The Moon Has Spoken

Chapter 15

My eroticism is your oblivion


Fiddler got home around midnight, as usual, and after muttering the password, she entered through the back door silently so as not to wake Moody, who¡¯d probably hex her into a kettle no questions asked if he thought she was a TRESPASSER!!

She smiled at the thought, and went to the kitchen weighing the possibility of making herself a cup of tea, but decided against it, going to the library instead, to pick up some articles she had been meaning to read.

Her mind wandered back to Severus and the strange way he had acted ever since the autopsy. A week away now. She had tried, really tried, to keep things even, acting as if nothing had happened between them, and she thought that she had succeeded, but if anything, that had only brought out the worst of him. Sometimes he was rude as hell, and some others¡­ almost kind.

Unfathomable.


But then again, men always were.

Lately, he acted as if he had just made his mind about something, and was just waiting for the right time to carry on with his decision. Thankfully enough, Fiddler had been very busy at the hospital and she barely spent time at home.
She was still waiting for the results on the autopsy, but Patrick was taking his time¡­

Not that it worried her much. As things were, Fiddler didn¡¯t think Severus would be interested on knowing the results.

But maybe the rest of the Order would, so she better hurry up Patrick on the¨D She stopped on her tracks as she saw Severus¡¯ dark head poking from a chair, slightly turned to one side. Fiddler¡¯s heart began to race and she noted that she was embarrassingly blushed.
Oh, please, let him be asleep.

She tiptoed to the reading table and extended one hand to grab the pile of articles.

¡°Hello, Fiddler¡±, she heard him say.

Damn.

¡°Hello, Severus¡±, she replied. Then added, suicidal, ¡°What are you doing up?¡±

Unbelievably, she heard his voice in her head: Waiting for you.

She looked at the back of his head in open disbelief and heard him say out loud.

¡°I could not sleep. It happens quite often¡±.

¡°Oh¡­ Well¡­ I¡ª I am sorry to hear that. I am¡ª¡±

¡°And you? Did you just get home?¡±, he cut in.

She stiffened, annoyed at the question, but replied anyway.

¡°Yeah, I did¡±.

¡°Ah. And how was work?¡±, Severus seemed to be doing a conscious effort to talk to her and she found it bewildering.

¡°Pretty much as usual¡±.

¡°Not any suspicious deaths today?¡±

¡°Not that I had to pronounce, at least¡±.

¡°Ah.¡±

There was a long, awkward silence. Finally, Fiddler dared to break it.

¡°Yes, well¡­ I think I am going to¡ª¡±

¡°Fiddler, I want to see you¡±.

She frowned at the apparent non-sequitur.

¡°What? I don¡¯t¡ª What do you mean, see me? Turn around. I am right behind you¡±.

Severus got to his feet and walked towards her, stopping at a prudent distance.

¡°You know what I mean¡±.

¡°No, I don¡¯t¡±, she said, although she had an idea. And it wasn¡¯t a pleasant thought.

¡°I want to see you as I didn\'t see you before. I want to make love to you properly¡±.

She laughed, bitterly. She couldn¡¯t help it.

¡°I believe I told you before I don¡¯t like being laughed at. If this is your idea of getting even, then let me tell you¡ª What are you DOING?

Because Severus was fumbling with the belt of his gray nightrobe, letting it slide down and revealing he was wearing nothing under it.

¡°I want you to undress for me, Fiddler¡±, he said, huskily. ¡°I want to see you¡±.

¡°Keep wishing¡±, she said, ironically, but her gaze was shamefully fixed on his body,ing ing in the way his pale skin glimmered in the dim lights of the library, following his lean form with her eyes. She was as callous in judging other people as she was on herself, and truth be told, Severus could never be considered a handsome man. But then again, Fiddler was the woman who¡¯d had a crush on E.T. for years after seeing the movie, and she was totally besotted with Gollum.
I don¡¯t think you should tell him that, thoughr mir mind told her. Somehow I don¡¯t think he¡¯ll appreciate it.
She stiffled a giggle. She cast for something to say, but words seemed to be the last thing dwelling on her mind. All she could do was gape at him.
He stepped closer to her, but made no move to touch her.

¡°Let me see you, Fiddler¡±, he murmured.

