Magical Mugwort

Life was sucking. There was just no other word for it. After the fiasco with Fred and George had come to light, I found myself rapidly sinking into depression. I had cut off all ties with them. Ginny had owled me a few times, letting me know what she was up to. I had considered telling her to call off the whole prank, but I figured she could still pull it over on her brothers without me. She was putting in so much time on the damn thing, I didn't have the heart to tell her what was really going on. That, and I did not know how she would react to know what her brother had done. It wasn't worth causing strife between the family.

A week had passed already, with no sign of the telltale video yet. I had already received several gifts of flowers and the largest bar of chocolate I had ever seen in my life, courtesy of one or both of the twins. I sent everything back, and didn't even bother reading their notes most of the time.

It was still so hard to believe what was happening. I had wracked my brains for any clue that might have tipped me off that they, well, George, was capable of this. When I had first met the twins, I had been instantly attracted, as I often was to men. Usually when I was attracted to someone, I had my fun and went on my way. Usually that worked out best for the men too. No one likes someone who gets too attached too quickly, right? Something about the twins had kept me interested, though. Perhaps it was the fact that they had been interested in more than just as shag.

Whatever the reason, I had enjoyed their company, each of them as individuals. While it was true that I was, for the most part, quite promiscuous, or sexually liberated as I preferred, I had great pride in being able to differentiate lust from affection. I had never gotten myself in too deep with anyone. Some may see that as a crutch, for how else would I fall in love. I wasn't particularly interested in love. I knew it was a valuable thing, but I didn't feel a need to find it yet.

And then this mess had happened. It was... beyond words to me. I had had my fair share of backstabbings, betrayals and the like in my life. This was completely new to me.

I stared moodily at my glass, hardly aware of Andrew taking a seat next to me. I could almost hear him shake his head. “Maggie, if you're this pissed, just go talk to them.”

I shook my head angrily. “I don't want to talk to them. They're so lucky I can't do magic.”

Andrew touched my arm and I forced myself to look at him. There seemed to be worry in his eyes, which was rare for him. “Want me to hex them for you?” he asked.

“The thought had occurred to me,” I said darkly.

There was a long moment of silence. Finally Andrew said, “So no idea where this video is, huh.”

“Nope. For all I know, it could be on the internet by now. Or the wizard version anyhow.”

He hesitated, and I knew he was going to say something I didn't want to hear. “You know, Maggie,” he said slowly. “Now don't get mad, okay? But I know that you're kind of a freak where sex is concerned.” He raised his hands defensively when I shot him a scowl. “It kind of seems to me that being taped is something you might like.”

I took a long, slow breath so I wouldn't yell. After counting to ten, I finally said, “You don't get it, Andrew. You don't understand what's going on here.”

“So... tell me what's going on.”

For another long moment, I considered. What was I supposed to tell him? He was my little brother. I knew he knew more about my exploits than probably either of us were comfortable talking about, but he knew nothing of how my mind worked. Maybe it was time to show him a little of how the world really works.

“At your age, Andrew, sex seems like such a big deal. All the hormones building up, all the desire that comes with it, when you want to shag anything with a pulse. Right?”

He nodded slowly, barely mastering a grin that touched his face.

“There's a thing that comes with sex, Andrew. It's called power.” I stared at him hard. “Sex is a weapon, Andrew. The most important weapon anyone can ever wield. You can build people up, make them feel like they're gods, make them feel like they can do anything. Then on the flip side is the part where you can tear them into little, worthless pieces. You can ruin someone's life with sex, either by giving it or by taking it away.”

“A weapon,” he repeated, frowning hard.

I nodded knowingly. “Yes. And in my hands, quite frankly, I wield it well. How do you think I got the reputation I have? I learned to hone that skill, to use it to build men up so that they could feel as if they own the world. It's all about stroking a person's ego, Andrew. Ego is the downfall of everyone.”

Andrew stared at me for a minute as if he had never seen me before. I thought his face blanched a little. “So... when you have sex, you're looking for what... power?”

I thought about it and nodded. “Exactly. Whoever's in control of the weapon, has the power. Like I said, Andrew, sex is a weapon. Never forget that.”

He was quiet for minute again. “So what this sounds like, is you're angry because you lost the power. You got the tables turned on you and the weapon turned against you.”

