Goodnight, Demon Slayer

Goodnight, Demon Slayer
Chapter Thirteen:
Check, No More Butt Monkey.

"Mr. Longbottom, what exactly do you think you're doing to my girlfriend?"

A boom very much worthy of the most feared man in Hogwarts history rang through the air as Severus descended the staircase. Neville's hands had flown from Hermione’s hips the moment the first baritone syllable had echoed throughout the basement and now he stood at arms length from her, his eyes wide, his mouth gaping, and his face whiter than Nearly Headless Nick. Hermione tried hard to keep herself from smirking. She doubted anyone else had caught it, but she was almost sure she'd heard a teasing undertone in Severus’ question.

"I...um... Uh…”

"Shut your mouth, Longbottom. You're drawing flies." As if under the Imperius, Neville's jaw snapped shut with an audible clashing of teeth. Severus slowly circled the boy like a shark circling its prey, arms folded over his chest and snarl ever-present on his face. "Do you know what I do to men who touch my girlfriend?"

"I'd be willing to bet it doesn't involve hugs and puppies," Harry muttered under his breath, but in the deathly silence of the room his whisper traveled farther than he would have liked.

"Shut it, Potter or you're next."

"Shutting, sir."

"Now, Longbottom. I think I know exactly what you deserve," Snape snarledkly,kly, drawing his wand and advancing on the boy. Hermione was beginning to think she'd imagined the joke in Severus' voice and moved to intercept him.

"Severus, please."

"Back off, Hermione. This is between me and the boy."

"I... I’m sorry,” Neville choked out, his back coming up against the wall.

"Not as sorry and you're going to be," growled Severus, raising his wand to Neville's throat.

"Severus, no!" Hermione cried, trying to divert his wand arm, but she was too late. With a loud pop the joke wand exploded, sending bits of confetti and glitter into Neville's face and gaping mouth as he screamed like a little girl.

"You're right. These ARE fun," Severus breezed, turning away from Neville and throwing the end of the used wand to Ron.

The room was still utterly silent until Seamus let out a delayed but hardy "HA!" sending the entire room (with the notable exceptions of Neville and Hermione) into hysterics. Hermionckhackhanded Severus hard across the chest, and though he flinched for a minute, it did not stop him from crossing the room ad high-fiving his archenemy Harry Potter.

"You three were in on this? Isn't that a sign of the apocalypse?" she screamed disbelievingly.

"Oh, grow up, Hermione," Ron wheezed through peals of laughter. "I mean, YOU can get along with Snape well enough."

"Oh my God!" Dean laughed, wiping the tears from his eyes. "Did you see that? He almost wet his pants!"

"Yeah, Professor. What are you, the Piss-the-Pants monster?" yelled Seamus.

"You've been well aware of that fact since first year, Finnegan."

"Yeah, but it was never literal before! Well, except for Nev-"

"STOP IT!"

The entire room looked toward Neville who, though obviously still shaken, was very angry.

"Stop it! Why is it always me? I'm the one whose broom malfunctions! I'm the one who gets hung from the rafters by the Cornish Pixies. I’m the one who continually gets threatened by the Potions Master! Enough! No more! I'm done! I'm through being everybody's butt monkey!"

"Check," Hermione responded evenly, trying very hard not to laugh. "No more butt monkey." Though somewhat justified by his outburst, Neville still looked shaky and close to tears. As the party around him began to slowly come back to life, Hermione went to him and wrapped her arms around him.

"Oh, Neville, I'm sorry. I didn't know they were planning this or I would have stopped them."

"It's okay, Hermione. I know."

"Neville?” Hermione asked softly. “You do know everyone’s going to call you 'butt monkey' from now on, right?”

"Yuh-huh. But it was the only thing I could think of." Hermione chuckled softly, releasing Neville and smiling at him, but as if to prove her point, Harry called from across the room.

"Oi, butt monkey- get me Coke, will you?" Eyeing Neville meaningfully, Hermione huggem agm again and whispered in his ear.

"Why do you think I date a forty-year-old?'

Though, distressingly enough, Severus was clearly not acting his age and obviously not joking about being drunk. Coming up behind her, Severus circled his arms around Hermione's waist.

"So what exactly is a butt monkey and how does one become one?" Turning in Severus' arms to face him, she smacked him hard once again.

"I hate you."

"No, you don't. You love me- let's dance." Severus tugged her toward the center of the room where several other couples had begun dancing to the simple, haunting slow song.

"Jealous much?" she snarled at him.

"Watching too much "Buffy" and affecting Californian speech patterns much?"

"Shut up, Severus. I'm mad at you."

"For what?"

"For what you did to Neville! That was mean."

"It was funny, love."

The couple dance silently through most of the song before Hermione relented and laid her head against Severus' shoulder and sighed quietly.

"I love this song."

"This is a horrible song."

"Look, I know you don't like Britney Spears, but there's really no reason to negate everything I say."

"Hermione, please. It's a song about her cheating on her boyfriend."

"But it's so beautiful! She realizes she's hurt him, and she's sorry, and she knows she's nothing without him!"

"It sounds like a last ditch effort to save her own ass if you ask me."

"I didn't ask you. Youunteunteered your opinion."

"You are such and annoying Know-It-All," Severus murmured, a hint of affection in his tone, his eyes soft and smiling.

"You are such a prick,” rebutted Hermione, the same kind of glassy-eyed awe in her voice. Could it be that Severus Snape actually liked her? Not even just liked her, but LIKED her liked her? “Severus?"

"Hmm?"

"Were you jealous when I was hugging Neville?"

"Honestly?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Couldn't have cared less," hepondponded in a tone that suggested anything but.

"I figured.” Hermione smiled mischievously. “Were you jealous when I was kissing Neville?"

"Will you think I'm a big poof if I say 'maybe a little?'"

"Only if you were jealous of me for having Neville."

"I hate you."

"No, you don't. You love me," she giggled.

"More than you could ever know." The Potions Master realized his mistake the very moment it had escaped his lips, but the vodka and the proximity to an almost adoring Hermione were a bad combination.

"What?" Hermione questioned, looking up in surprise.

"I… I mean... forget I said that. Vodka bad."

"No, you... Severus, do you really have feelings for me?" Hermione was gazing intently at him and running her hands along his back.

"Hermione, please. Forget I said anything."

Back pedal, back pedal, you crazy, dirty old man!

"No, tell me." Her hands had moved to his face, and she gently directed his gaze to meet hers.

"For the love of God, Hermione, you heard me. Don’t make me repeat myself!" he cried, seeming as if he was almost in pain. Once again, Hermione guided his eyes back to hers, and with a new hardness, replied.

"If you are mocking me or that's the vodka talking, I will kill you."

“What?"

"I love you, too, Severus," she whispered, suddenly shy, but with a courage that exceeded even her most Gryffindor aspects, she leaned into him and gently kissed his lips. Severus was almost too shocked to respond, but slowly, his lips began to move against hers. Soon, the kiss had gone from innocent to passionate, and soon the entire room had stopped talking and was gaping at the couple in the center of the room.

Hermione and Severus never even noticed.

***************A/N*************
First and foremost, the “butt monkey” scene was blatantly lifted from an epsiode of “Buffy The Vampire Slayer” (Buffy vs. Dracula) in which the incomparable Nicholas Brendon had a similar tantrum (I tried to work in the “I’m the one who gets the funny syphilis” line, but it didn’t really fit with Neville.) All praise and honor to Joss almighty (no false idolatry intended).

Thank yous next time, I promise, but I’m so tired (BIG Irish wedding last night). And thank you all for trying to review even if you haven’t been able to! It means a lot!