Why him?

Potter’s strange behaviour seemed to stop, which was good since I really didn’t want to see him. But even if he didn’t do anything to get my attention I couldn’t stop thinking about him.

I guess he is good looking, handsome in fact, and that made me wonder why I'd never thought about him this way. Maybe I did think about him before, and maybe that was why I took the potion, but that isn't a good enough reason to go through with the potion. The more I thought about it the more it seemed the reason behind the potion was that I had some history with Potter. And I also started to think that maybe Potter was acting strange to catch my attention, maybe his little girlfriend isn’t doing enough for him after dark?

I finished writing a response to my mother, telling her that I will be joining her for her wedding. I had the possibility to bring a date, but I would rather not since I would have to go up again to the headmasters office and ask him if Pansy could join me, I would rather ignore him now that I had received the permission. If the wedding was held in the summer, or any other vacation like they usually are, then I would invite Pansy seeing as she loves weddings. The only thing I hate with bringing Pansy along is that she threatens to make me maid of honour when she is getting married.

I watched the clouds as the heavy rain drops escaped them. Why wasn't I happier? My life seemed to be back to normal, except for Potter and his annoying behaviour. So why didn't I feel better? Why did I have the constant feeling that something wasn't right?

I released my owl and watched it as it disappeared into the distance; it was so easy for him to escape this prison, if only I had wings.

I was standing like that for a long time, and hadn't realized I wasn't alone until I heard someone say - well shout - my name. I recognized who the voice belonged to at once, even if I didn't really spend much time thinking about her.

“Zabini! What did you do with Harry you bastard?!” the Weasley bride shouted angrily. If I had any idea of what she was talking about I would gladly have told her.

“What are you talking about, Weasley?” I said in a bored but still angry tone, I wasn't in any mood to fight.

“Since the fight you two had he's been acting strange.”

“And why do you think I have anything to do with it?” I said in the same tone as before, I am not interested in being a part of their relationship problems.

“He hasn't said anything but I'm sure he can't stop thinking about you,” she whispered. I could hear that she was about to cry, which angered me. But why couldn't Potter stop thinking about me? I hadn't done anything to him, or have I? I should have thought about the consequences before I took the potion, I was now paying for my stupidity.

“Get out of my way, Weasley,” I said making to leave the Owlery. She didn't move. “I said, get out of my way!”

“I won't let you take him from me," she said, her voice shaky. "I have spent too much time trying to capture his attention to let you take him away from me.” Why would I want to take him? If I wanted him I would only use him then move on.

“Don't threaten me, Weasley," I warned. "You won't win.”

“I'll do as I want, Zabini.” She tried to sound strong but I could recognize the fear in her voice. “Don't talk to him, ever again.” What a pathetic little girl, thinking she can scare me.

“If I ever want to talk to him, touch him or do anything else to him, I'll do so,” I said quietly and dangerously. I took one step closer to her; if she wants to threaten me I would do the same with her. “And if you ever threaten me again I'll make sure he, or anyone else won't want to be with you ever again.” I took another step forward, by now I could see the fear she was trying to hide. “It's not my fault if he isn't interested in you.” I pushed her out of the way so I could get away from her.

What was wrong with everyone? Potter stares at me, Weasley threatens me, and the Dark Lord wants my family kissing his feet.

*

The rest of the week passed and nothing noticeably important happened. However, I noticed that my threats must have worked because Potter stopped staring at me, as did Weasley.

I received my pass as Dumbledore agreed, he even wrote me a little note reminding me about what I promised, like I could forget. And then I left the school.

Later that day I met Mother, and she brought me to the location of the wedding, somewhere in Ireland. I then met the man that she would marry, at once I saw that he was a Slytherin. Then, without wasting any time, the wedding began. It was short, but I don't think either of them cared at the moment. As I watched them I could see that my mother cared for the man; but it always began like that, before he would do something bad that annoyed her and she would find a way out of the marriage, without losing the money.

*

The rest of that Saturday I spent with my mother; most times it's difficult for us to find time to sit down to talk, but this time we both decided we had to make the time. The day was turning into something really good.

But Sunday was completely different. I never really understood how things can go from being almost perfect to horribly wrong so fast. Does the world like to play games with people?

The day began almost like the day before; I was throwing stones in the ocean, the place we were staying was only a mile away. I didn't think I could be in any kind of danger since nobody knew where we were so I wasn't keeping my guard up. But that was until I saw her.

She was tall, dark and dangerously beautiful, just staring at her makes my blood run cold; her eyes pierced right though me as she smiled. I would recognize Bellatrix anywhere and anytime.

None of us did anything at first, we just stared at each other. My mind was searching for any spell that I could use to both save me and get me away from this situation since I was sure she would try and capture me. What else would she do now that she found me? And how did she find me?

