When Living is No Longer Enough

When Living is No Longer Enough
By Sci-Fi Nut/ JStockert

Disclaimer: See Chapter One.

Author’s Note: I realize that it has been quite a while since my last posting and I send out my apologies to those of you following this story. Unfortunately real life, in the form of holidays, illness and hard drive crashes, has reared its ugly head. In the meantime, here is the next chapter and it\'s fairly long. Enjoy and Happy Holidays, belated though they may be!

~Jules


Chapter Fifteen

Hermione awoke to the sensation of a hand gently stroking her hair. Slowly stretching, she opened her eyes to find a pair of obsidian orbs cautiously observing her. Hoping to dispel the usual ‘morning after’ awkwardness that invariably accompanied first-time encounters, she hed hed up and traced the outline of his jaw gently with her fingers and smiled. “Good morning,” she murmured shyly, silently offering up a prayer that her voice didn’t betray the nervousness she felt.

Snape, for his part, had been observing the Witch as she slept and had been worried as to what her reaction would be once the cold reality of daylight settled in. ‘She’ll probably gasp in shock and run for the door,’ he thought, automatically assuming that she would be horrified by their earlier actions. ‘Of course, that would be preferable to a bout of hysterics.’ However, when the dreaded moment had finally arrived, he was pleased to find that he was the one in shock as he watched her face light up and felt the gentle caress of her fingers against his flesh. She wasn’t running as he had feared or showing signs of remorse or even giving the slightest inclination that she considered their encounter to be disagreeable in any way.

“Good morning,” he answered softly. “Sleep well?”

“Considering the fact that we didn’t doze off until sometime past four in the morning, I’d say yes,” she replied cheekily. “What time is it now?”

“Just past ten o’clock. I’m afraid we missed breakfast but we can have the House-Elves send something up from the kitchen. Are you hungry for anything in particular?” he questioned, his eyes leisurely perusing her body as she sat up and searched the room for her clothing.

“Hungry?” she asked with a glint in her eye. “Yes, I’m definitely hungry but not for anything the House-Elves can bring me.”

“You are entirely impossible,” Snape said as he rolled over and gave her one final kiss before getting out of bed. “Not that I’m complaining of course…”

“Of course…” she agreed laughing. “Um, Severus… about breakfast, you do realize that our absence will be noticed?”

“Yes. I have no doubt that we will be the topic du jour,” he replied sardonically. Frowning, he looked at the young woman in front of him in concern. “Does that bother you?”

“Bother me?” she asked momentarily confused and surprised by his question. “No. Why would it bother me?”

“I just thought that perhaps you might feel a little uncomfortable with the things that people might say after…” his voice trailed off uncertainly and Hermione could see him shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other.

“Severus Snape,” she scolded lightly, wrapping the sheet around her slim form as she walked over to stand directly in front of him, “Let’s get one thing perfectly clear right now. I have absolutely no regrets about last night. As a matter of fact, I’m hoping for an encore performance in the very near future. My only worry is that you have doubts or will be upset by any gossip that our evening may have sparked.”

“None whatsoever,” he quickly commented, bending down to kiss her lightly on the forehead. “It’s not as if this is the first time that the gossips have had the opportunity to say a few words behind my back. Although, I admit that I am curious to hear some of the stories they come up with this time. Their comments will no doubt follow along the lines of how the evil Potions Master seduced and ravished the beautiful young Charms Professor… and all under the guise of a lover’s holiday no less.”

“Yes how very cunning of you,” she agreed laughingly and leaned against him momentarily for one final kiss before picking up her clothes and heading for the bathroom. “I’ll be out in a moment and then I’ll floo to my own quarters to pick up a change of clothes.”

“There is no need for you to do so as I took the liberty of ordering one of the House-Elves to bring a change of apparel from your chambers earlier this morning,” he informed her and directed her attention to a small stack of clothing that rested on top of the mahogany bureau. “They also made sure that overgrown rug you insist on calling a cat was properly fed and watered.”

