Everything I Ever Wanted

Chapter thirteen



‘I won’t break, you know,’ Billie said softly into his shoulder, then kissed the skin there. Remus turned his head and looked at her.

‘What?’ he said, shifting so he wasn’t lying on her.

‘You don’t have to restrain yourself all the time,’ she said, looking at him. ‘Rowena said sex is fine for now. You don’t have to be so gentle.’

‘What if I want to be gentle?’ he retorted, kissing her.

‘Then I have no objections,’ she grinned. ‘But I could tell you were holding back just then.’



They were at Remus’ house and it was the last day of the holidays; the last morning spent lazing in bed until lunchtime.

‘So I’ll move my stuff to your room this afternoon?’ he said, nuzzling her neck as he changed the subject.

Billie let out of soft breath of laughter, knowing exactly what he was doing.

‘Mmm,’ she said, as his tongue ran along her skin.

‘Are you going to be ‘Professor Lupin’ as well?’ he asked, lifting his head suddenly.

Billie looked a little startled, then frowned. ‘I don’t know,’ she admitted. ‘I hadn’t thought about that. It’d be a bit confusing wouldn’t it? Two Professor Lupin’s?’

‘They’ll get used to it,’ he insisted, wanting to hear her called her by her married name. ‘I’d like you to use my surname, but if you really think it’ll be a problem….’

He shrugged, and she smiled. ‘I want to use your surname as well,’ she said, running her hand over his cheek. ‘You’re right. They’ll get used to it.’



Remus grinned, and ran his hand down to her abdomen, laying his head down on her shoulder. ‘You’re beginning to show,’ he said, stroking his hand over her. She was now 17 weeks pregnant - nearly half way there.

‘Mmm,’ she said, looking down at herself. ‘There’ll be no hiding it in a month or so.’ She looked at him a little nervously. ‘I’ll be as big as a house soon.’

Remus smiled. ‘Can’t wait,’ he murmured, still looking down at her belly. ‘You are one sexy pregnant lady, Belle.’ She smiled to herself and relaxed.

Remus spent the afternoon moving his personal belongings into Belle’s room. ‘There’s not much,’ he said, when Billie tried to help. ‘You rest.’

‘I’m starting to feel like an invalid,’ she muttered, then sat at her desk to complete some work.



Before dinner that night, Billie stood. ‘Welcome back everyone!’ she said, the noise dying down. ‘I hope you all had a wonderful break and are ready to get down to some serious studying in preparation for exams.’

She smiled when she heard the many groans echoing around the room. ‘I have just one change you need to be aware of,’ she continued, with a quick glance at Remus, who was grinning next to her.



‘As most of you know, Professor Lupin and I have been dating….’ She bit back a smile when she heard some giggles and a few wolf whistles. Remus laughed as did many other staff members, who had almost all attended their wedding, and she shook her head.

‘Yes, alright,’ she said, unable to hide the grin anymore. ‘Well, we were married over the holidays, so you’ll all have to try and get used to calling me Professor Lupin as well from now on.’



There was a moment of silence, then clapping and cheers rang out, with a few requests of ‘Kiss her, sir!’ from his Seventh Year boys. Remus raised his eyebrows and thought ‘Why not?’, standing and kissing her quickly on the lips.

‘For God’s sake,’ she said, slapping his chest when the cheering got louder. They both grinned then Billie waved her hand at the students.

‘Just eat, you lot,’ she said, and the food appeared, distracting them.





Billie continued to go to see Rowena for weekly check ups, Remus going with her when possible. It was the beginning of June, just a few weeks before end of year exams when the midwife raised her first concern.

‘Have you been resting each day like I told you?’ she said with a frown.

‘Yes,’ both Remus and Billie answered.

‘And no undue stress?’ she queried, checking Billie’s file.

‘No,’ answered Billie, but Remus interrupted.

‘Exams are coming up,’ he said. ‘She’s been a little busier….’

‘Not really,’ Billie argued, but this time it was Rowena that cut her off.



‘Well, your blood pressure is up,’ she said. ‘Not a lot, but enough that I’m concerned. You’re what? Twenty four weeks along now?’

Billie nodded, feeling a little anxious. That was too early to start having problems; the baby wouldn’t survive if it was born this early.

‘I want you to start cutting back now,’ Rowena said. ‘Add another rest, and I want you to go and see Poppy every day to get your blood pressure checked, as well as the baby’s heart rate. You need closer monitoring now.’



Remus frowned. ‘Should she give up work completely?’ he asked, ignoring Billie’s annoyed glance.

