Gaelic Blessing

“We need to talk.”

They were the words that Severus had been both anxiously awaiting and dreading. He nodded and gestured towards the other chair, taking advantage of the precious few extra minutes to compose himself. He was determined that he would remain dignified and not either break down or lose his temper.

“Very well. What do you want to talk about? What is there left to say?” He couldn’t help the bitterness that crept into his last sentence. He looked curious as pain and remorse flashed across Harry’s expressive face.

“There’s a lot more left to say. Last night. I panicked. Those things that I said – I never meant any of it.”

“Then why did you say it?” The words literally burst out of Severus’ mouth.

“I was backed into a corner. I panicked. I didn’t know what to do.”

“So you ended our relationship?” Severus raised an eyebrow. “You’re scared so you ruin the one thing that could be your safety net. That you could fall back on.”

Harry winced as he realised that he wasn’t going to resolve this with simple platitudes. He was going to have to tell Severus the truth. The whole truth. He looked up startled as he felt Severus take hold of his hand and looked up into pleading black eyes.

“Harry, please. Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours. I can’t begin to understand if you don’t tell me.”

Harry looked down and squeezed the hands that encased his. “Alright. I’ll tell you. But you have to promise that you’ll listen to what I have to say; you won’t interrupt me in the middle of what I’m saying. Promise?”

Severus nodded, a small smile playing on his lips. “No interruptions. I promise.”

Harry gave a weak smile, took a deep breath and started to talk. “You know how difficult last night was going to be for me but I don’t think even you realised just how hard it was going to be. I only agreed to go because Minerva was insisting that we attend and that you were adamant that you would only attend if I did as well. I wasn’t convinced but I went along with it for you. Because I love you. I was proud to be seen with you and I was proud to be seen as your lover. What I couldn’t handle was all of the gossiping. I couldn’t stand it.”

Severus couldn’t help himself; he broke his promise. “Gossiping? You ended our relationship for a couple of gossiping old women who couldn’t keep their noses out of other people’s business? Damn foolish Gryffindor.”

“A couple? There were a damn sight more than a couple of nosy witches Severus.” Harry’s voice was rising in volume the longer he spoke. “You may not have noticed but almost everyone was gossiping about you. Or did you not hear what they were saying?”

“Of course I bloody well heard what they said.” Severus roared. “They were talking about me. I still don’t understand why you did such a bloody idiotic thing though.”

“You don’t understand?” Harry was rapidly losing his tenuous hold on his temper.

Severus held up a hand. “We’re not going to continue this discussion here; I have no desire to disturb Draco and Astoria further. May I suggest that we remove ourselves to a more neutral ground?”

Harry gave a hesitant nod and one apparition and a short walk later they were seated in the garden of a small pub awaiting their lunch. As soon as the food had been served, Severus leant forward.

“Now Harry, make me understand why you did such a thing. Especially when it was so unexpected. Without talking to me about it. Talk to me now. Make me understand.”

Harry took a sip of his drink, whetting his throat and trying to gather his courage. “Okay fine. Like I said, I was happy to go to the Ministry when I knew or rather when I thought that we would be ordinary guests just like everybody else. But of course, I’m not allowed to be normal, not even for one night, the wizarding world simply won’t allow it. So, when Fudge announced that he was awarding both of us the Order of Merlin I panicked. I mean, that sort of thing is the reason I left and hid. For all its claims that I’m special and worth more than just being the Boy-Who-Lived, that I’m special for just being Harry, they will still manipulate me and treat me like a pawn. It was the same last night.

I had been back in the public eye for less than an hour and Fudge was already trying to manipulate me. By giving me the Order of Merlin, Fudge was hoping to weasel both himself and the Ministry back into my good books so that he could use me as a poster boy for the Ministry eventually. As much as I love him, Albus knew what was going to happen and so he made Minerva do his dirty work for him. They forced me onto that stage and forced me to make a speech. Not all of us can fall back on snarls and sneers.”

The small smile on Severus’ lips reassured Harry that maybe things weren’t as disastrous as they seemed. He reached out and took another sip of his drink.

“You could have said no to making a speech. You didn’t have to.” Severus’ protest sounded feeble even to his own ears.

Harry simply raised an eyebrow, looking remarkably similar to Severus.

“Okay, so maybe you couldn’t have refused but you still haven’t explained everything Harry. I can understand that you felt manipulated but would you abandon our relationship for one attempt at manipulation? Fudge is going to be gone within six months anyway.”

