Tequila

First of all I would like to thankeveryone for their review and kind thoughts about my health. Rest assured I'm well on my way to being whole again.
For my critics. Snape isn't stupid, he isn't over analyzing and he isn't dmanding perfection or nothing at all. He has realised that he desperately wants love and wants it to be forever. Now he's trying to figure out if it's Harry he wants it with. He's realised that he doesn't want to hurt the boy by leading him on if he doesn't want him. I know I'm not explaining it well but I was in this situation. I was so close to falling in love with someone and I had to sit back and ask myself if I wanted this person because thay were perfect for me or if it was because they made me feel good about myself. I came to the conclusion that it was because of how they made me feel and not because of them. I could have the same thing with anyone whotreats me nice and I want something more. This is what Severus is looking for. Now with his illusions about Harry stripped away he's in a unique position to look hard at himself and his relationship with Harry and decide if that's what he really wants. That's the conflict I'm going for, even if I'm not describing it very well.
Back to the story. Tx








Harry lay in bed with his curtains closed and his duvet over his face. He could hear Hermione and Ron whispering outside and was annoyed. Sure, he hadn’t been out of bed for the last 2 days, sure people were starting to worry, but he was entitled to feel depressed after everything that had happened in the last 6 years

// Or the last few days… //

His curtains resolutely swung open, despite the heavy locking, silencing, and do-not-open-for-anyone-under-pain-of-death charms he’d placed on them. He smiled ruefully to himself as Hermione’s angry face glared at him from the other side. He might be the most powerful wizard for years, but no one messes with Hermione when she’s pissed off. He groaned and pulled the covers back over his face as she exchanged a look with Ron and stepped forward.

“Harry Potter, I demand that you get out of this bed right now. If you are truly ill, then go to the hospital wing, if not then get up. Everyone’s sick of you just moping around, the teachers are getting annoyed and even Dumbledore’s starting to ask questions.”

Harry knew she was trying to goad a response out of him. He’d missed the last couple of days of school, saying he wasn’t feeling well, but not ill enough to go see Madame Pomfrey. After saying all that, he’d hid in his room, in his bed and had refused to come out to see anyone. He was having real difficulties dealing with what was going on with Snape.

// He’s back to being Snape… //

He’d shut himself off from everyone, including his best friends, feeling like he had no one he could talk to and no one he could ask for advice. He was being childish, and he knew it. He had planned on finding Snape and apologising for acting like a child, saying he didn’t really feel that way, and begging his forgiveness, but it seemed like Snape had gone to ground too. No one had seen him outside of class for days either and no one except Dumbledore had been getting any response at his office, chambers or personal floo.

This had worried Harry more than anything else that had happened because he knew that Severus would only close himself off from the Slytherin students in extreme circumstances. So he’d come back here to mope. To wait till Severus was around again and hopefully try and speak to him.

Hermione glanced at Ron, who instantly and uncharacteristically took the hint and left them. Settling herself on the edge of Harry’s bed she gently pulled the covers from over his head and took in the miserable look on his face.

“Talk to me Harry. Tell me what’s going on. You know we all hate to see you like this, and its cutting Ron up that you won’t talk to us about it.”

Harry looked carefully and saw only sincerity on her face. After everything they’d been through, he’d always thought he could talk to her about anything. He knew he could talk to her about his problems with Severus, and he knew that if he told her who it was that she’d be shocked and quite annoyed but that she’d listen and try to help in any way she could. He was just worried she’d try to persuade him to tell another teacher.

Sitting up he took her hand and looked her square in the eye.

“Hermione, if I tell you this you have to promise that you won’t tell another sole!!”

Hermione looked a bit affronted before nodding her head.

“Not even Ron?” she clarified.

“Not even Ron. Not now anyway. And you also have to promise that you’re not gonna try to persuade me to talk to a teacher about this.”

She was starting to look worried. “Harry, what’s going on?”

“Promise me Hermione.”