‘No, not yet unless she wants to,’ Rowena said. ‘But it will be sooner rather than later.’

‘I am in the room,’ Billie said irritably, standing up. ‘Maybe I should just go and let two sort out the rest of my life and you can just send me an owl when it’s all worked out.’ She strode over to the fireplace and stepped into it, throwing down a handful of powder and disappearing. Remus and Rowena watched her go, then Rowena shook her head.



‘Hormones,’ she said, smiling a little at Remus’ expression.

‘We were talking about her like she wasn’t even in the room,’ admitted Remus, feeling guilty that he had upset her. He looked at Rowena.

‘How bad is she?’ he asked. Rowena sighed.

‘Her blood pressure is up, which is the first sign of something wrong. Her body’s starting to get stressed. The baby’s vital signs were good, and otherwise Billie is in good health, so there is no need for her to finish work completely right now. But it won’t be long until she’ll have to.’



‘And if the baby needs to come now?’ Remus asked, pretty sure he knew the answer.

‘Twenty four weeks,’ she murmured, shaking her head slightly. ‘It wouldn’t be unheard of for a baby to survive birth this early, but usually there are problems later on - eyesight, lungs. We can use magic of course to help development along…’

She stood and walked over to a cupboard, rummaging through it. ‘But there is only so much magic can do.’

She pulled out some vials and a piece of parchment. ‘These are some potions which will bring her blood pressure down, I hope. And this is a recipe for a potion to help the baby’s development - just getting it ‘cooked’ slightly faster,’ she said, seeing the frown on his face.



Remus took them, feeling slightly scared now. ‘This is getting a bit real now,’ he muttered. Rowena heard him and nodded.

‘Try and talk to her, Remus,’ she said. ‘Try and get her to accept that she won’t go full term; I think at this stage it’ll be a miracle if she makes it to 30 weeks. This baby could be making it’s appearance very soon, and she needs to be prepared for that.’ He nodded, then said his goodbyes.

As he stepped into the fireplace, Rowena said, ‘Oh, and I think it might be time to stop intercourse. If you want to continue with sexual contact, gentle manual or oral stimulation is fine , but I don’t want any extra pressure added to her pelvis. Sorry.’ She smiled when she saw his reddening face.





He came out of the fireplace in Billie’s office, not seeing her at her desk. Walking quickly up the stairs, he found her lying on the bed.

‘Belle,’ he said softly. She turned and he saw she’d been crying.

‘Honey,’ he whispered, and she sat up, putting her arms around him tightly.

‘This is our only chance to have a baby together,’ she said, her voice shaking. ‘It’s too early, Remus.’

‘I know,’ he said, cradling her in his arms. ‘I know, but it’s not the end, Belle. We may not make full term, or even 30 weeks like we’d hoped, but every day that baby is inside you it gets stronger. Just don’t give up, alright?’

Remus pushed her back onto the bed and kissed her, pulling her to his chest and holding her tight until he felt her relaxing, and eventually heard her breathing even out as she fell asleep.



He left her to ask the new potion’s teacher to keep a supply of both potions coming each day for Billie. The man, Alan, looked surprised.

‘I didn’t realise Billie was pregnant,’ he said. ‘Although, now that I think about it, she’s wearing robes a lot more now.’

Remus nodded. ‘She’s twenty four weeks along…’ he said, but Alan cut him off.

‘And it obviously isn’t turning out to be an easy pregnancy,’ he said, looking at the potions he had agreed to make. He smiled sympathetically at Remus, who‘s pained face gave him away. ‘I’m sure it’ll be fine. I’ll get these brewing.’

Remus murmured his thanks and returned to his and Billie’s room, taking a detour to the kitchen to ask them to send up dinner to their room tonight.



‘Hey,’ he said when he saw Billie sitting up in bed, folders piled up next to her. ‘I thought you were resting.’ She looked up and smiled.

‘I did rest,’ she replied. ‘And now I’m just dividing my work up between Alice and I. You were right. I had been pushing myself a little too much. Alice is ready to take on more work, and I’m finally scared enough to hand it over.’

Remus frowned and she smiled. ‘Scared is what I needed, Remus,’ she said, standing and walking over to him. ‘Much better than complete denial, which is what I was in.’

She put her arms around his waist. ‘We’ve got a staff meeting tonight,’ she said, reminding him. ‘I’ll tell the staff what’s going on then.’

He smiled and nodded. ‘A couple have noticed you’ve been wearing your robes more often,’ he said and she grimaced.

