Go Back

Authors note: First things first my wonderful Beta has brought it to my attention that I should stick to pegan or christian names I.E. God, Gods, christ. I dont think this is that important in this story for a few reasons...the members of the order are worldly men, Im sure we can assume they've come acrossed all of these. As far as Harry goes, he was raised by muggles and thrown into a wizarding society, I think he'd use both as well.

Authors note 2: This chap contains slash, and VERY little Snape/Harry

Authors note 3: If there is anyone who would like to do a vid or fanart for this story I would LOVE it. My artistic ability ends at writing. Just let me know :)

CH 14 Fade Away…Back To You

“So you mean…tonight? Like…now?” Sirius paced nervously across the green rug on the floor of his guestroom at Hogwarts.

“It’s not right Sirius. I must tell her and it has to be now.” Lupin placed his hands on his lost spouse’s hips and turned him so that he was standing in front of the sitting werewolf.

Black shook his head. “I don’t know Moony…I just don’t know. There’s just no way to tell her that…she’s not even your wife. There aren’t words. How are you to break the news that you’ve been married to me all these years? I’m her cousin for Christ sakes…this is bad Remus…really bad.” Sirius had broken contact and begun to again walk the room.

“I know that this will hurt her Padfoot. I can’t do it any other way. My place is here with you. Deep down she knows that. I dare say I’ve not done a stellar job hiding where my love truly lies. I can’t keep up this charade, not even for the night. I’ll return tonight.” Lupin stood and kissed his husband softly. “We’ll be as one again Sirius…as it was meant to be.”

“At what expense?” Black snapped. “I can’t express to you how overjoyed I am to have you back

. You are my heart Remus but you fucked things up. It pains me that she must pay for our indiscretions. If you wanted to wed her you damn well should have voided our bond.” Sirius threw his hands in the air in disgust.

“Is that what you’d wished I’d done?” Remus twisted his hands together nervously, staring down to the floor.

“You know it’s not. I just hate how this is going to have to play out.” Sirius sat next to his husband. “If you feel it’s best to tell her tonight then go. I promise I’ll be done causing a scene when you get home.” Sirius reached into his pocket and handed Remus a bag of floo powder.

Lupin smiled slightly and traced the side of his bonded’s face. “Wait up for me?”

“Always.” Sirius promised. Lupin was gone in a blast of green smoke.

Remus sighed as he materialized in the fireplace of the home he shared with Tonks. He found her curled up on the red suede sofa that sat directly in front of him.

“Is everyone alright? Did Snape come around?” She yawned. Her voice was tired.

“They’ll all be right as rain with a little rest.” Lupin sat at the farthest end of the couch. “Everyone is tucked in for the night…Ron ate his weight when…Sirius…and I took him to the kitchens.” The man released an uneasy chuckle.

The pink haired woman stared through her husband. “And what of Black?” Her whisper seemed to remain heavily in the air. Remus tightened his jaw, waves of anxiety flowing through his body. Tonks squeezed the man’s hand. “Remus?” Tears began to stream down her young face. Lupin placed his hands on either side of her reddening cheeks.

“Dora I…” The werewolf searched for words.

“Please? Just say that we’re fine. Just tell me that everything is fine.” The auror begged.

“I’m so sorry, I can’t do that.” Lupin shook his head sadly and released the woman. He dug his nails into his knees, wishing he wasn’t here, wishing that this wasn’t part of his life.

“Why couldn’t you have just let him go?” She searched the elder’s eyes. “Why did it have to be him?” Tonks choked through sobs.

“Dora I love you, I do…” Lupin blinked away tears. “My heart belongs to him…it always has.”

Tonks jumped quickly away from him, standing unsteadily in the middle of their living room. “You know I’ve always felt as though he’s lived with us.” She ran her fingertips over their wedding photo on the mantle. “He lives in your heart and soul Remus. I thought for a long time that there was room for me too, yet I’m not surprised that I could not fit.” She didn’t make eye contact with Lupin. “I believed if I just loved you enough that maybe…” She finally faced her husband. “Why couldn’t you love me like you do him? Is it something I…”

“No.” Lupin took a hesitant step towards the distraught woman. “I tried Dora. You have to believe me. When I married you I was committed to spending the rest of my existence with you alone, but he’s back and I can’t force myself to ignore that…he was…Dora he is…” Lupin took a step back. “I’ve done something horrible to you.” Remus hung his head in shame.

