Dirty deeds

Friday 9 January – Getting ready for detention

Bloody buggering shite of a day at work. Ready to throttle my co-workers. There I alI all anxious to get home on time, if not early, in order to pamper self, perfume self, and perform bloody charms to tame this birds nest into something resembling normal hair, and what happens? Some shit for brains tosser decides to muff up his experiment, and then decides that I have nothing better to do on a Friday night than help him clear up his mess and hold his hand whilst he whines about how hard his job is.

I didn’t spend seven years slaving over my books at Hogwarts to work as someone’s cleaner. Someone, I may add who is technically my junior but who is showing me the kind of respect usually reserved for a sodding house elf.

There are going to be some bloody changes round here. No more Nice Hermione. No more Bloody Doormat Hermione. No. No. No. No.

Welcome to hell boys. It’s a hard days work from now on and no more arse wiping from your boss.

Deep breaths.

I am calm. I am calm. I am calm.

Dear God Snape is rubbing off on me.

Am now getting in touch with inner bitch as well as inner sex goddess. Hear me roar!

Bloody good fun though. Such a relief after worrying so much about other people’s opinions and being a nice girl to actually let rip with real feelings. Can now see why Snape gets off on being a complete bastard.

Obviously is some sort of happy medium between psychotic potions master and girly doormat but may take me some time to find it. Bit of a relief really as was thinking that getting a bit weak at the knees as far as Severus is concerned, and now know that perfectly capable of sorting him our IF it becomes necessary. Bound to have an argument at some point, but can and will stand up to him.

Problems with the red haired small willied loser all came about because didn’t assert self and point out that he was a selfish, dull loser who was crap in bed. Obviously not going to have to tell Severus anything of the sort – not got red hair, not dull, not crap in bed, and probably not any more selfish than the average man who all seem, let’s face it, to think that they are at the centre of the universe.

At least he helps with the cooking and doesn’t expect me to clean. Suspect that whatever his mother was like it was nothing like Molly Weasley. Ron wants to marry someone just like his mother for all his loud and vociferous complaints about her – just wants someone to look after him. Not that kind of girl.

I am a sex goddess, and I don’t do dishes.

I am calm. I am calm.

Deep breaths.

So, after giving useless co-worker a piece of my mind which left him huddled in the corner begging for mercy like a big girl’s blouse I apparated home with barely two hours to spare to make myself look presentable.

At least I didn’t have to worry about what to wear. Robes all freshly cleaned. Head Girl’s badge nicely polished. I didn’t actually make Head Girl but damn it if we are going to play naughty schoolgirl’s and professors I want to be Head Girl. Not that I am sulking about not being chosen for the honour. Oh no. I can see that Susan Bloody Bones was much more suitable than me despite getting nearly twenty points lower than me in every OWL and being a brain dead piece of fluff with the personality of a damp tea cloth.

Probably why they chose her. Couldn’t have a bright girl or a strong minded girl being Head Girl now could we. Girls might start getting ideas. Ginny didn’t make Head Girl either. Honestly!

Anyway, putting inner bitch to one side for a moment – must remember to take her out to play more often as seems that she has a lot of lost opportunities to make up for – decided not to go for white virginal underwear as that’s just plain sick.

There’s a thin line between naughty role playing and being more than a bit twisted (bet Lucius knows where that line is and crossed it years ago) and I think school knickers would be it. After all Severus presumably didn’t want to shag me whilst a student and bloody well better not want to shag any of his present students.

Can just imagine his reaction if one made the suggestion. Magnificent sneer, query as to what girl thought she had to offer that would be more attractive than his hand, and send her (or indeed he, come to think of it) off for four weeks detention with Filch. Give the poor bitch (or bastard as the case may be) a real taste of discipline. Should think Dumbledore would have something to say about that, presumably along the lines of being fired, don’t stop to pack your bags, we’ll have everything sent on to you.

So wearing slightly risqué underwear. Nothing so bad that a hopeful student wouldn’t wear it to a detention in the hopes of reeling in her naughty professor, but not demure and definitely not white.

Decided not to go for the dark green Slytherin thing either. Dark red. Gryffindor colours. Should be amusing. Will he say something sarcastic about Gryffindor and risk not getting a shag or will he bite his tongue? Or something else for that matter?

Mildly worried about the cane he mentioned though. Hope he was teasing. A little light spanking sounds harmless if a little silly, but caning? Ouch! Still there isn’t anything that the Slytherin Master of Shagging has done yet that hasn’t resulted in me screaming in ecstasy so prepared to have an open mind whilst reserving the right to run screaming in other way from the flat.

Never done this sort of thing before. Wonder what the etiquette is? Do you indicate at the beginning just how far you are prepared to go, or let things happen naturally. Will he just pop out of the fireplace and start ordering me around? But then we are supposed to have dinner first, so how do we manage to move from that to detention?

Oh dear, Sex Kitten status seriously in doubt.

Silly me - answer clear. He is giving detention. I can let him make all the difficult decisions.

Never thought I would find myself grateful for big strong man (twirling curls round finger and simpering). Dear god could find myself turning into Pug Face.

Must make effort to get to know Pug Face and (a) pick up some tips (bad, weak Hermione), and (b) find out if she is serious about Ronniekins. After all when Harry started going out with Draco Ron and I had a long chat with him to find out whether he was serious, whether he was suitable and basically threaten to hex him into the middle of next week if he hurt Harry.

Spose Harry and I had better do the same thing for Ron and Pug face. May be better if it’s Ginny and me actually. Must give her a call tomorrow. She will want all the juicy details about tonight – she is actually quite envious, as my sex life appears to be more exciting than hers. Not often anyone can say that.

Dinner in microwave – bless marks and sparks ready meals; all dressed up and ready to go.


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