A Series of Connecting the Dots

Author's Note: yay! My turn again! I love it when it's my turn! Thanks to Laurel and Robert for their beta work on this chapter.

ASOCTD – 13 – Draco – Deserving

I waited patiently at breakfast on the Tuesday morning following our first tutoring session to see if Harry had once again forgiven the childish Ravenclaw. I thought for sure that his last bout of anger at the end of our tutoring session last night would have sent Harry over the edge and made him ditch Corner for good, but I was quickly proven wrong. They entered the Great Hall hand in hand and seemed even happier than they had before the Ravenclaw caught Harry in a fib.

I was curious as to why Harry even had to lie to Corner in the first place if he was in fact permitted to see me for class. I scoffed out loud at my own thoughts, pulling the attention of several Slytherin students around me as I did. It was ridiculous to think that anyone could lay such strict rules on Harry fucking Potter and that he would stand for it, no less; if he challenged Corner the git would fold to his demands and we both knew it. I supposed it made sense, though, when you looked at it in context. Since Harry obviously loved his little Raven, he probably took every excuse he could not to spend a spare moment within reach of the temptation he admitted he felt around me. However, I would have thought he’d have enough of that legendary Gryffindor bravery to tell me himself rather than continuously hiding behind Corner and the insufferable rules the prat concocted for his green-eyed boyfriend.

When I looked over and saw Harry massaging his jaw, my own jaw tensed and I got up to march across the room and confront Corner, thinking that the boy had somehow injured Harry during their argument the night before. Was I wrong to leave Harry alone with him? Had Corner gotten physical and tried to slug my beautiful Harry? It wasn’t until I was halfway to the Hufflepuff table, my concerned gaze still fixed on Harry, that I noticed that there was no bruising on Harry’s face and that the smile there was genuine and not directed at me. No doubt Harry wouldn’t stand for an abusive boyfriend and the realization clicked in my mind at once.

Not only had Harry and Corner made up, but it seemed they had made up vigorously. My stomach lurched and I diverted my path from the Gryffindor table and instead went straight for the nearest boys’ bathroom before losing what breakfast I had managed to stuff down. Seeing Corner service Harry had been one thing, but my feelings had escalated since then and to imagine my Harry on his knees for Corner –well, that was another thing entirely. This was getting insane; I was becoming insane. Harry belonged to Corner, not me, when would I get that through my thick skull? Why did it rip me apart to see them together, to think of them… I shuddered again as images of Harry blowing that bully Ravenclaw entered my mind without permission.

Why couldn’t life be fair and let me have my beautiful Gryffindor? Because if it did, fate would only intervene and snatch him away from me in a fit of childish tantrum. I couldn’t help but think that my family’s dark history was beginning to catch up with me and I was destined to have a miserable, loveless life just like my father. Perhaps I was not meant for love and love was not meant for me.

The note from the night before came unbidden to my mind. I’d been trying to suppress the reality of my life and future for too long, and here was fate coming at me as if I’d stolen her favorite teddy bear.‘The Dark Lord will be calling on you soon. Be prepared’. I shuddered again and was thankful I had already emptied my stomach of the few bites of omelet I had ingested, for it gave another heave at those words.

Shakily, I got off the filthy bathroom floor and made my way to Ancient Runes; thankful that it was one of the classes I didn’t share with Harry. I didn’t know if my stomach could take a recap of my revelation this morning. Harry, I knew, had double charms with Corner, so I wouldn’t have to worry about running into him until Transfiguration later today. Hopefully I would be able to avoid him easily then as well.

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It was far easier to escape Harry than I had expected. I had only spoken to him briefly over the last two days to arrange another session in the library for tonight, but I began to wonder the moment we sat down to our second private lesson if Harry had made other plans that he was keeping from me. His eyes continually drifted up to the door as if he was waiting for the moment when he’d be allowed to escape my company. I let it be for an hour, trying to simply concentrate on my tutoring and not Harry’s emerald eyes constantly wandering toward the door, but after that my patience was drained and I could no longer pretend that I didn’t notice his lack of attention.

“Are you even concentrating?” I snapped and he finally looked up at me. “We are brewing this tomorrow morning and you need to get it perfectly.”