Pleased by his thoughtfulness, she flashed him a brilliant smile and collected the indicated articles of clothing. “Thank you from both Crookshanks and myself.” A moment later she had disappeared into the bathroom.

Donning his bathrobe, Severus walked into the sitting room and used the internal Floo Network to contact the kitchen. A scant second later, an eager House-Elf had taken his briskly placed breakfast order, promising that the requested items would be delivered right away.



~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was early evening by the time they had completed their inventory of Snape’s considerable store of various potion ingredients. The supply cabinets were still fairly well stocked as a result of the previous order the Potions Master had placed during the Christmas holidays.

“Okay it looks like we’re running low on Dragon’s Blood, Unicorn Tears, Wormwood, Beetles Eyes, Salamander Livers, powdered Centaur Hooves, Fairy Teeth, powdered Horn of Bicorn, Knotgrass, Lacewing Flies, shredded skin of Boomslang, and Bezoar,” Hermione said running over the list of ingredients in her hand. “Severus? The last half of this list looks like a Polyjuice Potion. Except for the Bezoar of course.”

“Hmm?” Snape asked distractedly as he finalized some notes he was adding to their research. “Oh, the seventh year students will begin brewing the Polyjuice Potion on Monday. Do you mind picking up the extra ingredients?”

“No, of course not,” she assured him, adding Gillyweed and Essence of Newt to the list. “What about the Bezoar? Surely we won’t need that for the Reptilian Cocktail? ”

“That is nothing more than a precaution,” he answered, laying his quill down on the desk.

“What type of precaution?

“In the event that one of those doddering dunderheads decides to inadvertently turn their potion into some type of poison,” he scoffed.

“Severus! They can’t all be that bad,” Hermione admonished him while hiding the small smile that threatened to break out across her face.

“Perhaps there are one or two pupils in the class that show some small measure of intelligence, however the rest of the lot is most certainly a write-off. Especially the Gryffindors,” he drawled and waited for his companion’s reaction. As expected, he didn’t have to wait long.

“And just what exactly are you implying? That Gryffindors are naturally hopeless in the field of Potions? I’ll remind you that I hold certification in that field myself and just because we lay claim to a Neville Longbottom every now and then does not give you cause to write us all off,” she replied tightly, the annoyance evident in the sparks that her cinnamon brown eyes were practically shooting his way.

“It’s so nice to hear you finally concede on Longbottom,” he ied ied sarcastically in response to her outburst. “As for the rest of your House… let’s just say that I seem to remember something about aond ond year Know-It-All Gryffindor that turned herself into a feline. Speaking of which, I modified the wards on my private supply cabinet so that they would automatically grant access to you. I surmised that it might be easier than watching you attempt to sneak around in an effort to obtain whatever supplies you might need.”

Hermione opened her mouth with the intent of retorting to his jibe about Neville when his other comments seeped into her consciousness. ‘Felines? Second year? Sneaking around private stores? Oh! He can’t possibly know about that can he?’ she wondered with trepidation. Her face began to take on the dull flush of embarrassment as a result of the combination of horror and humiliation she was currently feeling. Her disastrous encounter with the Polyjuice Potion during her second year had left her with some very bad memories and even the knowledge that she had actually made the horrendously complicated potion correctly did little to relieve her distress at the events that played out. Looking at the Potions Master with a look of wariness on her face she asked, “You knew about the Polyjuice Potion?”

“Of course,” he answered and the beginnings of a devilish smile could be seen spreading across his face. “Although I adthatthat I wasn’t aware of your attempt to brew such a difficult potion until after your ah… unexpected transformation.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” she asked in confusion. “You had to know where I got the Boomslang from? You could have had me expelled on the grounds that I stole from a teacher!”

“True enough,” he admitted quietly. “Although I think that spending several weeks with a face full of fur and pointed ears were punishment enough. Not to mention that tail…”

“Oh!” she shuddered at the memory and placed her hands over her face to hide the flush of embarrassment that had now turned her cheeks bright crimson.