She shook her head.

¡°Why don\'t you want me to see you?¡±

She finally broke down.

¡°Have you got no eyes?¡±, she raged. ¡°I hardly have what it would be called an attractive body. I can¡¯t understand why you would want to¡ª To¡ª¡±, she let her arms fall limply to her sides, oblivious to the fact that she still had the pile of articles in her hands. They tumbled to the floor.

¡°Crap¡±, she groaned. She made a move to pick them up but gave up, too distraught to do anything.

¡°Do you not think I have fought it?¡±, she heard him say. ¡°Fiddler, I am drawn to you and I need to have you¡±.

¡°Why the hell would you want me?¡±

But he didn¡¯t seem to have listened.

¡°If I knew I could stop myself and end this madness¡­¡±, he ran a hand through his hair absently and sighed. ¡°But, I can\'t¡±.

¡°What?¡±, she frowned, half angry, half curious. ¡°What madness?¡±

¡°This! The way you invade my thoughts and stop me sleeping¡±.

¡°Oh, so now I am the one to be blamed on that?¡±, she said scathingly.

Severus shrugged, naked in the middle of the library, standing regally with no trace of embarrassement. Fiddler¡¯s hilariouse wae wanted to howl with laughter at the incongruity of it, but somehow, laughter seemed to have died within her.

¡°I know you want this, as well¡±, he said. It was funny, the way he seemed to be so deeply focused on his words, struggling to keep them even, and failing dismaily to look at her in the eyes. She could sense his lust, and the acknowledgement of it nearly made her cry.
He¡¯s lusting after me. Believe that.

¡°Oh, meet the new mind-reader¡±, she mocked instead.

¡°I didn¡¯t need to read your mind. Your body told me¡­ The other day¡±.

Touch¨¦, she thought, and it infuriated her.

¡°I want you¡±, he said, ravely. ly. ¡°Show yourself to me and stop hiding behind your intellect¡±.

She walked forward to slap him, furious at what had felt like an insult, but she stopped in midmotion. She curled her hands into tight fists and spat through gritted teeth:

¡°Look who¡¯s talking¡±.

¡°As you can see, I\'ve let down my defenses¡±.

¡°A gray nightrobe is your defense?¡±

¡°Are you going to have the courage to let down yours?¡±, he challenged her, ignoring her sarcasm.

¡°No, I won\'t.¡± Fiddler seized her chance. ¡°Good night¡±. And without another word, she stepped out of the library and nearly ran to her rooms.

What are you doing? Why did you run away? She asked herself as she fumbled through her scrub looking for her god damned key.

I can¡¯t. I am sorry but¡­ I can¡¯t. I¡ª

Fiddler, you know you want him.

Leave me alone, I know I do! She nearly screamed. But I can¡¯t¡ª What he asked¡­ I can¡¯t expose myself like that. He¡¯ll run screaming all the way downtown when he sees me naked and¡­ I couldn¡¯t bear it.

What if he doesn¡¯t?

Oh, please. Seen yourself in the mirror lately? You¡¯re disgusting. Not even a blind man could find you attractive. Remember Wynn? How do you think you look, compared to her?

She blinked away the tears.

Yeah¡­ I know that.

She finally found the stupid key and opened the door. She was about to close it behind her when a lean arm got in the way and she had to stop her movement so as not to break his arm.

Damned be.

¡°I knew you would come here¡±

¡°Oh, that was brilliant¡±, she mocked.

She watched his features tighten as he stepped inside without asking for permission. Fiddler eyed him thoughtfully, considering to throw him out by force and decided against it. Not really a wise idea. He was still naked, carrying his robe incongruously folded in his right arm, and she noticed the Dark Mark on his left one. A part of her wanted to reach out and run her fingers over it, but she shook her head willing the thought away.

¡°How was it for you, then?¡±, he asked a little nastily. ¡°I forgot to ask¡±.

¡°I don\'t think that\'s any business of yours¡±.

¡°Why is it none of my business?¡±, he asked, surprisingly evenly. °Bec°Because I don\'t see how would you care¡±.

¡°Care?¡±, he gave a hoarse bark of laughter. ¡°Fiddler, I see you when I close my eyes, I see you in shadows at night¡±.