“Have you been…have you and he been…” Tanks cried harder.

“No! We…I have been faithful to you Dora…Sirius and I were bonded, which you know. When he was sent away…I couldn’t bring myself to…” Lupin paced angrily around the room. He hated himself in this moment. “We’re still bonded.” He rushed out, closing his eyes briefly to regain his composure.

Tonks’ eyes widened frantically. “How could you!?” She screamed. “What did you do with our marriage papers?! How is this possible?!” The enraged woman flung her arms in the air wildly.

“I never submitted them. They’re in my personal vault at Gringott’s.” Lupin’s hands squashed the pillow on the back of a chair.

“You joined with me knowing you still belonged to him!” The Metamorphmagus’s hair had turned a violent red. “It’s all a lie! All of this! None of it is real and you knew it!” Her hand smashed the pictures from the mantle to the floor. Cascades of glass shattered, leaving glimmering pieces of what she believed to be love scattered about the wooden floor. “It’s always about Sirius! Remus I wanted it to be about me…” Her voice trailed off as she allowed herself to crumple onto the pile of glass.

“Dora don’t you’ll hurt yourself.” Remus attempted to help her to the chair.

“Don’t touch me.” She cried. “You need to leave.” She rolled away from Remus, burying her head in her hands.

“Dora…” He tried.

“Right now Remus. You need to leave right now. Go be with him. That is what you wanted.”

Lupin spoke no more and left silently through the floo.

“How did it go?” Sirius jumped up abruptly when Lupin reentered their bedroom.

“As well as can be expected I think.” Lupin shook the remaining tears from his eyes. Sirius softly wrapped his arms around his partner.

“Did you make the right choice?” The dark man comforted his husband.

Lupin allowed himself to be held. “Your heart is my home.” He sighed. “I shouldn’t have done that to her Sirius.”

“You can’t take it back. You can only try to make amends.” Black coaxed Lupin into bed, muttering a spell to transfigure his robes into nightclothes.

“Lets go to sleep. Everything will seem better in the morning light.” Sirius still held Lupin close to him as he climbed into his side of the bed.

“I can’t believe you’re here to stay.” Sirius mused into the darkness. “We’re back.” Remus breathed into his husband’s hair. They slept well that night, back in the bed of their beloved.

“Remus, might I have a word.” Lupin awoke to the sound of Dumbledore’s voice. He could not read the emotion behind it. He moved Sirius’s arm from his chest and sat up sleepily.

“What is it headmaster?” The man was becoming alarmed. Why was Albus in their private quarters? Black had opened his eyes and sat up next to his mate.

“Tonks is in my office.” He stated sadly. “She knows that as a werewolf you needed another signature to retain a vault at Gringott’s and she seems to think that that signature came from me.”

Sirius grumbled and rubbed his eyes. The color drained from Remus’s face. “She wants into the vault for the marriage papers.” Lupin frowned, looking from his husband to Dumbledore.

“The marriage papers that you never filed?” Albus chastised, seating himself on the edge of the large bed next to Remus.

“You know?” Sirius coughed.

“Young man I know everything.” The headmaster waved him away. “Don’t mistake that for me approving of everything. Remus if you can’t see her right now then the person who signed for your vault needs to take her there.” He eyed Sirius suspiciously.

“Don’t play dumb professor. As you said you know everything, which means you’ve meddled enough to know that it is my signature on that vault.” Sirius stood and paced to the wardrobe, pulling out his dark robes for the day. He took note of the shamed expression on his lover’s face. “I’ll take her Moony. I have been exonerated by the ministry after all. It’ll be nice to walk around the city on two legs.”

“Are you sure?” Lupin almost whimpered.

“I am. Albus if you would make sure that she is agreeable, I’ll be to your office in a few moments.”

“She’s waiting for you.” Dumbledore strode towards the door. “Remus, do try not to alienate anymore of my Order would you? I also feel that congratulations are in order. I’m glad that you’ve been reunited with your soul mate, even if I don’t like the circumstances surrounding it.” The old man exited the room, leaving two men staring at each other in disbelief.

“Are you positive that you want to do this?” Lupin said, standing in front of Sirius. He ran his hands down his partner’s chest, smoothing out his robes.

“You can’t very well do it and I should talk to her.” Sirius glanced at his reflection in the mirror. “I’ll see you later. Check on Harry for me would you?” Sirius asked with his hand on the doorknob.

“I will, though I hate to bother him and Snape.” Lupin laughed at the memory of being a newlywed.

