A Series of Connecting the Dots

Author's Note: Laurel's turn! You all know the drill, review here or there or both!

Chapter 14 Harry – Don’t think too hard.

I still felt like I was glowing from the conversation I’d had with Mike at breakfast. I hadn’t been this happy in a very long time. Finally destiny was throwing me a bone, so to speak; both my boys, it finally looked like I could keep them both. I wouldn’t have to choose after all. Plus I was a genius. My potion was perfect, and I was looking over it proudly as Snape congratulated me in his own special Slytherin way; you don’t suck as much as you used to. Yes, I was sure today was going to be wonderful.

“I think lessons every evening from now until the holidays are in order,” Snape declared snapping me out of the fog I’d been happily drifting in. Every evening? Mike was going to have a fit. He’d only just agreed to let me be friends with Malfoy and now I have to tell him I’m spending every evening with him!?

“But, Professor, I thought you said I was improving?” I asked, questioning his decision. Managing Mike and Malfoy together required a careful balance, one that could be knocked out completely by a development like this.

“And if I expect it to stay that way, we’ll need to increase the frequency of your studying,” he answered me coldly.

“I have other classes too, you know,” I muttered to myself, wondering when I was supposed to finish the Transfiguration Report I was assigned yesterday if I was devoting all my spare time on Potions. I needed an ‘O’ in Transfiguration, too, if I was to get accepted into the Auror Program.

“Perhaps I should speak with those teachers so that you could study those lessons with Malfoy as well,” he threatened. What was he doing? Why was he so keen to have Malfoy tutor me? Was he really just concerned with my grades, and he thought Malfoy was a good tutor? Did he think Malfoy bullied me during our study sessions?

“That won’t be necessary, Sir,” Malfoy spoke up from the other side of the room. “I only have so many hours of the day that I can devote to Potter.”

His words felt like a slap in the face; for some reason he was back to calling me Potter. His mood swung like a pendulum, back and forth, hot and cold, and it shocked me every time. Snape might have accepted his reasoning, but I didn’t. I tried to catch his eye to see if he was as angry with me as he sounded, but he refused to look at me. Something was definitely wrong.

Once class was over Malfoy tried to dash out the door before me and lose me as he nearly ran to Divination, but I stuffed my books carelessly in my bag and sprinted after him. “Malfoy, what the hell is going on?” I demanded to know. I was going to get a proper explanation this time because I was done putting up with his sudden bad moods. “This morning you were friendly and then suddenly in Potions you’re back to your old insulting self again.”

“I didn’t insult you,” he retorted. “I merely helped you with the charade we’ve been upholding.”

“What?” I exclaimed quietly. What charade?

“Just forget it, Harry,” he huffed shaking his head and stepping back from me. “You’ve made it pretty obvious that you don’t even want to try and be friends; you’d rather hide behind your boyfriend. But don’t worry, I’m getting the message loud and clear, I’ll stay away from you.”

He pulled away from me and stalked off, but I wasn’t going to let him get away with an accusation like that. If Malfoy really believed that he was an idiot, and if he was just saying it to hurt me then he was still an idiot. “You’re a right prat, did you know that?” I shouted at him as I ran to catch up to him. “Just this morning Mike gave me permission to talk to you without him flipping out, and now you decide I’m suddenly not worth the effort?”

“That’s wonderful,” he drawled. “Now that your boyfriend is fine with it, we can finally be friends.”

“It’s not like that,” I huffed, but I knew it was in a way.

“And for the record,” he practically sneered at me. “I always thought that you were worth the effort.”

I stopped dead in my tracks and opened my mouth to protest when my brain finally caught up with what he’d said, but by then he was starting to get away from me so I had no time to really think about it. “Malfoy, stop!” I called out to him trying to sound more angry than desperate, but he didn’t heed me. I ran after him once again with several students watching our exchange with only mild interest; after all Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy having an argument wasn’t exactly uncommon. Once I caught him again I grabbed him and shoved him roughly into the wall, and demanded, “Why are you pushing me away?”

“You’re hurting me,” he whispered to me gazing at me honestly and I instinctively loosened my grip on his arms. “No,” he told me shaking his head. “Your actions are hurting me. You’re going to be forced to choose between us and you’re not going to choose me.”

I blinked as I felt his words settle on my heart. “I’m not choosing,” I said defiantly. I didn’t have to choose anymore, Mike told me I could talk to Malfoy if I wanted to; we could still be friends.

“You already have,” he insisted and the pain of hearing those words made me cringe. “Listen, I can talk to Snape and have someone else assigned to tutor you. I’m sure there is someone else-“

“You don’t want to be my friend,” I said, realizing it was true as I spoke the words aloud.

