Standing Against the Tides

Last time I looked at my driver’s license, it did not say J. K. Rowling. Yep, it’s just me, an unpaid and unknown aspiring writer. The characters of the Potterverse do not belong to me and I am making no money from this endeavor.

A/N: Spoilers through OotP. As I am still in denial, I refuse to acknowledge the events of HBP or DH at this point.

A/N2: Many thanks to all who have reviewed and rated this story. It means a lot to me to know that you are enjoying reading this.

Unbeta’d as BabyGurl is busy with her own life.


Chapter 11 Shattered Perceptions

Harry actually managed to make it through to that evening before he was cornered in the Gryffindor common room by two very determined friends. “Harry, we know something is going on and we want answers,” Hermione declared, her hands on her hips.

The beleaguered young man sighed. He loved his friends and he appreciated them, really, but… “Ron, Hermione,” he began, “I would tell you if I could, but for now you are just going to have to trust me and accept that I can’t tell you anything right now. I promise you that when I can talk about it you two will be the very first to know.”

Hermione watched as her friend looked at her imploringly and she felt her frustration and determination slipping away. How was she supposed to stay angry with him if he was going to go all puppy-eyed on her?

Ron, however, was much more immune to such antics. “Harry, we’re best mates. You have to tell us what’s going on. I mean, you’re acting all weird, you have meetings with Snape and even McGonagall has been acting off lately. And you know that if I notice, it must mean something.”

Harry tried again, “Ron, yes, we are best mates. And now, I am asking for you to trust me. I need you both. You are my friends and I trust you. So now I need that same trust from you.”

“Oh, Harry,” the young witch sighed. “We do trust you and if you say that you can’t tell us, then we will just have to wait. But please know that if you need us we will be here for you.”

A genuine smile lit Harry’s face. “Yeah, I know guys. But it’s good to be reminded once in a while. And I promise I will tell you when I can.”

The red haired boy groaned. “Just don’t tell me that this means we’re growing up or anything. I mean; I can’t believe we are letting you get away without telling us your secret. This isn’t how things have gone in the past.”

Hermione patted her boyfriend’s arm consolingly. “There, there, Ronald. Everything will be all right and I am sure that you will survive growing up. Just because the twins never reached that stage in life doesn’t mean that you are destined to remain a prat all your life too.”

The youngest Weasley boy pouted while his friends laughed. There were times it didn’t seem to be a good idea to grow up, Ron thought petulantly.

Harry grinned as he watched Hermione placate their friend. Ron’s feathers were so easily ruffled and the truth was that both he and Hermione rather enjoyed pulling such a reaction from the high-tempered young man. His grin faded just a bit as Harry realized that Ron was right, though. Like it or not, they were all growing up and ready or not, Harry needed to face his new responsibilities.


Severus skipped dinner in the Great Hall that evening in favor of reading Albus Dumbledore’s personal journal. He resolutely pushed aside the nagging thought that he was intruding on his mentor’s privacy, and settled in to read the recorded thoughts of the man he had trusted implicitly for so many years.

Several hours later found the Potions master shaking in his anger and grief. How could Albus have done such a thing, he wondered? Seeing the proof that he had never truly meant anything to the older wizard was heart breaking. And yet there it was; perfectly laid out before him in that damnable book. Every cold, calculating maneuver, every callous action the Headmaster had ever undertaken, all in the name of defeating the Dark Lord, had been carefully and meticulously written out.

Tomorrow Severus would speak with Minerva. But for now the Potions master was intent only on drowning his sorrows in alcohol. He knew he would pay for it tomorrow, but tonight he would drink. Thankfully he was a Potions master and would have the necessary potions to get him through tomorrow’s classes, he thought as he downed the first of many shots of Fire Whiskey.


Minerva worriedly watched her friend as he scowled his way through breakfast. Over the years she had become adept at reading the irascible Potions master and she could see that he was upset and if she was not mistaken, also suffering from a night of too much libation. Ah, well. Nothing to be done for that now, she sighed to herself. After dinner tonight she would seek out Severus’ company and speak with him then.

