Forgotten Not Forgiven

Author's Note: Yay for my beta, Laurel!! Another chapter of this twisted tale is here.

Chapter 13 Set Him Free

Whenever Harry wanted the clock to speed up and let him out of some uncomfortable situation, it always seemed to move doubly slow. If ever he wished for more time to complete a task, or needed time to slow somehow for his benefit, it would always seem to quicken its pace. Today was one of those days. He wished the work hours could stretch on and on into infinity so that he wouldn’t have to meet up with Allen for drinks afterward, but it seemed every time he looked at his watch, hours had passed instead of just minutes as he’d hoped.

The Australian had cornered him at lunch to confirm and Harry tried to back out of it then, stating that he had an appointment he’d forgotten about. Allen merely suggested they met an hour later. The man was infuriating, and even after being missing from Harry’s life for several years, Allen still seemed to remember things about the way he carried himself when he lied, or the way his eyes lowered when he was uncomfortable, and Allen preyed on those indicators the same way he would if Harry was committing some sort of crime.

“Same pub as usual?” Allen asked, poking his head into Harry’s office as the day wound to a close. He acted as though they’d gone there every night for years, and Harry supposed that was true, but not any time recently. The thought of being alone there with Allen sent unwanted chills down his spine and warmed him in inappropriate places. This was the man who had hurt him, this was the man who had let Harry believe that he was undesirable and there was nothing to stop him from doing it again.

Harry nodded, unable to form the word ‘yes’ when directed toward the tasty Australian. “I don’t know how long I’ll be though,” he warned.

“Don’t worry,” Allen replied with a grin. “I’ll wait as long as it takes.”

The blond left and Harry let his head slump to the desk. Something told him that Allen had meant much more with his last statement than simply lingering at the pub past curfew. He could already tell this was going to be an agonizing evening of self-restraint.

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Harry could see clear enough through the dirty pub windows to know that Allen was already inside and he had been for over an hour. He had paced the alleyway back and forth several times now, wondering how to get out of this evening with Allen for nearly the whole hour the man had been waiting for him. Merlin, how he wished Draco would have accompanied him. At least then he would have a hand to squeeze when the Australian made remarks like he did the day before. “In love with me?” Harry scoffed to himself, remembering Allen’s ludicrous claim. “Who the hell does he think he is disappearing for years and then showing up with that declaration?! Too little too late is what I say.”

He knew he looked like a madman, ranting to himself in an alley outside a pub, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. With one last frustrated sigh, Harry decided the Auror had waited long enough and he summoned all of his Gryffindor courage and walked inside with an even stride. He was going to just tell Allen that he wasn’t seeing anyone at the moment, but that he just wasn’t interested in dating him anymore. Then he would just have to hope that Allen couldn’t persuade him otherwise.

He took a seat at the booth Allen had absconded and looked sternly across the table to meet the man’s blue gaze. “I’m here.”

“So I see,” Allen replied and leaned over, scooping one of Harry’s hands inside his own. “I’ve missed you.”

Harry swallowed thickly and panicked, but didn’t remove his hand from the other man’s grasp. “You hurt me,” Harry told him and Allen cringed.

“I can’t tell you how sorry I am. It’s been on my mind ever since,” he promised. “Can I have a chance to make it up to you?”

“I don’t know,” Harry admitted. He felt so torn, half of him stuck in this used up life and his backward affection for his blond Slytherin stalker and the other half wondering what would happen if he were to throw caution to the wind and take this leap with Allen. The feel of Allen’s thumbs making slow circles in the center of Harry’s palm felt comforting, and he could nearly picture them alone together, no noise of a crowded pub to drown out their words, no one but them. With just a casual touch Allen had melted his earlier resolve to stave the man off.

“Because you’re seeing someone else?” Allen’s eyes watched him like a hawk’s, studying every blink, ever twitch and every swallow Harry made in response to that question. “Harry, you can tell me if you’ve made that up to ward me off. Trust me, I understand your hesitance to be with me after what I did to you, but if you would just hear me out-”

“Should I be worried about this?”