“I do,” he corrected me. “I want to spend every moment of every day at your side. I want to be your friend, and your confidant and the person you think of first if you ever need help.”

A desperate chill swept through my body as he spoke and my breathing became short and shallow. I needed to hear more and he obliged me.

“I want to hold you and love you, but I also want more than you can give me. I know you’re bound to Corner, I know you love him, but I need more from you,” he finished and the mention of my boyfriend seemed to clear my head. For a moment I had belonged to Malfoy, I was his, but then he reminded me that I, in fact, belonged to another.

“I can’t give you more than friendship,” I whispered, trying to keep my voice steady.

“I know,” he nodded. “But I don’t even get that.”

I didn’t understand why he insisted on us not continuing our friendship. Didn’t he understand how important he was to me? Didn’t he know how much I needed him? I frowned at his declaration and I knew I shouldn’t ask this of him, he was hurting, but so was I. “I’ll be a better friend,” I promised, releasing him from my desperate hold. He had to choose to stay with me now; I couldn’t force him. “Just don’t abandon me,” I pleaded.

I couldn’t tell how he felt about my request, he was so stony-faced as he paused to consider me, but his features softened in defeat just before he sighed a pained ‘okay’.

--

The rest of the week flew by because I had my Malfoy back at last. No more mood swings, no more cold shoulders, he sat with me every day and helped me study, and while I was with him I forgot about Mike and everything I had promised I would do with him this weekend. But Mike never forgot. He insisted on eating with me at every meal and he seemed to clutch tighter to me with each encounter, particularly if he had just rescued me from Malfoy. He was excited and, to him, Saturday couldn’t come soon enough. I didn’t mind though, I knew he loved me and I knew he’d treasure the gift I was giving him forever. What more could a person ask for?

Mike insisted on walking me to the library on Friday night where I’d arranged to meet Malfoy for another study session. He’d asked me earlier if I could cancel it just this once so we could be alone, but I told him I couldn’t. I didn’t want to.

“I was just kind of hoping it’d be you and me tonight, we could go for a walk or something,” he sort of whined at me while he fingered the collar on my shirt. He’d backed me into the wall and had worked my lips over as though I were about to face Voldemort for the final time and now he was asking for more of me. Sometimes I wondered if anyone would be happy with just what I had to give, everyone seemed to want more, more, more – Gryffindor, my old friends and the rest of the world wanted me to be more perfect, Mike wanted more time and more sex, and Malfoy just wanted more of me.

“Look, I’m sorry. Snape is forcing this on me,” I replied, pleading him to be reasonable and keep his understanding outlook on the time I spent with Malfoy.

“I know, but why every night?” Mike complained, his childish whine more evident in his voice.

“It’s only until the holidays,” I said, trying to soothe him as I ran my fingers through his hair.

“That’s still weeks away, Harry,” he persisted before taking a deep, calming breath. “Fine. I’m fine. I just miss you,” he sighed.

“I miss you, too,” I assured him as I pulled him into my arms and he nuzzled into my neck possessively.

“I bet Malfoy’s loving this,” he commented sourly.

“He actually stopped Snape from assigning more,” I said. I couldn’t help but defend Malfoy against Mike’s accusations. “I don’t think he wants to be here either.”

“Well, there’s that at least,” Mike sighed seemingly more relaxed. He leaned in to steal another kiss when I heard someone clear their throat from behind Mike, politely announcing their presence.

“Are you ready?” Malfoy asked as I looked up to where he stood a few metres away. “I’d like to get this over with.”

“Er, yeah,” I replied a tad taken aback at Malfoy’s tone. We’d been getting along really well recently and I couldn’t think what might have happened to upset him. I kissed Mike goodbye and told him I’d see him later before hurrying after Malfoy into the library to see if I could mend whatever rift we had going on this time.

“Did I act the part of the bitter ex-friend well enough?” he asked me cheekily as we sat down and I breathed a sigh of relief; he wasn’t angry with me, he was pretending for Mike’s sake.

“Is that what that was?” I replied. “I thought you were angry with me again.”

“Should I be?” he asked, still smiling at me like a kid with his favourite toy.

“Probably,” I shrugged, thinking of what I would be doing tomorrow; his words still rang in my ears; for the right reasons with the right person. “I don’t feel like talking about it.”

“So, if he’s okay with you being friends with me, then why all the cloak and dagger?” he asked me.

“Because he’s only partially okay with it,” I told him truthfully, “and I’m trying not to push his buttons.”