“Why don’t you just partner with me again and I will get it perfect,” he huffed petulantly, but I wasn’t in the mood for it. It seemed as though his mind was drifting toward anything it possibly could to avoid thinking about me and I was growing increasingly frustrated. How Harry could remain with that git of a boyfriend I had no clue, especially after the last outburst I’d witnessed in this very library, but if Harry was happy to be subservient and bow to the Ravenclaw’s every unreasonable whim, then so be it. It was his life after all.

“Yes, but you won’t learn anything,” I chastised him. “Now focus. What is the active ingredient in the potion?” I asked, trying to get his mind on track. If he wasn’t thinking about me the least I could do was keep it occupied on his assignment.

“The Doxy venom,” he answered quietly. I nodded my approval and tried to move on, but he opened his mouth to speak again. “Malfoy, I’m sorry things didn’t work out the way you wanted.”

“Yes, not at all what I expected,” I huffed sarcastically. In a perfect world Mike would have never been born, Harry wouldn’t have to face down Voldemort and I wouldn’t have to choose who to betray –Harry or my own flesh and blood. Obviously I didn’t live in a perfect world, and neither did Harry. I couldn’t expect him to make a different choice with his life. If I were honest with myself -which I tended not to be- I couldn’t even blame him for selecting safety over me. I always knew I would be trouble for Harry, and I truly didn’t want that for him anymore, but I was selfish enough to keep him near me if I could.

“I know Mike doesn’t want me to, but I feel like if I work at him he might give in and we could still be friends,” he hesitated. “It’s just I can’t stand that we aren’t friends anymore.”

“I can’t stand that you need permission from your boyfriend,” I snapped, finally losing my temper. “Besides, who said we weren’t friends anymore?”

“You’ve been ignoring me,” he noted truthfully.

I had hoped he wouldn’t notice, but apparently I was more abrupt with my avoidance of him than I thought. I just couldn’t get past the letter I still had burned into my mind. Would Voldemort demand Harry’s head? If he did, could I refuse him? I still wanted Harry more than anything, but would that feeling pass once I had him or would it become more prevalent? “Yeah, well, I’m just – I dunno,” I stammered; mentally berating myself for not being able to keep a clear head around the Gryffindor. I missed him dearly, but I didn’t cope very well coming in second place, and this was far more important to me than any Quidditch match. “I’ll get over it, probably.”

“I wish it could have been different, you know?” he sighed, almost as if he meant it. “You and me.”

“It can be different if you want it to be,” I replied in a whisper. I couldn’t meet his eyes as I said it because I felt guilty as soon as the words left my mouth. Harry couldn’t be mine, Voldemort would see to that even if Harry were keen to belong to me instead of Corner. Although, things could be different, they were different –the fact that Harry and I were occupying the same space and not fighting was proof of that.

“No, it can’t,” he said and I could see him shaking his head in my peripheral vision. “There’s too much between us, we hated each other for so long.”

“Do you hate me now?” I asked, looking directly at him then.

“No,” he replied, and I couldn’t tell if he were pleased or saddened by that fact. Had I made Harry’s life worse by just being part of it?

“Then it’s already different, isn’t it?” I replied with a subtle smile. His eyes tore away from mine; I went back to studying an oblong scratch in the library table.

“Relationships aren’t supposed to have problems before they even begin, we’d never last,” he informed me, as if this was his mantra.

“Who says?” I scoffed. “Romeo and Juliet had plenty of problems before they got together.” I regretted the metaphor the moment it crossed my lips, but then I couldn’t seem to bring a love story to mind that didn’t end in tragedy. Perhaps that was our destiny if I were to win him. What if I were to finally capture Harry’s heart only to betray him in the worst way? My will was weak and just the thought of telling the Dark Lord ‘No’ made me cringe involuntarily and feel sick to my stomach all over again. Merlin only knew what I would do if the wizard actually stood before me with that kind of demand.

“Yeah, and look what happened to them,” he noted, picking up on my slip right away. Part of what I loved about Harry was that he was clever and not afraid to point out my missteps.

I laughed, momentarily filled with my own adoration of Harry. “Okay, bad example. Besides, that would never happen to us, I have a reliable owl, and so do you,” I told him, trying to convince myself at the same time that there had to be a way for us to work –that we were not destined to end in tragedy.

