’t seem like Harry was breaking Snape’s trust this way. But Dumbledore did not avail himself of the opportunity, either not understanding Harry’s offer or not accepting it. He placed his hand on Harry’s back and said soothingly, “It’s going to be alright Harry. I shall go speak with Severus tonight. Thank you for coming to me.”

Dumbledore got up walked to a nearby shelf and pulled out a vial. “Now, I want you to take this and go back to Gryffindor tower and get some rest. It’s Restless Sleep, a mild sleeping and relaxation potion and from the looks of you my boy, it seems you need it.”

Harry downed the potion. “Thank you Professor.”

“Not a problem – now straight to bed with you. I don’t want you falling asleep in the corridor. You don’t have any classes tomorrow, and you should take the opportunity to sleep in.”

“Goodnight Professor and thank you again.” With that, Harry left and headed toward Gryffindor tower.

On his way there, Harry realized that he had made the correct decision in coming to speak with Dumbledore. He was relieved at the idea that the Headmaster was going to check on Snape this very moment. The past two days had been absolute hell. He had never been so worried about someone in his whole life. Harry stopped dead at the thought, but resumed walking, remembering Dumbledore’s words about not falling asleep in the hall. Worry was one thing, Harry reflected. But sleeping on the cold dungeon floor, being paralyzed with constant fear and anxiety, and saying silent prayers to anyone who would listen asking for Snape’s safety was another thing entirely. If the past two days had taught him anything, it was that this clearly wasn’t about sex. He could have gotten that in the comforts of Gryffindor tower if he so desired, not to mention the fact that Snape had made it more than abundantly clear that their relationship was over.

Harry forced himself to say it out loud, “It’s over.”

If Harry hadn’t yet accepted it – it was certainly a fact now. Snape had had his problems before – but they couldn’t compare to what he would be going through now because of this experience. And Harry recognized that not only would be impossible to resume a relationship with Snape any time soon, it would be wrong of him to even ask. Harry only wished he could help to somehow, someway ease the burden and pain Snape was feeling at this very moment. He would have given anything to take it away from him. Yes, Harry reflected, it was over between them. And suddenly it occurred to Harry in that moment that that fact was insignificant to him next to knowing that Snape would be alright – not just tonight, but tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after, and the day after…

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A/N: please review