Taking her hands in his own, he allowed a small genuine smile to grace his features as he looked at the petite woman standing before him. “Hermione, I knew at that point that you would have to be watched closely and trained properly. If I had pushed to have you expelled then you would have taken with you a small handful of knowledge and tried to apply it to things that were beyond you at the time. I had never heard of a twelve year old successfully brewing something as complicated as the Polyjuice Potion until that time. And you were successful otherwise your transformation into a feline would not have been as complete as it was. You were toying with things beyond your years and though the potential for success was definitely there, it was equally balanced by the potential for disas”
”

“A little knowledge can be a dangerous thing?” she clarified.

“Exactly, although I would have to say in that particular instance you were fortunate. After all, the effects weren’t permanent.”

“No, just utterly humiliating. I didn’t know that Millicient Bullstrode owned a familiar. I thought the hair I had lifted from her school robe belonged to her. Needless to say I was unpleasantly surprised to find that it belonged to her cat instead,” she said softly.

“I figured it was something like that,” Snape admitted. “But why would you want to change yourself into Millicent Bullstrode in the first place?”

“To get to Malfoy. Muggleborns were being petrified and we figured that if anyone would know something about the incidents that were taking place throughout the school that it would be him. Harry, Ron and I thought that if we changed ourselves into Slytherins then we could get close enough to him and trick him into telling us what he knew,” she explained, shrinking back a bit from the stern look that was focused at her from the Head of Slytherin.

“The plan had merit but certainly you knew that it was risky? What if Draco had found out and went to his father with that information?”

“Of course we understood that the plan wasn’t without risks but we felt that it was worth it. You must understand that we truly believed Draco knew what was happening, especially since he kept saying all those things about the Heir returning to Hogwarts. Anyway, Harry and Ron managed to transform themselves into Crabbe and Goyle and engage Draco in conversation but to our surprise we found out that he really didn’t know anything because his father wouldn’t talk to him about what was taking place at the school. To make a long story short, the only thing we discovered was that we could scratch Malfoy off of our list of suspects.”

“The Dream Team strikes again,” Severus muttered and ran a hand through his hair. “I was pleased to notice that you did not repeat your mistake during the Polyjuice lesson in your seventh year. Although, if I remember correctly, you did seem to be a little ill at ease when it came time to actually test the finished product.”

“I was absolutely terrified,” she confided as a small shudder ran through her body. “I was relatively certain that I had brewed the potion correctly but then I had been certain that I had done so the first time and look what happened. I never thought I would be so happy to look in the mirror and see that I had successfully transformed myself into Lavender Brown!”

“Yes, it was rather disconcerting watching the two of you after the transformation. Both of you displayed your normal behavioral tendencies and it was odd to see the face of Miss Brown thoroughly engrossed in a textbook while your own image was giggling and flipping through some teenage magazine.”

“No doubt,” she agreed. “Are we finished here?”

“Yes, I just need to secure our research and then we may go to dinner,” he replied as he locked the research up and replaced the wards on the supply cabinets. “Are you ready to face the gossips again, Professor Granger?”

“Why not?” she asked smiling. “After all, lunch was actually quite amusing. You could tell they were all dying to ask questions but no one seemed to know how to approach the subject. Of course I’m sure the fact that you were sitting there glaring at everyone didn’t help.”

“Hermione, I go to great lengths to stay out of the other Professor’s personal lives. Why is it too much to expect that they do the same?” he asked, his voice carrying more than a hint of disdain.

“Because it’s human nature to gossip, Severus. Besides, they’re our friends, which means that they’re on our side,” she reminded him, trying to match his long stride as they made their way to the Great Hall.

“Are you sure about that?” he grumbled as they arrived at the entrance to the Hall and made their way to their respective seats. His only answer was the rolling of her eyes before she flashed a smile at the other Professors who were already present and took her seat at the head table.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


Hermione awoke the next morning in her own bed to the warmth of sunlight streaming through the oversized window and the sound of Crookshanks insistent meowing at her to wake up and let him out for his customary morning walk. The cat had missed his walk the day before as a result of his mistress’ absence and he was determined to see that it didn’t happen again.