“And if he revokes his approval? If he makes you choose between us?” he asked me anxiously.

So we were back to that, were we? Why is it that just when I think we’re moving forward I find that we are right back at the start with me standing there having to choose between two guys that I care about deeply?

“I’m not going to think about that right now,” I answered, telling myself as much as him. “And neither should you.”

“If you say so,” he sighed, shrugging sadly. He moved on to our lesson quickly as if he were trying to do exactly as I told him to; forget about it.

I managed to lose myself in Malfoy’s smooth voice as he explained out some of the finer points of the potion we would be brewing on Monday and before I really knew it we had been there for an hour. My body ached from stress and I yawned involuntarily.

“You look tired,” he commented.

“Thanks,” I replied teasingly. “You look like you don’t eat enough.”

“I don’t have much of an appetite lately,” he cringed as though I’d brought up something of a sore point. “Are you not sleeping well?” he asked, frowning with concern and taking the attention off of himself.

“Not really, I guess,” I confessed. “But then that’s nothing new.”

“Too many fantasies of Corner keeping you up all night?” he quipped, but he winced as he said it as though it hurt him. I couldn’t help but think that it wasn’t Mike keeping me up at night like it should have been and I was thrown temporarily into the memory of a rather vivid dream I’d had recently of Malfoy sitting naked on the bench in Potions jerking off for me while I watched him.

“Something like that,” I replied, blushing deeply. “Listen, Malfoy, we don’t have to talk about him if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“I’m fine,” he assured me, but after that look he gave when he mentioned him I wasn’t sure he was being completely truthful.

“Well, I think it makes me uncomfortable,” I replied, laughing lightly to soften the seriousness of our topic. “It just doesn’t feel right.”

“Okay, though I was really looking forward to deep discussions concerning your love life with another boy,” he joked, picking up my light tone.

“Hilarious,” I replied, smiling slightly. “We should go. Pince will be tossing us out soon.”

“You’re probably right. So will I see you this weekend?” he asked as we both packed up our books, he glanced up at me and I felt a pang in my heart.

“I don’t know,” I whispered keeping his gaze. I felt guilty about what I was planning to do with Mike, like I was betraying Malfoy by sleeping with my boyfriend; I knew he would get hurt and it killed me to think of it. Sometimes I felt like Malfoy was my boyfriend and not Mike, sometimes I even wished he was, and then I remembered what it would mean for us and I was glad to have Mike.

He took a deep breath as his stare bored a hole into my soul. “Just… just be careful, alright?”

“I know what I’m doing,” I answered him sounding surer than I actually was. I needed to stop doubting this though, I needed to be sure because I needed to keep Mike to protect Malfoy, I knew my own strength of will would not be enough to keep us apart if Mike was no longer in the picture. Besides, Mike was a good guy, he wanted this and I should let him have it.

“Good,” he said, still staring into my soul. His long fingers ran joyfully through my hair and traced adoringly down my jaw. “As your friend I wouldn’t want you to get hurt,” he told me, his hands cupping my face lovingly. His eyes said so much more about what he felt than his words ever could.

“Mike wouldn’t hurt me,” I assured him honestly, but I couldn’t take his stare anymore and I pulled away. He’d never looked at me that way before, like he saw all of me; I felt naked in front of him, like I had nowhere to hide.

“Because I would kill him if he did,” he growled protectively clenching his fists slightly as he said it. I couldn’t help but smile in my joy at these words and the realization that I loved him. Yes, I am finally admitting it. I love Draco Malfoy. He has seen me, he saw me, all of me, and he still wanted me.

But what could I do? If he chose me he would have to switch sides in this war, I would need him standing beside me and for him that would mean standing across from his parents as they stood with Voldemort. He would have to fight them. My heart broke a little as I thought of what that would cost him. I couldn’t do it.

“You don’t have to worry,” I told him softly as I caressed his face. I will protect you, even from me.

He jumped at my touch and I smiled a little, loving the fact I could elicit such a reaction from a small gesture. I slung my bag over my shoulder and looked back at him one last time before nodding and leaving the library.

The next time I saw him I would be a man.

--

I was warm underneath my blankets but I was not comfortable. This was the fourth time I'd woken in the night and each time I could have sworn I'd slept for three days I was so wide awake, I'd been trying to drop back to sleep for fifteen minutes already and it simply wasn't happening. I stared wide-eyed at the canopy over my bed and I felt nauseous when I thought about what I was going to do today; what I was going to give away and who I was giving it to. I'd never really valued my virginity, I never thought of it as some divine gift that I had to be careful parting with. I wasn't going to just fuck the first dick that came along, but I never thought I was going to be particularly choosey about it. Why was I so nervous all of a sudden? Mike was a good guy, he loved me, he certainly wasn't the sort to sell the story to the papers afterwards ... so why did this feel so wrong? It didn't matter to me really; it didn't mean anything ... did it?