‘Well, I’ve got to try and hide that belly somehow,’ she grumbled, running her hand over her expanding stomach.



Remus grinned. ‘You’re barely showing,’ he said.

‘Obviously you are wearing rose coloured glasses when you look at me,’ she retorted.

‘Really?’ he said, and lifted her a little, moving her back to the bed and pushing her down. ‘Let me see.’

His fingers quickly undid the robes she wore, and pushed them aside. ‘Hmm,’ he murmured, his hands moving to her tshirt and tugging the hem up.

‘Can’t really see properly,’ he complained, yanking her skirt down and tossing it across the room.



Billie laughed and watched him run his hand over her belly. ‘God, you are huge,’ he said in mock horror, then laughed when she whacked him across the shoulder.

He leant down and kissed her stomach. ‘You’re beautiful, Bella,’ he said softly, kissing his way across to her hip.

Hearing her sharp intake of breath, he smiled slightly and ran his tongue along the edge of her underwear, before sliding the garment down her legs.

‘Did I mention we aren’t allowed to have sex anymore?’ he said, kissing her leg, moving his mouth slowly up her thigh.



Billie grasped his hair, pulling his face up. ‘No,’ she said with a frown. ‘You didn’t mention that.’

‘We are still allowed to…what were her words? Oh yes, ‘gently manually or orally stimulate’ each other. So, that is exactly what I intend on doing.’ He broke out of her grasp and continued to kiss her thigh, moving higher until she stopped him again.



‘Take your pants off,’ she said, sitting up with a grin on her face.

‘You’re so damn bossy,’ he grumbled, but stood and quickly shed his pants.

‘Come here,’ she said pulling him down so he was on his back.

‘Um, this is not quite what I had in mind,’ he said as her mouth made it’s way down his chest.

‘Trust me,’ she mumbled as her mouth closed over him. Remus sucked in his breath sharply, feeling his hips rise.



‘Fuck, Belle,’ he groaned as her tongue did wicked, wicked things to him. ‘This was supposed to be for you.’ Her mouth left him, and he moaned in complaint.

‘Do you want me to stop?’ she asked, using her hand to stroke him.

‘No,’ he said quickly. ‘But…’

‘Remus,’ she said, with a cheeky grin. ‘I’m not going to tell you what to do. You know what you want. Use your imagination and find a solution.’

She shifted, rising to her knees then turning back to him, talking no longer physically possible. Remus stared down at her for a moment, then grinned.



He grabbed her hips and rolled onto his side, hearing her shriek a little. Pulling her to him, he parted her legs, hearing her appreciative moan as his tongue found her. They didn’t have to wait long until shudders ran through both of them, and they collapsed back onto the bed.

‘God,’ she mumbled, still breathing heavily. ‘You’ve got one hell of an imagination.’ Remus chuckled and turned around so he could kiss her. ‘No sex, huh?’ she said, with a pout.

He smiled and kissed her again. ‘Oh I think we’ll manage for a few months,’ he said.



Billie made a noise in her throat, then suddenly gasped and grabbed her belly.

‘What?’ Remus said urgently, sitting up quickly.

‘I….I think it moved,’ she said, with a frown. She felt it again, stronger this time and laughed.

‘There’s no mistaking that for wind,’ she said, looking at Remus.



She’d been feeling a fluttering sensation and tiny movements, but was unsure if it was the baby or what she’d eaten.

Remus grinned. ‘Can I….?’ he asked, putting out his hand. Billie put it over her belly and they waited, finally feeling a small kick a few minutes later.

‘Oh my god,’ Remus murmured, a smile lighting up his face. ‘There really is a baby in there.’

Billie grinned and he bent over, kissing her hard, before they lay down, hands on her belly waiting for the next movement.



6 weeks later



‘Fuck Rowena, will once really hurt the baby?’ Billie complained.

The older woman laughed. ‘I told him you could still…’ she began, but Billie cut her off. ‘Yes I know,’ she grumbled, shifting in her seat to try and get comfortable. ‘And he’s been very…helpful. But sometimes you just need a good, hard shag.’

Rowena laughed again, then turned to look at her. ‘Sorry, sweetheart,’ she said, her smile fading a little as she looked down at her equipment. ‘But shag’s are forbidden - particularly good, hard ones.’



‘Is it still up?’ Billie asked, with a frown. Rowena looked up at her.

‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Your blood pressure is actually a little higher than it already was, and the baby’s heart rate has slowed a little.’

Billie looked alarmed. ‘It’s alright,’ Rowena said. ‘It’s still normal but it’s dropped.’