She felt the overwhelming need to laugh again. Who would have thought? The man¡¯s a poet. But instead she said:

¡°Are you sure is not Wynn you see?¡±, she spat the words rancorously and was wickedly satisfied when she saw him tense.

¡°Wynn is dead¡±, he replied tersely. ¡°Dead and buried, as much as my past.¡±

You called out her name, Fiddler thought bitterly. Don¡¯t you think I will forget it that easily.

He might have picked up some of her thoughts, as he said:

¡°I was¡­ dazed¡­ I did not know¡­ It is you I want, Fiddler. Not her. It is your voice I hear in my head¡­ That song¡­¡±, he only got raised brows for an answer. ¡°It did something to me that cannot be undone by any magic.¡±

Fiddler laughed then.

¡°Oh, please. Where did you ever read of anyone picking the Duckling over the Swan?¡±.

His face twisted as if her scathing remark had hit him.

¡°You bewitched me¡±, was all he said.

¡°Well, I am a witch, nice meeting you too¡±, she bowed mockingly.

¡°I want to see the real Fiddler¡±, he said, ignoring her. ¡°The one behind the horrid orange clothes and the glib comments¡±.

¡°There¡¯s no other one¡±, she warned him.

¡°Show me who you are¡±.

¡°You won¡¯t like it¡±.

¡°I am of sound enough mind still to know what I do and do not want¡±.

¡°Congratulations¡±.

Severus sighed. She was tough to peel. And that only increased his desire. So much like him¡­ and so very different¡­

¡°Show me what you are so afraid of¡­¡±, he tried to coax her with his drawling voice. ¡°I won\'t turn away¡±.

And unbelievably, Fiddler saw he wasn¡¯t lying. He was a lustful man who was trying to get in her pants, but not a deceitful one. There might not be other feelings involved but desire and need, and a blurred image to complex to fathom, that spoke of heartless sincerity, much like her own, and of steady determination to get his way.
I want you and I will have you, his face seemed to say.

And, she had to admit, she wanted him too. Badly.

He doesn¡¯t love you, Fiddler, you know that? He just wants a fulfillment of his needs. He won¡¯t return your feelings.

I know¡­ I know¡­

Go ahead then. Give yourself to him. But when he leaves you in your bed all broken-hearted, don¡¯t you bawl at me. Don¡¯t you tell me I didn¡¯t warn you.

Her reason was right. But screw it the same. All she needed right now was him, not the unbearable nagging of her cynical babysitter mind.

She brought her hands to her head to realease her hair, letting it tumble down all the way to her waist. Severus followed her movements with hungry eyes, breathing shallowly in anticipation. Then he realised the cunning of what she¡¯d just done and smiled despite himself.

¡°Very clever¡­¡±, he whispered. ¡°Your hair will cover everything, will it not?¡±

Damn, he¡¯d seen right through it.

She didn¡¯t reply as she slowly took off her scrub top, letting it fall into a puddle next to her feet. Her hair shone with blue highlights in the soft light of the nighstand lamp, and Severus noted, astounded, that she had a tattoo on her right shoulder. A four-leaf shamrock. She had somewhat freckled shoulders and a mole just above her left breast, visible over the sports top she worhe bhe bent over to shove down her scrub¡¯s bottom, kicking her trainers off in the process and she remained tensely standing, in nothing but her underwear.
Severus looked at her intently. The rest of her skin was milk-white compared with her usually exposed arms, lightly tanned, and she had a hellenistic sort of figure, oddly reminiscent of a Bouguerau painting, of the times when ample build had been considered a symbol of fertility and thus, appealing.

Well, Severus had always been an old fashioned man.

His gaze trailed down her legs, noticing she had rather strong calves, with potent muscles standing out from the tense way in which she was holding herself, and then he examined her incongrously delicate ankles and small, white feet, with toenails painted in deep blue. They were curled to grab the soft carpet underneath them, as if fearing she¡¯d fall off.

He watched her slide her fingers under the hem of her sports top and held his breath.

¡°I¡ªcan¡¯t¡±, she said, letting her hands fall to her sides. ¡°I¡ª Just¡­ Go away. Please¡±.

