The New Me

Disclaimer: Don't own it. I just play with them for my own amusement.

Warnings: Oh...well not anything special, I think.

A/N: Hi! I know I only updated chapter 13 yesterday, but I was on a roll and wrote 7 of the pages last night, and I finished just now, so I thought - why not?
The next chapter will probably be a while. If I don't finish it tomorrow or Sunday, I won't have any time to work on it until next weekend, since I go back to work on Monday, but I'll do my absolute best!
Thanks for all the reviews, I absolutely love them!
Chapter 14 - Enjoy!

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Chapter 14

“Well, that came totally out of the blue.”

Harry stared at his Head of House, wondering what could possibly have made the man decide to talk about this, nearly three months after the Incident. Snape raised an eyebrow before answering him.

“Do you really think so, Mr Potter? Did you think that I would forget what I saw in your mind, and just let it go?”

“I certainly hoped so, but I guess it was a foolish hope. You’re not exactly known for backing down, are you, Professor Snape?”

“No I am not. Are you ready to talk?”

Harry didn’t reply at first, he just sat quietly, lost in thought. Should he really trust the Professor with his deepest darkest secrets? Zed had said that he could trust Snape, but would he really keep Harry’s secret? Making up his mind, Harry raised his head and looked Snape straight in the eyes.

“If I do, are you willing to take a vow never to repeat, to anyone ever, what you hear?” Snape was silent, thinking it over carefully.

“Yes.” The look of pure relief on Harry’s face made Snape sure that that was the correct decision.

“Thank you, Professor.”

“You’re welcome. Would you like me to swear it now?” At Harry’s nod, Snape took his wand from his pocket and held it up before speaking.

“I, Severus Octavian Snape, hereby swear on my life and magic to never repeat to a soul, living or dead, what I am about to hear about the childhood of Harry James Potter. Should I break this vow, may my magic be taken from me, and my body struck down by lightening.” Snape was encased in a white light as his magic bound him to his promise. They both sat quiet for a while, none of them sure where to start.

“When did it begin? I know you said that you were beaten severely when you received your Hogwarts letter, and that you were…were…raped on your seventh birthday, but was that the first they did?”

“No, it wasn’t. They started slapping me around when I was about 3 or so, and it just got worse from there.” Harry said stonily. He refused to meet Snape’s eye, choosing instead to glare at the desk.

“Worse, how?” The question received a snort in reply.

“Basically, if it’s a form of torture or abuse, you can bet I’ve been subjected to it. They didn’t actually cut anything off, but short of that, there’s nothing they haven’t done to me.”

“Dear Merlin. But why didn’t anyone find out? You’ve been in the Infirmary plenty of times since you started attending Hogwarts. Surely Madam Pomfrey would have found out?”

“Not if you wear a powerful enough glamour, and influence the magical scans to never show the things that have been done to you.”

“What glamour are you wearing? And would you remove it so that I could see the damage? There are potions you could take to be rid of the scars, you know.”

“I know there are, but my uncle likes to admire his handiwork, so that was never an option until now. I am wearing about 600 different glamours, one for each scar.”

“Salazar’s blood! 600 different glamours?”

“Yes, give or take.” Snape had a look of shock on his face, and he seemed to greatly be considering his next comment before speaking.

“Would you mind showing me?” He asked carefully, not wanting to make Harry explode or run out. A muscle in Harry’s jaw was clenching and unclenching as he tried to decide if it would be a good idea to do as his teacher asked. He had never shown the scars to anyone but the Dursleys. He avoided looking at them himself, they were so horrible. But if he was able to finally take the potions to have them removed? Snape would have to know the extent of the scarring to be able to brew the potion correctly. Sighing, Harry looked up briefly to find Snape watching him intently.

“If I do, will you help me make the potions to have them removed? It’s just that, I’ve avoided looking at them for so long, I’m not really sure what they look like. And I would like to have them removed, maybe then I could start to get over this.”

“I will do my best to help you, Mr Potter. But if there are over 600 scars…it would take years to get rid of them all, if it is even possible. Not all scar-tissue can be removed by the potions available today.”

“Fine. But I warn you, it’s probably going to be quite horrible.”

“I understand.”

Sighing again, Harry stood up and took off his robe placing it on his chair. Next he started unbuttoning his shirt, before slowly pulling it off, face firmly directed towards the floor. Folding the shirt, he placed it on top of the robe and hissed softly in Parseltongue for Nasha and Shari to move down to his legs. As they complied, he carefully looked up at Snape.

