Afraid to Live, Afraid to Die

**Please do not comment on how I write. It's simple. If you don't like it, you don't have to read it. If there are mistakes however, you are more than welcome to point those out. This is Harry/Snape and will get dirty at some point, so please be patient.**


Italics - Harry's Writing

Bold - Mental Speaking


CHAPTER THIRTEEN: HAD A CHANCE THAT WE IGNORED


The light in your eyes keeps fading out

Night’s falling deeper in the heart

Hiding the truth and crashing down

Dancer in the Dark ~ The Rasmus


Time seemed to pass quickly for Harry, most of the time his mind was often in other places while the teachers droned on. Even in Defense class, the messy-haired boy couldn’t seem to keep his mind on the lessons, as he frequently found himself entranced with his Nodui’s movements. So it came as a surprise when he felt someone nudging him, in Snape’s class, in which they didn’t often do practice magic. Looking up, he saw Ron speaking to him, green eyes noticing that the rest of the class had risen from their seats and were congregated along the sides of the room.


This was different than the first time around, and he fought hard to concentrate on Snape’s words. When he realized that everyone’s voices sounded strange to him, Harry frowned. Being extra careful to watch what everyone else was doing, the young boy figured out what kind of spell they were expected to try. Having lived longer than most of those present and time fighting against Voldemort and his Death Eaters, Harry knew that he could do this spell in his sleep.


When it came to his turn, Harry stepped up across from the target, wand at the ready. At Snape’s slight nod his green magic shot from his wand. It did not have the usual affect, instead of a forming a shield around himself, his magical eye watched as it flew at the offending target. Watching his green stream collide with the gray from the target, absorbing it to explode was surely not the appropriate response.


After just that one spell he felt drained, like he had just used the last of his magic after a long battle. Everything slowed around him, Draco, Hermione and Ron rushed forward to catch him as his knees buckled. Their words of concern could not reach him as he frowned up at them. Green eyes met the black of his teacher and Nodui’s, truly scared for the first time in a long while. If Snape felt anything in that moment, Harry could not feel it, but he saw a brief flash of worry in the dark eyes before it was gone.


“What’s wrong, Potter?” Snape’s voice sounded so distant, like he wasn’t even inside his mind.


“I…I don’t know…everything’s so…distant,” Harry felt like his words were coming slowly.


A sharp pain cut across his entire body, feeling like he was split in two. Just before darkness completely consumed him, Harry heard Snape’s sharp voice bark orders and saw fury upon the man’s face. With that image burned into his mind, Harry fell limp in Draco’s arms.


Snape had Harry taken to the Hospital Wing by Ron and Draco, wanting to care for the boy himself, but having to squash that urge. Instead he turned his anger on the remaining students. Ordering them to read two chapters and a five-foot scroll homework assignment made him feel a little better. As he continued through the next class before lunch, his mood grew steadily worse. By the time lunch came and he was free to see Harry, news had spread of his foul mood and the students couldn’t seem to scurry away from him fast enough.


Reaching the Hospital Wing, he saw one bed was partitioned off. Assuming it was Harry’s bed, Snape started towards it. Madam Pomfrey tried to stop him, but the moody professor felt an uncontrollable possessiveness grow in him, growling at her dangerously. A non-verbal spell had moved the partitions out of his way, snapping shut in Pomfrey’s face.


Upon seeing the pale face of his Nodui made Severus’ heart clench. From the expression on the younger boy’s face, the spy could tell that his student was in pain, and he unconsciously let out another growl. When Harry thrashed about in pain, the taller man did the only thing he could: he put a hand on Harry’s forehead. Perhaps it was their physical contact, or maybe something else entirely, but the boy’s flaying stopped, and now he moved as if in a fitful sleep.


“Harry, can you hear me?” Snape’s voice was quiet, almost gentle.


He waited patiently for a response, sighing when he received none. Transfiguring the nightstand into a chair, Snape sat down to wait, refusing to take lunch or dinner. It was only at the insistence of Dumbledore that there were potions to brew that Snape left Harry’s side that night. After occupying his time with potions, the spy felt tired just after the clock struck two.


This was the earliest he’d gone to bed all year, but with the reduced amount of sleep lately, it made him exhausted. With everything but his cloak and shoes on, Snape fell asleep across his bedspread.
Something had startled him awake. Bolting upright, his wand held out in front of him, Snape squinted his eyes in the dark. Once he was sure that no one had entered his private room, the teacher lit the candles, still unsure of had woken him.