Harry returned my laughter and for a single moment we really did live in a perfect world. For that split second it felt as though Harry was mine, but all good things must come to an end and he quickly sobered. “Families at war,” he mused. “Hits a bit too close to home, doesn’t it?”

Shifting in my seat, I couldn’t seem to hold back the ‘you have no idea’ that slipped out of my lips. Luckily Harry didn’t seem to hear it, or at least didn’t press the issue further.

“I should probably go,” he blurted reluctantly, grabbing books at random and shoving them into his rucksack.

“Harry, just wait,” I requested, nearly reaching out to stop him with my hand, but quickly shoving it into my robe pocket. I hadn’t wanted to say anything more about his plans for Saturday, I had wanted to stay out of it altogether, but I couldn’t seem to stop my mouth from betraying me. Harry waited patiently for me to stammer out what I had to say. “I – um, just – just be sure okay?” I asked awkwardly. “I wouldn’t want you to do anything you might regret one day.”

Clearly my statement confused him and I wished I hadn’t even said anything. “What do you mean? Be sure about what?”

“Nothing,” I replied, silently berating myself for the second time that night. My mind was never clear when Harry was around. “I just think some things are supposed to happen in a certain way – for the right reasons, with the right person.” With me. Wait for me. Please, Merlin, make Harry want me instead.

“How-” he asked, clearly shocked that I had any knowledge of his life deeper than what he had told me himself.

“I’m just saying,” I said finally, hoping to end the conversation before I found myself falling to my knees and begging him not to sleep with Corner.

“I should go,” he repeated, and I nodded, knowing it was best. I watched him gather his things –well, most of them- and leave the library. I sat there staring at his forgotten Potions book after he left. I probably could have stopped him or even chased him down to offer his textbook back, but part of me wanted to hold onto it, relishing in the thought of possessing something that belonged to him, and hoping he would have to seek me out to retrieve it.

It’s not as though I had the opportunity to flag him down in the hallway to return his book, even if I had wanted to, because no sooner did Harry leave before his beautiful body was replaced with that of his old friend, Granger.

“What is it exactly that you think you’re doing with Harry?” she asked, forgoing any pleasantries as she took the seat Harry had just occupied.

”Why yes, Granger. It is lovely weather we’ve been having lately,” I mused, ignoring her question outright. “Perhaps you should be out there enjoying it right this very moment,” I suggested.

She merely rolled her eyes and leaned in closer. “I’m serious, Malfoy. What do you think you’re doing?”

“I’m tutoring him in Potions. I wasn’t aware I needed Gryffindor house approval for that,” I replied sharply.

“He’s not going to fall for your charm, Malfoy, no matter how thickly you lay it on. Harry’s smarter than that,” she huffed.

“I think it would be fair to say that you don’t know Harry nearly as well as you think you do,” I countered. “I know Harry’s clever, it’s one of the things I adore about him,” I added, relishing the appalled look she gave me at my words.

“You’re sick,” she hissed. “You need to stop this game before you hurt him.”

I narrowed my eyes and slammed the book I had been reading shut. “Since when do you give a shit about him anyway? Harry’s better off without your capricious lot following him around. If you’re so willing to abandon him over a kiss –cheating or no- then you never deserved his friendship in the first. I tried to warn him in first year that there were certain witches and wizards who weren’t worth his time, now he’s seeing that for himself.” I knew my words would sting her to the core, and I was glad for that. Harry truly did deserve better then the ragtag crew he had deemed his best friends, especially after they shunned him over a simple slip in judgment.

“You’re a filthy Death Eater, Malfoy. If there is one person in this world who doesn’t deserve Harry, it’s you,” she seethed. My eyes immediately flicked down to my tattoo, still thankfully covered and invisible. Apparently she’d just been making assumptions; regardless, the uncanny accuracy of her barb had shocked me – not that I would ever let her know that, of course - and it became my new mission to get her away from me as soon as humanly possible.

“Look, Granger, I don’t know how to make this any clearer,” I told her plainly. “Piss. Off. Harry is not your business anymore.”

“I just want to know what you think you’re doing with him,” she pressed again, though clearly she already had her own ideas. I wasn’t fueling her accusations one way or the other. “I’ve been watching you, Malfoy, and I know something is going on.”