It meant something to Malfoy. He wanted to be my first and I knew now he didn’t want it just to add to his list of life achievements; he wanted to look after me, take me lovingly and carefully. I wanted that, too but there was too much in the way, too much at stake for him and for me if I gave my heart away. Besides, Mike would take care of me; he would love carefully me while we explored each other completely.

I groaned at the internal battle that raged within me; heart vs. head. I couldn't stand it anymore and I decided I wasn't going to lie here and let my thoughts give me a migraine. I needed to do something, get away from here, and just escape my life for a while. I needed to fly.

--

As I gripped my broom in my hand and walked out into the frozen air around the Quidditch Pitch I began to wonder when the last time I flew was. It had felt like years since I'd been on this thing, but really it had only been a few weeks; after my life fell apart I just never felt like flying and, given the general opinion of Harry Potter among my fellow Gryffindors, I thought perhaps I'd end up beaten to death by bludgers if I continued to play Seeker so I quietly dropped out of the team. I say ‘dropped out’ but really I stopped going to practice and they got a new Seeker – Ginny actually, and boy wasn’t she smug about that.

Truth is, I hadn't thought about Quidditch or flying in weeks and I suddenly felt my insides ache from how much I missed it.

I leapt on to my broom - my old friend, my Firebolt - and took off up into the air. I breathed the freedom of the act into my lungs and I felt my elation fill me right down to my toes and the tips of my fingers. The darkness of the early morning felt like a protective blanket that would hide me if someone passed by. I wanted this to be private, I was getting to know myself again, getting to know my Firebolt; this was nobody's business but my own.

As the darkness began to break around me, vibrant colours streaked across the sky - pinks, yellows, and soft oranges announced the arrival of a new day and I felt more alive than I could ever remember feeling. I had been happy in Gryffindor with my friends, but now I was happy just for me. I was making my own happiness and I no longer felt dependent on anybody. This was my life - my rules - my happiness. Everybody else could just fuck off.

I loved to fly and I couldn’t believe I’d forgotten how much, I would never let myself forget again. I never wanted to come down, I wanted to feel like this forever, but alas forever is impossible and after countless hours enjoying the feeling of flying and of the freedom it brought me, fatigue and hunger forced me down.

I took my time in the shower soothing my aching muscles underneath the hot spray and stretching out my arms and neck under the warmth. By the time I had dressed and put away my broom it was just before ten o’clock and reality had started to sink in and I remembered that while flying always made me feel unburdened, the feeling never lasted once my feet were on the ground again. I was supposed to meet Mike for breakfast and I hadn’t gone. I wondered how much trouble I was in.

I made my way slowly up to Ravenclaw Tower knowing I was going to have to get down on my knees and beg for Mike’s forgiveness. I could hardly believe myself that I’d shown up late for this particular date together, the date where we sealed our relationship and I didn’t turn up on time. I reached the door with the brass knocker sooner than I would have liked and I remembered at once that to enter Ravenclaw I would have to answer a question – damn, I was always terrible at these things.

“Good morning, you aren’t a Ravenclaw,” the knocker observed.

“Good morning,” I greeted back; I’d always found it paid to be nice to the portraits and statues because if they liked you they were often nice back and it came in handy. “No, I’m not a Ravenclaw.”

“No matter,” the knocker dismissed my belonging to another house easily. “Are you ready for your question?”

“Sure,” I replied, not feeling ready at all.

“One night a King, a Queen, a Princess and a Prince all sat in a boat. Before long a large wave came along and knocked the King, Queen, Princess, and Prince out of the boat. Who was left in the boat?” the doorknocker asked me.

Who was left? Nobody. What sort of question is that?

“Nobody, the boat would be empty,” I answered.

“Incorrect,” it told me sharply, then fell silent.

Incorrect? There wasn’t anybody else in the stupid boat! Damn. Mike was going to kill me. I said the riddle to myself again, but it still didn’t make any sense.

Part of me was thinking ‘oh well, you tried’ and urging me to retreat, while the other part knew my life wouldn’t be worth living if I didn’t meet up with Mike today; he would skin me alive. I tried knocking on the door myself and hoping somebody would answer, but the only response I got was a sharp telling off by the brass idiot asking me stupid questions about royals in a boat.