Harry jumped at the sound of the familiar haughty tone and without his permission; a smile broke across his face. He looked up into Draco’s piercing gray eyes and shook his head, extracting his hand from Allen’s with haste. “Draco,” he breathed, he hadn’t realized how much he had missed that sneering face until he thought he wouldn’t see it again. He had thoroughly angered the man with his earlier manipulations and, while he still felt his actions were just, he hadn’t expected him to come to his aid tonight.

The blond slid in beside him and leaned in to kiss Harry’s cheek before whispering softly into his ear on the side furthest from Allen’s view. “Do you still need rescuing?” he asked and Harry gave him a sly nod. “You realize it will cost you, right?”

At Harry’s narrowed gaze, Draco chuckled softly, letting his lips linger against the heated skin of Harry’s cheeks before capturing Harry’s mouth in a kiss. There was no fire missing or falsified in their performance, and after a moment, Harry even forgot they were acting as he slid his tongue into the other man’s mouth and tasted deeply of him. It wasn’t until a throat cleared from across the table that Harry remembered Allen was there.

“Who knew you were such a supporter of public displays of affection, Harry,” the man commented bitterly. “Care to introduce us?”

“I’m Draco.” He didn’t even bother waiting for Harry’s flush to fade before introducing himself with an extended hand, the other he laced around Harry’s waist. Suddenly Harry wondered whether Allen was the one he should be worried about losing his head with. The nearness of Draco made his heart beat at a quickened pace and he suspected his trousers might tear soon if he didn’t do something to abate his growing erection.

“Harry’s spoken of you,” Allen said. No ‘nice to meet you’ for him; no, Allen wasn’t happy at all.

“You’re his old partner, Allen is it?” Draco asked, and Harry spared a moment to wonder how he came about that knowledge.

“That’s right. Harry’s mentioned me then?” the man asked, and only because Harry knew him so well could he see the hope glittering in those blue eyes.

Draco merely shrugged. “Not really. Rumors of these things circulate and I’m in a position to know a great many things.”

“Clearly the knowledge of how to abstain from sleeping with another man’s wife has escaped you,” Allen challenged but Draco gave him a soft smile before turning to meet Harry’s gaze with the full weight of his own.

“Harry’s made me aware of my folly and I am more apologetic than he could ever realize.” The words were absolutely sincere; Harry could feel that to the core of him. He just didn’t know what to do with that sincerity. If his heart wouldn’t let him forgive Allen, how could he possibly forgive Draco? “I love him and that’s all that matters now.”

Harry closed his eyes at the words, surprised by how deeply they affected him and reminded himself that Draco was merely wrapped up in his own obsession. He couldn’t really love Harry, not even if the blond really believed it to be true. Still, the sentiment seemed to genuine and pure that he couldn’t help but smile. When he opened his eyes again, he stroked Draco’s face tenderly and smiled, wondering what to do with this brazenly devious blond man who kept capturing his heart.

“He’s certainly irresistible,” Harry mused and kissed the man lightly on his bottom lip.

“You mean like the plague?” Allen asked and Harry had to stifle a laugh.

“Allen, you’re being rude,” he scolded instead, but the man seemed unapologetic.

“Harry, do you honestly love this man?” Allen asked and Harry let out a long and deep sigh.

“I care for him more than I ever thought I could,” Harry answered truthfully and a feeling he wasn’t expecting bludgeoned him in the gut. “I might,” he added, his voice a bear whisper. “I might love him.”

“How!?” Allen hissed, his temper rising. “How could you fall for the man who tore apart your marriage? I waited until I heard of your split with Ginny before I even considered pursuing you and when I get here, I find you cuddled up to the man who betrayed you.”

“If that’s the case than you’re just as wrong as he was,” Harry spat. His own anger was getting the best of him and he didn’t want to rein it in. Beside him, Draco was sitting still baffled by Harry’s earlier confession, but Harry paid him little mind either. “If you knew of your feelings for me you should have presented them. Why does no one think me capable of making a decision for myself?”

“I didn’t want to cause conflict,” Allen replied, his expression full of chastised injury.

“Because you thought I would just abandon my marriage at the possibility of being loved by you? At least Draco knew better than to assume my morals and loyalty are as low as that – not that I’m condoning what you did in any way,” he reminded the blond with a quick aside, to which Draco nodded hastily. “But no, instead you wait until the risk of rejection is lowered before you come waltzing back. You just expected me to be free and unattached and begging to be fucked.”