“Shall I write it down for you, would that make it easier for you to understand?” I wondered aloud, mocking the intelligence she was so persistent in showing off at every opportunity. I pulled a sheaf of parchment from my bag and began drawing a head –which may or may not have resembled Hermione’s- giving oral stimulation to a large cock –which may or may not have been mine. With a silent spell I held up the drawing for her to see, knowing the head would be magically bobbing up and down on the illustrated cock by then.

Her face contorted into such a look of abject horror and disdain that I felt instantly sorry for Weasley if she looked at his penis that way whenever he got near her. Although, honestly the image scared me as well –I wouldn’t want that freckled ginger prick anywhere near me either.

It took her a moment, but she finally regained a bit of her composure and leveled her gaze at me once more. I balled the drawing up and threw it in my bag, realizing that if I wanted to get out of this conversation I was going to have to play harder ball. “If you hurt him-” she began to say, but she wasn’t permitted to finish.

“You’ll what, Hermione?” a familiar voice sounded from behind me, I looked back to see Harry standing there and I wondered how much he had heard –or seen for that matter. I couldn’t be sure how he’d feel about the illustration I’d made for Granger’s eyes-only and I desperately hoped he hadn’t seen what it was. I couldn’t make out what she said, something about just wanting to make sure Harry was safe, or some other rubbish, before Harry continued. “What do you want?” he interrupted, seemingly more tired than angry.

“I’m just worried about what you’re getting yourself into,” she explained to Harry, suddenly ignoring my presence.

“If you were so worried, why didn’t you ask me?” he asked her. “Why come to Malfoy? I was here with him only ten minutes ago.”

“I-” she began, but then promptly snapped her mouth closed.

“You aren’t allowed to check up on me behind my back,” Harry told her, and I was so proud of him for standing up to her that I nearly beamed at him. “If you don’t have the Gryffindor guts to face me then stay away. You either care about me or you don’t, make up your mind and stick to it.”

“Of course I care about you, I never stopped,” she boasted, but I merely scoffed, not that it mattered since I was virtually invisible to the pair of them.

“Then you’ll sit with me at breakfast? Talk to me in the common room?” he challenged. “Partner with me in Potions tomorrow morning?” My heart wrenched at the last one, wondering if she would agree and take Harry away from me as well. I suddenly realized that if Harry’s friends were to offer an apology I would most likely find myself completely out of the picture.

“I can’t,” she gasped, or maybe she was crying, but I saw no tears. I felt no true remorse from her either, but apparently Harry did, although he stood his ground.

“I’m sorry, Hermione, it’s all or nothing. Don’t ask after me again unless you’re willing to be the kind of friend I need,” he told her, and then those brilliant green orbs were suddenly all for me. I had felt so long bereft of his attention while sitting right here that when it was finally directed at me I nearly gasped. “Malfoy and I might have been rivals at one point, and in a way we still are, but at least he never left me,” he stated firmly, those eyes never leaving my own. Merlin, what I wouldn’t give to have those eyes staring at me for the rest of my life. I was so transfixed that I barely noticed him take his book, but then he broke my gaze and turned back to Hermione one last time. “Goodnight, Hermione,” he offered, but then faced me once more. “If she asks after me again, don’t tell her anything,” he told me. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I nodded dully, but he was already halfway out the door. When I turned back around, Hermione was eyeing me curiously. “What?” I asked somewhat defensively. I didn’t like it when other people observed me that way. I knew the instant I saw her face that I had betrayed some softness that I hadn’t meant to when Harry addressed me. It was as if nearly two decades of training myself to disregard emotions had flown out the window when I was with the haphazard Gryffindor. He was rubbing off on me, and not in the way I sometimes fantasized about.

“You actually… like him, don’t you?” she asked, apparently baffled by the idea of a Malfoy having a heart that wasn’t made of ice.

“Haven’t you caused enough trouble?” I countered. If I was going to admit to some inane devotion to Harry Potter it was going to be to the Gryffindor boy himself, not his former gal-pal.

Granger rolled her eyes and stood up, crossing her arms over her chest. I thought she was going to leave, and it looked like she was about to, but she stopped right beside my chair and leaned in so close that I could smell her strawberry shampoo. “I hope you know what you’re doing, Malfoy. His forgiveness is a difficult thing to earn,” she informed me, obviously from personal knowledge of his character.

