Down On Your Knees

Tile: Down on Your Knees

Author: Exis* Exis_@hotmail.com

Pairing: Harry Potter/Severus Snape

Warnings: This fic will contain M/M sex....Gay sex. For thoes who don't like that, you should go away now. It will also highlight a love afair with a teacher so if that makes you unhappy, scram. I haven't finished writing it, but you should assume that it will have spoilers from ALL FOUR BOOKS.....if that displeases you, you can go away as well. My last warning is that this is my virgin slash fic, and my virgin Harry Potter fic. I haven't the slightest clue whether it's horrible, and I'd like to pretend it's not....

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, nor am I making any money off this. You know the drill, I won't elaborate.

Dedicated: To my Lovely Beta Tealish. Thanks for your patience, and your trust. And also to ALL THE RAVENCLAWS OUT THERE.......the greatest hero's go unnoticed...and also to the people who put me on their favorites list.....this is for you.......

Archive: Anywhere you want to....just mail me to let me know


You think I'd leave your side baby
Youu know me better than that
You think I'd leave you down
When you're down on your knees -

Sade Lovers Rock

Chapter 14 "You think I'd Leave?"

Harry finished out the summer working for Amelia Westfork. She was completely understanding of his situation with the Ministry. No repercussions came of his little episode, and she seemed strangely happier for him. Perhaps she sensed that Harry was going home, or that maybe he was safer now. Harry didn’t really know, but he was certainly glad for the support.

However, the rest of the wizarding world was not as supportive as Amelia. Baxter McHanded was right, the newspapers did forget about him quickly, but not so fast that the story wasn’t heard. Harry received a decent number of letters from people distressing over Voldemort’s end. They came mostly from people who had heard about him becoming the new DADA teacher and thought their children would be unsafe. Luckily for Harry, Albus was behind him one hundred percent, and informed the objecting parents that if they didn’t like it, they could find an alternative school. As of the third week in August, not a single student had been pulled out.

The last months of summer were happy months for Harry. He kept his apartment, but with Hermione’s help they made it more inhabitable. She was more than willing to inform him that even though he would be moving to Hogwarts in September, there was no reason for him to live in an apartment that looked like a jail cell for two months. Having the veil of depression removed from his mind, he was inclined to agree.

Harry set out for Hogwarts late in the month of August. He would attend the last staff meeting, and then he and Remus would review the syllabus for the coming term. It was a new and extraordinary feeling for Harry. He had spent his entire life looking forward no farther than tomorrow, because that was only as far as he dared assume his existence. Being literally hunted for seven years affected a person deeply, and Harry was no exception. To find himself looking forward not only weeks, but also months and years ahead was a very strange feeling to the eighteen-year-old boy. But Harry decided it was a good kind of strange, and was remarkably happy.

Severus, however, wasn’t exactly happy. Mind you, he wasn’t unhappy, but with the threat of facing Harry again looming over him, he found himself uneasy and fidgety. However, the rest of the staff didn’t feel that way at all. They were giddy with excitement at the thought of the Golden Boy of Gryffindor coming to teach. Many could be seen almost constantly talking excitedly every time Severus came up for meals, which was, admittedly, not very often. Minerva was even excited about having someone to take over the Gryffindors when she eventually made Headmaster, not that she’d say as much. No, she was never one to partake in gossip; however, he could see her eyes get just a little bit brighter every time the subject came up.

The rumors about Severus always wanting the job weren’t entirely untrue. He didn’t necessarily want the position himself as much as he wanted someone competent to teach it. Out of all the classes being taught at Hogwarts, Potions Defense Against the Dark Arts, and Charms were the ones that would save you the most when a situation got heated. Transfiguration and Astronomy were well and good, but they were nothing that was going to help you very often with real life problems. And, being the pragmatist that he was, he was appalled at the people Albus hired to teach the subject. However, even with all the prejudices and conflicts Severus harbored about incompetent Gryffindors, even he had to admit that Harry was the perfect candidate. Of course, he only had to admit it to himself, as no one else would bother asking his opinion.

He could already picture the reaction of the children when the famous Harry Potter appeared as their new teacher. The sickening devotion was all ready at the school, and the boy - man, he corrected himself - hadn’t even stepped foot inside the castle. His classes would be a spectacle; he could already see it. The male members of the student body asking him to recount again and again his heroic feats, hanging on every word he said. And then, the females making moon eyes and worshipping at his feet. Yes, Severus could already smell the heartbreak. He didn’t stop to consider that the heartbreak he smelled was his own, and not of the teenage girls.

No, Severus Snape was in no way, shape, or form heartbroken. After all, everything had turned out the way it was supposed to. Harry had been cleared of the charges, once again a public hero, and was now being given his dream job and staying in his most beloved home. Yes, things had turned out wonderfully for Harry. The fact that Severus was unhappy was just a minor detail. And, what made the whole thing slightly more bittersweet, was the fact that Severus had been right. Harry would have been much worse off if he had been seen with him. Any leak of that information would have, if nothing else, dragged out the investigation and made the whole thing more appetizing to the media. No, Severus was not heartbroken. Not at all.