A burst of anger roiled through me. “So what?” I snapped. “You think they were right in what they did?”

“No, I didn't say that!”

“You think I'm angry because I lost my seat of power?”

“In a nutshell.”

I stared at him and shook my head. There was a truth in his words, though, something I didn't really want to admit, even to myself. Damn kid.

“Look,” I began, running a hand through my hair. “You don't understand what the world's really like, Andrew, not the way people interact. It's nice to think that everyone gets along and there's happiness, but the truth is, it's just one big power struggle. Those who control others have an advantage. Those who don't, pay up.”

Andrew was staring at me as if he'd never seen me before. “Want to go join the Death Eaters while you're at it? Cause you sound like a poster child for them.”

My head snapped to the side as if he'd hit me. “The fuck are you talking about?”

He shook his head. “You and all your talk of power through whatever means... You may as well go shack up with You-Know-Who right now. Do you have any idea how messed up you sound, Maggie?”

“Well, I'm sorry, Andrew, but people have tried to take advantage of me all my life, and there's only one way I've found that has me in the front seat, okay? That does not mean I'm signing up for the Death Eaters, and how dare you say that to me!”

Standing up, Andrew began to pace, occasionally sending a glare my way. “The hell happened to you, Maggie?” he demanded. “You were never this way when we were growing up. Who fucked you over so bad?”

There it was. I knew he would ask me someday, but I had hoped it wouldn't happen until I was dead. Oh, well. What was I going to do, lie to him? As much as we tormented each other, we had always been honest with each other when no one else was.

Leaning back against the couch, I sighed wearily. “All right. You really want to know what happened?”

Andrew nodded tentatively, looking at me expectantly. “I think at this point you owe me an explanation.”

That got my goad, and I glared at him. “I don't owe you anything, Andrew. But since you want to know, I'll tell you. When I was seventeen, a year older than you, I met a guy. You might even remember him. Thomas Kent? He was four years older than I was, college guy.”

Again, Andrew nodded slowly. “Yeah, I remember him. Wasn't he the guy that you snuck out of the house at midnight to go see?”

“That's the one.” I tried to steel my mind against the memories that were resurfacing. I had tried so hard to block that one out. “Well, thing about Thomas that not many people really knew, was that he really liked BDSM. Combine that with a rather twisted obsession with hunting down virgins and taking their virginity, and you might get a bit of an idea as to where all this went.”

I looked at my brother, who was looking away now, a pink glow in his cheeks. “So, um...” He cleared his throat. “You don't... you don't have to go into details, but... he fucked you up pretty good, huh.”

“To say the least,” I said quietly. “He loved the power trip, and he loved humiliation games. He was the one that taught me that sex is all about power, and how you can so easily crush someone with it. I didn't know any better. I thought that was all part of the natural way of things. Well... I learned better. The night he tried to trick me into being gang-banged by him and a few friends of his, that night I learned better.”

Andrew looked sick. And angry. I thought he might try to hunt down good ol' Thomas and have a few words with him. It took him a few moments to ask, “Did they?”

I looked at him neutrally for a few long seconds. “No,” I said at last. “No, they didn't. See, at that point, I had figured out enough of the game to realize that the tables could be turned. I was able to play my way out of the situation, even though for a good long while I was tied up and blindfolded. I wasn't really supposed to know what was coming, but I figured it out.” A small, bitter smile touched the corner of my mouth as I remembered the way I had left those worthless bastards. “And they figured out that I wasn't one to fuck with. Gods, I wish I had any magical powers. I could have made them pay so much better.”

“I can.” Andrew faced me, anger written all over his face. “I can find those fuckers and get even with them. They won't even know what hit them.”

My brother's devotion moved me, honestly. It was surprising and touching to see that he was ready to fly into battle-mode to avenge my long-lost honor.

Shaking my head, I replied, “No, Andrew. Thanks for the intentions, but it's long ago and far away. But now you might understand why I have such a cynical view of sex. I don't play those games that he did, but I do remember the power he wielded, and I learned to hone that. I like sex. I just like evening the playing field so that I won't be the one getting hurt this time.”

He was still royally pissed, absently rolling his wand between his fingers so that intermittent sparks flew out of the tip. He paced up and down, glancing out the window a few times with a piercing glare as if he could see the men that had hurt me and he meant to set them on fire.