“Having problems, Harry?” I heard someone ask from behind me and I turned to face a tall sandy haired boy I didn’t recognize.

I frowned. “Yes, I’m trying to visit Michael Corner and I’m having some difficulty with the question,” I told him and he smiled at me. I wondered how I knew him.

“We haven’t met,” he reassured me with a smile as if reading my mind. “You’re famous remember, everyone knows you.”

“Oh, right,” I said, blushing slightly, but also feeling slightly annoyed at his familiar greeting considering we’d never met before.

“Question please,” he spoke at the knocker this time and the question was repeated.

“One night a King, a Queen, a Princess and a Prince all sat in a boat. Before long a large wave came along and knocked the King, Queen, Princess, and Prince out of the boat. Who was left in the boat?”

“The Knight, of course,” the boy answered and the door swung open for him. “Come on in, I’ll fetch Mike for you,” he said as he waved me in.

“The Knight?” I scoffed. “I don’t get it.”

“Say the riddle out loud to yourself, Harry, the answer is in the question,” he said with a soft smile. “Sometimes the most obvious answer is right in front of you, when you think about it too hard or too logically that’s when things get confusing and you end up making a mistake.”

The boy’s words sank into my heart heavily, like they held more meaning than the Ravenclaw had intended when he said them. “I’ll remember that,” I replied and he disappeared up the stairs to fetch Mike for me.

“Harry!” Mike exclaimed when he saw me waiting in the Ravenclaw common room, which was unlike my Gryffindor common room, with far more bookcases and study tables than we had. “Where have you been? Why weren’t you at breakfast?” He didn’t seem too upset, my guess would be that I may not have been at breakfast but Malfoy was, so at least he knew I wasn’t with his Slytherin competition.

“I just needed to clear my head so I went flying,” I told him as I reached over to grasp his hand and pull him closer to me.

“That’s okay, but you should have told me,” he replied softly but sternly. “I was starting to think you’d had second thoughts.” I hesitated in my response. Truthfully, I had been having second thoughts, and Mike picked up on my apprehension. “Harry, what’s the matter? Are you nervous?” he asked me gently.

“Er-” I mumbled, biting my lip and avoiding his gaze as I looked to the floor.

“Aw,” he cooed as he ran his fingers through my hair. I didn’t like it; Malfoy had done that to me yesterday and Mike’s fingers just didn’t feel right after that. “You are so beautiful,” he said to me like I was some kind of adorable kitten.

He tugged on my hand and led me up the stairs he had just descended from when I arrived. They wound upwards just like the steps to my own dorm room did and when we entered his room I found it remarkably similar to my own except for the navy blue and bronze colours decorating it, rather than my own red and gold. He directed me to a bed I assumed to be his and pushed me to sit down on the edge of it before he swung his legs over mine and straddled my lap.

“Don’t be nervous, Baby,” he said to me as he stole a kiss from my lips. “I’ll take good care of you.”

I just nodded at him. I was still unsure if this was what I wanted, but it seemed to be happening anyway and I didn’t know how to stop it and ask for more time. He kissed me again and this time slipped his tongue into my mouth; I could only wonder if Malfoy tasted different from Mike. He pulled my shirt over my head and ran his fingers over my chest and I could only wonder if Malfoy’s hands would feel like that. And when he unbuttoned my jeans and slipped them down my legs, all I could think about was Malfoy and I was starting to panic.

“You are nervous, aren’t you?” he asked me, sounding a little surprised. I looked down at him as he kneeled at my feet staring at my mostly flaccid cock. I was a bit surprised myself, Mike had always gotten me hard before with no problems. “Never mind, I know how to get you all relaxed,” he said as started licking at my limp cock.

Oh, yes. He did know how to do that so well. I felt myself start to harden under his attentions and then I wondered what Malfoy was doing right now and I felt a sharp pang of guilt. My cock stopped responding and Mike pulled away and glanced up at me looking concerned. “Baby, you aren’t enjoying this are you?” he asked me.

“I’m just nervous like you said,” I replied, immediately cursing myself for not taking the out he just offered me. But he looked so worried, even a little hurt, I didn’t know what else to say; this was the least I could do for him, wasn’t it? If he couldn’t have my heart, he could have my virginity.

“Would it help if I let you top first?” he asked me as though it were a given I’d be the bottom. I don’t remember talking about that.

“Yeah, that’d help,” I agreed and Mike smiled and went back to licking at my cock. I pushed thoughts of Malfoy out of my head as much as I could and just laid back and enjoyed the attention I was getting, but I still felt him hovering at the edge of my mind.

