Haunted

Hermione focused on her breathing and tried to choke down the abject embarrassment of having just ran like an inexperience second year as soon as things with Draco - Malfoy - started to get heated.

That was the problem. What was she doing, saying his name out loud? It was bad enough she whispered it softly in the dark of the night just to see how it felt on her lips and another thing entirely to let him in on the fact that she still wasn’t over him.

Would she ever be? Did she even want to be?

If she was honest with herself for once, she knew that there was nothing she wanted more than for those kisses he’d given her to mean the same thing to him as it did to her, but she didn’t think that would ever happen. It just wasn’t in a guy like him.

She suddenly felt cold although the house was stuffy in the early August heat. It wasn’t his fault that she had fallen for him like some unlearned school girl. All those years ago she’d thought she’d known him, felt that connection between them…and now, she wasn’t so sure. He’d changed, as people tend to do. But it wasn’t for the worst, and not necessarily for the better. He was hardened, not like the terrified boy who had sat with haunted eyes at the back of the Headquarters’ library waiting for his father to catch him. No, he was older now, stronger, smarter. Whatever he’d been through had taken away that scared boy and replaced it with a resolved man, one that knew his duty even if he didn’t believe in it, for duty was the only reason she could think of that would have forced him to go back. Hate her as he had, she knew he wasn’t a killer, knew he understood the wrong that was happening around him. She had risked everything for her parents, was it any different for him?

With a sudden realization, she understood. Finally, she was able to look past the anger and the hate. Gods, no matter what had he been put through, they were still his parents. Hermione knew deep in her heart that she would have done the same. And the strength it took for him to defy them not once, but twice, was far more than what she had summoned up to save her own. In the end he had done what was right, but what was the cost to him? She felt sickened at the way she had been treating him. Had she been so unfair? Had Ginny been right? Had saintly Hermione Granger judged someone before they had a chance to prove themselves?

She felt like hitting herself. After all he had done, all he had been through to prove himself, she never gave him a chance. Hell, he’d only saved her life a handful of times and still she treated him with the air of a frightened child.

Resolved, she stood to finally tell him once and for all the way she felt and to make him realize that she wasn’t going to give up on him again, but a knock on the door stopped her mid-stride. Leaning on her walking stick, she bid he person in.

“Hermione? It’s me, Jimmy.”

She smiled. “Jimmy! What are you doing here?”

“Me da told me to take a couple days so I thought I’d come by to see yeh,” he said, his lilting brogue washing over her. “How are you, Hermione?”

“I’m just fine,” she said, holding out her hand. “Come, sit. It’s so sweet of you to come visit me! You must be very busy.”

“Never too busy to come see a beautiful rose such as yourself,” he said, taking her hand.

“You always have a way with words,” she teased. “What have you been up to these past couple of weeks?”

He sat down on the desk chair and she backed until her calves hit the bed and sank onto it and she listened to him talk about the work with the centaurs and how they had started consulting with the mer-folk. She laughed freely as he described his escapades with the sea dwellers and gasped when he spoke about being attacked by the Grindylows.

“Ah, it was me own fault,” he chuckled. “Should’a known better.”

“Harry had trouble with them in the second round of the Triwizard Tournament, too,” she added. “It can happen to anyone. They are tricky creatures!”

“Aye, I’ll agree with you on that one,” he said. “Anyway, enough about me, what about you? How have you been?”

“Oh, you know, same old, same old,” she lied.

“Now that I find hard to believe, seeing as how I recall hearing about your little rescue attempt.”

She blushed. “I know, it was silly but-,”

“It was very brave, Hermione,” he said in a low voice, his hand going to her knee. “But you mustn’t put yourself in danger like that. You’re going to kill me with worry one of these days!”

She smiled. “But I always end up scraping by, don’t I?” Indeed, she thought about how incredibly lucky she’d been. Maybe some of Harry’s luck had rubbed off on her, for she certainly never remembered being nearly as lucky before she’d met the dark haired boy.

“You might not the next time.” Jimmy’s voice had turned dark and she felt a chill.

“What do you mean by that?” she asked.

“Only that you can’t be taking chances like this. You are just asking for trouble.”

“I believe I have proven myself capable of dealing with any trouble that comes my way,” she snapped.

“Hermione, please, I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry, I know you are an incredible witch, it’s only that I care about you so and I don’t want to see you get hurt again.”

The hand on her knee lifted and she heard him moving until he was sitting next to her on the bed, very, very close.