“Severus…Severus, please, it hurts,” Harry’s voice was a mixture of things: pained, scared, tired but the best thing was that it didn’t sound distant like it had earlier in the classroom.


Without a moment’s hesitation Snape was on his feet, his cloak and shoes almost on instantaneously. “I’m coming, Harry.”


The older man wasn’t sure what had possessed him to call the boy by his given name, but he couldn’t help himself. Stalking through the halls, the professor noticed that it was still dark outside, meaning that he probably hadn’t slept long. Reaching the infirmary, the dark man saw that the Healer was fast asleep at her desk in the side room. Silently, he closed the door, not wanting her to wake up just yet.


When he was next to his Nodui, Snape saw that he was not awake. Wondering if perhaps the whole thing had been a dream, Snape reached out to put his hand on the scarred forehead. Just when he was about to turn away, trained ears heard a rustling sound. Dark eyes turned back to the boy, to see that he had kicked off the blankets. As his hand extended to pull the white sheets back over his bonded the dark eyes saw something. Lifting Harry’s right leg and pushing up the white hospital pants, bottomless black eyes narrowed at a dark spot on the inside ankle.


Right before his eyes, the mark grew into an intricate design that he had never seen before. It stopped when it had made a full rotation around his ankle and the boy settled into a quiet sleep, probably tired from his thrashing that had come with the mark. Inside the design seemed to be some sort of letter, something he had never seen in all of his days. Assuming that it was probably a part of their bond, Snape thought that the only thing to do was to leave the boy be. Turning, intend on departing, he stood frozen in mid-step, when he heard a whimper. Once again revolving to look at the boy, Snape was surprised to be looking into hazy green eyes.


“We did it, Severus…we passed the second stage. We have the Sight now,” A weak smile was on the boy’s face.


Snape frowned. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Potter. We don’t gain that ability until the fifth stage. You are merely delusional, you’ve been through a lot today.”


It was Harry’s turn to frown. “Not that kind of Sight. More of a Divinations Sight. We’ll both have different kinds, though.”


Information flew through his mind, recalling that not much was known about this particular bond. Realizing that it was possible, a scowl took the place of his frown.


“What do you mean ‘a different kind of Divination’? Surely you don’t mean that I’ll have to start checking my tea cups from now on?”


The smile returned, warming Snape’s heart a little. “No, more like the future, perhaps a different future based on a different decision or even what’s happening at the same time but just in a another place.”


It was a little more than Snape wanted to know. He certainly didn’t want to see images at random, certainly he had already seen enough things to last him four lifetimes. Instinctually Snape placed a kiss on Harry’s forehead, before pulling away.


“Rest, Potter. You’ve had a long day,” Snape left, making his way back to his chambers.


“Good night, Sev,” Harry’s thoughts reached him as the spy put distance between them.


The next couple of weeks passed quickly, and before they knew it was time for Christmas break. Harry and his friends went home to Grimmauld Place, to spend another end of the year with their families. As promised, Snape was around, although often hidden away in the basement with his potions. On the day they expected the next stage of the bond, Harry was with his older mate, silent while he watched the other work. As noon grew nearer, the shorter boy felt his stomach grow uneasy. Snape was getting irritated by his constant check on his watch.


Out of all the stages, this was the one that had the younger companion the most worried. After all, if the emotional stage had hurt, just what would the physical side feel like? Harry almost expected to be out of it for the next two weeks of vacation. As soon as his watch rolled over to noon violent shiver began to tremble through his body. When the pain started to grow worse, Harry’s eyes caught Snape’s widened black ones.


The older man moved swiftly, catching Harry as he tumbled off of his stool. The instant he felt Snape’s cool hands on his warm arms, the pain dispersed; only leaving behind small twinges every now and then. Snape moved them over to the small full-sized bed that was his, while visiting headquarters. Resting his back up against the headboard, his young bond-mate straddling his lap.


A black eyebrow rose when he felt something move against his chest. Looking down, the professor was surprised to see Harry undoing the buttons on his shirt. Curiosity won out over anger and the spy waited to see what the boy was going to do next. In all honesty, Snape hadn’t felt anything when the shorter man had, just a realization that it was starting. He wondered if perhaps Harry had felt something more.