Taking a deep breath, Andrew said, “I'm sorry that happened to you. Why didn't you tell me about it sooner? I could have helped you.”

I raised an eyebrow, taking a long drink. “Andrew, you're sixteen. You were not this old when this all happened. I didn't want to scare you. This wasn't something I wanted to burden you with when you were eleven. I didn't want to burden you with it now, but you've got to understand why I make certain decisions, and why certain actions affect me the way they do.”

Andrew shook his head, and resumed pacing. “Gods!” he exclaimed, running a hand through his growing hair. “Yeah, I do understand a little better now. I wish I didn't.” He shook his head.

“You're the one who wanted to know.” I shrugged, and finished off the drink.

After several more minutes of pacing and getting himself under control, Andrew finally stopped and turned to face me. A curious look came over his face. “Maggie, you have to know that Fred and George are not like that asshole. They're not going to damage you like that.”

I nearly choked. “Oh, really. And how do you know that, Andrew?” I demanded, slowly getting to my feet. “You think that because they're in the joke business that they're infallible? You think there isn't a little bit of a freak in everyone? George fucking taped us having sex, Andrew! I think that's more than enough proof that he is more than capable of screwing me over just as much as Thomas did. And you can't prove otherwise.”

Andrew fell silent, and I knew I had him there. I wasn't happy about winning this particular argument, but it was the truth. Andrew didn't know the Weasley boys any better than I did, and he couldn't guarantee that their intentions were honorable.

At that moment, I caught sight of an owl flying towards my window. Rolling my eyes, I sighed loudly and irritably. “Oh, what now?”

I strode over to the window and opened it, allowing the soggy brown owl entrance into my flat. It hooted balefully at me and blinked its golden eyes, dropping a large parcel onto my couch before taking up perch on the back of the couch.

“Is that their owl?”

I nodded wearily, staring at the package for a few long moments before reaching into a small drawer in the side table and pulling out an owl treat. “Yup. Here you go, bud. You should at least get something for your troubles.”

The owl hooted gladly and nipped the treat quickly out of my hand.

“Can you stay for a few minutes, let me give you a response?”

Again the owl hooted in what seemed to be an agreeable way, then proceeded to shake off the rain from its feathers.

“What is it?” Andrew asked curiously, moving beside me.

I picked up the package and looked it over. “Probably nothing that I'm really interested in,” I replied.

The box was heavily wrapped in brown paper and thick string, which meant it had come from some wizarding shop. Why anyone would bother sending me enchanted anything, was beyond me. Everyone knew I was a Squib. Magic was useless to me, though eternally fascinating nonetheless.

I slowly unwrapped the package, and found myself holding a small, square package embossed with a curious emblem. I wasn't sure where it came from. Deciding I had no choice but to open it, I peered into a box of soft cotton. Poking around, I came up with a long chain. When I pulled it free from the box, I stared in disbelief. It was a silver chain linked with moonstones, each one carefully sett and wrapped in silver bands. Looking deeper, I found a pair of matching earrings.

“Woah,” Andrew said, eyebrows raised.

Sitting inside the box as well was a note. Still stunned at the gift, I picked out the card and read it:

Maggie: We're thinking of you still. Nothing we can say is enough, but the apology is everlasting. Please forgive us. George and Fred

So. They were into buying me jewelry now. The flowers and chocolates hadn't been enough? Did they really think I would be won over by this? It infuriated me, to think that I could be bought!

I threw the jewelry back into the box, along with the card. As I wrapped the box back up, Andrew stared at me. “What—what are you doing, Maggie?”

“Sending it back,” I said through gritted teeth. “They obviously think that the way to my forgiveness is by buying me shit. And if that's the case, then they're welcome to spend all the money they want. They're only wasting it.”

I practically hurled the box, but caught myself just in time. Turning to the owl, I looked at it and said, “Please return this to them. Sorry.”

The owl seemed to look at me as if I were crazy, a sort of indignant expression on its face and it squawked at me. But it dutifully took the package back in its feet, and flew away when I reopened the window. I watched it fly off in the rain, feeling a bit sorry for the poor bird.

“Are you insane?” Andrew demanded. “That was a hell of a gift. You can't just ignore that!”

I whirled on Andrew, glaring. “Try going through this yourself. Then tell me what I can or cannot do.”