“Alright, Crooks,” she told the soft ball of orange fur when he began repeatedly butting his head against her own. “I get the point. Give me a minute will you? Geesh, I’m gone for one morning and you’d think that I went on holiday for a month. Whatever will you do if I spend the night in the dungeons again, huh?”

Her only response was an irritated look from the kneazle as he jumped off the bed, sauntered toward the door, and awaited his impending freedom.

“Here you go, your Highness,” she said dramatically to the impatient cat and stood to the side as he exited the room. It was then that she noticed the small envelope resting in the hallway beside her door. “What’s this?” she mused as she bent over to retrieve the letter. Stepping aside, she closed the door and walked back to the bedroom. Taking a seat she turned the envelope over in her hands, examining it for any clues as to the identity of the sender. Finding none, she carefully broke the wax seal and pulled out a piece of parchment.

My Dear Professor Granger,

I understand that you have recently displayed aspirations to rise beyond your social status. While I would normally find this a commendable trait in most, and expect little else from women in general, I strongly urge you to consider your own heritage and the limitations that such a heritage has imposed upon you. It has come to my attention that you have been seen numerous times in the company of Severus Snape and while I understand your desire to attain a suitor of a higher standard than yourself, I would take it upon myself to inform you that even if such a thing were possible, which it is not, that this particular man is considered to be a traitor and an outcast by many. His recent actions have placed a blight on pureblooded Wizarding families everywhere and such actions will not be left unpunished. You would be wise to back away from any personal attachments which you have either already made or are in the process of making before you find yourself in the same dubious position.

Sincerely,
A Concerned Friend


“Oh of all the nerve!” she exclaimed to the empty room and reread the letter. “A concerned friend my arse. He might as well have come right out and signed the letter himself,’ she raged, instinctively knowing the parchment was from none other than Lucius Malfoy. “Why that pompous, arrogant… flobberworm! Where does he get off saying those things about Severus? As if he’s any better!”

Tossing the parchment on the bed she walked over to the wardrobe and begin searching for something suitable to wear on her trip to Hogsmeade. She knew that Minerva would be wearing her usual witches robes but she just didn’t feel like donning the heavier materials of her winter robes. Instead, she pulled out a pair of dark denim jeans and a woolen turtleneck jumper that was a deep brown in color. It was made from the softest of yarns and had always been one of her favorites. Brushing her hair and allowing it to fall freely around her shoulders, she pulled on her boots and made her way to the Great Hall for a bite of breakfast before she and Minerva set out on their trip to Hogsmeade.

Sunday mornings were very casual at Hogwarts. As a result of the lack of classes, students were allowed to attend breakfast at their leisure throughout the morning. The same rule held true for the Professors and Hermione found herself sitting at the table with Professor Vector and Professor McGonagall.

“Are you ready for our little trip today?” the Transfiguration teacher inquired in her Scottish brawl.

“Oh yes,” the young Witch replied, genuinely happy to be getting out of the castle for a little while. ‘Even if it is under supervision,’ she thought sourly.

“I need to stop by the bookstore and find a birthday present for my younger sister,” the older Witch told her. “She’s such a bookworm but sometimes her taste in literature leaves something to be desired. She absolutely loves those trashy romances,” Minerva quietly confided.

“Oh,” Hermione mumbled, momentarily at a loss for words. “Well sometimes a little light reading can help clear the mind.”

“Or cloud it considering the stories she reads,” the older woman sniffed. “Although I must admit to sneaking off and reading the occasional romance novel myself every now and then. What about you?”

“Well, I’m more of a Muggle mystery lover myself,” Hermione responded, slightly uncomfortable at the image of her friend sneaking off somewhere quiet to devour a steamy romance book. ‘Tuch uch information,’ she thought with a silent shudder.

“Hmm…” the woman looked at her momentarily. “I’m not surprised. Severus mentioned that you needed to drop by the apothecary to pick up some supplies?”