“We get to relive that phase.” Sirius smiled broadly. “He won’t mind if you interrupt him…it’s only Severus.”

“Get going Black.” Lupin shooed him out of the room. “You must learn to tolerate him. I swear we’re not schoolboys any longer.” Remus yelled down the hall after his retreating mate.

Sirius found Tonks sitting alone in Honeydukes. “So it was you who signed for the vault?” She asked before turning around.

“Many years ago. You weren’t even out of diapers.” The Man sat down on a creaky barstool next to his cousin. “If you don’t wish to go through his things I could get them and bring them to you.”

“No. I never knew about this vault. I want to know if he’s lied about anything other than you.” She snapped, taking a large swig out of a fire whiskey bottle, she gestured for Sirius to partake.

“It’s a little early in the morning for me, love.” He shook his head and glanced at his watch.

Tonks spun around and stood up, leaving the bottle on the bar. “You’re probably right. I’m sure you had an exhausting night.” She beckoned him to follow her.

“Dora…we didn’t. You can banish those thoughts right now. I’ll not hear another word of it.” Sirius followed her out to the empty street.

“When was the last time?” Tonks stopped abruptly.

“A few years ago. When I first escaped…he didn’t know how to handle it. Nothing happened the first year I was out. We had one night a few months before I died…before that it had been fourteen years.” Sirius made a cross over his heart.

“Swear on Harry.” Tonks tilted her head the side. Her posturing made it painfully obvious that she had taken more then the one drink of fire whiskey.

“I swear on Harry.” Black nodded.

“And you didn’t know that the bond wasn’t…” She squeezed her eyes closed, willing her tears not to fall.

“Dora, I thought long ago that my bond to Remus had been voided. I’d no idea that we were still legally wed.”

“That bastard.” Tonks shook her head and began walking down the street.

“He made a mistake. I won’t take that away from you, but I truly believe that his intentions were never to hurt you.”

“Well he has and you…you’re my family Sirius. It makes it worse.”

“I know it does.” He pulled the reluctant woman into an embrace. “I won’t side with him. What he’s done…no one would blame you if you never forgave him. Just try and remember he loves you Dora. His main concern has been your feelings.”

“His main concern is you.” She corrected.

“I don’t think that’s true.”

“It is. But you know what? I’ve always known that you came first and if I really think on it, I want you to have him. I wish I could want badness for him…and given the chance I’d still throw a few hexes his way but, in the end, I want Remus to be happy and if it has to be someone else who gives him that…so be it.” Tears had claimed her once more and she clung to the strong frame of her cousin. “Take care of him?” She questioned between sobs.

“I promise.” He rubbed her back, feeling the utmost sympathy towards her. “Shall we go? Remus has plenty of family treasures in his vault. I think you’ve earned your pick.” Tonks grinned slightly before both of them apperated to Diagon Alley.

Sirius hugged his cousin once more as he prepared to leave through the floo in her home. He was amazed that she had declined to take possession of any of the valuables in the Lupin vault. She had instead picked up only the parchment that would have wed her and Remus. They were at Gringott’s less than five minutes.

“What will you do with them?” He tapped the papers that Tonks held tightly in her fist. She threw them in the fireplace.

“Incendio.” She hushed under her breath. Small flames erupted, engulfing her past.

“It’s better that way.” Tonks cried. Sirius took notice that her hair had reverted to a dull brown.

“I don’t want any of his things here.” She gazed remorsefully around the living room. “You can tell him it’s all gone. I donated all of his belongings to St. Mungo’s this morning.”

Sirius cracked a smirk. “Good on you, Dora.” He squeezed her shoulder. “You’ll have to talk to him eventually. You have the house and…”

“I know.” She sighed. “But it’ll be on my terms, not his, and he owes me. I figure if he gets you, I get all of this.”

“I should probably get going.” Sirius took a few steps towards the fireplace.

“Back to him?” She her voice cracked.

“Actually, I was going to intrude on the love nest Snape has set up with my godson.” He chuckled.

“Very well…Sirius…” Tonks stopped him before he threw down the floo powder.

“Thank you for going with me.”

“Don’t mention it Dora. It was the least I could do. If you need anything you can owl me at the school.”

“Thank you Sirius.” She smiled and clasped her hand in the man’s.

“No thank you for not ripping me a new one. It would have been far beyond justified.”

“Just…protect him. That’s all I ask…well that and if you ever catch me sending minor curses his way, you let me be.”

