Seeking the Star

ah, so i\'m not dead. no indeed, though i did mean to get back to this before now. life got in the way.
no chapter title for this yet. harlot, this means i want you to help me think of an appropriate card.
ch.15. is being a bit difficult--haven\'t properly corrected the first draft yet, either. i will attempt to be more prompt in the future.

Ch.14.

\"Albus, you lied to me. I don\'t take well to that.\" Severus Snape sat in the Headmaster\'s office, looking very annoyed.

\"Sherbet lemon?\" Albus inquired. Snape shook his head, refusing to be redirected. Albus sighed. \"Severus, I had no idea that your bond with Harry would not fade to near nothing by the time he had recovered.\" Snape continued to stare, his black eyes positively boring into Albus. Had he not been immune to it by now, Albus admitted, it would have been disturbing. \"All right--fine, Severus. What do you want to hear? That I knew? That I anticipated? That I had no idea?\"

Snape\'s jaw tightened. \"Well, Albus. Perhaps. You. Should. Try. The. Truth.\" he ground out.

Dumbledore shrugged. \"The truth is I had no idea what would happen when you healed Harry. The use of that sort of Sanos is not well documented. Poppy and I were merely hoping you both would survive more or less intact. Poppy would not have been strong enough for all of Harry\'s energy, and they both could have possibly died; Harry may have had--reservations--about me, not to mention the fact I really can\'t afford to be taken away from my work because of the bonding. As you now know, Harry trusts you most completely.\"

This fact was utterly true, and still disturbed Severus slightly. Harry had been released from the Hospital wing the Monday after Hallowe\'en, and had resumed classes as normally as he could. He carried a walking stick for support; walking through the halls was still a strain. The strengthening of his body seemed to be lagging behind that of his mind, and the boy seemed to object to using his magic to prop himself up.
Madam Pomfrey insisted he go every day for a checkup, and by the end of each day Harry was exhausted from the strain of resuming his busy schedule and keeping his power restrained. The only manifest sign of his distress was the magical wind in his hair, which increased when he was under stress. Most of the students had no idea what to make of it, and many dismissed it as a strange glamour. Severus was the only one with a true idea of the strain Harry was under, as he felt it himself.

Their bond had not faded as Albus had said it would. The elder Wizard had just been attempting to soothe him through the initial strangeness of being bonded, especially to Harry Potter. Though their thoughts were mostly closed from each other, if Severus thought about it, he knew exactly where Harry was and what he was doing. If he closed his eyes, he could even see what Harry saw. And he knew it was just the same for the boy.

Sometimes, they would share nightmares of Harry\'s torture, and both were attacked by Harry\'s flashbacks, which lasted just seconds but left them reeling with sick horror. Once or twice, it had nearly been awkward, if not embarrassing, as both of them nearly simultaneously collapsed in terror and then nearly ran to each other for the comfort offered by the bond. By now, Severus had reason to be impressed with the boy\'s mental faculty; they had managed to make their soothing contact subtle, and Harry bore the sneering insults with the appropriate amount of angry acting. It was actually getting harder and harder to insult Harry, as his Potions work had improved to near perfection, even if his body betrayed him with tremors. Though neither Severus nor Harry objected to the bond, persay, it was not an easy situation for either intensely private Wizard.

\"Albus, what happened to him is unconsionable. The fact that you\'ve roped him to me is...\" Severus trailed off, not sure exactly what indeed it was, or for whom. Albus leaned forward, bridging the space across the desk and resting his chin innocently on his hands.

\"Has Harry ever given you any occasion to believe he minds?\" The smile playing around the old wizard\'s mouth was positively infuriating. Severus clenched his jaw even tighter. \"Ah, as I thought. It will fade in time, Severus, as long as you and the boy have occasional physical contact. Your Occlumency and Schematic lessons should be more than adequate. Harry will grow to depend on you less and less.\"

Severus stood up, still annoyed but unable to formulate any sort of decent argument against what Dumbledore had so smugly told him. He left the office in a flourish of robes.

Then, Harry was in his mind, his thoughts communicating concern over Severus\' seething. Severus brushed it off, but was surprisedn Han Harry\'s feelings of comfort flowed warmly through him anyway. Internally, there wasn\'t really a way to hide things from the boy, but Harry didn\'t ever forcibly invade his privacy or pry into his thoughts. The insufferable prat was actually very polite about it. In spite of himself, the ends of his mouth tweaked into the barest of smiles as Harry caught his train of thought and sent him, in effect, a huge grin. The boy was infernally annoying, especially in the fact that Severus found himself comforted by Harry\'s concern and pleased by the pleasure Harry took in cheering him. It was almost like having a friend.

They could no longer read each other\'s thoughts, but felt strong emotions, and could purposefully communicate them. Of course, this was not all roses by any estimation. Severus was subjected to the terror of Harry\'s nightmares and flashbacks; they could feel each other\'s pain. A singe from an errant potion sent Harry to suck on his fingers in Charms, and the painful stab of a purposeful elbow into Harry\'s tender ribcage while he walked to class made Severus abruptly wince. It was strange to get used to, and both of them sometimes felt uncomfortable at such an invasion of privacy. When they were always together, it hadn\'t been so bad, but now they were apart, and feeling someone who wasn\'t there was disconcerting. Each worried for the other, and it was pure relief for both when Harry walked into Potions, or when the knock of knuckles on Severus\' doors signaled Harry\'s appearance for Occlumency lessons and they could see each other again.