Both blonds’ eyes widened at Harry’s vulgarity, but the Australian recovered first, his eyes narrowing. “You’re making it sound as though I’m a bad person for allowing you the chance to succeed at your marriage to Ginny.”

“No, not a bad guy, just no better than Draco. You didn’t mind giving me the rejection that sent me into Ginny’s arms, but you were too cowardly to accept your own rejection. Well, I’m afraid it’s unavoidable. I’m with Draco now. Perhaps, had you made your feelings known sooner, it would have been your arms I ran into when my marriage collapsed instead of his, though maybe not.”

“Fine,” Allen snapped bitterly, exhaling the breath he’d been holding. “Let Draco be your rebound. Maybe I’ll be around when you’re ready to try this, maybe I won’t.” The tone was final and he got up from the booth and stalked out of the pub with glowering eyes.

“Did you mean any of that?” Draco asked after the silence stretched between them.

“I don’t know,” Harry admitted. “I don’t know if I’m trying to find ways to justify your behavior because I want you or if I really understand what you did and why you did it.”

“But you want me?” Draco asked, ignoring the rest.

Harry rolled his eyes and smiled softly, sadly. “You know that I do. I just haven’t figured out what that means yet.”

“I think it means that you love me too,” Draco offered, his voice a mixture of confidence and uncertainty as he tried to make light of it.

“Maybe.” The word repeated in his ears like an echo from earlier. “I think it’s too soon to tell.”

“Do you want my opinion?” Draco asked with a smirk.

Harry scoffed at the question. “Do I have a choice?”

“Yes,” Draco replied seriously. “I told you I wouldn’t meddle in your love life, but it’s different if you ask me to.”

Harry twitched with the urge to fight his smile. It seemed an old Malfoy could learn new tricks. “Go on then, what sage Malfoy advice do you have to offer me?”

“I think you should take a vacation,” he replied simply.

No matter what he did, Harry couldn’t seem to stop the confused frown that creased his forehead. “How in the world would that help? And please don’t tell me you’ve booked us some exotic getaway because I’m not taking a trip with you,” he warned.

Draco rolled his eyes and leaned into the table, propping his head up with one elbow so that he could look at Harry sideways. Harry thought he looked like an owl with his eyes wide and gray and his hair fluffed up like feathers. “I could make the arrangements this instant if I thought you’d enjoy that, but no, I meant that you should leave town for a bit, take time off and regain your bearings. You’ve treated every day the same since your marriage dissolved and I think you need a break to collect yourself.”

“A break,” Harry repeated, rolling the word around on his tongue. It was true; he hadn’t even paused in his usual daily business to tie up the loose ends that had frayed at the edges of his life over the last few weeks. Worse still, it had been years since Harry had taken any time for himself. He’d taken an extended weekend right after training where he just lazed about the flat and did nothing but read and cook, but that was hardly soul satisfying. Maybe Draco was right, maybe he needed to travel and see things outside of his normal routine for a while. Perhaps he needed to reconnect with himself and figure out once and for all what he wanted without the pressure of others around him who all had opinions on what he should be doing. It wasn’t lost on Harry that the advice had been a clearly selfless act on Draco’s part. Surely he hoped Harry would come to him when he returned, but Draco would gain nothing by his leaving. In fact, it couldn’t even be assured that he would come back once he left. What would happen if Harry found he quite liked Ireland, or wanted to live and work in the United States for a bit?

“Yes,” he nodded, coming to a decision. “I think that’s exactly what I’ll do.”

The gleam in Draco’s eyes was both proud and wary, so Harry leaned over and placed a delicate kiss on the man’s cheek. “What was that for?” The corners of Draco’s mouth were curved into a soft smile as he ran his fingertips over the spot Harry’s lips had touched.

“For being sweet and for looking out for me,” Harry replied.

“I know it might not always seem like it, but I’m not the selfish prat you have pictured in your mind,” Draco informed him seriously. “And I really do care about you a great deal.”

“Not love?” Harry asked mockingly, his face shrouded in feigned disappointment.

Draco opened his mouth to speak, but snapped it shut again in the next moment before trying again. “I think I need some time to discover what love truly is. And who knows, maybe when you return we’ll both be in just the right place to begin something wonderful.”