“You do know I care about you, lass?” he said softly and she felt the back of his fingers against her neck as he pushed her hair off her shoulder. It was quite an intimate gesture and though she thought it was sweet, felt a little put off by it. However, instead of making a big deal about it, she mentally shrugged it off and ignored it. But oh, how she wished Draco would touch her like that…

“I know, and it’s very kind of you.”

“But?”

“But I’m a big girl; I can take care of myself.”

His throaty laugh reverberated through her body. “Why don’t you try letting someone else take care of you for once?”

Hermione reached out to touch his arm and he hissed in pain. Hermione drew back her hand as if shocked, wondering what she had done.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry-,” she hurriedly apologized.

“No, no, it’s alright. That’s just where the Grindylows got me,” Jimmy explained. “You don’t need to apologize.”

Embarrassed, she tried to scoot away. Would her blindness always make things awkward? Even something as simple as a gesture of thanks?

She nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt his lips on her throat where he had moved her hair moments before. Not wanting to bruise his pride, she leaned away by mere centimeters, but enough to get the point across that she was not comfortable. He didn’t seem to take the hint and his lips followed the curve to her shoulder, pushing aside the material of her shirt to reveal more skin. She didn’t know why she was shying away from his advances, it was obvious he cared for her a great deal, found her attractive, and he was smart, cute, witty…everything she had ever wanted in a man. Then why did it feel so wrong? An image of Draco popped into her mind and she felt as if she were betraying him somehow.

He doesn’t have a claim on you and you certainly don’t have one on him, her mind chided. Stop being such a prude, this guy is perfect! So take a deep breath and try to enjoy something for once!

But the deep breath did nothing other than spur Jimmy on. His lips climbed to her jaw and her heart banged in her chest, but not in a good way. This felt wrong, very, very wrong.

She opened her mouth to say something as she pulled away when a voice at the door turned her blood to ice.

“Excuse my interruption, Pace, but if you could detach yourself from Granger for a moment you’re needed downstairs.”

Her heart was no longer banging in her chest for it had stopped entirely at the arctic voice that was Draco. Jimmy sat up and she scooted away from him as much as was possible in the miniscule space between him and the edge of her nightstand.

“Malfoy,” Jimmy acknowledged, his voice just as hard. “I’ll be right down if you would be so kind as to give us a minute to finish up.” Hermione cringed.

“I’m afraid they were very insistent that you do not delay.”

Hermione could only imagine they way Draco was looking at Jimmy if his voice had anything to say for it. Hermione felt like burying herself underneath the covers and never coming out. When Jimmy’s lips touched her cheek she jumped and tuned away, but the back of his fingers followed, caressing the spot he’d just marked with his mouth.

“We’ll continue this later,” he said softly into her ear. Oh, how she wanted to die. She had to bite her tongue to prevent herself from yelling at him and telling him under no circumstance was he to ever do that ever again but she didn’t want to create a scene, especially in front of Draco who she knew was watching them like a hawk. She could all but feel his penetrating gaze.

The bed lifted as Jimmy stood and she clutched the comforter under her hands and waited for the yelling to begin. She felt a heavy moment of silence.

“Malfoy, are you coming?” Jimmy asked curtly.

“In fact I have a few things to speak to Granger about. I’m sure you don’t need an escort to the kitchen.”

“I’ll wait, then.”

“I assure you, there is no need.” Draco sounded deadly.

Hermione screamed at Jimmy in her mind to go away, to just leave it be, but, of course, he did not heed.

“I’m not going to leave her alone with the likes of you.”

Hermione groaned, burying her head in her hands, glad for the first time that she couldn’t see, for this was definitely not something she wanted to witness.

“The likes of me?” Draco growled. “What, are you worried I might save her arse again?”

“I think you know why I’m worried.”

There was a slight scuffle and Hermione held her breath. If the scene in her head was anything like the one that was really happening, she knew this could not end well. There was a yell and a thud and more grunts and thuds and explicit language. A loud crash made Hermione scream because that meant that her mirror had just shattered and she started forward.

“Stop it! That’s enough!” she yelled. They paid her no mind and she stood, helpless, as they continued to brawl. As the fight made its way to the floor a crash sounded what she assumed was the breaking of Draco’s chair. She continued to scream until they rolled into her legs. The shock took her off balance and she hit the ground. She had a second to hiss in pain before anger got the better of her and she kicked at the lumps who were now cursing each other’s families at her feet.