“Oh yes, I’ll pick them out and have them sent directly to Hogwarts. It shouldn’t take too long. As a matter of fact, let me run down to the dungeons and pick up my supply list before we go,” Hermione replied, rising from her chair. “I’ll meet you back here shortly.”

“Of course dear,” Minerva agreed with a smug smile on her face. “Say hello to Severus for me.”

Exiting the Great Hall, she stopped by her rooms first to pick up her cloak and then made her way down to the dungeons. Entering the Potions classroom, she smiled when she saw Severus seated at his desk marking essays turned in by one of his fourth year classes.

“They’re all dunderheads,” he groused by way of greeting as he made several more slashes across the parchment in red ink and marked a very large “D” on one of the Hufflepuff’s papers. “Every last one of them.”

“I see that someone’s in a good mood this morning,” she remarked lightly, walking over to drop a kiss on his cheek. Just as she was about to make her way to the other side of his desk, his hand shot out and grabbed her arm pulling her close against his body. Standing up, he gently lowered his mouth to her own and thoroughly explored her lips in a searing kiss. Drawing back he looked into her eyes, which had darkened at the intimate contact. “Did you sleep well?”

“As well as can be expected considering that my bedtime companion was a disgruntled cat rather than a certain Professor,” she answered saucily while gently running her fingers through the dark strands of his hair.

“Lucky cat,” he mumbled. “You do realize that had you spent the evening with me you would have managed to obtain very little sleep. Something that I am sure you need considering your planned trip to Hogsmeade with Minerva.”

“I suppose. She says ‘hello’ by the way. I thought I’d drop in and say goodbye before we leave in a few minutes. Was there anything else you wanted while I’m in town?”

“No, the supplies for our project and the Polyjuice will be sufficient. Just make certain that you stay close to Minerva while you are outside the perimeter of Hogwarts,” he instructed the young woman clasped within his arms. “I do not trust Lucius and I wouldn’t put it past him to attempt to make good on some of his threats.”

Her eyes clouded over momentarily at the mention of the older Malfoy’s name. Her thoughts reluctantly returned to the letter she had received earlier that morning and she had little choice but to silently agree with Snape’s assertion that Lucius might yet indeed pose a threat should the inclination strike.

Snape mistook her hesitation for her usual stubborn streak and sighed impatiently. “Hermione, promise me that you will take no unnecessary risks.”

“I promise,” she dutifully repeated and nearly drew back from the intensity of his gaze.

“And you will stay close to Minerva?” he continued.

“Yes, Severus, I will be a good little Gryffindor and stay next to my chaperone. Happy?” she asked as she temporarily pushed the thoughts of the mystery letter and Lucius Malfoy from her mind.

“I will be happier when you are back at Hogwarts safe and sound,” he murmured, giving her one final kiss and walking her to the door. “Now off with you before that former Head of House of yours comes down here screaming like some banshee and accusing me of getting her day off to a late start or some other such nonsense.”

Grinning, she gave a quick wave goodbye and made her way back upstairs to meet Professor McGonagall.

Severus watched Hermione leave until she rounded the corner at the end of the hallway and then returned to his desk to continue marking essays. After adding a few more dashes of color to one particularly droll paper, he set his quill down and stared at the door through which the young woman had recently exited. Something was off. He could feel it. Hermione had been her usual self but there was an underlying hint of… worry perhaps? Of course she had assured him that everything was fine but Snape knew that was merely the girl’s nature. “Stubborn Gryffin,” h,” he muttered, remembering a few of the many times throughout her years at Hogwarts when remaining silent had led the Magnificent Trio into serious trouble. Taking a deep breath, he admitted to himself yet again, that he did indeed have feelings for the young woman, feelings that ran very deep even if he wasn’t ready to openly acknowledge that fact. He found himself waking up and working through his days of confinement as a result of her continued presence and support. He looked forward to her intellectual insights, her sense of humor and her teasing banter in a way that he had looked forward to little else in his life. She had become his reason for existing, his primary focus and somehow Snape knew that if something were to happen to her that he would be hard pressed to continue, especially if he were the cause of such an event. Sighing, he retrieved the quill and returned his attention to the essays in front of him. ‘They’ll be careful,’ he thought, trying to assuage his fears. ‘Minerva is a mother hen. She’ll keep an eye on her.’

