Forgotten Not Forgiven

Author’s Note: Okay, so this is the second to last chapter of this story. Thanks to Laurel for her beta work.

Chapter 14 Love Letters and Hate Mail

Draco,

I’m in Venice! Can you believe it? It’s beautiful here! I visited the Piazza San Marco yesterday and at this very moment I’m writing you while enjoying a very romantic gondola ride (alone). I know I’ve only been away for a week, but I’m thinking about you and I might actually miss you a little.

Sincerely,

HJP

As soon as Draco received the owl his heart nearly leapt in his chest. It had been six days, four hours and thirty-two minutes since he’d last seen his love, and each second of it had been agonizing. He tried to be patient and remind himself that Harry would need some time to see a few things and settle into his new traveling lifestyle, but every day wondered if he’d done the right thing in suggesting the man leave the city. What if he never heard from Harry again? But when that first letter arrived, he felt hope spring anew and he snuggled into the feeling Harry inspired within him. No one would ever complete his soul the way Harry did.

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Harry,

I was wondering if you’d actually write. I was beginning to worry that all your parchment had been eaten by Sneazles. Can you tell I’ve run into Luna Lovegood recently? I’m glad you’re doing well. Venice is indeed a beautiful city. You should have told me you were going. I have a loft there you could have stayed in.

Allen’s been asking after you. What should I tell him?

I might miss you a smidgeon as well.

Love,

Draco

Draco hadn’t just run into Luna, he’d run into Ginevra, Granger and Allen in one fell swoop. It seemed Granger was acting as lawyer for the Potter-Weasley divorce and she was bringing Ginevra the papers over lunch. Luna was there with Ginevra as support and Allen, of all people, was there as Luna’s date – at least this was what Draco deduced from his thankfully brief encounter with the foursome.

He could hardly believe the audacity that Allen had in asking after Harry while his arm was wrapped firmly around Luna’s waist. Part of him wanted to tell Harry all about it, confirm for his brunet paramour that he’d made a good choice in ditching the Australian, but he thought it might do more harm than good. Harry had already decided not to date Allen, there was no use rubbing in the fact that the man had already moved on.

Granger hadn’t said a word to him, choosing to shoot daggers at the table rather than look in his direction, but Ginevra had no qualms with glowering at him directly. He wished he felt more regret for what he’d done to her than he did, but most of his negative feelings about the situation centered entirely on Harry and what the act had done to him. She’d brought her own fate upon her head, and Draco wagered that if he hadn’t been the one she cheated with, eventually someone would have taken his place in her marital bed.

His counselor had assured him of the same thing, though not without chastising him thoroughly for his transgressions. In hindsight he would have found another way into Harry’s heart, but what was done was done and now all Draco could do was try to make amends.

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Draco,

My waiter today reminded me of you. He had the most thrilling gray eyes and his hair was blond, though admittedly it fell short of your own perfectly platinum locks. He was also a bit of an arse like you. Perhaps I should get his number and call him up for drinks tonight. What do you think?

Tell Allen that I’ve been in a terrible accident and died a horribly tragic death. Or tell him I went on vacation. You pick.

Always,

Harry

Harry had been mostly joking about the waiter. He existed of course, but Harry had no intention of approaching the man, he simply wanted to tease Draco with the idea to see how he’d react. There had been a few propositions thrown his way, but Harry had deftly turned down each and every one. Part of him hoped that Draco might join him one weekend, so that they could spend some time wrapped in one another’s arms. He fantasized about it often, but worried how a suggestion like that might be received. He hadn’t truly forgiven the blond, not entirely, and he felt like if he asked Draco to meet him somewhere, it might be misconstrued. He didn’t want to lead the man along any more than he inadvertently had already, so he left the idea out of his letters and secretly hoped Draco would come up with it on his own.

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Harry,

It’s been months without a word from you. How are you? Well, I hope. Ron and I miss you so much! George and Angelina are finally engaged; Molly’s having a fit over it. She’s so happy. Ron is going a tad batty all alone at the Ministry and wants to know when you’re coming back. Ginny’s started dating a fellow from her office who seems nice enough, but he’s not you of course. I haven’t seen much of Malfoy, but I heard he’s also dating someone else. Not sure who, but the papers have been rumbling about it. Did you two have a row? Is that why you left in such a hurry?

Teddy sends his love and we miss you dearly.

Love,

Hermione

Harry had told Hermione and Ron that he was leaving, though only the day he planned to leave and only with a vague explanation as to why. He felt like rubbish that he hadn’t thought to write to them before now, but every spare moment he had he used to write Draco instead. He’d purposefully crammed his days with activities and sightseeing so that he wouldn’t have time to feel lonely or bored.

Unfortunately, and he realized this only too late, that also meant he didn’t allow himself any time to think about his life, which was the main reason for fleeing London to start with.