“Knock it off!” she yelled. “You’re behaving like children!”

“What in Hades is going on in here!?”

Hermione had never been so glad to hear Mr. Weasley’s voice. She heard him Stun the boys and then hands came to her upper arms as he helped her up. Hermione thanked him and brushed off her bottom as Mrs. Weasley huffed in annoyance and undid the spell.

“What is with this despicable behavior?” she shrieked. “Explain yourselves!”

Silence filled the room and Hermione wished the world would swallow her up already. When they offered no explanation, Mrs. Weasley took Hermione’s elbow and snapped at the boys who, she assumed, were still on the floor. “Well, whatever the reason I hope it was good enough to knock over a blind girl! You should be ashamed of yourselves!” Mrs. Weasley urged her onto a chair while she muttered uselessly that she was fine. She finally let the woman fret; fixing her hair and dusting off her back while she listened to repairs being made to Draco’s chair. Anger and embarrassment boiled up inside her chest until she thought she might explode. Someone left and she figured it was Jimmy. More movement and muted voices and Hermione was once again irritated that she couldn’t see anything and that irritation plus the pain in her backside and elbow from hitting the floor added to the already tantamount ire she felt at the ridiculously infantile situation she found herself in made for a mountain of fury that was about to be unleashed upon a certain individual.

“Mrs. Weasley, could you and Mr. Weasley leave me and Malfoy alone for a minute?” she asked as kindly as possible through gnashed teeth. “I have a few words I wish to exchange with him.”

Mrs. Weasley’s hand squeezed her shoulder and she heard the two leave. She wanted to thank them for their help but she wasn’t certain she’d be able to get the words out.

When the door closed Hermione reminded to herself to stay calm.

Oh, fuck it.

“What the bloody hell was that all about?” she screamed. Thinking twice, she groped the desk behind her for her wand and pointed it in the general direction of the door and muttered a Silencing Charm. She was panting as hard as she had when she’d seen Fluffy for the first time. Only this time, it wasn’t fear that pounded through her veins, but white hot fury, enough to make her go crazy.

“Don’t even start with me, Granger,” he growled.

“Oh, I’ll start with you, all right! What makes you think you have the right to brawl like that?”

“Gee, I don’t fucking know, maybe the fact that you were lip-locking with that stupid fucker mere hours after me! I was unaware you were such a slag!”

Hermione reacted as if she’d been hit. “Don’t you dare call me that, you ignorant prick! You know nothing about what just happened, you barely know me at all! And you don’t have any say in what I do with whom anyway!”

Once the words were out of her mouth she immediately regretted them. But there it was, laid out before them.

“You’re right, Granger. I don’t. Now if you’ll excuse me.”

Her heart skipped a beat. He was leaving…she had to keep him here. She didn’t know what would happen if he stayed, but she knew that if he left now the damage she had wreaked might be too great to salvage.

“Wait!”

She felt the hesitation and wished she could see his face, get some clue as to what was going through his mind. But if he was anything like he had been back at Hogwarts she doubted whether she’d be able to tell anyway.

She scrambled for something to say, anything. “You, er, you s-said you had something to talk to me about?”

She clasped her hands together to quell the shaking and hoped he wasn’t looking her way. She heard him sigh but still he said nothing. The silence stretched on and on until the tension was so hard she could snap it like a frozen twig.

“I don’t think I should be the one to tell you,” he said slowly, finally. “Fuck if I can even fully comprehend it myself. We should go down, talk to the others.”

She didn’t have a good feeling about this, not at all. “Malfoy, just say it.”

She could feel his hesitation and waited patiently. He took a deep breath.

“Granger…are you sure?”

“You came to me. Just tell me whatever it is.”

He did. And gods how she wished he hadn’t.

She didn’t know what to say or do or think. The idea that Malfoy had saved her from becoming a container for part of Voldemort’s soul was almost too much to comprehend. She thought hard and tried to find those memories Draco claimed she had, but there was nothing. She felt as she always had, her memories just the same as they’d always been. Weren’t they? How could she know for sure? It scared her that maybe Draco hadn’t gotten to her in time…maybe she had lost some of her memories…ones that Voldemort could use against them…

Oh, gods, what had she done?

“Granger?”

She lifted her head to the voice. She wanted to touch him, she wanted that comfort…but she’d gone and ruined the chances for that too. Since when had she become such a screw up?

“-listening to me?”