I simply sighed and waved her away, happy when she finally obliged me. She had a point though. If I were to truly win Harry over, I had better know what I was doing. If I betrayed him, I would never get another opportunity to claim his love.

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My dreams that night were plagued with Harry’s disappointed face as I tried to repeatedly explain myself to him, but to no avail. He just kept repeating ‘you betrayed me. How could you?’ over and over until I woke up in a pool of sweat, my breathing erratic. Relief washed over me when I arrived at breakfast and spied the boy lingering in the doorway to the Great Hall.

“Good morning, Harry” I whispered in his ear, smiling when he turned to beam at me.

“Good morning,” he replied easily, before his face broke into a slight wince. “I’m sorry about that Hermione thing last night.”

“No problem, I can handle her,” I replied with a shrug. “It was a bit unexpected though, wasn’t it?”

“Not for her,” he muttered, shaking his head as if dismayed by the whole situation. “It would have been more surprising if it had been Ron.”

The thought of Weasley accosting me in the library filled me with laughter and I almost let it escape, but I refrained. It was bad enough that I showed open emotion for Harry when we were alone; it wasn’t going to let it happen in public like this. “Do you think she’ll try again?” I wondered aloud. I wasn’t terribly put out last night but I didn’t really need anymore of her uninvited insights ruining my sleep.

“She’ll want to, and she might if the opportunity comes up, but I doubt it now that I’ve warned her off,” he reasoned. “She’ll wait until she can meet my conditions and she won’t be able to do that unless she gets Ron on board too, and he’s too stubborn to admit he might have taken things a bit too far.”

That was an understatement. Still, I suppose I could understand family loyalty; purebloods tended to look out for their own. “Plus with his sister and everything,” I sighed; I had heard a nasty rumor about the girl recently but I’d be damned if I passed that rumor on to Harry. It probably wasn’t true anyhow. Karma couldn’t possibly be that good. “Look, I know you liked them and everything, but you don’t need them. Good riddance to them really if that’s how they want it!” I told him honestly. He gave me a weak smile and I decided to drop the subject, sensing that he was uncomfortable. “Anyway, are you all ready for Potions this morning?”

“As ready as I’m ever going to be,” he sighed. Harry’s tone seemed heavier than it was when we talked the night before. I could tell something was weighing on him and I wished I knew what it was. “I’m still a bit fuzzy on why we need to do a half counter-clockwise stir before we add the liverwort, but I know that I have to do it and that’s the main thing, right?”

I wanted to laugh, but I knew that would be discouraging. Harry was far cleverer than he gave himself credit for, but when it came to Potions he always put forth the minimum amount of effort to pass. “For now, yes, but I’ll go over it with you again tonight,” I offered.

“Hi.”

The new voice caught me off guard and when I turned to see Corner standing there I nearly groaned aloud as I braced myself for another public argument. Didn’t this boy understand that Harry was a very private person and didn’t like his laundry –dirty or otherwise- aired for the rest of the school’s population to see? Harry looked panicked and stammered a weak explanation for what he was doing standing here talking to the horrid and malicious Draco Malfoy, leaving me to once again fade into the woodwork. My only place with Harry was when we were alone, and every time I forgot that, something always managed to remind me.

“I know, I heard, you were talking about Potions,” Mike replied, a sad smile on his face. Although I had to give the Ravenclaw credit; he didn’t look angry. “Do you want to have breakfast with me?”

“Uh, sure,” Harry agreed with a quick look around the room. “I’ll see you later, Malfoy,” he told me and I nodded curtly, watching the pair as they took their seats at an abandoned area of the Gryffindor table.

I eventually took my own seat and watched from afar as Harry’s face lit up at some shiny happy news Corner had given him. They kissed, soft and sweet, and I felt as though my heart had been wrenched, still beating, from my chest and stomped on with a stiletto, piercing it and crushing it simultaneously.