Shaken by his thoughts when he felt his shirt sliding off his shoulders, black hunger-filled eyes looked down at the other. With his shirt now discarded at the end of the bed, Snape wondered what was next. Pale hands were moved to just as pale skin of Harry’s back. In one rapid movement the younger boy’s shirt was also gone, although more haphazardly thrown over his shoulder. The smaller man pressed them together, flesh meeting flesh for the first time. Snape felt their hearts beating in time, their breaths even.


The potions master was about to comment on how forward Harry was, snidely of course, when suddenly he was cut off. The damn brat was kissing him! Not only that, but his hands were exploring the older man’s chest. Snape wanted to push the boy away, but he met green lust-filled eyes that nearly matched his own and he growled.


One slightly forceful push was all it too to get Harry on his back, Snape following him down. The Slytherin would not let some inexperienced Gryffindor brat take control of this situation. Snape kissed the younger man’s neck, making his way to the crook of his shoulder, where he began to suck the area, causing the boy to moan, mentally, under him.


One hand found its way into long black hair, pulling on it a bit roughly, while the other raked across the teacher’s back. Snape set to work on the erect nipples, sucking on one while his fingers played with the other. When the spy switched to the other nipple to administer the same treatment, Harry gasped. The lean body bucked under him, a muscular leg wrapping around the older man’s thin waist.


Snape nearly pushed away, his mind hazy, but all thoughts fled when he felt his young mate grind against him. Growling, the man continued his actions, all the while his free hand was working on Harry’s pants. Finally, with better access, a pale hand slipped underneath the waistband of Harry’s boxers. Placing a finger along the cleft of the younger boy’s ass, he deftly slid the finger between the cheeks. Rubbing at Harry’s entrance had the boy arching, moaning and calling his name and Snape was pleased, smirking as he nibbled on one of his lover’s ears.


Lightly teasing the boy’s puckered hole was suddenly not enough as he slowly slipped the finger in. Harry shifted uncomfortably, but did not protest. When Snape had two fingers in, he found the bundle of nerves he was looking for. His obnoxiosus* gasped, curving into him, mentally screaming his name. The sneer that came with the action was gone as he felt a hand slide into his pants, then firmly grasping his member. Growling, Snape pressed the bundle of nerves again, causing more bucking and the hand to tighten, pumping him.


With that, the pace was set; Snape bringing his lover to completion first. As Harry came, he squeezed and his professor spilled his seed on their chests. The older man rolled off of his mate, lying side-by-side, both panting heavily. Harry scooted closer, entangling his leg in Snape’s, his head resting on the broad chest.


“Well, that was quite an event,” Harry’s voice practically melted across Snape’s mind.


“Don’t expect that to happen again anytime soon,” Snape growled.


Harry shuddered in pleasure at the sound, now having heard it at its best. Snape frowned, having felt Harry’s excitement. His obnoxiosus leaned over, nipping his ear.


“I expect that and a lot more. Now that we experience each other’s pleasure it’ll be like nothing you’ve ever felt,” Harry’s voice purred.


“You’ll be sleeping alone, at least until the fourth stage starts. Only because we’ll need to touch daily so remove any perverted thoughts from your mind, Potter,” With that Snape cleaned them both, got up from the bed while putting on his shirt and stalked out of the room.


Harry frowned, not liking Severus’ attitude, before brightening. If his lover thought it would be easy to resist him, then Harry had a lesson for the ‘Professor’ to learn.

*Obnoxiosus - submissive


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Preview of Chapter Fourteen: Fate Has Sealed My Destiny



Dumbledore smiled faintly. “All the things I’ve regretted, Harry. The things I wish to see can never be brought back.”


Harry nodded. “Make sure if things should go wrong, you have all of your affairs in order. Also, you should look into what will become of your Elder Wand if you should die,” Harry got up to leave, only stopping once he almost out of the door. “You should look into giving Neville some experience with the Gryffindor sword. He’s going to need it.”


As he making his way back to his room, Harry’s left forearm started to sting. Instinctually knowing that it was Snape’s pain, Harry hurried back to their rooms. There, on the other side of the wall, was the dark haired man, preparing to leave.


“He summoned you,” It wasn’t a question.


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See you next week!!