During his travels he’d picked up a few trinkets for his friends and loved ones, most of which he’d give to them when he got back rather than sending them with an owl, but there was one person he didn’t want waiting that long. He’d felt terrible about leaving his little Godson Teddy, even though he knew Andi and Draco would take excellent care of him, he felt guilty for staying away from the boy for so long.

Tying a green stuffed rabbit to his reply letter, he sent it along, back to Hermione, with his love.

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Hermione,

It’s good to hear from you. I miss you, Ron and Teddy as well, but I doubt I’ll be back home any time soon. I’m enjoying my time away to think about how I want my life to be. Make sure Teddy gets the toy I’ve sent with the owl. I got it in Italy and it’s handmade. Give him lots of hugs and kisses for me as well.

It seems Ginny wastes no time. I’ve only just signed the divorce papers and she can’t even wait for the ink to dry before she’s trolling for someone knew? I suppose it shouldn’t be any great surprise. She’s just hopped from one arm to another all her life. (Don’t tell Ron I said so.)

Are you sure about Draco seeing someone else? Let me know if you find out who it is or anything more definitive on that matter.

Best regards,

Harry

He could scarcely believe Ginny had already begun dating again. Harry supposed it wasn’t his business any longer, but it still irked him that she had gotten away so lightly after tearing his life into shreds. Perhaps when he returned he’d boot her out of their old place – if she wasn’t already holed up with the new bloke that is – but he really didn’t want to live there. He’d rather sell the house and buy a new flat. Maybe with Draco. Although, the news about him dating someone else made him pause. Could Hermione be right? It wasn’t like her to simply spread gossip without anything to back it up.

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Harry,

I’m not amused. In fact, if you could see my face you’d be able to tell immediately just how amused I’m not. I trust you’re not out and about seeking my replacement already (not that such a thing exists, of course). Still, it’s not polite for you to lead these foreigners along that way.

I told Allen that you’d perished suddenly in the middle of having glorious sex with me. How’s that for a story?

Yours,

Draco

Draco stared over and over at the letter before he sent it. Part of him was livid with Harry for even suggesting that he was planning to date another man, but the other part wondered if it might be a good thing if he did. Draco didn’t want to be Harry’s rebound after all, as Allen so crudely suggested that night. Perhaps it would be better if Harry had a brief, meaningless relationship with a passing foreigner, that way he and Draco could start over fresh.

Still, the thought of someone else touching and kissing his Gryffindor made his blood boil.

Telling Allen that little story had been quite amusing though. He’d known through Harry’s other friends of course that Harry was simply traveling, but when Draco showed up in his office to describe the intoxicating lovemaking that had never actually happened, the look on Allen’s face was quite priceless.

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Harry,

I’m quite sure about Malfoy. Witch Weekly has been reporting about his secretive activities and he’s been seen around town with the same gentleman several times now. I’ll let you know when I have more on that.

Teddy loved the stuffed bunny, Harry. Andi says he sleeps with it every night. Miss you still!

Love,

Hermione

Fueled by doubts, Harry balled up the latter and cast it aside, deciding to ask out that waiter after all. If Draco was back in London having fun without him, why shouldn’t Harry have his own fun?

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Draco,

That was a particularly cringe-worthy pronouncement of death. How did he take it? Poorly I’d guess.

Who said I was leading anyone on? Phillipe happens to have been very lovely company, but I still miss you as odd as that sounds.

I’ll be in Tokyo soon and very busy, so don’t expect another Owl until I get to Wellington.

Love,

Harry

It would be another month before he heard from Harry if Draco had his itinerary correct. He couldn’t believe Harry had left him with mentions of another man in his last letter to him for weeks! Surely he knew how cruel that was, leaving Draco to wonder if this Phillipe had followed Harry to Tokyo, whether they’d just had dinner, or something more…satisfying than that. He wanted to pound Phillipe’s face into the floor and he didn’t even know the man.

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Harry,

You’re dating? I thought you were on this trip to clear your head, not to muck it up with foreign trysts. Should I be dating too? Have you made up your mind already and are just afraid to tell me so?

Draco

The letter was delayed on account of Post Owls not being allowed to fly in and out of Tokyo; something about the number of wizards living there and suspicious Owl congestion. Harry received it when he got to Wellington, and read it over and over again. Each time he felt a new emotion bubbling to the surface. Guilt for having hurt Draco over news of a date that never even happened, worry that the man had decided to move on before Harry even received his letter, and then anger that the man had the nerve to complain when in his other hand was a letter from Hermione with a photo of Draco sneaking into another man’s house.

He stared at the incriminating photo of Draco obviously meeting with his new lover as he wrote his anger-fueled response to the blond. But, his fury dissipated and turned into regret the moment his Owl and Draco’s letter flew out the window toward London.