I didn’t have the appetite to eat breakfast as I watched their continued display of affection, obviously serving as foreplay for their highly anticipated weekend. In fact, I hadn’t been eating well lately at all, which was no good because I was already on the thin side. A few skipped meals and I was a downright waif, luckily my robes hid most of it, but I was beginning to notice my face becoming pointier as I took in my reflection every morning in the bathroom mirror. For the sake of my health, I made it a point to try and keep something down today by trying not to look at the happy couple on the other side of the room.

Even though I kept trying to remind myself that it was all for the best, that Harry was better off far, far away from me, it still stung that he could be happy with someone else. I was quickly becoming enamored with the raven-haired boy and his split affection made my heart ache. Still, I supposed my own attention was split as I made my way to Potions that morning; part of it was locked on the happy couple walking slowly ahead of me, and the rest was wondering when I would have time to speak with Snape about the last note he’d left me. I needed a way out of it and if anyone could help me with that it was my Godfather; though not even he could delay Christmas holidays and even if I were to get out of a meeting with the Dark Lord now, it would surely happen then. I would simply be delaying the inevitable.

Perhaps I could simply tell Voldemort that I had failed, that Potter was too clever and refused to fall for my trickery. Then at least the evil wizard might kill me quickly, instead of dragging out the torture I seemed to be destined for.

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“I see a slight improvement from your remedial lessons with Mr. Malfoy,” Snape noted as he surveyed the contents of Harry’s cauldron that morning. It was perfect, the color a bright shade of lemon yellow –proof that Harry had been paying attention somewhat last night after all. Snape glanced up at me and I must have been looking rather proud, because he sneered at me and rolled his eyes. “I think lessons every evening from now until the holidays are in order.”

“But, Professor, I thought you said I was improving?” Harry protested, his face obviously crestfallen from being assigned more alone time with me.

“And if I expect it to stay that way, we’ll need to increase the frequency of your studying,” he replied sharply.

“I have other classes too, you know,” Harry muttered bitterly.

“Perhaps I should speak with those teachers so that you could study those lessons with Malfoy as well,” he replied, eyes narrowed dangerously.

“That won’t be necessary, Sir,” I called across the room. “I only have so many hours of the day that I can devote to Potter.”

“Very well,” Snape replied, nodding curtly in my direction while Harry shot me an injured look. I returned my gaze to my own table, however, refusing to meet his. How he had the audacity to look offended toward me after having attempted to finagle his way out of spending more time alone with me, I didn’t understand. What was good enough for Harry clearly wasn’t good enough for me. He was allowed to publicly denounce our friendship, but I wasn’t permitted to do the same? Hypocrite.

To a degree I could understand the ‘friends in secret’ bit –I didn’t like it, but I understood it. Harry Potter becoming best mates with the Prince of Slytherin would surely be seen as the first horse of the apocalypse, but it didn’t stop my heart from stabbing with pain at the idea that he was ashamed to be seen with me; so ashamed that he wouldn’t even stand up to his boyfriend for me.

When the class was dismissed I tried to fly out the door before Harry could even gather his things, but I failed and he caught up to me quickly on the way to Divination. “Malfoy, what the hell is going on?” he hissed, pulling me by the sleeve of my robe into an empty alcove. Apparently he couldn’t even be seen yelling at me in the corridor; oh how times have changed. “This morning you seemed nice enough and then suddenly in Potions you’re back to your old insulting self.”

“I didn’t insult you, I merely helped you with the charade we’ve been upholding,” I replied bitterly.

“What?” he asked, clearly confused and I shook my head.

“Just forget it, Harry. You’ve made it pretty obvious that you don’t even want to try and be friends; you’d rather hide behind your boyfriend. But don’t worry, I’m getting the message loud and clear, I’ll stay away from you.” I replied before pulling out of his grasp and continuing upstairs toward the Astronomy Tower.

“You’re a right Prat, did you know that?” he called after me, running to catch up. “Just this morning Mike gave me permission to talk to you without him flipping out, and now you decide I’m suddenly not worth the effort?”

“That’s wonderful,” I replied sarcastically. “Now that your boyfriend is fine with it, we can actually be friends.”

“It’s not like that,” Harry grumbled beside me.

“And for the record,” I pressed on, ignoring his protest, “I always thought that you were worth the effort.”

Harry paused for a moment, but I kept going, quickening my pace in the hope that I would be able to snag a seat in class where he couldn’t follow. “Malfoy, stop!” he demanded, but I refused. He caught up with me again anyway and shoved me roughly against the wall, his fist wrapped firmly around my forearm. “Why are you pushing me away?”