The Potions Master’s face was completely blank, showing absolutely nothing as his gaze moved over Harry’s well muscled bronzed chest and arms.

“Are you ready to drop the glamour spells, Mr Potter?”

“Yes, Professor. Would you mind staying in your chair? It’s just that this is hard enough for me, without you coming any closer to me right now. To be honest, I don’t know what I would do if you came near me.” Harry said in a worried voice, wanting desperately to leave and not have to do this.

“I promise I will not move, Mr Potter. Whenever you feel ready.”

Taking a steadying breath and closing his eyes, Harry reached within himself for the place where the trigger for his glamours were. Feeling the wave of magic roll over his body as the spells dissipated, he almost missed hearing the sharp intake of breath from Snape. Almost.

“Are they really bad?” He asked with a small voice, scared to hear the answer.

“Mr Potter…I don’t know what to say. Open your eyes.”

“I don’t want to. I’m afraid of what I will see.”

“They are quite bad, but I think you need to see them anyway. If you have been avoiding looking at them, you need to see them to come to terms with what has happened to you. Open your eyes, Mr Potter.” Snape sounded different than usual, almost…kind. Harry knew that the scarring must be really bad if they made his stoic Professor react that way.

Opening his eyes slowly, he noticed the full length mirror standing in front of him. Snape must have conjured it, seeing as he was still in his seat behind the desk. He slowly let his eyes drift down his reflection until it reached his chest and stomach. His eyes widened dramatically and started to fill with tears at the gruesome sight that was his body. Words like freak, filthy, murderer, whore and faggot were carved into his chest, along with scars from whippings and beatings. The tears started to spill from his eyes as he stared transfixed on his reflection.

‘This is what he did to me. I never realised how bad it was. I’m scared to look at my back.’

He slowly turned around, his gaze still on his reflection. As his back came into view, he choked on a sob.

Crisscrossing his entire back were scars from countless whippings and cuts. On the right side of his lower back, just above his trousers, four small letters were carved into his skin.

LM and WM.

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When Potter dropped the glamour spells covering his body, Snape couldn’t help but gasp. Never in his life had he seen such damage done, on someone who had survived. Some of the scars were faded silver lines while others were still pink, showing that they were relatively recent.

‘Dear Merlin, what that child must have been through. And to think that I helped make his experience worse, by claiming that he was spoiled and attention seeking! I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself for that.’

Snape saw Potter’s eyes filling with tears as he watched his reflection transfixed. They spilled over quickly, but still he made no sound. Then he started to turn around, slowly, still keeping his eyes locked to the mirror. When he saw his own back, a chocked sob escaped him.

Snape quickly looked over Harry’s back, and felt his heart stop when he saw the four letters carved into the skin on Harry’s lower back.

LM and WM.

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Draco was sitting alone in the common room when the door opened to reveal a dishevelled looking Harry Potter. His hair was tousled and he had his arms wrapped around himself, as if he was cold and trying to warm himself. His eyes were red and it was clear he had been crying. He didn’t seem to notice that Draco was sitting in one of the chairs staring at him with a shocked expression.

“Harry?” At Draco’s voice, his head snapped up and he looked absolutely terrified for a second, before he recognised who Draco was.

“Draco. Um, where is everybody?” Harry fiddled with his sleeve nervously and refused to meet Draco’s eyes. Draco frowned a bit before answering slowly.

“Pansy and Hermione took Blaise with them to the library, and the rest of the people are probably in the Great Hall. Harry, are you okay?”

“Fine, I’m fine.” He said quickly. Too quickly.

“Harry, I know we haven’t been friends for a long time, but I thought we trusted each other enough to tell the truth. Will you please tell me what’s made you so upset?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Why not?” Draco stood up and made his way towards Harry. When he reached out to place a hand on his arm, Harry flinched and backed several steps, terrified look in his eyes.

“Don’t touch me! Please, don’t come near me.”

“Harry, what is wrong with you? I know you don’t want people touching you, but I was just trying to be nice.”

“J-just leave me alone. I’ll b-be fine, I always am. I’m going to bed, could you ask Mione to come see me when she gets back?”

“Sure, Harry. Are you sure you’ll be alright?” Draco frowned again, letting worry creep into his voice. Harry smiled thinly before nodding.

“I’ll be okay. Good night, Draco.”

“Night, Harry.”