“What?” she asked. She felt nauseas and light headed. She didn’t know how much more bad news she could take before she snapped.

“Granger!”

She realized he’d been talking again and her heart fluttered when his warm hands gripped her shoulders but the contact was so brief she had to wonder if she’d simply imagined it.

“What are you thinking?” he asked.

“What am I thinking?” she asked with a sardonic laugh. “I’m thinking that I might have part of Voldemort’s soul in me. I’m thinking that there is a possibility that at any moment I might turn on you guys and put everyone in danger. I’m thinking that Voldemort might have a memory I don’t know about that can lead him straight to Harry. I’m thinking that-,”

“Stop it, Granger.”

She took a deep breath. She was to going to fall apart, not again.

“I’m sorry, I just…it’s a lot to take in.”

He was quiet for a moment. She could hear the tension in his voice when he spoke next. “I’ll leave you be, then. The others are downstairs when you’re ready.”

She felt the air shift as he headed for the door and fear rose up in her again at the thought of him leaving with all the bad air between them. “Wait. Not yet.”

She wanted to go to him, to look into his eyes and tell him what had happened wasn’t what he thought, but how could she when it was exactly what he thought?

“Listen, about earlier-,”

“You don’t need to explain, Granger,” he said, cutting her off. “Like you said, it’s none of my business.”

“But-,”

“We should head down.”

Hermione knew when not to push. She’d spent too many years as a hormonal teenager’s best friend to know when her words weren’t wanted. So she silently reached for her walking stick and headed for her bedroom door. She could feel him to her right, waiting for her to exit first. Gods, how she wanted to reach out her hand, touch his arm, anything.

But she didn’t. He needed his space. Needed to cool down before they could talk. She’d set things right with him, and with Jimmy. He was sweet, but she just didn’t feel that way for him. She hoped she could let him down easy.

And now she had to deal with the fact that she was almost made a Horcrux. Lovely.

She was feeling fairly more confident with the walking stick now and she tried to go down the stairs at a normal pace and focused on how she’d progressed thus far to keep her mind from the earlier scene. She could hear voices from the kitchen as she neared the landing and could pick out Harry’s dulcet tones. Her mood improved significantly and when she groped for and opened the kitchen door, the voices ceased.

“There you are,” she heard Ron say and was taken into long, gangly arms. He smelled like spearmint and sweat, a scent she was accustomed to, a smell that calmed her. Harry was next, his scent of Molly’s laundry detergent and the wind engulfing her. She felt steadier with them near, stronger. She knew that no matter what had happened, they would be there to figure out what to do about it. Even the anger she could feel radiating off of Draco could not harm her with her boys there. But she had to know.

“Why are you guys here? I thought you had a lead on Ravenclaw’s Horcrux?”

“It was a set up,” Ron said dejectedly. “Good thing Harry figured it out when he did or else we would have been toast. That place went up faster than Charlie’s hair when he’d caught his first dragon.”

Hermione’s stomach twisted. What if Harry hadn’t seen the signs in time? Without her there, the two could have easily been lured into a trap…what if they’d been too late?

“Hermione, nothing happened, we’re fine,” Harry reassured her. “Nothing was hurt but our pride when
Lestrange rubbed it in our faces a bit. Ron distracted them with Fred and George’s Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder and we got out safely. There’s nothing to worry about.”

She knew they were smart, quick witted, competent wizards, but she hated that they were out there without her. They needed her and she was failing them. But she smiled and squeezed the hand that took hers and led her to a chair. The muttering died down and Hermione tried to pick out the voices: Remus, Mad-Eye, Tonks, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. Plus Ron, Harry and Draco.

“So, what is this all about?” Ron asked. Someone took a deep breath, someone cleared their throat, Tonks, if she wasn’t mistaken, drummed her fingers on the table.

“Well, Miss Granger-,”

Hermione gasped. “Professor Snape?”

“I have not been your Professor for quite a few years now,” he said in his smooth tones. She heard Ron mutter something under his breath to her right and Harry reached around her back to chuck his shoulder.

“Why are we here?” Harry asked.

Hermione waited for someone to speak first and when Lupin began, she wished he hadn’t. She knew the boys would take it hard, but it was nothing compared to the scene that presented itself. There was a great deal of yelling, bickering, slamming of fists against the tables and hoarse bellows from their former professor. Hermione, tired of the tirade, put her hand on Harry’s arm.