“Agreed.” Sirius vanished through the fireplace, leaving the young woman to begin to build a new life.

”I don’t see any new appendages, so I’d wager it went ok?” Sirius could tell that Remus had bustled about the rooms nervously the whole time he had been gone. The heavy oak furniture had been rearranged and the color scheme had been changed from brown and green to red and black. “I checked on Harry. They’re spending the day in their quarters and I promised they’d remain uninterrupted, so you’ll have to find other ways of occupying your time.” Lupin placed the dust rag on the mantle and stared deeply into his lover’s eyes.

“How is she?”

“Good or Bad news?” Black ran his fingertips down the side of his mates face.

“Bad first, I think.” Fear flashed across Lupin’s face.

“You have no more stuff. It’s been donated to the hospital.” A smirk played about Sirius’s lips.

“No stuff? All of it’s gone?”

“Every last bit. She didn’t want to be reminded I’d guess.”

“Fair enough…what’s the good news?”

“She’s going to be fine. I imagine a few minor curses are in your future but, all in all, she’s going to make it through…she’s given you to me.” Black leaned in softly meeting his lips with his partners. The kiss played out gently, both men hesitant at the speed of things.

“Do you think we should? Is it too soon?” Sirius backed away, allowing the other man room to think.

“I’ve wanted you so badly Padfoot. It may be soon, but we’re both free men now.” Lupin’s voice was released in husky waves as he trailed his hands down the sides of Sirius’s body.

“You’ve no idea how long I’ve waited to hear those words spoken from you.” This time Sirius allowed his lips to crush his bonded’s. His rough hands twisted into Lupin’s hair, pulling him impossibly closer. For his part, Remus lifted his husband, placing him tenderly on the plush down comforter on the bed. Their fingers searched wildly for skin on skin contact.

“I want you to top me.” Remus growled, flipping their bodies over. “I need to feel you Padfoot.” Remus grabbed at their robes, wanting to see his husband.

“Patesco Viscus.” Sirius whispered and their clothes disappeared.

“Do you really think you should be vanishing the only robes I own?” The werewolf smiled and guided Sirius’s lips back to his own.

“You’re beautiful…just as gorgeous as I remember.” Black let his eyes wander about the naked form of the man that he loved. “Remus, I do love you so.” The Animagus breathed heavily. Remus groaned when he felt hard flesh throb against his thigh.

“Sirius, I’ve seen you in every dream. I’ve felt you with every breath I’ve taken in the last twenty-five years. I wondered for many years if you had been just a fantasy, but here you are…once again my reality.” Remus closed his eyes, relishing the feeling of his husband’s body weighing on top of him. He snaked his hand down, guiding Sirius to his entrance.

“Madesco.” He whispered a lubrication spell.

“Gods, Moony.” Sirius moaned as he pushed himself slowly inside of his lover, his hands roamed over a hard chest. Sirius’s body was beginning to remember this dance, remember the feeling of being with his greatest love.

“That’s absolutely wonderful.” Lupin’s head thrashed against the pillow as Sirius began to thrust. “Merlin, I’d forgotten…Christ Sirius…” His lungs ached for air that he could not find. His body scorched with true pleasure.

Sirius kept his eyes trained on his partner, not wanting to miss a moment. He found that he didn’t even have need for thought. Their bodies and beings worked as one, creating the perfect rhythm, a rhythm that they had perfected ages before. Lupin came quickly, spilling himself on his stomach, the friction from Sirius moving on top of him proved more than enough. Sirius all but howled as he let go. He collapsed onto his spouse, softly dropping kisses over flushed cheeks.

“You’re amazing, I’ll never release you again Moony. I’ll not make the same mistake twice.”

“I’ll never allow it.” Lupin reassured him, content to remain entangled with his husband. The thought brought a grin to his sated face…his husband.

“What do you suppose everyone is doing today?” Harry hummed into Snape’s neck. The two had not found time to make it out of their bed that day.

“I don’t trouble myself with such wonderings.” Severus kissed the young man softly. “If they’re wise at all they’ve spent their day the same as us.” He shot his eyes towards the heap of sheet that they were twisted up in.

“What would everyone think if they new that the great Severus Snape was happy to spend a day cuddling in bed?” Harry joked, snuggling closed to the Potions Master.

“If you wish to see your future, they’ll never be the wiser.” Snape sneered, secretly overjoyed to have Harry resting comfortably in his arms.