She looked at Billie and opened her mouth, but the younger woman got in first.

‘No,’ she said firmly.

‘Billie, you’re thirty weeks,’ Rowena said. ‘It’s still early, but the survival rate is very good, and if you were to start bleeding…..’



‘I want to give the baby the best chance, and that means staying pregnant for as long as possible,’ she said adamantly. ‘I’m seeing Poppy every day; I’m hardly doing any work; Remus is barely letting me leave bed, and not because of our raging sex life…’

Rowena smiled, and Billie couldn’t help a grin. ‘I just want to leave it a bit longer,’ she pleaded.

‘Alright,’ said Rowena. ‘But if your pressure goes up any more, or that baby’s heart rate drops again, I am getting you to the hospital and you are having that baby.’

Billie nodded, and struggled out of her chair to Floo back to Hogwarts.

‘Where’s Remus this afternoon?’ Rowena asked, helping her into the fireplace.

‘Full moon last night,’ said Billie, frowning at her limited mobility now. ‘He’s asleep and I didn’t want to wake him. I’ll see you in a couple of days, Ro.’



Once back at Hogwarts, she saw Remus still asleep and decided to go for a walk. All this staying inside made her crazy. It was only a day until the students left for the year, and she stopped to speak with some on her way out to the grounds, all of whom were very interested in her enlarged belly. She and Remus had never actually announced the pregnancy, feeling it wasn’t necessary, but her current girth kind of gave the situation away.

‘When are you due, Professor Lupin?’ one of the Seventh Years asked cheekily.

‘Soon,’ Billie said, for the first time confirming their suspicions.

‘Congratulations, Professor,’ came the reply, and Billie waved as she walked down the stairs, gratefully breathing in the fresh air.



She wandered down towards the Forest, stopping to briefly chat with Hagrid, who insisted she look at the unnaturally large Flubberworms he was breeding.

‘Very nice,’ Billie said, trying to hide her disgust at the squirming worms.

She said goodbye and walked for a few more minutes, reaching the gates and turning back to the castle when she heard a familiar voice say, ‘Hello, Sweetheart.’



She spun around, horrified when she realised she wasn’t hearing things.

‘Well, well,’ her father said with a raised eyebrow. ‘Either you’ve let yourself go, or I’m going to be a grandfather.’

Billie backed up. ‘What do you want?’ she said, reaching for her wand.

She’d never hurt anyone with magic before, but she felt helpless around this man, particularly at this time.



‘The money,’ he said. ‘Give me the right key.’

He pulled his own wand out and pointed it at her. ‘Is it a boy or girl?’

For a moment, Billie didn’t know what he was talking about, then a shiver ran through her.

‘It’s none of your business,’ she snapped, tightening her grip on her own wand, thinking she might be quicker than him. If he just got a little distracted…

‘I’ll bet a Stunning spell wouldn’t do a baby much good, would it?’ he said casually.

Billie froze, unable to believe he would hurt the baby. ‘I’ll give you what you want,’ she said, breathing heavily now. ‘Just leave me alone.’



He moved quickly, grabbing her hair hard and pulling at it, forcing her head closer to him.

‘You really are a very beautiful woman, Billie,’ he said in a quiet voice, his breath hot against her cheek. ‘More lovely than your mother, and I’ll bet you’re not as frigid as her - after all, I started teaching you early.’

His hand moved to her breast and Billie was now terrified.

‘Don’t, dad,’ she said. ‘Please.’

‘You tried to trick me, Billie,’ he said, moving her back towards the tree line now - away from the castle. ‘I think you should make it up to me.’



‘No,’ she screamed, poking her wand into his stomach and casting a Stunning spell.

He fell backwards, and Billie fell as well, landing heavily on the ground next to him. She scrambled to her feet quickly, hands over her belly. She moved towards the castle, but stopped after a minute, feeling dizzy. Blinking her eyes, she tried to clear her vision, but it only seemed to make it worse.



Suddenly she felt a tightening across her abdomen. She drew in a sharp breath and held her hands to her belly.

‘God,’ she moaned, a cramping feeling taking her breath away.

‘Professor?’ she heard a deep voice say. ‘What’s wrong?’

She looked up and saw Hagrid staring down at her. ‘I heard you scream…..’ he began but stopped, staring at her legs. ‘You’re bleeding!’

‘Hagrid…’ she said, but fire ripped through her stomach and she cried out, sinking to her knees before the dizziness overtook her and she fell to the ground unconscious.