All\'s Fair In Love And War

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

It's stupid really, I have no right to be heartbroken, I was the one who ended it after all.

I was the one who walked away, the one who gave him up, who followed my head instead of my heart.

I was the one who hurt him.

Draco is the one who healed him.

Somehow, I can't help but hate him for that.

Seeing Harry and Draco together is almost unbearable. It was okay when they were just friends, but now that they are lovers, and the fact that everyone knows it, I just can't take it.

He was mine and I let him go.

I practically gift wrapped him and handed him over to Draco on a silver platter.

Harry looks happy, though. Happier than I've ever seen him. Even when he was with me.

Draco does that for him, makes him happy I mean. He doesn't hide what he feels for him. They don't sneak around under the cover of darkness, only expressing their love in shadowed corners, and abandoned classrooms.

They flaunt it.

On Valentines Day, Harry sent Draco chocolates. Everyone knew they were from him; he has the only snowy owl in the school.

I saw Draco leave for his date that night. He was dressed to kill. Pansy had to pick her jaw up off the floor when he passed her. Way to be subtle. Stupid cow.

He didn't come back that night.

The next day, it was all over the school. Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy were a couple. They were dating. They were in love. Hells, some Hufflepuffs thought they were engaged to be married.

I wouldn't go that far. But I could see it happening.

Draco gave up everything for Harry. He walked away from everything he had been raised to believe, and I have no idea what changed him.

He used to be just like me.

He was worse than me.

For almost seven years, Draco Malfoy was the nastiest little pureblood shit the school had ever seen. He made comments to other students that the rest of were too scared to make. He stood up to Harry Potter, never backing down even when he got beaten for it.

He believed in what he was saying, what he was doing. The rest of us believed as well. Some of us because of him more so than our fathers.

Don’t get me wrong, I'm not blaming him. I'm just trying to understand.

What changed his mind? And do I have the courage to follow him? Or is it too late for me?

I know I've lost Harry. But I haven't yet lost my soul.

I say yet for a reason.

I've gotten my first assignment from my Lord.

He knows about Draco and Harry.

I didn't tell him; I didn't have to. There are others in the school who are loyal to Him. Others who want to join in His service so badly that they would do anything to impress him, to earn his favour.

They are fools. Like myself.

I'm supposed to kill Draco. To make him pay for turning his back on his heritage. To teach the other students a lesson in loyalty. To hurt Harry Potter and make him weak.

The problem is, I don't want to do it.

If I don't do it, I'll lose my life.

If I do, I'll lose my soul.

I still haven't made up my mind.

I followed Draco when he snuck out of the dorm tonight. He's inside the room across the hall from me. Harry is in there with him.

I know what they are doing.

I don't want to see it.

But I open the door anyway. Just a crack. Just enough to see where to point my wand.

Fuck.

I had forgotten how beautiful Harry is by candlelight. How the flames highlight his bronzed skin, how his eyes glow like a cat‘s. He is breathtaking. Stunning. Absolutely gorgeous.

And no longer mine.

That point really hits home as I watch him cover Draco's throat with kisses, as he leaves a large, red, love-bite on his alabaster skin. I should leave. Or hex Draco and be done with it. I just can't seem to look away though.

Draco is laying back on the desk. His fingers are white with tension where he grips the edges of the wood as Harry moves lower, licking his way down his chest.

I remember the feel of that hot, wet tongue, of those sharp teeth in my skin. I still dream of those green eyes looking up at me as he takes me in his mouth.

The way he is doing to Draco right now.

I can't do it.

I can't kill Draco.

I'll admit, a part of me really wants to. I hate that he's with Harry and I’m not. But that is my fault, not his. It’s certainly not Harry's, and it will be Harry that gets hurt the most if I kill Draco.

Draco won't feel a thing, he'll be dead after all.

Me, I stopped feeling anything but misery the moment the Dark Mark seared my flesh.

Draco moans, loudly, as Harry impales him slowly. It makes my blood boil and I raise my wand.

I have to do this.

If I don't, He will just send someone else and my death will be for naught.

I take a deep breath.

"Avada..."

"Petrificus Totalus," I hear whispered behind me as I fall.

Thank Merlin for Weasley.