Harry blushed. “I never thought of that. That wasn’t the only reason though. I’m not going to let you ruin your life over me.”

Severus gaped at him, looking remarkably like a fish. His mouth simply opened and shut several times rather unattractively as his mind boggled at Harry’s statement. “Let me get this straight. Am I to believe that I heard you correctly when you said that you...you aren’t going to let me ruin my life over you? Ruin my life? How exactly do you believe that you are ruining my life? Do tell me....I’m simply dying to know.”

Harry glared at him. “There’s no need for the sarcasm you know. I’m not your student anymore Severus. You could at least treat me with a bit of respect.”

“Oh? Is that the same respect that you showed me when you walked out on me without a word? You’re not the only person who deserves respect Harry.”

Harry slumped in his chair as his courage started to leave him. He was starting to wonder if things were going to work out after all. He looked completely devastated. Severus couldn’t bear it and, leaning across the table, took one of Harry’s much smaller hands in his.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that to come out the way that it did. You still haven’t explained everything to me.”

“Do I have to? Surely you heard them. As much as it pains me to say it, I barely heard a good thing about you all night.”

Severus smiled slightly. “Harry, that’s nothing new. People have been saying things about me for years, my students in particular. You weren’t exactly an angel yourself during your younger years love.” He reminded Harry gently.

As gentle as the reminder was, Harry still winced. “I know and I still feel guilty as hell about the things I said. But these people should know better! After everything that you did in the war. Everybody knows that you were a spy for the Order for years. You risked your life countless times and I couldn’t have defeated Voldemort without you but people are never going to remember that are they? They’ll quite happily condemn you for making one mistake.”

He couldn’t help but notice that Severus’ eyes had softened considerably.

“Is this what you’re concerned about? That people still call me a Death-Eater?” Severus seemed almost incredulous. “Harry, people have been calling me a Death-Eater for over twenty years. Well over in fact. It fails to both me now because yes, there was a time when I was a Death-Eater. I wasn’t truly one for long but I was still one of the Dark Lord’s followers. However, as long as the important people know the truth, and they do, then it doesn’t matter. Now, was that the only thing or is there more?”

“There’s more. They were saying that because you’re a Death-Eater you shouldn’t have been allowed to remain at Hogwarts as Potions Master let alone as Head of Slytherin. That you would corrupt the children....in the same way that you corrupted me. They were saying that you’ve used the Dark Arts to bewitch me so that I fell in love with you. The most outrageous thing that I heard was that you were such a loyal Death-Eater that the only reason you were with me is that so you can somehow bring back Voldemort. Their favourite comment was that it was such a shame I was gay. Apparently that isn’t the done thing if you’re supposedly saviour of the wizarding world. The Boy-Who-Lived is supposed to find a nice witch to marry, settle down, buy a big house and have lots of children. The whole deal.”

“Ah.”

“Ah? Is that all you’re going to say?”

“If you’re quite finished with your excuses. No, ah is not all I’m going to say. Frankly, if those are your excuses for ending our relationship then they are truly pitiful. Maybe as pitiful as Mr Longbottom’s attempts at potion-making.”

“Hey!”

“However, that being said, I understand that you believed them to be valid reasons. However, as I said earlier, there are always going to be people who still believe me to be a Death-Eater, who will always believe that I have bewitched or corrupted you. What business is it of theirs? As long as we know the truth and those close to us know the truth then that is all that matters.”

“But you’re giving up so much for me!” Harry wailed. “Your privacy, your dignity, your respect. Your quiet life.”

“Perhaps. But I am gaining so much more.” Severus’ voice was incredibly quiet but there was no doubting his sincerity. “I love you Harry. As long as you love me in return then I can put up with any slander directed towards me.”

“Are you saying that you still want to be with me? Despite me being an impetuous, foolish Gryffindor?”

“I am. For better or for worse, I am in love with you and I have no intention of leaving. Now, can we consider last night to be a temporary aberration and that our relationship can carry on as usual.”

Harry nodded quickly, relief apparent in his face.

“That is settled then. Except, I am going to want to see you more. Once a week simply isn’t enough.”

“Huh?” Harry was now thoroughly confused by the turn the conversation had taken.