But maybe, under the absolutely non-existent heartbreak, he might miss him a little. Not that it mattered of course, because it changed nothing, and it never would. He was very much convinced of it. Harry would have most certainly forgotten about the whole thing now. He had the summer to heal from the shock of having slept with his Potions Master, and by now would have certainly passed it off as youthful experimentation. Now that Severus wasn’t the weathered war criminal that he could confide his terrible secrets to, there would be no reason for him to want to rehash the one nightstand. The part of his mind that remembered that Harry had been in love with him before the war was quickly silenced. Come to think of it, Severus had no idea what Harry had seen in him. He had never bothered to ask, but it didn’t matter now.

These arguments replayed themselves over and over again in his head, reminding him why he was absolutely not afraid to face the wonder child again. He spun them through his head at a compulsive rate. He said them every time he drank good brandy. He said them any time he drank ANY brandy. He said them when he woke up, and when he went to bed. He said them in staff meetings, and during meals. But it wouldn’t have mattered how many times he said them. The minute he saw Harry walking through the Great Hall on his first day back, every single reason melted from his mind.

Severus just sat there. Albus jumped from his seat for him. All the staff pushed forth their exclamations of how proud they were and how good it was to have him back, and how nice it was to see his face. House-elves ran in to take his trunk and other worldly possessions to the room they had set aside for him, conveniently just two hallways down from Severus’s. The rest of the staff tittered around him, throwing questions and food before him. And Harry, who had been given this sort of reception since he was eleven, whored himself to it once again, answering politely and eating a muffin, even though he protested he had already eaten before he came. He was eventually led away by Lupin, babbling about how he had promised Black he’d fetch Harry the minute he came.

But, even though the reception was nauseating, Severus had to admit that Harry was merciful. All the way through the fawning of the other staff members, Harry never made eye contact with him. In fact he remained merciful all through the last remaining week of vacation. He never spoke with Severus, and only made eye contact with him twice in the whole week, looking away quickly both times. Remus, however, was a different story all together. Sirius remained his normal obnoxiously jovial self, but whenever Harry and Severus were in a room together, Lupin got very quiet and spent a large amounts of time watching them both carefully. Severus knew Harry hadn’t told him. According to his reasoning, he would most likely be embarrassed about the whole situation. Lupin must have discerned it on his own, but Severus couldn’t be sure. But whatever the case, Lupin’s eyes were glued on him more than he was comfortable with, and he didn’t like it. He didn’t like it all.

~*~

The students entered in a disorganized manner, nattering on about their summers. The Slytherins were still low in numbers from the war, and their stony expressions hadn’t changed in the summer months. Severus watched them all carefully, observing them as they accommodated for their missing by reorganizing their usually fixed seating structure. There was no more mourning the missing; there just wasn’t the energy. Theirs was the house of survivors, and they had little patience with those who didn’t live up to the name. And when surviving was the game, moving on became less of a step of acceptance, and more of a way of life. He watched the remarkable phenomenon of how they moved and changed to make the void unnoticeable. They had survived too much.

But, no one else was watching the Slytherins, that was for sure. Almost every eye was glued to the new addition to the staff table. It was just then that Severus realized that Harry had just graduated. These were the same students he had dealt with last year. He was expected to teach them, when he had been a comrade of theirs just months ago. For a second Severus was concerned about how Harry would cope with that, but luckily the Sorting Ceremony started before he had time to do something foolish like ‘talk’ to the young teacher about it.

Severus rarely paid very close attention to the Sorting Ceremony, but this year he watched carefully. All and all he was pleased. The number of Slytherins was large, and that was nice. What was even nicer was the number of Gryffindors was uncommonly small this year. That took the edge off the fact that Bill Weasley’s oldest was starting this year. The prospect of the third generation of Weasleys turned his stomach. A quick glance down the table showed he wasn’t alone in his apprehension. However, the little brat was a Gryffindor, as expected, so he was Minerva’s problem, not his. That, too, was a comforting thought.

Eventually Dumbledore stood up for the announcements. He made his customary speech about the Forbidden Forest, and Severus mused about how they should change the name to the ‘Forbidden-Unless-You’re-a-Gryffindor Forest’. Then came that particular moment that Severus had been dreading. The point where Dumbledore announced the addition of Harry to the staff. The reaction was mixed. The first years were delighted out of their minds, as were most of the younger years. Some of the older students were disgruntled at having to listen to someone they had just shared a common room with, but all and all the reaction was good. Severus felt slightly less apprehensive after that.
Then came food and conversation. Both were equally nauseating at this point. Of course, Potter happily chatted down at the other end of the table. At least Dumbledore had been smart enough not to seat them next to one another as well. Severus ate anyway, simply because he would be the only one not eating if he didn’t, and he would rather not draw any attention to himself. This night was bad enough all ready.