“You’re hurting me,” I whispered and he instantly slackened his grip on my arms but I shook my head. “No, your actions are hurting me. You’re going to be forced to choose between us and you’re not going to choose me.”

How could I choose him over my own family if he couldn’t even choose me over Corner? But then, if I turned him over to Voldemort I might as well die next, because knowing that I had given up on the first person I had ever cared about outside of my own flesh would kill me. Here I was with a struggle over who to let die –myself and my parents or my crush- and Harry had already made his choice. He had already picked Corner over me. Why was I still so naively considering refusing the Dark Lord when I was nothing to Harry but a nuisance?

A flicker of understanding passed though his eyes but he shook his head. “I’m not choosing,” he told me petulantly, as if he’d been told that he could either have his cake or eat it, but not both.

“You already have,” I informed him and he winced slightly. “Listen, I can talk to Snape and have someone else assigned to tutor you. I’m sure there is someone else-“

“You don’t want to be my friend,” Harry stated, interrupting me. It was a question as much as it was a statement.

“I do,” I objected. “I want to spend every moment of every day at your side. I want to be your friend, and your confidant and the person you think of first if you ever need help,” I began and his grip on my arms tightened again as if forcing me to continue. “I want to hold you and love you, but I also want more than you can give me. I know you’re bound to Corner, I know you love him, but I need more from you.”

“I can’t give you more than friendship,” he replied after a moment, his voice slightly raspy.

“I know,” I replied solemnly. “But I don’t even get that.”

He frowned down at my chin, his eye contact lost in the sharpness of my other facial features and he looked guilty, maybe torn, but he eventually shook his head. “I’ll be a better friend,” he promised and abruptly let my arms go. “Just don’t abandon me.”

I shouldn’t have a heart left for as often as it crumbled and broke in Harry’s presence, but yet again, here he was finding a way to make certain I couldn’t say no. Why could I never manage to refuse this beautiful little orphan? Why did I always find myself promising the moon and the stars and other equally impossible things? If I agreed then I would be condemning myself to a lifetime of misery, following Harry and his boyfriend around like a lost puppy. “Okay,” I whispered and his warm smile made all the wrenching pain I would feel soon enough seem worth it.

He roughly grabbed my wrist and pulled me up the stairs, shouting ‘hurry, we’re going to be late,’ as he did. I followed quickly, knowing I had set myself up for heartbreak once again, but not managing to care while Harry’s fingers touched my bare skin –no matter how chaste a gesture it was.

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We sat together in classes that day and the next, but soon enough it was Friday, and I knew what would be happening the next day. Who knew how Harry might feel about me once he finally sealed his relationship with Corner. I held out hope that nothing between Harry and I would change, but I knew that was naïve of me. If Corner had such a thorough control over the boy’s actions now, who knew what would happen after they added sex to their pull for one another.

As I made my way up to the library, I heard Harry’s voice in a hushed tone around the corner and paused, trying to make out what was being said.

“Look, I’m sorry. Snape is forcing this on me,” he placated.

“I know, but why every night?” Corner whined.

“It’s only until the holidays,” Harry offered.

“That’s still weeks away, Harry,” Corner groaned, but took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Fine. I’m fine,” he assured his boyfriend. “I just miss you.”

“I miss you, too,” Harry assured him and I could almost hear the rustle of their clothing as they embraced. I wanted to retch, but I refrained for fear of drawing attention to my presence.

“I bet Malfoy’s loving this,” Corner muttered bitterly.

“He actually stopped Snape from assigning more,” Harry informed him. “I don’t think he wants to be here either.”

“Well, there is that at least,” Corner replied, seemingly heartened by the fact that I was only begrudgingly spending time with his boyfriend. As I came around the corner I saw the Ravenclaw pressing Harry into the wall about to steal a kiss from him, but I couldn’t bear to see them kiss one more time so I cleared my throat sharply to stop them.

“Are you ready?” I asked. “I’d like to get this over with.”

“Er, yeah,” Harry replied quickly, kissing Corner on the cheek and slipping out from under him. “I’ll see you at breakfast, Mike,” he told the boy before following me into the library.