Mike was getting aroused sucking me off, I could tell from the small whimpers of pleasure he was emitting as he stroked himself gently while he sucked. “Hmm, Harry I can’t take it anymore,” he announced, pulling up from me and quickly removing his clothes until he was as naked as the day he was born. He crawled up to the bed and lay down on his back with his arse closest to where I was sitting. “There’s lube in the top drawer, slather up your fingers and start stretching me out,” he requested and it took me a moment to respond but he didn’t notice my pause.

I nodded silently and made my way over to the drawer to fetch the lubricant, which I found easily, it was nearly empty and it made me wonder how often he’d used it. Although I couldn’t talk really, I used a fair bit of the stuff myself. I did as he told me and slicked up my fingers with the clear substance, before taking a deep breath and rubbing at his entrance. He moaned for me and I started to push my index finger inside of him, but not fast enough for his liking obviously as he pushed back on me.

“You don’t have to be too gentle, Harry,” he panted sharply. “I’ve done this to myself before so I’m use to it.”

He’s done it to himself? What an eager little beaver he was … I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.

I pulled my finger out of him and pushed back in again, not as slowly as before, and after it was apparent he was practically fucking my solitary finger, I added another, and then another. He was panting and moaning for me like he’d never been touched before, and I was actually heating up myself just watching him.

“God, Harry, please,” he begged me. “I can’t wait anymore! Fuck me please! You have to do it now!”

Those words made me tense, but I kneeled at his entrance like a good boyfriend should. Here I was at the point of no return, once I was inside him I would no longer be a virgin; he would have that part of me and he’d keep it forever. I felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff and I was supposed to jump off.

“Stop teasing me, Harry,” he pleaded. “Please!”

Sometimes the most obvious answer is right in front of you, when you think about it too hard or too logically that’s when things get confusing and you end up making a mistake.

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t jump.

“I’m ready, what are you waiting for?” he asked me sounding confused, annoyed and concerned all at once.

I sat back on my heels away from him. “I can’t do it,” I whispered.

“What?” he gasped, almost horrified as he sat up to face me. “What do you mean?”

“I’m sorry,” I pleaded to him. “I’m not ready.”

He looked pained like I’d pinched his cock right before he came to delay his climax. “Well, um – that’s okay. We can wait a bit longer if you need to,” he offered, not really sure of what he was saying, but apparently knowing that was all he could say short of demanding me to fuck him.

“Mike, you know I care about you, don’t you?” I asked him sincerely. I was suddenly aware of how naked I was and I desperately wanted my clothes back. Mike looked at me suspiciously, like he knew I was leading up to something but he wasn’t sure what. When he didn’t answer me I got up off the bed and grabbed my jeans. “It’s just that certain things are supposed to happen for the right reasons,” I said repeating Malfoy’s words from days before as I pulled my clothes back on, “with the right person.”

Mike looked on panic stricken and horrified at what I was obviously saying. I felt so guilty, like an uncertain groom who’d led his bride right up to the altar before he told her he didn’t love her and couldn’t marry her. “The right person, as in not me, right?” he choked out. He looked angry and intensely hurt, I wasn’t sure if he was going to kill me or cry.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered to him again. I was fully clothed now and he still sat naked in the middle of his bed trying to pull the sheets up to cover himself.

“It’s that fucking Slytherin arsehole, isn’t it!?” he screamed at me. Apparently he’d chosen an emotion; scream first, cry later. “You love him, don’t you? You love him and you don’t love me!”

“Mike,” I pleaded to him, although I wasn’t sure what I was asking him for. Perhaps for him to be reasonable, not that I had any right to expect it after what I did.

“I’m such an idiot! You never did love me, did you?” he spat at me. “I knew you wanted him, but I ignored it. I didn’t want to believe it. Fuck you!” he screamed, picking up the jar of lubricant I used to … let’s not think about that anymore. He threw it at my head and I only just ducked out of the way. “Get out! I hate you! I never ever want to see you again!”

“I’m sorry,” I said, begging for his forgiveness. I hated that I hurt him so much.

“GET OUT!”

I did.

--

As I let myself out of the Ravenclaw common room all I wanted to do was see Malfoy. Don’t think too much, I told myself, remembering the words of Mike’s sandy-haired housemate. I wanted Malfoy, he was my answer, right in front of me; I was so excited I couldn’t wait to tell him, to kiss him, to taste him at last. I still felt bad about Mike, but I could feel fully now, as I stopped holding myself back, just how deeply I was in love with my former enemy.