Once the customary amount of time had passed, he got up from the table. He wanted to get a little work done before he dropped into the Slytherin Common Room for his speech to the Slytherins about behavior and his usual warning the newcomers as to the biased people they were up against. However, on the way to his room, he came across something that would detour his work.

Harry Potter was sitting up against a brick wall in the hallway where his quarters were located reading a book. Unfortunately, Severus had to take this path to reach his rooms, and Harry must have known that. However, he didn’t look up from his book as Severus strode past with a determined gate. In fact, he got six paces from Harry before he even acknowledged him.

“You’ve lost your touch,” Harry said blandly, still keeping his eyes glued to the page. He licked his thumb, and turned a page, as if not expecting an answer. Severus glared at the man in the hallway and strode back to him.

“My touch?” he questioned in a low voice that dripped venom. Severus was certainly not used to being told he wasn’t effective. The announcement hadn’t been well received.

“You used to be able to walk soundlessly. I spent seven years hiding from you, and I could never hear your footsteps. When you came down this hallway I heard you forty meters away. If you plan on catching all the insolent Gryffindors out breaking curfew you had better work on it.” Harry had now dropped the book. He still hadn’t met his eyes, but he was looking in Snape’s general direction. Even that was enough to unnerve him. Snape realized that Harry was right. But, he had been more concerned with haste than anything. He also realized he’d rather kiss the shoes of the Dark Lord than admit to Harry Potter that he was right. He figured interrogation to be the best idea at the moment.

“What in Merlin’s name are you doing sitting on the dirty floor of the teachers’ corridor? I am assuming you have chairs in your own quarters, do you not?” Harry had an amused smile and he raised his eyebrows. Severus crossed his arms.

“Filch would be livid that you would dare call his floors dirty. And, if you must know, the portraits moved and the one that was guarding my door has relocated, and now the one who is currently residing claims it hasn’t been informed that I am now part of the staff, and until another staff member verifies it, I’m stuck. I’m waiting for Remus to get back so I can go in,” Harry said, looking expectantly at Severus. Of course, Severus realized that he could verify Harry. Whether he would was an entirely different story.

“And you didn’t think to just walk back to the Great Hall instead of sitting on the floor?” Severus said in annoyed tone. Harry shrugged, and picked his book back up.

“I had something to amuse me,” he said, gesturing to the paperback in his hand. “Besides, I couldn’t take any more people staring at me.” And then he went back to reading. At that moment, Severus wanted nothing more to flee. He would have, and he should have, but fleeing just didn’t bring the comfort it used to. He turned to the portrait.

“Excuse me, but I would like to verify that Harry Potter is indeed a member of the staff,” Severus said quickly to a little gray man in a sailor suit who stood at attention. He just gave Severus a confused look and went back to his stony expression. Just then Severus heard giggling.

“What?” he said, glaring at Harry, who was laughing to himself and obviously trying not to.

“That’s the wrong portrait,” he snickered, and pointed to a red faced woman who was a few meters away. He ruffled himself slightly, detesting being laughed at. Snape shot a nasty look back at the him.

“Well, you don't expect me to go around studing where you live, do you? Why would I care?” He said in an icy tone. The laughter immediately fell from Harry’s face. His expression became quiet and gray.

“You wouldn’t,” he answered simply, and went back to reading. However, Severus didn’t leave. He turned to the woman and told her that Harry was indeed allowed into his rooms. The disgruntled woman moved aside slowly, and showed an oak door that must be Harry’s. He turned to walk away, but just then Harry called to him.

“Wait,” he said, and got up to enter. “While you’re here, I have something for you,” walking into his rooms. He came out a few minutes later holding a small glass vial. Severus immediately recognized it to be the one he had sent for the trial.

“They gave it back to me in the Ministry while I was being detained for questions. I knew it must be valuable, so I thought you’d like it back,” and he tossed it lightly to the other man. He just smiled a little, and walked back into his rooms.

Severus stood there with the glass vial in his hands. Harry was right; it was made specifically for dangerous and volatile potions and was of considerable value. He ran his fingers over the edges and he noticed his broken seal. The serpents were now seperate and tired looking . . . exactly how he felt. He sighed and walked down to his rooms. He had intended to work, but he knew he wouldn’t get anything done. Instead, he would replay the exchange over and over in his mind, analyzing every word and every action. It seemed as if these ghosts would never let him go.

****Authors Note*****
A great big hello to all the readers out there. This is chapter fourteen, and once again I find myself wondering what to say in my authors note to all of you. The clock is ticking down on this story...and soon it will be no more. We're still in the process of debating about a sequel, because really I have no idea. We'll see....

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