“Did I act the part of the bitter ex-friend well enough?” I asked when we took our seats.

Harry visibly relaxed and let out a breath. “Is that what that was? I thought you were angry with me again.”

“Should I be?” I asked, quirking an eyebrow at him playfully.

“Probably,” he answered with a light shrug but shook his head in response to my questioning gaze. “I don’t feel like talking about it,” he admitted before opening his book.

“So, if he’s okay with you being friends with me, then why all the cloak and dagger?” I asked.

“Because he’s only partially okay with it and I’m trying not to push his buttons,” Harry replied cautiously.

“And if he revokes his approval? If he makes you choose between us?” I asked, fearing the answer so much that my heart was racing. I already knew what he would do, but I wanted to hear the words from those perfect lips.

“I’m not going to think about that right now,” he stated firmly, “and neither should you.”

“If you say so,” I replied with a shrug and launched into Monday’s potion. We worked for a solid hour without bringing up anything non-Potions related. It wasn’t until Harry yawned that I slammed the book closed and let my gaze linger on his. “You look tired,” I mentioned.

“Thanks,” he muttered sarcastically. “You look like you don’t eat enough,” he countered playfully. I knew he was just teasing but it still made me wince.

“I don’t have much of an appetite lately,” I admitted. “Are you not sleeping well?”

“Not really, I guess,” he replied with a shrug. “But then that’s nothing new.”

“Too many fantasies of Corner keeping you up all night?” I joked, even though it made my heart jerk to say it.

“Something like that,” he replied with a severe blush –the kind I rarely saw from him these days. I forgot how much I missed the delicate pinking of his cheeks. “Listen, Malfoy, we don’t have to talk about him if it makes you uncomfortable.”

I knew the ‘him’ Harry was referring to and I appreciated the consideration, but I was determined to be his friend, and if I wanted to be close to Harry I’d have to get comfortable talking about his relationship. “I’m fine,” I lied.

“Well, I think it makes me uncomfortable,” he admitted and tried to laugh it off. “It just doesn’t feel right.”

“Okay,” I acquiesced, “though I was really looking forward to deep discussions concerning your love life with another boy,” I teased.

“Hilarious,” he replied with a soft smile curling at the edge of his mouth. “We should go. Pince will be tossing us out soon.”

“You’re probably right. So will I see you this weekend?” I asked as I gathered my things. I winced; nearly forgetting what he was planning this weekend.

“I don’t know,” Harry whispered, looking across the table at me and not letting me break our locked gaze. I wondered what was going on in his head in that moment, what blissful imagery was flitting through his mind while he looked at me instead of his boyfriend. Was he pretending I was him? Did he miss Corner that badly?

I sighed and steeled myself to the spot. I had to stop being so emotional, I had to stop letting my feelings dictate how I behaved. “Just… just be careful, alright?”

“I know what I’m doing,” he replied firmly and I nodded in return. It wasn’t my place, not even as his friend, to tell him not to sleep with Corner.

“Good,” I replied before smoothing my fingers though his hair to end up cupping his jaw in my palm. “As your friend I wouldn’t want you to get hurt.”

“Mike wouldn’t hurt me,” he countered, pulling from my grasp, albeit reluctantly.

“Because I would kill him if he did,” I promised, my throat making my tone more of a growl than I had intended.

Harry smiled across at me; his hand mimicking what mine had just done to his hair and face and his callused fingertips against my skin made me jump. “You don’t have to worry,” he told me gently, smiling at my reaction to his touch.

He left then; walking quickly passed me, but he looked back at me just before he disappeared and gave a slight nod of farewell as I tried to recover from the lingering feeling of his skin on mine. Suddenly it was all so clear to me; I needed to banish these feelings just as he had done. I was going to be a good friend to Harry, the kind he could count on; far better than Weasley and Granger had been, and even if Harry had to leave me behind for the sake of his relationship with Corner, I wouldn’t fight him. I would be there if he needed me and I would stay away when didn’t. That’s what he deserved.

I would refuse Voldemort’s request for Harry’s head and I would die, if need be, to save his life. Because that’s just what you do when you love someone.

Author's Note: Aw, poor seemingly unrequited love. Will Harry sleep with Mike or won't he?