I started to make my way down to the dungeons when I noticed my fingers were still sticky from Mike’s lube and his arse. Ew. I should shower before I see Malfoy, it’s rather poor form jumping into the arms of your new lover when you still had your old lover’s arse on your fingers. At this thought I diverted my path towards Gryffindor Tower so that I could shower and change before making my way to Slytherin dorms.

I was so excited I practically bounced up the stairs to my dorm, and twitched the whole time I showered. I primped myself for longer than I ever have in my life, fixing my hair four times before I reminded myself he already knew my hair grew like a bird’s nest. I was starting to get nervous now as the adrenalin from my love epiphany wore off.

Finally I decided I was ready to meet my true destiny – being Malfoy’s lover (none of this Voldemort prophecy shit) – and I headed downstairs and into the common room where I saw something I don’t think I’d ever seen before in my life; Ronald Weasley crying into his hands.

“What happened?” I asked urgently, all thoughts of our previous arguments vanished from my mind. I thought for sure someone had died and panic gripped my heart as I thought of all the possibilities; Mr. or Mrs. Weasley, or maybe Charlie had been eaten by a dragon, or one of the twins blew themselves up with their stupid experiments.

“You!” Ron growled as he looked up at me. The first word he’d spoken to me in weeks. “You fucking arsehole!” he screamed as he launched himself out of his chair and flew at me red in the face with pure rage. I’d never seen him so angry before. I didn’t even have time to move before I felt the floor crack the back of my head as I stared at the ceiling. My jaw started throbbing and as I saw his mass of red hair looming over me I realized he’d just punched me and knocked me to the ground. “She’s only fifteen!” he screamed at me. I had no idea what was going on. “Get up and fight me you faggot!”

“What?” I groaned. My jaw ached and I could feel it bruising.

“I’ll fucking kill you!” he shouted at me and I could see people starting to gather around us. I pulled myself up off the floor and gently rubbed my tender cheek, opening and closing my mouth to see how much pain I was in; not much, thankfully, although it still ached and I could taste blood in my mouth where I’d bitten the inside of my cheek open –it was bound to hurt worse later.

I looked in Ron’s raging blue eyes and I could summon no energy to fight him. My heart felt like it was hanging from a thread and if he pushed me far enough I thought it might break entirely; he still felt like my best friend and I still remembered all the adventures we’d shared, that’s all I wanted to remember about him, not the weeks he’d been ignoring me. But it seemed all he wanted to do was punch me again.

“Fight me you coward!” he demanded. If he wanted to punch me, he should just do it. I wasn’t going to hit him; I had no reason to. “Take responsibility for your actions!”

“I have no idea what I’ve done,” I replied honestly, no anger in my tone, just fatigue. “Unless this is some kind of delayed reaction to the fight we’ve been having the last few weeks.”

“Ginny’s pregnant, Harry,” Hermione explained to me looking disappointed like I’d done something wrong. Jesus, I wasn’t pregnant! What’s this got to do with me!? As if reading my mind she continued her explanation. “She’s eight weeks along.”

“Eight weeks?” I repeated and Hermione nodded. Ron just seemed to get redder. “But we only broke up six weeks ago.”

“Congratulations, Daddy,” Ron hissed at me spitefully.

“But I can’t be,” I gaped. “I never slept with her.”

“Bullshit!” Ron accused.

“I’m fucking gay, Ron! She begged me to; I couldn’t even get it up for her!” I spat back at him, finally feeling a shred of the anger he wanted me to; it was the truth, she was always at me to sleep with her but I never wanted to. “It’s fucking impossible!”

There was a murmur of realization sweeping through the crowd as I was suddenly hit with the full force of what I was hearing. Ginny had cheated on me – she fucked somebody else and now she was pregnant. She ruined my whole life because I kissed someone else while she was fucking God knows whobehind my back.

I heard Ron whisper, “Oh my God,” and his face was as white as a sheet. He looked like he was about to faint. Hermione must have thought so too because she guided him gently to the nearest couch to sit down. She looked over at me with desperation and hurt as she too realized what had happened. Ginny had played us all.

In that moment I was finally able to see the whole truth of the situation. I wasn't a bad person, I was a gay boy who out of fear and obligation fell into a relationship with a girl I didn’t love and who didn't love me back. My time with Mike allowed me to explore what was only natural to me, and the fallout of my actions was as indicative of my life as they were devastating. I had been living a lie in my sexuality, in my relationship with Ginny and in the small family I had made out of my friends; my whole world felt fabricated, except one thing. The only thing that had been consistently real in my life had been Draco Malfoy. Right from the moment I met him in Madam Malkin's Dress Shop. He was the first boy I met that spoke to me like I wasn't a freak, the only boy who didn't treat me like I was fragile and incapable, the boy who challenged me, demanded more of me, better of me, the first person to tell me that what I had done wasn't terrible, and didn't warrant the reaction I got. He stood by me when I had no one and he showed me that I was worthy of a life that wasn't falsified. A life that was as real as what I felt for him and him for me. I had been a fool to deny him thus far and I intended to rectify that immediately.