When Harry came for his Occlumency lesson Tuesday evening, they both realized how utterly ridiculious it was for the teaching exercises to go on. Though their bond was still intact, Harry could block Severus entirely from his mind if he wished to. Neither liked the sensation whatsoever, it felt like a part of them was ripped brutally away. Instead, they spent the time indulging their bond, sitting close, their hands claspeghtlghtly together, making small talk about their respective days. They had both skipped dinner; Harry called Dobby and had food brought to Severus\' rooms. They ate most of the meal in companiable silence.

\"I didn\'t know you Gryffindors ever knew when to keep your mouths shut,\" Severus observed between mouthfulls.

Harry cocked an eyebrow, a trick he had adopted from the master himself. It seemed that body language crossed between them easily. \"I didn\'t know brilliant Potions professors liked their meals interrupted by idle chatter.\"

Severus snorted. Then his eyes shot up to meet Harry\'s. \"Did you just call me brilliant, Mr. Potter?\"

\"I did, Professor Snape.\" Harry\'s eyes just dared him to protest. He didn\'t.

\"Well then.\" Nonplused, he went back to his pudding.

\"I could come up with some other adjectives, if that one\'s dissatisfying.\"

\"Oh, do leave off, Potter.\" The words lacked rancor, and Harry could feel the buzz of his compliment singing through the Potions Master.

\"Don\'t worry, Severus, I won\'t tell anyone you\'re not entirely a git, or that you\'re not greasy in your off-hours. Must protect the reputation and tha that.\" Harry grinned as Severus\' head shot up again, nearly spilling his hair into his food. Severus fought to control his expression as the warmth filled him.

\"Flattery gets you nowhere, Harry.\"

Green eyes stared penetratingly into obsidian ones. \"Doesn\'t it?\" He held the gaze. Severus couldn\'t bring himself to break it. \"Severus, you have to stop thinking that I\'m roped to you, as if it\'s something bad. The bond is fading, I know you can feel it. But the whole thing hasn\'t been bad. You brought me through this, Severus. You and no one else. You healed me, you brought me back. Not Poppy, certainly not Albus. He gave me the barest tools of survival, and I used them. You\'re the one who saved me. You always are.\" He stood up, gently pulling Severus up with him. Harry had to tilt his head far back to keep looking into Severus\' eyes. \"The bond is going to keep weakening, Sev. I want to say this now, before you can\'t feel it anymore. I have never regretted it was you, Severus Snape. I. Have. Never. Regretted.\" Severus stared down at the boy, wonder naked in his eyes, followed by realization. "You"You have a much stronger connection to me than I do to you, don\'t you, Harry?\" The boy nodded and pulled Severus towards him, catching the taller man around the waist. For Harry, the bond had faded some, but was by no means as weak as it was for Severus. He could still hear the other man\'s thoughts, though he had learned how to block Severus\' daily constant monologue from his own brain. Only thoughts backed by emotion filtered into his mind, and he was used to it by now. He was keeping the extent of his half of the bond from the Potions Master. If Harry was uncomfortable with it, Severus would be absolutely terrified. Panic rose in the older Wizard. Harry hugged him tighter, rubbing small circles into his back through his robes, filling him with his power and reassurance. He was glad Severus was mostly ignorant of the predicament, given his reaction to what little he knew. The Potions Master\'s breath began to slow, calmed by Harry\'s comforting and calm.

\"I swore an oath to you, Severus. I will never tell. While I\'m at it, I might as well give you another. I will never knowingly betray you, Severus Snape.\" Severus felt the magic of the oath pass between them. Harry pulled away some, his charisma bringing Severus\' eyes back to his. \"All I ask in return is a little company. It gets really lonely being the Boy Who Suffered Some Unknown Incident and Now Has Windy Hair, you know.\" Harry twisted his mouth into a parody of a smile. \"It\'s weird, isn\'t it? Me, and you, and all this, and so suddenly. But everything\'s just become weird.\"

\"Eloquent as usual, Mr. Potter.\" Harry gave a snort of true laughter at Snape\'s snarkiness. Harry gave him a last hard squeeze, and sat back down.

\"Well, at least some things never change.\"

\"Indeed no, Harry. Indeed no.\" Suddenly, Severus felt a searing pain raze through his arm. Harry flinched along with him. \"Things always remain the same,\" he ground between clenched teeth, making an attempt at levity when he felt Harry\'s rise of fear. He made to depart, but was stopped by Harry who jumped up toward him with surprising quickness.

\"No. Don\'t leave yet.\" Harry put his left hand to Severus\' chest, and closed his eyes. His right hand wove a complex pattern through the air. It only took a few seconds, but Severus felt something shift inside him when it was completed. \"I\'ve hidden our bond. And put something on you to protect you.\"

Severus couldn\'t help himself. He placed a quick kiss on Harry\'s forehead before racing away to the Apparition point to answer his summons. Harry slumped down onto the surprisingly comfortable sofa. The charms he had put on Severus were complex; the effort exhausting. He had indeed made their bond invle tle to Voldemort, but he had also put on a charm that would keep him there, with Severus, his emotions apparent to Severus but not to Voldemort. He lay down, closed his eyes, and began his vigil. He would not leave until Severus returned, and he could see with his own eyes that his bonded (however temporary the bond) was all right.


a/n-
prince of sacred circles- learning experiences. reverence for the growth processes made possible through the union of the sun and the earth. a tutor, teacher, or role model who shares knowledge and wisdom. one who nurtures the young, helping to develop newly planted ideas and concepts.