An image flew into Harry’s mind unbidden of he and Draco sharing breakfast tea and lounging together in bed, and he couldn’t find a single fault with it. It felt warm and comfortable. He tried to think of the same scenario between him and Allen and it just didn’t fit quite the same way. Perhaps there was something to Draco’s logic. Maybe Harry had discovered where he belonged in the world now that everything around him was different, or maybe he had belonged to Draco all along and just hadn’t realized it. He just didn’t think he could know that for sure if he stayed there in London. The man always seemed like the perfect match when he was staring into those brilliant gray eyes, but what if that was just their chemistry coming to the forefront and erasing everything else?

“Well, then it’s settled. I’m finishing out the month and then I’ll be off traveling the world,” Harry announced matter-of-factly.

“Will you write?” Draco asked, and his normally level voice was tinged with panic at the reality of losing Harry to the wonders of the world for Merlin knew how long.

“Every day,” Harry promised. “Will you?”

Draco nodded emphatically. “And you will come back?”

“At some point, yes,” he replied vaguely, because not even he could predict where the wind would take him, All he knew was that he couldn’t imagine leaving his home and his friends behind forever. He’d have to make arrangements for Teddy while he was away. He would miss the boy, but Andi would continue to take good care of him in his absence. Then a thought occurred to him. “Would you mind checking in on Teddy from time to time?”

“I already do,” Draco replied. “I have for a couple of months now, but I’d be happy to visit him more often while you’re away.”

“Thanks,” Harry whispered, taken off-guard by the news. “Why did you only just start visiting him?”

“At first it was because he’s important to you, which made him important to me, but the tike has grown on me. I can see Nymphadora so clearly in him,” he mused.

“You realize she hated that name?” Harry laughed, remembering his fallen friend.

“I’m aware. Personally I always thought it was a lovely name, a Black name for certain,” he replied. “Proud and beautiful.”

“Nothing at all like my own,” Harry laughed.

“Nonsense,” Draco huffed lightly. “Harry is a king’s name, a leader’s name. It also happens to be the name of the man I’m rather taken with, so there will be no bashing of it.”

Harry chuckled. He was starting to see that there was so much about Draco that he didn’t know, the man obviously had some unusual ideas, but there were parts of him that Harry found pleasantly surprising. In the face of the unknown and the adventures he had set before him, Harry decided to throw caution to the wind and claimed the blond beside him in an unexpected kiss. There was no longer any doubt that his affection for the man was not an act, and he poured all of his frustration and hopefulness into the other man’s mouth as he pulled the man into him with needy growls. Draco melted against him and Harry at once felt his long fingers thread though his hair before working down and cupping his jaw, tilting it so that he could get better access to Harry’s willing lips. The kiss was filled with so much emotion that Harry couldn’t concentrate. He both loved and hated this man wrapped around him and he knew that parting from him would be both difficult and necessary.

They were breathing heavily when they broke apart, and Draco sighed. “Was that a goodbye kiss? Because it sure felt like it.”

“I think it was a farewell kiss,” Harry corrected. “I’m coming back, remember?”

“Yes, but who knows. You might find the perfect bloke out on your travels and you’ll be a married man again when we meet,” he reasoned.

“Anything’s possible, I suppose,” Harry agreed. “Though I doubt very seriously I’d let you anywhere near another spouse.” Draco cringed and nodded, accepting his chastisement until Harry laughed and kissed him lightly on the lips. “It was a joke. I think you’ve learned your lesson.”

“Do you?” The blond looked genuinely curious as he asked.

“Time will tell, I suppose,” Harry answered diplomatically before slipping out of the booth and holding his hand out to Draco. The men left the pub in silence, going their separate ways once through the entrance, each deep in their own thoughts. Harry wondered where he would go and what he would find when he got there, and Draco simply hoped the man came back and that he would finally be able to see a future for them together when he did. His mother always said that if you love someone, set them free, and if they come back to you they are truly yours. He’d never known what she meant until now, and he certainly hoped Harry came back to him.

Author's Note: So, Laurel tells me that I've managed to redeem Draco. What say you? Does Harry come back to his trip and seek Draco out or does he find someone better suited to him on his travels? (keep in mind I've already set my resolve to what will happen...see if you can sway me! lol)