I flew out the portrait hole as fast as my legs would carry me, ignoring everybody else as I shoved through them. I could already hear the rumours of Ginny’s betrayal and her current predicament sweeping through the crowd, by evening the whole of Hogwarts would know and I couldn’t care less. My focus was on reaching the perfect blonde boy I knew was waiting in the dungeons for me – even if he didn’t know it yet.

I heard one of the professors screaming at me not to run as I sprinted down the corridor. The air blew through my hair and for a split second I wondered what Malfoy would think of me all windblown and bruised turning up to steal his heart and give him mine.

I banged on the section of wall I knew was the entrance to Slytherin as loudly as I could and tried to wait patiently as a small child opened the door for me. “I want to see Draco Malfoy,” I demanded panting slightly after my vigorous run.

“Malfoy?” the boy whimpered, obviously wondering if he should tell me to bugger off or go and fetch him.

Malfoy must not have been far away as he appeared behind the boy almost immediately. “Potter, what are you doing harassing my housemates?” he asked me lightly, almost teasing, but I could tell he was surprised at my being there. He should be, for all he knew I was up in Ravenclaw Tower fucking Mike’s brains out. Before I could respond he had spotted my blooming purple bruise and stepped out into the hall looking concerned, but murderous. “Did he hit you?” he growled, obviously referring to Mike.

“Ron,” I said simply, not wanting to explain. I had more important things to say to him, but I couldn’t seem to find the words. I felt like I was looking at him for the first time; like I'd seen him nearly everyday for the past six years but I hadn't really seen him. He was beautiful and his presence overwhelmed me, and I had to take a deep breath to steady myself and focus my thoughts.

“Are you okay?” he whispered to me tenderly, his fingers trailing feather light along the bruise on my face. “What happened?”

Everything, I thought. Everything has happened, the start of my life, the start of my happiness. You have happened to me. Hard as I tried to say this in a way that didn't make me sound like a lovesick fool, I couldn't manage to do anything but smile at him; an uncontrolled, genuine smile.

His eyes glittered and he stood up taller, almost defensively, as if he were trying to protect himself and his heart from the hope I saw flaring within him. He wouldn't need to protect himself anymore, he could have all of me if he wanted it and I hoped he saw that with his searching grey gaze. "Draco," I pleaded in a breathy whisper; it felt so good to say his name at last, I didn’t have to protect myself from what it meant; that we were on a first name basis – he wasn’t Malfoy anymore, he was my Draco. I stared at him intensely. I just wanted him to take me, I didn't want to explain it, words were too complicated right now, I just needed him to know that I was his and I needed him to love me in any way he wanted.

He seemed to understand me and he pulled me roughly into his arms kissing me with all the desperation I felt. Finally I got to taste him and it was sweeter than I could have ever hoped for, I eagerly invaded his mouth with my tongue, ignoring the protests my newly bruised jaw was giving me. My heart thumped wildly in my chest and I felt electric energy crackling in my stomach and spreading through my limbs. Oh God, and this was only our first kiss! I remembered what Draco had said to me only a week ago when I’d sent him that note, Can you imagine what that passion could feel like if we let ourselves explore it? Oh boy, could I imagine it now!

I moaned pleasurably as he tried to pull me closer to him, he was fisting my clothes and almost undressing me in the corridor as he tried to lift me up into him. But I had happily lost myself in the passionate fog I felt swirling around us and it wasn’t until I heard someone speak that I remembered where we were.

“Piss off,” I heard someone hiss. “You’re too young to see this!” Then I heard a prepubescent voice complain as they were obviously shoved away.

It almost hurt to pull myself away from Draco, but I did it out of necessity; although I didn’t let go of his hand. He whirled around on his housemates – there were at least twenty of them, maybe more, watching us kiss for the first time – he looked furious.

“Why don’t you all piss off,” he growled. “Bunch of perverts,” he muttered to himself as he turned and pulled me away from the gathering crowd. I followed along behind him willingly with a smile so big it made my still tender jaw ache again, but I didn’t care. I was in love.

Author's Note: All I can say is "Finally" and nanner nanner Draco won!! lol Would you all like another preview?