But before I could find a useful spell she had found her own wand and shot a yellow light ball towards me. I jumped out of the way and the spell hit the sea behind me. As I rolled I found my own wand and shot a spell towards her just as another one from her was sent flying in a great speed towards me. But this time I wasn't as lucky as before and the yellow ball of light hit me square in the chest and sent me flying into the sea. I scrambled up as the waves crashed into me, and as I was rising up from the salty water I shot another curse against her, it hit her and she fell down. However, my triumph was short lived when she rose up like nothing happened. She then smiled right before she hit me again with the same spell she had used before, sending me even further into the sea.

This time I had more difficulties getting up; it felt like someone was holding me down under the water.My mind realized that it could be the end of my short life, and even if it was a horrible thought I knew it could have been worse. So when I felt her thin fingers curl around my throat and pulling me up from the water drowning seemed to be a good alternative. I found out at that moment that my body didn’t obey me as I wanted to run away, and she took advantage of that.

I tried my best to release myself from her grip but I wasn’t strong enough after being hit twice with her spell. And after a few seconds of her chocking me I began to feel dazed and dizzy and I was sure that I would die; and strangely the only thing that went through my head right then was the safety of my mother.

But before I fainted from the lack of oxygen she released me and I fell down into the water again. By now the effect of the curse had vanished and I could raise myself over the brutal force of the sea, coughing as I was trying to breathe through my bruised windpipes. Every breath I took rattled and stung my throat but I didn’t care right then. Before I could do anything Bellatrix grabbed my arm and dragged me along with her out from the water.

“Look at you, my little pup,” she cooed sickeningly. Then she pushed her face almost right into mine; I could smell her putrid breath. “It’s been so difficult to find you.”

“What do you want?” I rasped.

If the spell hadn’t worn me out like this I would be fighting her, but I knew better than trying to do something that idiotic right now.

“I don’t want anything, it's my Lord who wants you.”

“Why?” She had this awful smile that scared me, what did he want with me?

“Legilimens!” she shrieked suddenly.

I hadn’t expected her to do something like that so I didn’t have a chance to try and protect myself, even though I didn't know how to shield myself from that spell anyway. I could feel her raping my mind for something, it was something specific but in the end she gave up as she couldn’t find it. She released me from the spell and let me fall down to the stony beach, my hands flew up to my head as it wouldn't stop hurting.

“What a disappointment,” she simpered. She didn’t look as happy now as before. “What did you do, Zabini? Where is he?”

I had no idea what she meant! Where was who? Apparently she knew more than I did, it seemed like everyone knew more than me.

“If you won’t talk then I’ll make you,” she hissed. I saw her conjuring a knife; and to make it worse she laughed when she saw the fear in my eyes.

Slowly she began to caress the side of the blade against my cheek. “Tell me where he is and I’ll let you go, unharmed.”

“Who?”

“Potter, you imbecile!” She was angry, and right then I could see how crazy she really was. Her beauty was gone and the only thing that was left was the years in Azkaban.

“I don’t know him,” I said reasonably calmly considering my current state of panic.

“Liar!” she cried.

The knife rotated and cut into my skin, warm blood escaped the wound and I groaned; I wouldn’t give her the pleasure of hearing me scream.

“You have one more chance, if you want to keep your life you better give him to us. The Dark Lord will have his hands on him in the end anyway. At least if you give him to me now you might walk away with your life, now doesn't that seem fair?"

The blade of the knife cut me again right besides my eye, it was excruciatingly painful but I still wouldn't scream.

“I’m telling the truth!" I implored. "I don’t know him!" I suppose you could say it was a lie, seeing as everyone knows something about him, but I had a feeling that she was thinking about something else.

“I was told I can’t hurt you too much in case you change your mind, the Dark Lord was in a good mood,” she said sweetly, “but that doesn’t mean I can’t play with you a little.”

I wanted to scream and run but she was stronger than she seemed to be and held me down. Then she used the knife and cut my face, I still didn't allow myself to give her the pleasure of hearing me scream. In the end she must have gotten tired as she stopped, so far she must have cut me around forty times, both big and small, all over my face. The thought of seeing myself scared me, I didn't want to see what she has done to me.

“Don’t try to protect him; the Dark Lord will get him in the end,” she hissed in my ear the second time. “And when that happens everyone on Potter’s side will go down too.”

She stood up and left me. And even if she was gone I didn't try to move since I was physically and mentally drained. I also still feared she would come back and kill me, or follow me back to my mother and kill her. But in the end I left the beach, after I found my wand that was lying in between some stones not so far from me.

*

When I got home I looked at my reflection in the mirror. What I saw was horrific. I was covered in my own blood mixed with sand from the beach. It looked like I had fallen on the rocks, face first. After I washed my face I took a bath; I find there is nothing better than to lie in the warm water and relax after heavy ordeals.

Then after my long bath I looked at myself again, the cuts were deeper than I thought; and some were still open; no matter, a few spells would close them up again. This is a moment I'm allowed to cry, she have destroyed my face and turned me into a monster, but no tears escaped me. Why I was so calm was unknown for me, I wanted to shout and destroy something, but I didn't move as I was hypnotized by my awful reflection. If I ever see that bitch again I’ll make sure she’ll pay for what she did to me.

I decided then to find Mother; she always knew what to do with cuts and bruises.