Draco watched Harry make his way through the tapestry to his private dorms, wondering what could have made Harry so skittish. In fact, the only other time he had seen Harry like this was on the first night of term…

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The first week of December came quickly, and with it came the beginning of the major tests that were leading up to the NEWTs tests that they would be taking before graduation, 6 months from now.

Draco still hadn’t been able to figure out why Harry had been acting so strangely that night two weeks ago, and Harry wasn’t talking.

Draco spent most of his time worrying about Harry, and he was slowly realising that maybe, just maybe, he was feeling something other than friendship for the former Gryffindor. During one Magical Serpents lesson, he caught himself staring at Harry, completely mesmerised by the Parseltongue that he was speaking to a Boomslang, as they had started with the poisonous snakes just last week. He quickly snapped himself out of it, hoping that no one had noticed his lapse of awareness.

Next he spent an entire Animagus class just studying Harry’s face and hair, not hearing a word of what Professor Lupin said about the incantation that would make them transform into their animals the first time. He had to ask Hermione later for her notes, getting a surprised look from her.

In the end it was so bad, Pansy and Hermione actually cornered him in his room trying to find out what was going on.

“Honestly Draco, you’ve been totally absentminded these past two weeks, what is up with you?” Hermione asked, her arms crossed over her chest as she stared him directly in the eye.

“I…it’s nothing.”

“Don’t give me that Draconis Lucius Malfoy! You know perfectly well I’ll not stand for it. Now tell me what is wrong so Herm and I can fix it.”

“Please don’t call me that, Pansy. It’s either Hermione or Mione, choose one.”

“Sorry, Hermione. Come on, Draco, spill!” Finding himself under the scrutiny of the cinnamon gaze of Hermione Granger and the dark blue of Pansy Parkinson proved too much for Draco, and he blushed a bright pink, mumbling something under his breath.

“What was that, Draco? We didn’t quite hear you.” Pansy said.

“I said; IthinkI’minlovewithsomeoneandIdon’tknowwhattodo.”

“One more time, slowly and with breaks between the different words, please.” He blushed even more before grudgingly saying it again.
Slowly. With breaks between the words.

“I think I’m in love with someone, and I don’t know what to do.” His statement was met with instant squealing from Pansy, and stunned silence from Hermione.

“Who is it, Draco? Come on, you know you can tell us! Who is it?” Pansy almost shouted, she was so excited. This was after all not a normal occurrence.

“I’m not going to tell you! Forget I even said anything, nothing can come of it anyway. He doesn’t feel the same, I know he doesn’t.” Draco sighed heavily, hanging his head miserably.

“He? Draco…are you gay?” Hermione asked timidly. Draco looked up at her in surprise.

“You didn’t know? I thought the entire school knew by now, I came out nearly 7 months ago.” Hermione blushed and looked down on the floor.

“Oh. I, um…I was a little preoccupied at that time, what with the war and Ron and…”

“It’s okay, we get it. It’s not like it was some vital information or something like that.”

“Oh. Okay. So, you really don’t want to tell us who it is? Maybe we can help or something?”

“No, it’s doomed anyway. He won’t even let me come near him.” Draco said miserably.

“What did you do?”

“What? I didn’t do anything…much. Okay, so we used to hate each other and fight all the time, but I really thought we were over that, you know? Things were starting to look up, and then WHAM! He doesn’t let anybody near him anymore.”

“Draco, are you talking about Harry?”

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Harry was just going to find Hermione when Blaise said she and Pansy were in Draco’s room, trying to ‘sort him out or something, he’s been acting really weird.’ He was outside the door, raising his hand to knock, when he heard a part of the conversation going on inside.

“No, it’s doomed anyway. He won’t even let me come near him.” Draco said miserably.

“What did you do?”

“What? I didn’t do anything…much. Okay, so we used to hate each other and fight all the time, but I really thought we were over that, you know? Things were starting to look up, and then WHAM! He doesn’t let anybody near him anymore.”

“Draco, are you talking about Harry?”

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Harry was stunned, to say the least.

Not wanting to hear the rest of the conversation on how strange he was, Harry turned around and quietly made his way down the stairs to the common room again.

“Didn’t you find them?”

“Hm? Oh, they were talking about something and I didn’t want to interrupt. It wasn’t anything important anyway. I was just going to ask Mione if she wanted to come for a run down by the lake.”

“You go running by the lake? That’s strange, man.”

“Just because you don’t see the point in exercising, Blaise, doesn’t mean anyone else feels the same about it.” Harry chuckled, a small grin lighting his face and eyes. Blaise rolled his eyes before answering.

