All the way IIII: Change

Electric volts. That was the only thing to describe the feelings running through Eileen veins, in her blood. Was this what she supposed to be feeling?

It was... earth shattering. Thought scattering.

No one had ever touched her like this. Kissed her like this. She had never allowed any one this physically close since her experience with Sam.

She felt as if she was on fire, yet, at the same time, so incredibly safe and protected.

And she melted.

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Hermione had never noticed how much Severus moved in the night. She had fallen into a sleep plagued by nightmares and woken up in a cold sweat. She was sure that it was the only time in her life that she had ever hyperventilated, when she found a strong arm over her stomach. After sliding out of bed as fast as she could, Hermione had gone into the living room and curled up in a chair.

What was she going to do? The pictures in her head - her memories - were so vivid, so real, that she couldn't close her eyes, fearing she would see them in all their terrible detail. Yet, with her eyes open, they played like a film in her mind, even as she made a conscious thought to look at everything in room around her, trying to forget.

She whispered to herself, muttered spells under her breath, sung songs in her head, but she couldn't forget. Physical sickness bubbled near the surface, terror and exhaustion beat at her, one never ending nightmare.

Hermione didn't know how to cope. She hadn't dealt with it when it happened, so she couldn’t deal with it now. She had been so stupid when she took that potion. She should have stuck it out, like a good Gryffindor would.

She wouldn't have committed suicide, Hermione convinced herself. She would have found a way to be herself again. She would have got through the hard times.

But she had taken a potion to escape her memories and now they had come back to haunt her.

Hermione had never believed in fate, but maybe this was fate. Maybe some God was repaying her for not being brave enough or Gryffindor enough. Maybe some one in some sort of heaven really hated her.

She didn't want to sleep a sleep inundated with nightmares. She didn't was to stay awake and remember. She didn't want to be scared and she didn't want to push her husband away, but she couldn't tell him.

Her problems were her own; that was the way she worked. No one else, not even some one as important as her husband, had the right to know anything she didn't care to tell. But even more than that, she couldn't bear for people to think of her as weak or in need of help.

Years of Purebloods commenting had seen to that.

Hermione decided she would find a way to cope with it by herself and in the mean time... well, acting like everything was fine was a specialty of hers.

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Reluctantly, Sirius drew back from Eileen. One hand was still tangled in her hair, while his other arm had slipped around her waist, holding her tightly to him. She stared up at him with shock in her cloudy eyes.

"Oh..." She breathed quietly.

"Oh?" He smiled.

She nodded slowly, "Oh."

"Good oh or bad oh?" Sirius asked, running his fingers through her hair.

"New oh," Eileen blinked owlishly as her small hands slid down his arms from his shoulders, "I've never... I mean, no one has ever... Why would any one...? Why would you...?"

"Because I really like you, Eileen." He answered her half-asked question.

"I've never felt like this before," She admitted quietly, "I don't know what to do."

"You only have to do one thing; I can do the rest." He told her gently, as he stroked her black curls, "Just tell me if you want more. If you don't, then we can just go back to the way things were and forget this. It's up to you."

She stared for a moment, before saying slowly, "You mean that - if I wanted - you would go back to being my friend like before and you wouldn't keep on at me about this?"

Sirius felt his heart sink and tried his hardest not to let this show on his face; he didn't want to influence her decision. He wanted it to be completely her choice.

He nodded, "Yeah. If that's what you want."

In the silence that followed Eileen looked away and Sirius could feel dread creeping over him. She was going to push him away; he could feel it. Why had he ever thought that she would want him?

His arms tightened around her, as if the small movement would change her mind or keep her unavoidable negative decision at bay.

He willed her to speak, but when she did he wanted her to remain quite, so he could keep the small thread of hope that he had left.

As she looked up at him, Sirius prepared himself for the inevitable nock back that was coming.

"Sirius? Promise me something?"

He swallowed. She was going to ask him to never mention this again or to never touch her again or to never look at her again; he just knew it, in his heart.

Still, he nodded, "Anything."

She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, her tongue darting out leaving a glistening trail on her lower lip, "Just... promise that you'll be gentle with me."

Sirius let out a long, shaky breath and drew her as close to him as possible, wrapping his arms around her small form, "I can promise you that, sweetheart. I'll treat you like china, I swear."

She laid her head on his chest and he felt her sigh, as she curled her arms around his waist.

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After feeling around the bed and not finding what he was looking for, Severus opened his eyes. It was still dark, but Hermione was gone.

What was wrong with her? She was... different. He couldn't put his finger on exactly what about her was different, but she seemed nervous, jumpy, distant.

He was worried about her. Did something happen when she hit her head? Did that poor excuse for a Charms Professor do something to her?

Because, Merlin have mercy on his soul, if that man had hurt her in any way he would pay dearly.

Severus got up quietly and checked the bathroom. When he found it empty, he went into the living room. She wasn't there either. Concerned, he checked the kitchen and then his office and his classroom.

She was no where.

Quickly, Severus dressed and left the dungeons. He barely even noticed a half-dressed Ravenclaw couple hiding in the shadows.

Severus reached the Astronomy Tower and still couldn't find Hermione. Where was she? Was she alright?

He had lost his wife!

Alright, so technically he had been asleep when she had left - or been taken - but he should have known if she had gone. Panicking, Severus left the Tower to search the castle again.

He had always been sure he was not a very creative person, but since the second he started caring for Hermione he found he had a very disturbed imagination at times like this.

Anything could have happened to her. Anything.

Severus swept along the Seventh floor corridor. He was near a corner when he heard a noise behind him. Turning, he watched silently as Hermione sniffed and rubbed her hands over her face. It seemed that she had come out of no where, but Severus knew about the Room of Requirement and wondered what she had been doing there.

He walked silently, until her was behind her, "Hermione?"

She squeaked and turned around, "S-Severus? What are you doing here?"

"I was about to ask you the same question." he frowned, "What's wrong with you?"

She smiled, but it looked almost painful for her to do, "Nothing. I just couldn't sleep."

He reached out, his fingers curling around her wrist. The 'smile' dropped from her face immediately.

"Don't do that again," He said quietly, "You scared me."

"I'm sorry," She said as she pulled herself from his grasp and turned, heading up the corridor, "I'm going back to bed."