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Malfoy,

It was one dinner with one bloke resulting in not much more than a mutual wank. It’s far less than I hear you’ve already been up to with your steady bloke back in London. You’ve some nerve acting accusatory with me over a single date.

HJP

Draco was furious. Who had been spreading lies about him to Harry? He supposed it could have been any number of people, but that didn’t make it seem any more palatable. He’d remained true to Harry the entire time the man was gone, so he didn’t know how anyone could possibly have any convincing arguments against his virtue. It was one thing for Rita Skeeter to print those vicious lies about him in the papers, but quite another for rumors like that to be spread otherwise. Ever since he’d started therapy, Draco had felt like a new man. He could finally look at himself and truly see his past mistakes, and understand why they’d had the consequences they did. Furthermore, he’d managed to reign in his outlandish Slytherin tendencies to turn everything into a game that he was determined to win. Potter was a prize, certainly, but he finally understood that Harry’s love could not be won; it had to be earned.

While he was busy learning this, it seemed Harry was busy learning the feel of another’s cock.

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Harry,

So, it’s back to Malfoy now is it? And what are you talking about with the reference to a steady bloke I’ve been dating? I’m not dating anyone, steady or otherwise, and I resent rumors being leveled against me. I remain true to you and hold to hope that you’ll return to me.

Yours still,

Draco

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Harry didn’t know if he believed the Slytherin and said as much in his next letter, to which he also enclosed a photo he’d pulled from a copy of Witch Weekly Hermione had sent him. It showed Draco at a function with his hand resting on another man’s arm. Granted, the man was at least fifteen years his senior, but the photograph showed a very content Draco Malfoy regardless of the age difference between him and his date. Draco’s response to Harry’s letter was brief and curt, even the script was harried and angry looking.

Potter,

If you think that I’m dating that man then you’ve gone mad during your trip. He’s my therapist and has been helping me in the months since you’ve apparently abandoned me, not that you should require any explanation from me. It’s been almost a year and you’ve yet to resurface in London. How am I supposed to take that?

D. Malfoy

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Malfoy,

It was your bloody idea for me to leave. If you feel such animosity toward me, perhaps we should stop writing to one another altogether.

HJP

The only response Harry got to his last letter was a scribbled ‘fine’ – no signature, no parting words, just ‘fine’. He was in Cork, Ireland on his way back to London when he received that final missive and changed his plans. If he wasn’t coming home to Draco, part of him didn’t want to return to London at all.

Harry wrote a dozen apology letters but didn’t Owl a single one. Instead he continued to send Draco updates on where he was, what hotel he was staying at and when he’d be traveling somewhere new. He had no idea if Draco even read them, because he would only write back with tightly scrawled messages like ‘How nice for you’, and ‘I’m sure you’ll enjoy that much more than coming back home’.

He knew he should head back to London, he’d certainly seen more of the world than he’d ever expected and he missed his friends and Teddy desperately. Still, something kept him away, kept him fleeing the old city he used to call home. Deep down he knew he was afraid, afraid that he would get back and find that Draco had moved on. Afraid that the blond, tired of being strung along, would have found himself a suitable replacement and settled down.

It was that fear that sent him into the arms of Trevor Macintosh, a bloke he’d met in New York. They had enjoyed a month long romance, but Harry still felt the almost imperceptible tug back toward London, and on the days he was willing to admit it, back toward Draco. One evening at dinner, Trevor had offered to try and relocate to London, apparently sensing that Harry was homesick even when Harry himself did not. He’d broken up with Trevor on the spot, realizing that he couldn’t get over Draco Malfoy from a distance and he refused to string another innocent man along while he was still hung up on the blond. He needed closure, needed to see for himself that Draco had moved on without him.

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Harry sat somewhere in Central Park, his back propped up against the trunk of a thin tree as he watched people walk their dogs, listen to headphones, and go on their daily runs all around him. He’d been away from London for over a year and his heart was sick for it. After his break from Trevor, he’d resolved to go back, in fact, his Portkey was scheduled to leave later that same day. He only had one final letter from Malfoy, one he’d gotten earlier in the week and refused to open for fear it would keep him from returning home. He sat there, wringing it in his hands as he stared at the yellowed parchment, finally wrenching it open with so much force he nearly ripped it in two.

Potter,

It seems you have no intention of returning, so I suppose this is my official goodbye.

Goodbye, Harry. I wish you could have loved me.

Draco A. Malfoy

Harry swallowed past his pain and folded the paper into a neat little square, shoving it deep within the confines of his woolen coat. He had missed his opportunity and it was his own bloody fault. Here he was dragging his arse around the world when Draco had been back home patiently waiting for him. He never should have left; his life might just be more of a mess now than it ever was before.

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Author’s Note: Don’t you guys just hate me? I would too if I were you.