“Ok, ok, I promise, just please tell me what’s wrong.”

Harry looked at the anxious face of one of his best friends, and suddenly felt guilty for keeping this from her for so long.

“Hermione, I’m in love with Professor Snape.”

He sat back and waited for the outburst, but it never came. When he dared to glance at her face again, he saw that she was smiling.

“Oh, Harry, is that all? You had me so worried.”

Harry was incredulous. “Is that all? I’m telling you I’m in love with a teacher and you’re asking me if that’s all?”

Hermione laughed at her friend. They’d all known Harry had a crush on Severus. They knew way back in sixth year when he’d come in from their training sessions looking more relaxed and happy than they’d ever seen him. She knew he didn’t realise it himself, despite the fact that he used to gush frequently about how much he was learning and how much he respected Snape for being a spy for the light. Even when things were getting bad, and Harry was having frequent visions, and was making himself sick worrying about everything that he had to do, he only needed to spend a few minutes in Professor Snape’s presence before he was calmed. And Hermione had noticed, long before anyone else that Harry seemed to unconsciously seek him out if he was feeling upset or insecure about his role in the war.

“Harry. We all know how you feel about Professor Snape.” Seeing the rising anger on his face she hastened to reassure him. “Don’t worry; we haven’t all been talking about you behind your back. We respect how you feel and have only mentioned it once. In fact, it was Seamus who started it by saying he wouldn’t mind ‘having a go’ of Professor Snape,” a disapproving look flickered over her face, “cause he’s got a nice arse and is sexy despite the fact that he’s an arsehole.” Hermione laughed again. “Then Dean said something like ‘have you noticed how Harry has been acting around him? I think he has a crush.’ We all agreed that you probably do then we went on to discuss what other teachers we would sleep with. And don’t worry about you choice, cause all the gay men and all the straight women said they would shag professor Snape. Even Ron wasn’t too shocked by the whole conversation.”

Harry looked at his friend for a long few moments before grinning.

“Who else did you all say you would sleep with?”

Hermione laughed. “You would not believe it Harry. Seamus is a total slut. He had the biggest crush on Remus and even said he would have slept with Lockhart after hearing rumours about a certain part of his anatomy.”

Harry laughed hard, feeling better than he had done for days.

“Oh my God, Lockhart’s got a big cock? I never would have believed it, Are the rumours verified or unsubstantiated?”

“Everyone reckons that Lockhart was sleeping with Filch while he was here but no one has dared to ask him yet if he was well endowed or not.”

Harry could hardly catch his breath, he was giggling madly and tears were streaming from his eyes. He and Hermione were holding onto each other as they were both assaulted with mental images of Lockhart and Filch at it. Harry had only enough breath to wheeze out “With Mrs Norris watching,” and both they both screamed with laughter and disgust and fell off the bed.

After several minutes of hysterical laughter and a few rounds of hiccups, they had finally calmed down enough to continue their discussion.

“So is that why you’ve been all mopey these last few days? Cause you’ve finally figure out what you’re feeling for the worst Professor here?”

Harry was so tempted just to leave it at that and say that was exactly why he’d been upset, but he felt he owed Hermione more honesty than that.

“Now remember what you promised Hermione. No telling anyone and no trying to persuade me to talk to teachers.”

“Of course,” Hermione agreed quickly. She was dying to know what had Harry so worked up.

“I actually realised how I felt about Severus several months ago,” Hermione raised one brow at the use of Snape’s first name, “after I slept with him.”

The explosion Harry had been expecting earlier came now.

“YOU WHAT? Harry are you insane? You slept with a teacher? What were you thinking?”

Harry quickly tried to defend himself but could feel his irritation rising with the response he was going to give.

“Hermione, I wasn’t thinking was I? I was drunk, pissed, wrecked. It was after the end of war party. i was drinking that mad tequila stuff and I woke up the next morning in his bed.”