At least Harry seemed to have coordinated meals with the house elves, as there had been no delay in the meals appearing in the Great Hall. Looking over at the Gryffindor table, the Deputy-Headmistress was pleased to see that Harry seemed to be looking a bit more normal today. Smiling to herself, Minerva had to admit that she could hardly blame the boy for his shock and disbelief yesterday. After all, she and Severus were quite taken aback themselves. And after all the vagaries and tribulations of teaching and war, that was indeed saying something.


As it turned out, Minerva had barely finished her dinner when Severus stopped next to her chair and asked for a moment of her time. Nodding briskly, she delicately wiped her mouth on the corner of her serviette before standing. Together, the pair left the Great Hall and continued up to her office.

“All right, Severus,” Minerva said as soon as they entered her rather austere office. “What have you found in that journal of Albus’?”

Despite the circumstances, Severus had to smirk at his friend. Leave it to Minerva to bypass the pleasantries and cut directly to the chase. “I need a favor, Minerva,” he said quietly. “I need you to lead me to the Mirror of Erised.”

Whatever the older witch had been expecting, it wasn’t this. “Whatever for, Severus?”

“Please, I need to see the mirror,” Severus pleaded.

That fact more than anything else caught her attention. In all of their long years of acquaintance, Minerva had never heard the stoic man beg. Thinking it over, Minerva decided that overall it would be relatively safe since she would be right there with the Potions master.

Accepting the inevitable, Minerva stood and indicated that Severus should follow her. Together, they wove their way through the many twisting and confusing corridors that made up Hogwarts. Stopping in front of a rather nondescript door in a long-forgotten hallway, Minerva pulled out a large key ring. Severus watched silently as the witch waved her wand over the innumerable keys. A softly spoken incantation quickly revealed the correct key and Minerva unlocked the old door.

The room beyond held an air of regretful neglect and sorrowful silence. Severus rather prided himself on his logical disposition and his observant nature, but even he could feel the sadness emanating from the unused room. He had always had the feeling that rooms and buildings thrived on the life force held within their walls. Certainly Hogwarts had demonstrated time and again that it was quite capable of independent and intelligent thought.

Taking a deep breath, Severus walked into the room. Sensing that Minerva had followed him, Severus took a small measure of comfort in her presence. As his eyes struggled to adjust to the gloom, the Potions master wasn’t actually sure he possessed the fortitude to face this task alone. Thankfully, the efficient witch waved up the lighting in the dim room and the pair spotted the large bulk of the mirror across the room.

Slightly trembling hands pulled back the drape covering the old mirror and Severus raised cautious eyes to view his heart’s desire. After a moment the proud man sank to his knees and keened in despair. It was true. Even after reading the words written by his mentor, Severus had still tried to believe that it wasn’t true. But he could clearly see for himself that very truth looking back at him from the Mirror of Erised.

Minerva placed a comforting hand on the younger wizard’s shoulder as she watched his agony. “Severus, what is it? What do you see?” she quietly asked.

Without turning away from the sight before him, Severus answered, “He took away my memory of what I saw in the mirror. And then he filled me with hatred and resentment for the very one my heart desires.”

“Who, Severus? Who do you see?” Minerva asked even though she had the awful feeling she already knew. The witch gasped when Severus finally turned to her. She had never seen the man look so forlorn before. The obvious pain in the dark eyes was heart wrenching to witness.

“Harry Potter,” came the quiet reply. “Harry is my soul mate and Albus did everything he could to keep us apart and to make us hate one another.”

“But why, Severus? Surely Albus knew you would do nothing until the boy was of age?” Minerva was struggling to understand how the old wizard could have been so deliberately cruel.

Closing his eyes against the pain, Severus stood and dusted off his trousers and robes. Once he felt more in control again he took the shaken witch’s hand in his. “Albus’ journal explains his thoughts and reasons. Perhaps you should come with me to my chambers and you can read it for yourself. I must warn you that it is rather upsetting, which is why I wish for you to read it in my presence. You shouldn’t have to be alone when you read the truth,” Severus finished.

Steeling herself for the ordeal ahead, Minerva straightened her spine and nodded. “Very well, Severus. You may lead the way.”

Together the two old friends prepared to leave the room as they had found it. However, Minerva couldn’t resist a quick peek in the charmed mirror. She smiled to herself when she saw herself with a ball of yarn and a fresh supply of catnip. Perhaps later she would treat herself, she thought as she followed the Potions master out of the room and down to the dungeons.