“Harry, stop, there’s no use in fighting about it!” she cried. “What’s done is done, we can’t take it back. This is nobody’s fault but Voldemort’s. Professor Snape couldn’t possibly have known what the Horcrux contained; you know he wouldn’t hurt us! Please, see reason.”

He finally sat and she ran her hand down his arm to his hand and gripped it with both of hers. “I know you’re upset, we’re all upset, but this is the way it has to be. What I have to do is not nearly as difficult as your part. Everything is going to work out fine, we have time. We’re not just going to go marching into Voldemort’s keep and start an insurrection. Everything is going to be thought through and work out the way it’s supposed to.”

She felt his fingers squeeze hers and his harsh breathing slowed. “Everything will be alright.” She cooed.

The room was stiffly silent for a few moments before Tonks, ever the tension breaker, suggested a round of Butterbeer. With the calming drink passed out, the solemn group discussed their options and bid farewell to Snape whose Mark began burning at the bidding of the Dark Lord. Mrs. Weasley bustled around making dinner and Mr. Weasley suggested eating outside as the rest of the gang was planning to show up soon. Hermione offered her assistance and Mrs. Weasley placed her on menial tasks while the boys went off to brood.

She hadn’t heard a word out of Draco since they’d come downstairs. He seemed to have nothing to say about the subject, even under the scrutiny of Harry. But she thrust him from her mind when Fleur joined them and started speaking excitedly about how much the baby was kicking and how she was deciding upon colors for the baby’s room. Then Ginny stormed in to announce that Lavender Brown had found evidence to suggest that Marcus Flint might be behind the recent break-ins at the Ministry. After the twins Flooed in to share their newest product (Inflatable Fart Projectors) Kingsley announced that Greyback was once again on the rampage, this time somewhere near New Forest. The children’s death toll was up to twelve, seven of which were Muggles. The Aurors were working overtime to keep the incidents hushed up. After his morbid tale Mrs. Weasley put a ban on bad news for the evening and ordered everyone outside where Ginny pumped Hermione for details of why her mother was more harried than usual. Hermione promised they would speak later when a cry went out from the kitchen. Charlie had arrived with news that the dragons were ready for war and they had riders practicing combat maneuvers.

By the time everyone had settled down the air was cooling significantly and the twins went about lighting torches. Hermione picked at her food and forced a smile but her mind was on the blonde boy she knew had locked himself inside his room. She feigned a headache when she knew she couldn’t take anymore and had Ginny escort her upstairs.

“Alright, what is going on?” Ginny asked as they settled onto Hermione’s bed.

“Which part?” she scoffed.

“Did you and Draco row again?”

“Well, not exactly,” she answered before sighing and giving Ginny the run-down of events from the afternoon.

“Oh.”

“Oh?”

“Well, what am I supposed to say?” Ginny cried. “You start by telling me that Jimmy was forcing himself upon you and end will telling me that you’re a Horcrux!”

“He didn’t force himself on me and I’m not a Horcrux yet,” she said.

“Well, are you going to explain to Draco what happened?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“Ginny, it’s all really confusing. Maybe what happened is for the best.”

“How can you say that?” Ginny accused. “You and Draco are meant for each other!”

“I wouldn’t go there,” Hermione said, blushing.

“Hermione, come on. Would you just give him a chance?”

Hermione thought back on the conversation she’d had with herself earlier, before all the nasty events had unfolded. She wanted Draco. She wanted to make him understand what she felt for him. She wanted to know if he felt the same. But there was so much between them, even more now. Bad blood, bad memories, bad words. Could they ever work past it? Did he even want to? Or was she overstepping her boundaries?

“Hermione, stop second guessing yourself,” Ginny said, her voice softer this time. “I know you’re scared, but you have to open your heart sometime. What if I had never had the courage to stand up to Harry again? What if I had just let him be, let him go about this alone? All these years we would have been apart wondering what if? Don’t put yourself through that.”

Hermione pondered her words. “I think I’m going to get some rest, okay, Gin? It’s been a really long day.”

She knew her friend was disappointed, but her head really did hurt and she needed some time, just a little time. So after Ginny left to be with Harry, after the guests had departed and gone their separate ways, after Mrs. Weasley had checked in on her and was shooed out by Mr. Weasley, Hermione sat up and listened to the silence, gathering her courage. Then she stood and, without the walking stick, made her way to the bedroom across the hall.

*******************************************************************

A/N: Sorry if this chapter is a little boring, but it was a transition chapter. Think Hermione has the courage now? :P

XOXO

RynStar15