¡°I will not. I came here to see the real Fiddler and I will see you¡±, his tone was harsh and it did nothing for Fiddler¡¯s spirit.
Tears started running down her cheeks, and she hunched her shoulders against her will. She seemed defeated, and a very wicked part of Severus¡¯ mind thought he had finally found what could break her.

¡°Fiddler¡±, he said, soothingly. ¡°Do not cry. I will not hurt you. Not this time. Is that what you are afraid of?¡±

¡°I¡ª¡±, she laughed bitterly through her tears. ¡°That, too. No, I just¡­ I hate my body¡­ I¡¯ve always had. I¡¯ve never thought someone would find it¡­ attractive¡­¡±, she shook her head helplessly.

Severus had thought at first this should be her task, but he sensed she needed reassurance or she¡¯d retreat. So he stepped forward and held her in his arms. She tensed almost unbearably and then she embraced fie fiercely, sobbing quietly against his bare chest. He ran his hands over her back, through her hair, and whispered:

¡°Let me be the judge of that¡±.

She didn¡¯t say a word, nor did her sobs diminished, so he rocked her gently as she clinged to him almost desperately. He bent his head to nip at her throat, and the sides of her neck, flicking his tongue out every now and then, nearly moaning at the earthy taste of her, the clean scent of her, that lingered on his mind ever since he¡¯d inhaled it for the first time. He buried her hands in her hair and drew her closer to him, sliding his mouth from her neck up to her jawline and her lips, kissing her hungrily, tongue caressing the insides of her mouth and her palate. He felt goosebumps breaking in her skin and grinned against her lips.
He walked her to the bed without stopping his ministrations on her mouth, and bending her back on his arms, he lay her gently on the mattress.

She didn¡¯t resist.

He lay beside her, feeling victorious, and bent to kiss her face, then her neck and her collarbones, and her cleavage over the sports top. His hands wandered on her body, massaging her breasts and going down to her stomach.
Unbelievably, she laughed out loud and wriggled violently.

¡°Do¡ªdon¡¯t¡­¡±, she whispered. ¡°I¡¯m¡ªI¡¯m ticklish¡­¡±

¡°I can see that¡­¡±, he drawled, brushing his fingers around her navel and reveling in the way she writhed next to him.

¡°Seriously¡­ Don¡¯t¡­ do¡­ Oh! That¡­¡±

¡°All right, then¡±, he obliged, and his hand went lower, rubbing his thumb against the fabric of her knickers. She jerked, hips thrusting up of their own volition and she saw him smile. ¡°Yes¡­ I see that is better¡­¡±
He let his fingers linger on that spot, watching her arch her neck, blush spreading down her face and throat, and he ran his other hand across the delicate muscles of her neck as he hastily got rid of her knickers. Her eyes darkened a little and he asked her that was wrong.

¡°I¡ª don¡¯t know what to do¡±, she confessed.

He grinned evilly.

¡°Let yimagimagination fly¡±, he encouraged her. ¡°Just do what your instincts tell you¡±.

Run?

He resumed his fondling, not knowing how thankful he¡¯d be for his previous encouragement as she began to mimick his movements, hesitantly at first, and then with growing confidence as Severus¡¯ breathing became ragged and shallow. Her hands tangled in his hair, running her fingers through his scalp and fine tendrils, and she heard him moan. Fiddler drew back, surprised.

¡°Is that good?¡±

¡°Yes¡­ Yes, it is¡­¡±, he murmured, breathless.

And she carried on with her caresses, gliding her fingers down his shoulders, his chest, stroking him with feather-like touches, brushing his nipples and then reaching forward to kiss them softly, her tongue flicking out of instinct, licking the small peaks in a slow circlinvemevement, savouring his bittersweet taste and his unique scent, a shiver creeping up her spine at the taste and smell of him. She buried her head on his chest, inhaling deeply and deliberately as she licked at him again.

¡°Oh¡­ oh¡­¡±, she heard him moan.