“Then why can’t I dispel this feeling that something horrible is about to happen?” he mused as he sat at his desk with his head bowed, listening as the sound of his own voice echoed back to him from the stone walls of the empty dungeon classroom.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


Hermione was thoroughly enjoying her venture into the nearby town and it wasn’t long before the two women had completed their trip to the Apothecary and left instructions with the friendly shopkeeper that all of the newly purchased supplies were to be delivered directly to Hogwarts.

“Let’s go have some lunch,” Minerva suggested after they had visited several other stores in town including the Weasley brother’s joke shop. “I consider this research,” the Transfigurations teacher had told Hermione when she saw the look of surprise on the young woman’s face. “It is always a good idea to know what pranks the children may play on their fellow students and teachers.”

Hermione had laughingly agreed that it was indeed a good idea to know what current tricks Fred and George Weasley were promoting and even purchased a few of the jokes from their newest line before leaving the store.

“So,” her former Professor said after they were seated in a room towards the back of The Three Broomsticks, “How are you and Severus really getting along?”

“Well, we’re getting along just fine I suppose,” Hermione answered reluctantly, unwilling to divulge every detail of their newly forming relationship. “I mean, our research is going well and we seem to be able to conduct ourselves appropriately despite the difference in House ideologies.”

“That’s all fine and well but it isn’t what I’m asking and you know it, young lady,” McGonagall declared, fixing Hermione with a stern stare that reminded her of the time that she, Harry and Ron had been caught at Hagrid’s after hours during their first year.

“I know,” the younger Gryffindor relented with a small sigh. “It’s just that everything is so new that I don’t want to say something that might jinx it before we even have a chance to really explore our feelings for one another. He’s a complicated man and the things that usually work with most men don’t seem to go over well with himu knu know?”

“I know dear,” the older woman said kindly as she reached over and patted her former student’s hand in a show of emotional support. “I’ve known Severus since he was a student himself. He was always quiet and withdrawn but always careful to stand far enough away from the main rush of things as to remain a bit of mystery. However, he also has his own sense of honor and when he says that he’ll do something then you can rest assured that he will follow through with it one way or another. He feels things very deeply although he would deny it with his dying breath. Take your time and get to know the man inside and don’t let yourself be guided by the rumors or even some of his more unsavory actions from his past. He’s a good man that deserves to find happiness, as do you, my dear. I think that, given some time, the two of you may be able to find the happiness that you haven’t been able to find on your own.”

“Thank you, Minerva” Hermione quietly replied, grateful for the older woman’s friendship and words of advice. “I truly hope you’re right.”

“Of course I am,” she replied primly and steered the conversation toward some of the pranks that had been played by a few of the Gryffindors and Slytherins over the past few weeks. The women continued to chat amicably about a variety of things until the waiter cleared their empty plates from the table and taken their currency to settle their tab.

“Let’s go to Flourish and Blotts. I need to find that birthday gift for my sister and I heard they recently received a new book on Gravin’s latest theories of advanced transfigurations.”

Hermione happily agreed and it wasn’t long before she found herself contentedly strolling through the various shelves piled with books in the Potions section. It was a quiet area that was located in the back of the store well out of the main path of most of the more popular books and latest releases. Remembering her promise to Severus and realizing she could no longer see Professor McGonagall, she placed the book she had been browsing, Potions in Place of the Modern Doctor: Fact or Fiction, back on the shelf and turned to head back to the aisle where she had last seen her friend. It wasn’t until she had taken her first step that she realized a tall figure clad in elegantly tailored black robes blocked her path. Preparing to mutter an apology and step around the figure, she looked up and nearly recoiled in horror as she found herself staring directly into the steel cold eyes of none other than Lucius Malfoy.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


TBC