Hermione was biting her lip. “Oh, Harry, this isn’t good. Isn’t against the rules to sleep with a teacher? I mean doesn’t that get you expelled or worse? And what happens to Professor Snape? Will he get sacked?”

“Don’t worry Hermione, although it isn’t encouraged, it’s not against the rules, Severus told me.”

That thought slowly started filtering into Hermione’s mind.

“Oh, does this mean he feels the same? “ Hermione, once off on one tangent was completely off in the other direction. “Harry, that’s great. I can’t believe it. We all figure he cared for you a little after spending so much time with you but to be perfectly honest we all thought he was straight.” Hermione gave a little chuckle. “Well most of us did. You know what Ron’s like though. So what happened after he found you in his bed that morning? I know he’d been drinking as well, could he remember any of it? OH MY GOD,” she squealed as it suddenly occurred to her, “is that who you’ve been seeing these past few months?”

Harry laughed at his friends enthusiasm and proceeded to tell her all he could remember from that night, their following nights, and even as much as he was allowed to from their little party with the truth serum. He was very careful to be vague when talking about the physical aspect of there relationship although at one point he just had to blatantly tell Hermione to mind her own business as she was pushing harder and harder for details. He sobered considerably however when describing their fight a few days ago, their first fight, and probably, knowing both Harry and Severus’ tempers, not their last.

“That’s if I can fix it so that we’ll get the chance to have another fight.” Harry flopped back down on his bed and pulled the covers back over his face. “Oh, Hermione. What am I going to do?”

Before Hermione could even pull her thoughts into coherency, there was a bang and Ron came flying through the dormitory door.

“Hate to interrupt you guys, what with my girlfriend and my best friend being in bed with one another doing god knows what,” he paused briefly to catch his breath, he’d obviously run all the way from wherever he’d been, “but you’re both in deep shit. Malfoy told Blaise Zabini who told Ginny who told Dean who told me that Snape is furious that you’ve both missed potions this morning.”

Hermione and Harry both started talking together.

“My god is that the time?”

“My god is it potions day already?”

Hermione jumped up from Harry’s bed and started straightening her skirt while Harry pulled the duvet back over his head and Seamus came bursting in.

“I’ve just heard that Snape is on his way to the hospital wing to look for you both and apparently he’s saying if you’re not both there, he’s gonna put you both there for daring to miss his class for no reason.”

Harry burrowed further under the covers as Neville came rushing in panting.

“Snape’s gone to Dumbledore, he’s gonna demand that you both get expelled for making a mockery of him and his class schedule and for not even having the ‘common courtesy’,” Neville did his Snape voice (which sounded nothing like him, “to go to his class and explain that you were unable to make it, or even send a note.”

Hermione held up her hands.

“Wait a minute, wait a minute; he can’t be doing all this at once. Has even one of you actually seen Professor Snape this morning?”

The boys all shuffled their feet and sheepishly shook their heads.

“So you come bursting in here, ranting about being expelled and hospitalised when Harry is clearly not feeling well,” they all glanced at Harry who was now buried so far under is duvet that he was just an indistinguishable shape, “and you’re basing this all on third or even fourth hand information. Are you people all crazy?”

Hermione put her hands on her hips, a determined look on her face.

“Well there’s one way to clear this up. I’ll just go talk to Professor Snape and explain what’s going on.”

Harry fell out of the bed in his haste to get the blanket off him.

“Hermione, no. You can’t tell him about what’s going on. You promised.”

Hermione started walking resolutely toward the door.

“Stop her,” Harry yelled, so tangled in his blanket that he could barely move. The boys glanced at each other, looked at the determined look on Hermione’s face and all took a step back.


“Sorry Harry,” Ron mumbled, “But I’m not messing with that, especially if I want to get any ever again.”

“Yeah Harry,” Seamus interjected, “We all value our bollocks too much. You’re on your own. Sorry mate.”

They all watched in awe (and not a little fear) as Hermione strode determinedly from the room.

“Oh, God,” Harry mumbled from his place on the floor, “I’m so dead.”