Severus held her to him, thinking numbly that this woman was going to kill him; she was probably inexperienced but Merlin bless her instincts! He rubbed himself against her, intoxicated by the feel of soft skin against his body, and tossed one leg over her hip to draw her even closer.
They lay like that for a while, kissing, stroking and suckling at each other. He moved to kiss the shamrock tattooed on her shoulder and then he slid both his hands under her top and got rid of it, Fiddler lifting her head a little to¡­ yes, to help him. He stared at her breasts, transfixed, admiring the pale brown nipples, big and hard from his touch. With an impatient groan, Severus buried his head in them, mouthing her nipples, tugging at them gently with his lips, suckling and licking hungrily. He smiled when he heard her little whimpers.
He cupped both her breasts, large and heavy in his hands, as he nudged her knees with his own, making her shift until she lay on her back. He kissed her breasts and down her belly, watching her squirm and snigger again. He stopped when he reached her mound of curls, running an inquiring finger across it. She moaned softly and Severus lowered his head.

¡°Is that good?¡±, he whispered, echoing her words.

¡°Yes¡­¡±, she felt his finger circling her clitoris and let out a strangled yelp. ¡°Oh¡­ God¡ª!¡±

And then her world exploded in a waterfall of glittering emeralds and bright hues of blue, swirling with soft tenderness around her. There was no trace of his dreadful graveyard of dreams now, just sated completion and overwhelming pleasure.
It hit her hard to realise it was her who was giving him this pleasure, so much that she almost didn¡¯t feel his tongue exploring the most intimate part of her, and in the daze of thought and feeling, she utterly neglected to stop him.
Not that she wanted to, anyway.

She closed her eyes and drifted into that sea of sensations, and soon enough she was rocking against his head, moaning quietly as he pleased her with his tongue and lips. She didn¡¯t realise the exact time when he climbed on top of her and drifted his lips from one breast to the other, as he slid his lower body between her thighs, but she wrapped her arms and legs around him anyway, thrusting her hips up instinctively, and felt him ease inside her slowly, carefully, but hungrily all the same.
It was a weird sensation. It hurt more than just a little, but she thought it had to be worth it, so she breathed in deeply and spread her legs as she tried her best to relax for him. Apparently it worked, because soon enough she felt him in her, moving smoothly in and out of her body.
She moved to meet his thrusts, breathing raggedly, and she buried her nose on his chest, inhaling his piquant aroma, musty, citrus, biting, and totally besotting. She licked at his neck and ran her hands through his hair again, and was rewarded with his moans of pleasure. She moved her lips to his earlobes, his shoulders and his collarbones, and that caused him to quicken his pace almost helplessly. She skated her hands down the length of his somewhat wide back, caressing it softly and holding him to her as his suddering body heralded his nearing orgasm.
She felt his release pulsing deep inside her and her medical mind told her tuttingly: Didn¡¯t you think of using a god damned condom, you twit?
And she blushed again as she had to admit she¡¯d been too¡­ distracted to give it a thought.

In the meantime, Severus had eased out of her and he was now pulling her close to him, wrapping legs and armsund und her as if fearing she¡¯d fly away. Fiddler threw an arm across his chest and entangled her legs with his, panting slightly into his torso. He tangled his fingers on her hair and finally gathered the valor to point out that she didn¡¯t seem to have reached completion. She chuckled softly and he shivered at the feel of her warm breath against the skin of his chest.

¡°I did¡±, she assured him. ¡°I guess¡­ I¡¯m just not¡­ noisy¡±.

He grinned back at her, and lifted her chin to kiss her lips gently. He had expected her to be a little noisy, actually, given her natural loud voice and her Banshee heritage, but he¡¯d found that her quiet whimpers where unbelievably arousing. Somehow they gave away the contradictory nature of the woman in his arms, and the improbable eroticism he found in that circumstance drew him to her helplessly. He sighed. He was dozing off already, but he quivered unwillingly when he heard Fiddler humming sleepily:

Rip off this lace,
that keeps me imprisoned.
But beware the enchantment,
for my eroticism is your oblivion¡­

He tried not to fathom the underlying meaning of the softly mumbled song, and he held her close to him as they both gave into peaceful sleep.




A/N.

TBC, please R & R!!!!!

Thanx a lot to my kind beta Ian for his BRILLIANT thoughts!!!


Disclaimer: All characters and HP universe belong to J.K. Rowling, except for the ones you don¡¯t recognize. The plot as well is mine and solely mine!! No profit is being made!!!!