“Has your brain been completely addled during the years that you’ve been away from Hogwarts? We have rectified last nights situation and put it down to the fact that yes, you are an impetuous, foolish Gryffindor but despite that fact I love you and wish to continue our relationship. Now that we have decided this, we can move onto other things. One of the other things I wish to discuss is how often I am going to see you now that Hogwarts is back in session and I have determined that once a week isn’t enough. I want to see you more.”

Harry smiled, his mind now much more at ease. His relationship was now secure and he could turn his attention back to the conversation and finally eat something. He suddenly realised that he was starving. He tore into his food, much to Severus’ amusement. He had been too nervous to eat lunch the previous day, obviously hadn’t eaten dinner the previous night and had been too on edge to eat anything at Molly’s. Severus watched him in obvious amusement and slight concern.

“Did you not eat anything last night? Surely you went back to Heathmore?”

Harry just blushed and averted his eyes.

“Harry? If you didn’t go back to Heathmore where did you go? You couldn’t have gone to Hogwarts; I doubt you would have done anyway. Did you go to the Weasley’s?”

Harry shook his head and mumbled something that Severus couldn’t quite hear. However, what he thought he heard was enough and he looked up sharply.

“Did you say Godric’s Hollow? You went to Godric’s Hollow? What the hell did you go there for? There’s nothing there but shells of buildings and the graves of your parents. Were you trying to kill yourself of pneumonia?” It was Severus’ concern that made his words sound harsh.

“Of course I wasn’t trying to bloody kill myself!” Harry replied hotly. “I wasn’t actually in a fit state to return to Heathmore – I had no desire to scare the children and I didn’t want to impose myself on Molly and Arthur. Like you said, Hogwarts wasn’t an option and so I went to Godric’s Hollow. It felt like the best option at the time. I suppose it was neutral. Besides, you weren’t the only one who went to, shall we say, neutral ground? Molly said this morning that they hadn’t been able to find you at all of the places they looked. Apparently Dobby even ventured to Grimmauld Place to search for us.”

“Yet you knew immediately that I would be at Malfoy Manor. We know each other too well. Now, if you have finished devouring your food, perhaps we can return to our discussion and how we are going to make this work during term time.”

Harry nodded his head as he swallowed his last remaining mouthful. “Sure. What did you have in mind? You said that once a week wasn’t enough but you have so many demands at Hogwarts, how can we see each other more than that?”

“If you are not averse to the idea, I propose that you could come to the castle several times a week. We can meet in Hogsmeade or at the castle itself. I also propose that we spend two weekends a month together. We can alternate between Hogwarts and Heathmore – I am positive that either the Headmaster or Professor Sinistra would look after my Slytherins. Likewise, I’m sure that Molly Weasley could be persuaded to look after the children whilst you spent time at Hogwarts.”

It was now Severus who reached for his drink before he spoke again. “I feel that our relationship became serious very early on. Whilst we already had the basis of a long and solid friendship, as well as being in love with each other, the additional time spent together would be nothing but beneficial. What do you think?”

“I think it’s a good idea. I’m certainly not going to complain about seeing you more. It’s been hard enough in the last few weeks not seeing you. I suppose I got used to having you around twenty-four seven over the holidays. Heathmore doesn’t seem quite the same without you there. I certainly have no objections to your suggestion. Have we finished talking now?”

Severus looked curious. “I believe so. Why?”

Harry pouted. “You’re too far away. I want a kiss and a hug.”

“You want? You’re a demanding little brat aren’t you?” Severus’ amusement tainted his words.

“Ah but I’m your demanding little brat.” Harry teased. “So, do I get my kiss and hug?”

Severus nodded and stood up from his side of the table before making his way round to Harry, noting as he did so that, due to the cold weather, the garden was essentially deserted.
Harry stood up at the same time and stepped into Severus’ open arms, burrowing into the warmth and comfort, relishing the strength that he always associated with Severus. He tilted his head up and pressed a kiss to Severus’ neck and then one to the underside of his jaw.

“I’m sorry.”

Severus smiled and reciprocated, pressing a kiss to Harry’s temple. “I know, I forgive you.”
He placed his fingers under Harry’s chin and tilted his head even further up so that he could claim the soft, full lips. The first soft kiss descended into more passionate kisses as the two men pressed even closer to each other. Finally they pulled away from each other and Severus gave that wicked smirk that Harry had grown to both love and dread.

“Who’s looking after the children today?”

“Molly and Arthur have them. Why?”

“What do you say to booking a room here?” The leer became even more pronounced. “I hear make-up sex is something to be experienced.”