“Whatever, man. Let’s go eat, I’m starved.”

“Sure, let’s go. I’m sure the others will catch up sooner or later.”

Walking in comfortable silence, they made their way up to the Great Hall for lunch. As they sat down at the Slytherin table, Dumbledore rose to his feet.

“Your attention, please!”

As everybody quieted down, Harry was wondering what the old goat was up to now.

“As you all know, in two weeks time the seventh year students taking Care of Magical Creatures will be leaving the school to go on a week long fieldtrip. The teachers and I have decided that remaining seventh years should be allowed to go on a fieldtrip of their own. As they are all from Slytherin House, Professor Snape has requested that they be allowed to accompany him to Snape Manor, to study his extensive Potions garden. The rest of the teachers and I have agreed to this. You will leave on the 15th at 10 o’clock in the morning from the front gates, and return on the 26th at 5 o’clock in the afternoon. That is all, thank you.”

“Wicked, a whole 11 days at Snape Manor! The Potions garden is like, world famous. I can’t wait to see it, and Draco’s gonna flip when he hears!” Blaise exclaimed excitedly. Harry gave him a strange look before asking with sarcasm in his voice.

“Have you been listening to rap music again, Blaise? I thought Pansy banned you from that a month ago?” Blaise had the good sense to look a little embarrassed.

“Technically…yes. But what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her, and more importantly – me.”

“Too true, but you know she’s going to find out anyway, she always does.”

“You’re not going to tell her are you?” Blaise sounded quite scared at the prospect of facing his girlfriend’s wrath. Harry laughed out loud at the sight of his face.

“No, I won’t do that to you, I’m not that cruel! But you better stop talking like a gangsta’ before she’s on to you.”

“Let’s just eat before it gets cold, shall we?”

“There you go, back to perfectly snobby Slytherin mode.” Blaise’s haughty look was rather ruined by the fact that he was sticking his tongue out at Harry.

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“Um…maybe?”

“Draco!”

“Okay, so I am. I told you nothing would ever come from it! He doesn’t even like me.”

“Don’t sound so despairing, Draco, I’m sure that he’ll like you eventually. You just have to show him how charming you can be, and it’ll all work out.”

“I’m not so sure that would work, Pansy. If I know my brother right – and I’m pretty sure that I do – it’s going to take a lot more than just being charming. To be honest, I don’t even know if Harry feels anything for his own sex.” Hermione said.

“See? It’s doomed! Doomed, I tell you!” Draco threw his hands in the air and got up to pace around the room.

“Stop being such a drama queen, my dear friend, it doesn’t suit you.” Pansy scoffed.

“Fine. What do you suggest I do, then? Should I just give up?”

“Why don’t you let me ask him some questions, and I’ll get back to you?” Hermione asked.

“Okay. Do you guys want to head up to lunch now? I’m kinda hungry.”

“Sure, let’s go.”

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When Draco and the girls walked in to the Great Hall and made their way over to Slytherin’s table, they were met with the sight of a laughing Harry Potter, and a disgruntled looking Blaise Zabini.

“Hi guys, what’s going on?” Hermione asked curiously. It had been a long time since she had seen Harry laugh properly.

“Oh, hi Mione. Pansy, Draco. Nothing really, I’m just teasing Blaise a bit.” Harry said, eyes shining with mirth making them stand out even more. Draco was totally transfixed at the sight, and didn’t snap out of it until Pansy elbowed him in the chest.

“What?”

“You were drooling, sweetie.”

“Was not!” Draco said blushing, and checking for drool by wiping at his mouth. Pansy and Hermione snickered at him, while Harry and Blaise just looked clueless.

“So…did you hear about the trip we’re apparently taking on the 15th?” Harry asked as they sat down at the table. When they shook their heads, Blaise quickly jumped in.

“We’re going to Snape Manor for ten days to study the Potions garden! Isn’t it amazing?”

“Wow, cool! I’ve always wanted to see it, but Sev’s never let me before.”

“Yes, yes, that’s all very interesting. Harry, can I ask you something?” Hermione interrupted.

“Sure, Mione.”

“You don’t…happen to be gay, are you?”

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A/N2: Dum-Dum! Oooh, what's he going to answer?
We'll just have to wait and see! I'll try and get it done asap, promise!
Draco figured it out *does happydance*
Now we just have to convince Harry it's true...
Please leave a review and tell me what you think!
Until next time
//LoveGD